A
female
age
18-21,
babygirl08
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and last november we went through a rough patch. We were fighting alot and i snooped through his phone and at first i felt really bad about it. But then i saw that he had been talking to another girl. His mother was talking to a guy *Jim and *Amy was his daughter. I saw that he had been talking to her. It went on for a few weeks. The first time i asked him if he had talked to her and he lied to me. I showed up at his house when he was "hanging out with friends." His mom had told me that she had invited her to spend time with her. But it still hurt me that he spent so much time with her and we were so shakey at this time. We argued about it constantly. I know that i do love him with my whole heart but i can't seem to forgive him for what i feel is cheating on me. He lied about talking to her, why would he lie to me?? I asked him what the hell he was thinking and told him i hated him for what he had done to me. He told me that all he had done is talk to her. He never kissed her or anything sexual. He cried and told me that it was the stupidest thing he had ever done, and he loves me more than anything. For him to cry is a really big thing for him. But i still feel betrayed by it. I still cannot trust him fully. and this was 4 months ago. our relationship is suffering from this. Everytime we fight i think about this and I want to be with him because i love him very much but, I still feel betrayed and hurt. I am still with him and want to be forever but i cant seem to get it out of my mind. I plan to live with him in a year and a half when he joins the marine corp and i want to be over this before i make a big decision.Please help me out, any advice or questions? I will answer any questions you have... Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, babygirl08 +, writes (11 March 2008):
babygirl08 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone for all your help, i really appriciate it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Hi Hunny
I hope your ok!!! the anon post said it all!!!! And I do really feel for you sweetheart..Dont take lauras points to much to heart hunny if you want a chit chat message me YOU TAKE CARE WITH LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 You can accept or reject my post.
If you want to get over this problem, you need to simply forgive him and move on.
If you think , you cannot forgive him , that is your right.
It is only my opinion.
You are entitled to your own opinions.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (11 March 2008):
I know that i do love him with my whole heart but i can't seem to forgive him for what i feel is cheating on me. He lied about talking to her, why would he lie to me??
[Unquote]
If you love him , you will forgive him .
If you cannot forgive him , you don't love him enough.
Is there anything wrong with this statement?
Talking to another girl is cheating .
Lying ab
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): Hey Honey,Laura's posts are often along those lines, it's not personal, she just has a very narrow viewpoint which probably does help some people who share that narrow outlook.Please don't be upset or take it personally, I and most others would agree that you have every right to be angry and upset with your boyfriend and to express it.If you are still struggling to get over what he did then perhaps sadly it is time to move on as staying may affect your self esteem and well being in the long run. It may be better to start again with someone else who you can build a new relationship on based on clean slates.Lots of luck xx
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A
female
reader, babygirl08 +, writes (11 March 2008):
babygirl08 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaura, to begin with its hard to eplain my love in a paragraph. I know that he has faults and i dont see that they need to be forgiven for. No one is perfect nor do inperfections need forgiveness. I am trying to get help not to doubt myself even more which is what you are trying for me to do, but to be at peace with the whole situation. well, yes i would be angry for him to lie to me about anything, but especially seeing another girl. I think when a man is commiteted to a woman he should be only commited to her not anyone who he gets a thrill for. I dont believe in lying to someone just because they could get mad, lying would cause so much more pain in the end. I expected him to talk to the girl he is in love with? not lie to me? A man is someone who is loyal to his commitments not a liar and someone who manipulates someone else. I dont think he meant to hurt me but he did and i just want to get over it and not let it bother me. But, i suppose if me wanting a guy to not lie to me and only be with me is a bad thing then the whole dating world is messed up. If i read wrong into your answer im sorry but you make it sound as if it is all my fault that this happened? please respond to clear everything up
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 March 2008):
You said you love him with your whole heart but your love is not as deep as you would want us to believe.
If you love a person , you would not see his faults and if they have any faults, you would forgive him.
How could you say you love him wholeheartedly when you cannot forgive him for lying about just talking to a girl.
He lied to you because he knew you would be angry with him for talking to another girl.
You were always verbally fighting with him and what do you expect him to do?
How can he be a man when you won't even allow him to talk to another girl?
Are you not over controlling him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2008): Hi Hunny
Right he is truely sorry for hurting you as he did not realise just by talking to this girl and lying about it, it would hurt you so much, He probably didnt want to hurt your feelings to start with so thats why he told that white lie that feels now like a huge black one to you sweetheart...Im sending you a fantastic link hunny that helped me alot when I had low self esteem from past issues. I think it will help you with your confidence as this has knocked yours abit and your b/f so obviously loves you so much hunny you just need to get you back....http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
You have a good read of all this that may apply to you hun and if you need a chat message me anytime, Ive been low like this and its not a nice feeling as its one that you dont want, you wish everyday it wasnt there like you really hate the way you feel but cant control it, So I understand love I HOPE THIS LINK HELPS HUN AND EVERYTHING WORKS OUT FOR YOU AND YOUR MAN LOTS OF LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (7 March 2008):
 http://www.coping.org/innerhealing/boundary.htm
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (7 March 2008):
He lied to you because he knew what he was doing was wrong and he didn't want you to find out so he could continue what he was doing. He also didn't want you to get angry so that his life would be easier. Not too nice :(
Crying is an easy way not to "man up" and take responsibility and at the same time get pity and nurturing. I would feel betrayed too. And manipulated if I fell for that one. You can't get it out of your mind because his crying didn't really resolve anything and you heard what was comforting to hear "he loves you more than anything". What that love is worth, I don't know, that is for you to determine but you don't sound too happy.
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