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female
,
anonymous
writes: Just a simple question but i'd like to hear from people who've been cheated on and are still with their partner.... Is the love ever as good as it was and will you ever forget it (not bring it up)?? Does time make it easier? Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2008): The love is good but not as good as it could have been, doesn't feel like his whole hearts in it, never can truly trust anything he says. But you love him with everything you've got and you couldn't imagine your life without him, but sometimes you want your life without him cause he doesn't deserve you.
you always deserve to be loved for who u r and nothing less so if one girl isn't enough theres no reason to stay so why am i? i guess i chose this path not knowing where it'll head.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008): I know my jealousy will not go away, and being in love with someone who hurts you so deeply is almost impossible
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007): I was with a man for 8 years. He cheated on me when we were engaged with an erotic massage. He told me. I gave him a 2nd chance. Then he fooled around with some girl at work during lunch. I broke up. I gave him another chance. More girls calling. Another massage. Broke up. Came back year later claiming he wanted to marry me & loved only me. Try again. This time found out he had a girlfriend for a year who thought she was the only love,too! I tried every way to make that %#^* relationship work; however it made me paranoid & miserable. I loved him; but he didn't love me with his actions. I still love him, but know I am better alone than being lied to & worrying all day. He may have loved me; but he was a selfish lover! I just hope I can love & trust a deserving man one day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007): i cry every night, when i am with him and when i'm not. i love him but dont trust him. i don't know where to turn. i feel like a failure. cant even keep my bloke happy. i've not been happy for 6 months. spilt up 3 times within those 6 months, can't live with him or without him. :-(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007): i'm just wondering about something ... my boyfriend sat me down and told me he had cheated on me one month ago - just a one-night stand with a girl he knows. not only was i devastated at his actions, i was even more upset he told her we were drifting apart as i had no idea he felt that way. since it happened we spent some time apart and then have both laid everything on the table about how we feel about each other - i took him for granted and didn't tell him how i truly felt because i was scared of getting hurt and he thought he was not good enough for me. anyway, since it happened we have been closer than ever. we have cried together and told each other our secrets. i guess this broke down a communication barrier we had but didn't know existed. however, his actions are still in my mind and i think about it every day and whether i should give it another go. is it possible to go back to someone after this knowing what they did but keeping in mind we are closer than ever? am i being totally naive?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 August 2007): No the love is never the same. I felt paranoid, always looking for numbers, emails, letters, checking cell records, cell pones, questioning his every where abouts over a span of 6 years. You can forgive but you can't forget, and when you don't forget it's always at the back of your mind. I physically made myself sick. I was short with the kids, family and him. My self esteem is very low too. Although I am an active, fit, and attractive woman he makes me feel insecure and unworthy. He says he is sorry, but is he? I don't think so, so no love can never be the same after an affair. oh little foot-note: I was the other woman in his last realtionship 10 years ago. We just got caught then stayed together. Ironic huh?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2007): When you find the answer to this question please share it with me. After thinking your life with someone is secure and comfortable and after the shock of finding that he was having another relationship not once but twice with the same person this very devistating. I'm damaged and am holding on to the little faith I have in hope that there is a path to trust and forgiveness.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): well well.. I am being cheated on... actually have been for years, but just in the last year it has been actually physical. I have a daughter with him now. No, I am not staying with him, thou I see him every fricking day 'cuz of daughter. I am having a really hard time of letting go and accept this is who he is (he's never been faithful to anyone, but now that I think about it,neither have I thou I was unfaithful to him as reaction to his cheating) and who I am. Besides, he believes wholeheartedly that he is NOT or has been unfaithful (since in his mind he was done with this relationship but failed to let me know oh! but he did tell our daughter who is only 2 yo!) wow! so! no fricking way I am staying with a man so messed up. I have paid my dues, literally since he extrapoliated all my finances and has finally left me dry to "beg" to him. hahahah! I am doing it, right! crying and all, so in a sense I am learning his hypocritical ways and I am not feeling so guilty about it. Begging for food money I mean (thou when we "were" together and I had money I handed freely 2k cash money for his whatever doing... mmm nice payback huh?).It's only been a week and change and I am already finding out that there lots of available real men out there who just would love bein with me.MMMM... just today I got 3 date request... not bad. So! yes! there is life ahead and there is death behind. I am feeling at times guilty but have cleansed my conscience by asking wholeheartfeltedly for my wrong doings in the relationship, ie: expecting way too much of him and getting angry at him for no meeting up my expectations (like working to pay his way for 4 years or picking up after himself or helping around the house or being honest or just being there when I needed him while I was bleeding to death after a terrible miscarriage in which he chose to leave me for the Dr who performed surgery and hours later for his friends to go to Chicago to party for 5days!) NO WAY I am staying... although I feel sorry for my baby for no having the oppty to have her parents together is best this way.You will find your way. I took my part of responsibility in my relationship and daily working on myself and I just keep becoming stronger and stronger in my decision that this is really over. Good luck my friend is indeed a hard road.
