A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been talking to a guy online for 7 years, we'll call him Adam we talked pretty much constantly, I had a boyfriend for 5 of the years and I have a 11 month old little boy, me and my boyfriend split up because of problems between us and his anger issues.I've been talking to Adam even more these last few months, we have always stayed up late til 6am talking to eachother, on webcam or on the phone. Before my last boyfriend me and Adam we're very close, well as close as two people could be online. Obviously, when I met my now ex boyfriend things died down between me and Adam, however we still kept in contact for the 5 years.Now im single he wants me to meet up with him, hes always told me for the last 7 years how much he thinks were alike and should be together, he tells me he loves me and is always there for me when I feel down or sad.I agreed to meet him next month, I'm worried though, there is so much pressure as I know he wants a relationship, he lives in scotland and I in wales but we are meeting half way.I feel by meeting him I'm setting myself up for heartbreak as I feel we could never be together, not properly not with the distance. I also know he is a major flirt and I don't think id trust him. I really don't know what to do. We will be staying over in a hotel, i've made it clear that i wont be having sex with him and he understands completly. I do want to have sex with him, he is gorgeous but I feel it would complicate things and if we didnt get along and decided to not meet, i'd feel used. He also seems to tell pointless lies a lot, he told me he had slept with 1 girl, then confessed he had slept with 4.On Facebook he flirts with everyone, dirty little remarks on girls pages, they love it. He says its no big deal, he does it for the power trip, he said if it bothered me he'd stop and he has, he said he will stop if I stop meeting guys on nights out (ive never slept with any of them, just kissed) we both agreed to stop, he says girls ask him all the time to meet him but he refues.Ive explained to him that we couldnt be together because of distance but he says that if we truly are meant to be together it will all work out, he says he would move to be with me.. am I being naive?
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Adding to already good advice:)
Never make concessions to avoid all other guys when you are obviously not in a committed relationship with this one.
He told you he flirts with other girls for the power trip.
If he can do that to others..why not you?
A
female
reader, Shelley Harris +, writes (30 June 2011):
 Hi,My advice to you is be careful, you are right to be cautious, if you are worried about his behaviour and flirting and you don't yet have a relationship, how would you feel if you were having a relationship, do you think he will stop just because of you. In my experience past behaviour is a sign of future behaviour not for everyone but behaviour patterns are a habit. If you have any reservations about meeting him at all then you need to ask yourself the question of whether this is right. I have had a similar experience myself and all I can say is, you really don't know someone over the internet, there can be a different persona to the person in every day life. You have fallen for an image of someone, they may not be how you expect. He may be the person for you, only you can decide that but be cautious. There must be quite a few singles in Wales?Shelley
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (30 June 2011):
 This is quite a risky one to be honest. Well he did say he would move which is great. But as you said yourself he is a flirt. You met him on line but you are probably one of many girls that he spends his time talking to on line. You need to be careful about meeting up with him in a hotel. Call me old fashioned but it does sound quite serious because you don't truly know this guy at all. Yes you talk to him on line but people can be very different in person. I always say if you are going to meet with a complete stranger you should bring a close friend with you and also meet in a public place. I honestly think staying over night in a hotel is asking for trouble. It sounds to me like he is a womaniser.
If you really want to get to know him though and take things slow well then do that. but I really think staying in a hotel room is a bad idea. Maybe book to separate rooms just to keep yourself safe. Talk to each other and have fun and talk about the future and see what you both want. Good Luck.
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