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After 8 months together does my LDR really know me or care about me?

Tagged as: Dating, Long distance, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 August 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:


I have been seeing a guy in a LDR for eight months. We see each other every other fortnight and talk about three times a week too. Although we have good times together, and he tells my he loves me, I often feel something is missing. I find myself studying his face, body etc because of how I feel for him, and the little time we have physically together, but he doesn't do this sort of thing and I really notice it. He acts like we have been together years, see each other loads etc.

And I guess I don't feel 'seen' or looked at.

He potters on his computer or phone or whatever. He pays me compliments like telling me I look nice etc when we go out, but I feel that although we have been together eight months, in reality for us its only been around a month of physically being together! I want c to touch him, look at him etc- all of which he loves, but it doesn't feel reciprocal.

The last straw tonight was he was feeling fruity, and making advances in bed, I asked if he was in love with me. He couldn't relay what qualities I had about me that made him in love with me, just discussed that he knows he's in love because he sees us together in years to come etc.

I then asked what colour eyes he thought I had, and he didn't have a clue. Waffled on and on attempting to look like he did, but really didn't.

I feel really hurt, and told him so. I discussed the context of this tonight in relation to how I feel when we are together and why.

He doesn't have anything to say and has gone silent and is now sleeping....what do people think of this please?

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2015):

Denizen agony auntThe importance of eye colour is immaterial. I personally concentrate on a person's expression not their eye colour. While it may seem an important indicator to you, it really isn't a deal breaker.

I, for example, can't be sure of the colour of my daughter's eyes yet I love her dearly, and watched her grow into adulthood.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2015):

I'm the original poster- no we weren't in a daily relationship- we met on line end of last year and have been seeing each other mainly every other weekend when our children are with their other parents.

This said, the children have met this month for a couple of events, we've met each othersparents and attended social stuff....

I just know I'm still in the stage of not being able to get enough of him physically (I don't mean sexually as that area is really good) I mean the emotional physical stuff when together.

He always reciprocates affection when I initiate it, but I guess I expect given the actual days we've physically been together I don't get that longing from him, that can't take his eyes off me after being apart for so long etc which I definitely have still. Then the eye colour thing.....

I feel that he has me is taken for granted I guess? And he isn't noticing me in the way I do him given our LDR state....

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (30 August 2015):

Denizen agony auntHow long do you see this relationship going on in its present form? Surely you must have some long-term plan to be together?

If not, just take it for what it is - and I think you have to be completely honest with yourself about that.

Long-term relationships are hard to maintain, particularly if there has been no prior daily relationship. You don't make that point clear in your post.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2015):

All I needed to read was the eye part. If a man doesn't know what colour your eyes are after eight months, then you are right to have massive doubts. I think you are not his one and only, you're being played. I cannot comprehend my partner not knowing my eye colour!!!!!

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