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female
reader, Irish49  + ♥, writes (12 November 2006):
 Ariel, I so respect your positive, outlook on life, dear. And you are so right, each and every one of us is different and we deal with this in our own way. I know my viewpoints on this issue may bug some people..but thank you for respecting my feelings on this. You truely are a dearheart and a thoughtful person. Best wishes
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A
female
reader, ariel  +, writes (11 November 2006):
 Ahaha!! Its always us that answer this question.Look Anon its not easy forgiving and its not easy walking away BUT only you can make that decision,we are not going to live your life.Look at Irish she had to walk away ..and now has found happiness.Look at me I stayed and I am happy.
Its about YOU.Can you live with it?
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female
reader, Irish49 + ♥, writes (11 November 2006):
Here we go again...sigh. How can one ever believe that belief or view that somehow the wronged partner, contributed to being cheated on? Sheesh..I suppose people who cheat like to use that excuse, to justify what they have done. And..I suppose some cheaters do what they do...because cheaters don't know what else to do with their own misery. Well...communication? talking through tears? couple counselling? This might work, instead of boinking the nearest warm body.
All I have to say I made the best decision 'kicking my cheating partner's butt to the curb'. Because from from that, dark deepest sorrow came the greatest joy. I eventually met someone whom I adore and trust fully. I believe in that old saying that 'No man or woman is worth your tears because the one that is worth it...will never make you cry' And I have to admit-in all the years I've been with him...my current man has never made me cry.
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (10 November 2006):
 I think so. That is if everyone is willing to make it work. Irish is right on one thing. You will never ever forget and then again why should you??? It should be ammunition to make the second time around work. Think of how it hurt and how miserable you were. Think of you did to contribute to it. Then, think of how it would be if the mistake was flipped on the other side and how you would feel. I figure if your going to think about it use those thoughts for the betterment of your relationship and not as an excuse to tear it down. Good Luck.
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female
reader, Irish49 + ♥, writes (10 November 2006):
Many years ago, I was cheated on. And no, I am not with that person anymore. So perhaps my thoughts aren't what you want to hear but I do want to add my 2 cents. I asked him to leave and I moved on. I know a lot of people do believe in 2nd chances and if that works for them..then all the more power to them. However, I could not. His actions told me that he cared more about what he wanted than what he and I could build together. I knew I would never, ever trust him again and I just felt life was too short to waste it away, like this. You may be a more forgiving type of person that I was and over time one can possibly will forgive their partner, but I can say without doubt, one will never, never forget. I, myself, knew for a fact--I couldn't keep continually remembering my ex's betrayal and it would've been painful for me looking at him, over the breakfast table, every morning. That was too simply too much for me, to endure and face each day of my life. So for me, I ended it and moved onto a new beginning with a man whom I trust, whom I respect and whom I love to wake up beside, each and every day. Just my own thoughts on this. Everyone deals with this in their own way. Good question, by the way.
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female
reader, ariel +, writes (10 November 2006):
Well I definitly grew up that day.I don't take things for granted anymore.We have come a far way together since that day,communication is better and we are a lot closer.He knows I will not forgive a second time and it will be over no matter how I feel about him.I have bad days,but don't we all.
But I have realised through hours and hours of talking that it was as much my fault as his.I am glad we gave our relationship a second chance.
I was thinking the other day while I was on the bus to work that I am finally over it,I feel no threat,jealousy and I actually trust him,where I thought it will never be how it was.But saying that ,there is no guarantees in life and if we have 1 more or 50 more yrs together I know that I loved and was truley loved back.
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male
reader, tux +, writes (10 November 2006):
 I could only tell you if that time comes.. Personally I have accepted it and realise people make mistakes.. but I still do have my trust issues with her at times. but it has been a little bit better than at first.. but as long as she stays honest than I can't complain.
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