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After nine months, and after hearing it from me, my boyfriend still hasn't said he loves me!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 August 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 21 August 2012)
A female Isle of Man age 36-40, *ppled writes:

OK I have a lovely boyfriend who treats me great, generous, affectionate goes out of his way to drive 2hrs to see me every weekend , invites me to family events and I've even been invited me to his friends wedding next year! But after 9 months he still hadn't told me loves me!I told him after 6 months and he said he wasn't feeling it yet but had feelings for me! What can I do? Will he ever love me? x x

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (21 August 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntMy fiance loves me but he never says it. His actions tell me however...

maybe your guy just doesn't like to say it...have you asked him?

I often ask my fiance "how are WE?" as a check in for the status of our relationship.. even if HE is lousy WE can be fine....

if you need to hear the words, however, this may not be the man for you...

I miss the words and every so often i make sure to check to see if he loves me... he does and he's said it about 3 times over the last 18 months..

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A female reader, appled  Isle of Man +, writes (21 August 2012):

appled is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you everyone.

I'm his first girlfriend so I guess its only fair that I'm patient with him.


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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom + , writes (21 August 2012):

BettyBoup agony auntAw actions speak louder than words. Love is a very subjective thing. Perhaps he feels that love is something which takes a longer time to develop and is cautious to say it now when your relationship is still fairly new. I know to some people 9 months is long enough to feel love for a partner, but my guess is he is someone who takes longer to feel sure of his feelings. There's nothing wrong with that. Everyone has different ideas about love, what love is, what it should feel like and when it is the right time to say it. If anything it's good and shows he is genuine with you and wants to be sure before he says those 3 very important words.

I know that for you it must be confusing and frustrating because you know that you love him, you feel it between you and want to hear it from him so that you can be sure of your feelings. But I think he does love you, maybe not in the way that HE thinks love should be in order for the word to be said, but his actions show that he cares about you, wants to spend time with you to the point of going out of his way for you and he includes you in his life. A man with lukewarm feelings wouldn't make that much effort to see you or make you a part of his life. I think this is just a case of differing ideas of what love is. Love is very hard to define. Real deep love does take time to develop. I think for romantic love, some people take the word more seriously than others and are cautious to use it. A lot of guys are like this.

Look at it this way, it's better to be with someone who makes you feel loved, but doesn't say it, than to be with someone who says "I love you", but doesn't make you feel it.

It's easy to lie with words, but not through actions day in day out. Definitely go by his actions. His actions say "I love you" even if he isn't ready to admit it yet.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2012):

I think he does love you, but some people find it difficult to say.

Its only words anyway, look how good he treats you and includes you in his events.

Actions speak louder than words.

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A male reader, SensitiveBloke United Kingdom +, writes (20 August 2012):

SensitiveBloke agony auntI can understand your frustration. His actions show how he feels about you. He's being honest with you, so give him time.

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A female reader, sammi star United Kingdom +, writes (20 August 2012):

sammi star agony auntIt sounds like he already does. Is he the kind of guy who has trouble showing his emotions? He obviously cares about you so I'm sure he'll say it in time.

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