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Alcoholic cheating husband. what do I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (13 August 2010) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

hi. im a 35 yr old mom with two kids. 6 and 4. a girl and a boy. married for ten yrs. my husband is a social alcoholic or thats what he says. got a dui driving his girlfriend home at 4am and isnever home to help with children. he keeps saying its work and he isbusy. till i found out he is cheating which he says cuz i dont hug him anymore. at least two times a week he gates wasted and doesnt come home till 5/6am. i kicked him out and filed for divorce. still no change. but i still lovehim. dontknow why. should i c a marriage councelor? he yells and curses too. and drives w suspended license.

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A female reader, Carrot2000 United States +, writes (15 August 2010):

Carrot2000 agony auntHe yells, curses, and drives drunk; how many more chances do you plan to give him? His drinking is not only self-destructive, it's destructive to your kids; if a DUI wasn't enough to change his behavior, I doubt the threat of divorce will. Your kids are your priority, first and foremost, and you have to make decisions that will keep them safe. Staying in a marriage with an alcoholic is not a decision that will keep them safe.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010):

We used to drink together before kids...So, drinking is not new. But he has gotten worse and he calls me a bad wife for not leaving the kids and hanging out with him. he stays out longer and the fact that he got a DUI while dropping of his girlfriend and still keeps going out to drinks does not help. i thought he would learn from DUI, but he said he learnt not to drive after drinking and he still drinks ofcourse. and ofcourse i am to be blamed for everything. He says he will stop drinking only if we get back together. which is BS, since i gave him at least least 5 years to change.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2010):

BTW,

1) He certainly deserves a chance. I do not buy in theory of that step father will be better than father even if he is cheating. Divorce further complicate the life of all members of the family for life time as compared to having father even if he works too much and do not spend too much time in home. It is quite normal. Yes cheating is what is problem in your family as far as i can make out.

2) Now my experience says that if you love him, give him chance and forget divorce. Most of the flings die especially for Men and they leave the other women some time. Men love their family wife and kids much more than the mistress that he has. So give him one chance, and i am sure he will come back and be normal. As far as outing and work is concerned. It is all fine, father can never compete with mother in some aspect which is tendency to be with kids. it is GOD defined thing and you should not expect much. It is same in all animals.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (13 August 2010):

TimmD agony auntA marriage counselor is only part of it. He's got a lot of issues that he needs to address, first and foremost being his drinking. Especially if kicking him out and filing for divorce hasn't even scared him. Has he always been like this or is this new behavior?

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A male reader, Cloverfield United Kingdom +, writes (13 August 2010):

Cloverfield agony auntMy father was a cheating, lying alcoholic too. His presence did massive damage to me & my brothers, not to mention my mum. For the sake of your children keep him as far away from your lives as is humanly possible.

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