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female
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anonymous
writes: Sorry for the long story.. Im going through a tough issue. I love my bf dearly he's good to me in every way possible. We have plans to live together by summer 07' We've been together for 4 yrs now. I discovered that when ever we have sex, we only do it once, and I always want more. I told him before "baby, we should do it again" he replied " babygirl, I have low stamina compared to you, you're more sexual then me, and my energy is not up there" So fine, sex is great BUT we only do it once everytime we see one another. I know that is not about the quantity is about quality. A few weeks back his fam left the country, I had keys to his place. We had great sex once a day. Of course i was never satisfy completely, because I always want more, at times I hae to go to his bathroom and maturbate, because I knew he wouldnt be able to perform again. After we spent quality time and had sex i went home. I found out that everytime we saw each other and had sex, he would masturbate that same night before he went to bed. I found out because he would forget his dirty napkins and wasnt bright enough to erase his tracks on the net. I dont have a problem with him masturbating, but the part that is killing me is that he's not energized to have sex w/ me again, but he has energy to masturbate looking at his playbboy and other models pic's online? I spoked to him and he saw I was hurt and he told me" that we didnt lived together yet, and that he has needs, I mentioned breaking up and he cried like a baby stating that he loves me and that when we lived together he wouldnt do that, and that not to leave him because he loved me a whole lot and I kept him grounded. He also mentioned laziness, since he has low stamina his energy level is not there like it used to, but, that when it came to masturbating you dont have to use your body. I feel extremely sad. Now that his parents came back, we only see each other on the weekends. He invited me to his house today, so we can spend time and eventually lead to intercourse. Im feeling aprehensive to go spend time w/ him, only because I have in my mind that he's going to masturbate after I leave his place. What should I do? should I stop having sex w/ him? I rather have him masturbating without me being in the picture then have him masturbatin after I go home. Im very confident but him doing that is making me think that in order to feel complete sexually he needs to finish off w/ masturbation and online porn. Oh yeah, he also told me it helps him sleeps better. But I just dont understand, after we have sex?????? Plz help me.. :(
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female
reader, cd206  +, writes (14 January 2007):
 Hey, I think most guys regardless of whether theyre in a relationship or not, masturbate and look at porn. I know it's hard to come to terms with but it's just what the majority do and it's no reflection on you. Porn and masturbation give him the opportunity to fulfil his fantasies. I guess you could ask him if he has any fantasies and indulge him but I think that would only stop him in the short term. To be honest I think it's something you have to come to terms with rather than try to change however hard it is. I feel for you though, I know how easy it is to feel inferior to his solo efforts but trust me, I'm sure he'd tell you that the real thing is so much better!
CD
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): Alright, brace yourself...
Basically what you're saying is that your needs aren't being met, and he's meeting his own needs without you. And you have a relationship why?
First, you have to think of you and what this is doing to you emotionally. Is the hurt your suffering worth what you feel you're getting out of this relationship? If the answer is no, then move on. Especially if you've expressed how you feel about this and he doesn't want to stop from hurting you . Hurt and selfishness is not love. Besides, if you leave he'll have his porn to keep him company.
You need to decide what it is you want in a relationship and then once you do... DON'T settle. There are men out there that can treat you the way you want and deserve to be treated.
It sounds to me as though his guy of yours has a sexual addiction to porn. I suggest you research it on the net. In doing so you'll learn about the addiction and how men exposed to porn become increasingly desensitized to "normal" sexual relations. How they need more and more increasingly extreme stimulus to keep them aroused. Do not make the mistake of feeling sorry for him, as this is selfish on his part and it is not healthy for him or you. You should definitely not feel second to porn. Your feelings and needs matter.
Believe me, I know what I'm talking about. When you finally do decide what's best for you and go after it, you'll get it and thank yourself for it.
I hope this helps. I know it won't be easy, but I wish you the best of luck!
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