A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My LDR boyfriend often wants virtual sex where we are on Webcam. Thing is, he doesn't do the sweet talk or sexy talk.. he just wants to see and then he masturbates and is finished within 2 minutes... while I have yet to feel anything. This is why I dislike having virtual sex with him because it does nothing for me.I love him, I miss him, and I crave him sexually.. I just cannot do it virtually with him. Yet he keeps saying he needs it. We meet every couple of months and during the week we are together we do have sex once or twice or sometimes three times a day. It is good and we do have passion. I just prefer in-person sex versus the virtual online thing, but I feel like I'm letting him down when I'm unwilling to have virtual sex with him. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (28 July 2015):
 Typing doesn't work for some. Didn't work for me either. No matter what my man I do, I can't get off just on chat or a webcam.
If everything else is good, maybe you can talk this through, though? Like I said, perhaps he isn't good at being sexual in a non-physical contact way.
If you love him, I guess it's something you'll have to deal with. For yourself, there's always the shower handle. I use the chauffer, but that's not recommended for everyone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2015): I am the OP here...Honeypie, I do not feel like I'm being used for porn. He doesn't make me feel that way. During times when we webcam, we both feel turned on, just by seeing each other and leaning into the camera to pucker up for a kiss, etc. I begin to feel aroused, but then he gets into the act so fast and comes so fast, that it seems like in a blink of an eye he is done and I'm still getting in the mood.. if that makes sense.Then I just stare at him and go you're done? I haven't started!! We've been LDR for a little over a year and hope to move in together next year. Need to save up financially.Janniepeg, we do sweet talk a lot. We talk about memories, things we share, and the future and its always sweet and we laugh a lot. We talk a lot about anything and everything.. funny and serious things. We just can't do the steamy pre-virtual sex talk.We tried it many times, setting the scene, telling each other what we're doing to the other etc and we'd just end up laughing cuz its more funny than it is seductive talk. I just can't talk like that with this boyfriend, whereas with my ex, we got into details and it was really good virtual sex. He has also mentioned that he doesn't want to watch porn because it means more when he sees me and hears my voice. Also another thing is, I live with my aunt who is in the room right next to me... when I start making noises, I just find it embarrassing.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 July 2015):
 I think it's more of a matter of, "what's the point", rather than your comfort level with doing this. Is sweet talk more difficult than virtual sex? I don't think so. He needs to know that men are different from women. In general men need a release from time to time but women need to get in the mood, in the right environment. If he can't be romantic then you are going to feel like some wanking object, although that's not his intention. He just doesn't want to use porn when he communicates with you a lot. While you don't want to be tit for tat in a relationship, he should make an effort to fulfill your emotional needs too.
You decide if you can go through this. I myself would do it, because that's all he has and when you are in love you trust that even with virtual sex he feels bonded with you. If that makes him happy it won't feel like it does nothing for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 July 2015):
 You are not letting him down at all. If it doesn't WORK for you, it doesn't work.
Have you expressed how UNSATISFYING it is for you? How you feel like a piece of MEAT there for HIS pleasure only? You are like his "free porn". I wouldn't find that very sexy either.
I've had my husband deployed overseas and while we had some steamy chats, there wasn't any "action" till he got home 13 months later..... And we still made it work.
How long have you been dating and how long has it been LDR? Is there a plan for making it a non-LDR?
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