A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am at the end of my tether with my partner.He is the most argumentative person ever. I feel like the only thing he offers is criticism. It seems like when we are in the planning stages of just about anything, he does not offer an opinion (despite me trying to prompt dialogue) and yet the moment a choice has been made by me, he is full of opinions as to how ridiculous my idea was from the beginning, followed by an in depth critique of every minuscule thing that made it wrong.Something is broken in our house, I mention I am going to buy a new one. He scornfully tells me he would just fix this item by obtaining something from the local hardware store.... However he never actually DOES the things he says he will do. His only offers of help or solutions seem to be for the sole purpose of highlighting that my plan is a bad one. But as mentioned he never actually contributes to resolving our problem.He looks at everything from a negative perspective and it is driving me crazy. One tiny thing goes wrong in his day (could be work, could be traffic) and he is practically explosive.I don't even think I need advice as I know what I should do. I just want to know I'm not alone. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2016): Thank you for your helpful words.
I have left. After years and years of this the last few weeks and days have provided me with the push I needed to take that leap of faith.
We have children together and so that had kept me there, thinking it may be better for them. I have now reconciled the notion that this is not true.
I need to rebuild while I am still young and have the ability to do so, to remove the kids from a toxic environment before it impacts them.
Thank you, thank you... you have all helped immensely.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 April 2016):
 It sounds like he is just a negative person, not a lot you can do to change this am afraid. It is not the way you want to live your life, and I know you already no that it is not healthy being so unhappy in a relationship. Some people are just not compatible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2016): NO you are not alone... as I'm sure I'm living with his negative angry miserable critiquing twin for 9 years!
I too have not held back from standing my ground, having boundaries as to how I like to be treated and have twice asked him to move out when he’s been aggressive... but in all the 9 years it's fallen on deaf ears. These people love to peddle misery, will blame you for their problems and never apologise!
Through the years you will come to have a twisted stomach from absorbing their toxic negative fumes. These people can crush your dreams and do piss on your parade!
You’re best to move on with your live because there’s no changing him or his twin. My sack of misery will soon be kicked out kerbside – HAPPY DAYS!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 April 2016):
 I'm married to a veteran with PTSD (Among other issues) and there are days he is super argumentative and negative. He wasn't like this BEFORE his series of deployments and medical issues. Yet, even though I KNOW he has been through some serious "shit" I have not held back in telling him enough is enough. I get that we can ALL have a shitty day, but that doesn't mean he has a FREE pass to take it out on others, PTSD or not.
In the beginning I simply removed my kids and myself from his presence. We would go to the park, the store, visit a friend and GIVE him some time to work through the issue alone (he seems better at that than having a rational talk at those moments). For a while he resented me "running away" but when I explained that I do NOT deserve to be his verbal punching bag over some dumb crap that happened at work, he actually took it to heart.
Now he still has a bit of a "temper" but he knows better than to take it out on us. He has learned to control it and he does have a bunch of friends in the same situation (or similar) and they DO talk it through which seems to make a big difference as well.
I REFUSE to walk around eggshells in my own home.
And I REFUSE to give up on the man I married. Had he been this way when we first met... I would not have married him. He knows that and he HAS made a lot of changes for the better.
As for your GUY, THIS is who he is. THIS is how he reacts. He is a Mr. Can-do-no-wrong-must-always-be-right. No matter how carefully you explain how his behavior affects you, he isn't likely to learn from it or change.
If you plan on staying with him, I suggest you STOP trying to include him, and just go ahead and make plans, if he doesn't like the result... he can stay home.
As for replacing items. Just do it. If he brings up the " I would have fixed it"... be blunt and tell him he has said that so often but never followed through, so there was no point in asking him.
Though in the long run, is it worth growing old with this drama-llama? Do you see it really working out long term?
People who are constantly negative are DRAINING. They ADD nothing. They just take and take. All the while thinking they can do no wrong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2016): When I was in a similar situation I started keeping a diary. It helped. Now I read it back and all I see is one unhappy person in a relationship with a moody controlling man. I knew what I had to do. Bit by bit I prepared myself to move on. I shut down and made my plans. Start preparing yourself. Theres much much better out there. He is not a nice person and you do not need this raincloud in your life.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 April 2016):
 It's important that you wrote "...my partner..." because this guy has "tipped his hand" about who and what he is... and that is a blowhard who doesn't exhibit even the basic respect to which you are entitled.
WHY do you even stay with him? Can you imagine yourself - in 30 years - writing this submittal again... except it will start out "I've been married to my husband for 30 years.... and all that time... I have been at the end of my tether... etc...."
Good luck.
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