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Advise needed please, about sex and time.

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Long distance, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 September 2018) 5 Answers - (Newest, 29 September 2018)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I'm in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I see eachother every 3 months. Recently, when we saw eachother, we had sex on the first night. He lasted about 30 seconds. The next morning we had sex again and he lasted a long time, maybe 5 minutes or even more. He rarely lasts this long unless we've been having sex 2-3 times per day for 3-4 days straight. This time, he lasted so long after the first time, it felt weird. And previously when we had sex, he would eject with me facing him so he can see me and touch me, but during this visit, every time he ejects, he turns me around so that my back is facing him, and even when I'm front facing him, he only focuses and concentrates on my breasts. I felt different, as if he was having sex with me but thinking of someone else. I asked him why he last so long this time, but he just brushed it off saying I'm talking non sense.

Can you please give me some advice and let me know if it's true that if a guy hasn't had sex in a long time, he will eject very fast, won't last a whole 5min?

View related questions: breasts, long distance

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A female reader, Hdilll United States +, writes (29 September 2018):

My boyfriend and I are also in a long distance relationship and we usually can’t keep our hands off of each other as soon as we meet up after so much time apart. He used to have a hard time with cumming too fast and would need to have sex multiple times a day just to last around 2 or 3 minutes. But now he has practiced enough and found a way to just stop moving when he feels like he is about to cum. He also tries to think about anything else but what’s happening just to last longer and now we can go 8 to 10 minutes which is amazing. Your boyfriend might have realized that cumming so fast after not seeing you for a while must be a bit of a letdown and has maybe been practicing on holding it in for longer just so he could surprise you. Him cumming really fast the first time is definitely understandable if you hadn’t seen each other for a couple of months but the next morning he can really put what he might have been practicing for you to work :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2018):

Only you know what you feel. Trust your feelings. Seeing each other every 3 months is tough. No wonder you worry about any changes in his sexual behaviour. There isn't a solid foundation of trust. See if he continues acting the same way next time. If so, it's not acceptable to you. So he will have to change. Or you can't continue being with him. Watch for patterns.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (27 September 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntOur bodies' responses can change due to many reasons. Age, health, emotional welfare, stress . . . and lots more.

Your boyfriend didn't last long the first time you had sex. That is normal if you have not had sex for a while and are excited to see a partner. The next day he lasted longer because he had already had sex the previous night. Perhaps he has been practising lasting longer but is embarrassed to discuss that with you.

However, if YOU feel this is something to worry about, then you need to trust your gut instinct. As he has brushed it off, I am not sure what you can do about it except be vigilant and use effective contraception.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2018):

I think if he was having sex with another/others, he would be able to last LONGER. Not shorter. The fact he can't last is because he hasn't been having sex in your absence and he's really horny and can't hold on. Make sense? Although you should work on getting him to last longer so that you can both enjoy the experience. Delayed gratification makes it awesome.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2018):

Maybe he was trying to concentrate on lasting longer and thought that by not looking at you would help that.

Maybe he wants to last longer so he thinks you are more sexually satisfied. If you're still having a lot of sex to make up for lost time it doesn't seem like it's because he had someone else, if he did why would he still see You?

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