A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Little background: I am a geeky, fat male virgin who's never been on a date or ever kissed a girl. I don't ask girls out anymore because they always say no. I don't have much of an option in experiencing intimacy so I thought about paying for sex or maybe going to craigslist for a hook up.Is there any advice for going this route to lose my virginity? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2017): Be patient it will come , a real woman Judges a man on his cariamas and self confidence
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2017): Definitely start working on yourself through dieting and exercise. You're young so start no while it's easier. The older you get the more bad habits you have developed, plus your metabolism slows down.
I don't see anything wrong with visiting a sex worker or escort to fulfill your needs. After all, it is the world's oldest profession for a reason. Be careful who you hire. Perhaps you can interview her in person before you make your decision. Make sure you wear a condom and wear one for oral sex too. You can get herpes simplex I or II (not sure which it is), the virus that lives in the mouth, if that person has an active case. For that reason I would advise against kissing too. Don't forget to tip her!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2017): Sometimes you just want to get rid of the stigma. To actually give you more confidence with women.Am I right, OP?You feel inadequate and have low self esteem around women because you have no sexual experience and feel women will think something is wrong with you if they found out. So, it makes you feel like less of a man as a whole. And your confidence has suffered.Will losing your virginity to a paid escort or hook up actually make you feel better about yourself? Is this the motivation?Do you think it will make you more confident around women after you've been broken in? And that your newfound attitude/confidence will break your dry spell?I believe you will eventually find a woman. Just takes time. Lots of people are late bloomers. And they always end up with partners. Many shy and overweight guys will find women who appreciate them eventually. In the end, none of us wants some perfectly chiseled, arrogant player! We want a sweet and good hearted guy. These are the men with lasting power. And it has nothing to do with looks.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (2 November 2017):
 You may or may not regret it, but most do. It also gives you a reputation that the majority of potential partners will find a turn off.Join a gym or exercise for your health and confidence, not necessarily to focus on weight loss and fitting the "ideal".I wouldn't advise paying for sex at any time, not just to "lose" your virginity. Most people in that profession don't want to be there and, like watching too much porn, it gives you an unrealistic view of what sex is in a relationship.You're still young and this defeatist attitude will ruin your chances more often than your "flaws". You need to find people, men and women, who have the same interests as you. Don't just go out asking random women without signs they feel the same about you.Your desperation and hang ups about your virginity will be picked up on by most women. Nobody wants to be with someone who thinks so negatively about their virginity because it starts to seem like it's all about sex for you. That will put people off instantly.Try speed dating. Try online dating. Find a new hobby that gets you meeting people. You need to improve your social skills, not lose your virginity.Let's say you do pay for sex or find a casual hook up. You've had sex for the first time. Now what? You're still hung up on your "flaws". Still have no confidence. Still struggle socially with women. Do you plan on paying for sex for the rest of your life? Plan on paying for a girlfriend experience? Pay someone to go on dates with you and pretend to like you?OP, your virginity is of no importance. Once it's "gone", it's gone. It's over. It genuinely won't make you feel any better or any more successful in the long run.Also evaluate the type of girls you go for. Do you overlook the "fat", geeky girls? Do you go for girls who are superficial? Do you get to know them first and vice versa?Regardless of how you look, your behaviour and attitude will be what's stopping you. You've already given up on dating, for goodness sake. Sure, pay for meaningless sex, but it won't make you feel any better. To do that, you'll have to assess what you're doing, how you come across and the women you ask out.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 November 2017):
I don't necessarily think you'd regret it, the are tons of people that do it and don't.
But personally, I'd go to another country where it's either legal or decriminalized.
What you really should do is start working out five days a week, and start eating a keto diet. It will completely change your life. I have a friend who lost more than a hundred pounds in a year.
I was not too big but I lost about thirty pounds a couple of years ago and the difference it made with women was unreal.
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A
male
reader, ManWithAView1 +, writes (2 November 2017):
As a former geeky male virgin who was very uncomfortable around women despite being attracted to them, don;t rush into things. Get into an active hobby. I used to meet females by getting involved in tidying up the local woods. In those type of scenarios you talk, laugh with various people. Never be pushy let people get to know you. Sure try to love yourself because you can't realistically expect someone to love you if you don't love you. I wouldn't go down the back pages route for emotionless sex. Almost everyone finds someone eventually. Play positive music like The The, Magazine and be yourself, never try to be someone you aren't.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (2 November 2017):
 My advice: DON'T DO IT. You will look back and regret it.
You are still very young to be thinking you have no other options. My advice would be to wide your circle of friends and acquaintances so you get to meet more women.
Do you get out and about to meet new people and make new friends? Do you make friends with women first so they can see the nice person you are? Approaching women you don't really know and asking them out is just asking for rejection - unless you are Brad Pitt or Johnny Depp, lol.
If you are not happy with your body, why not do something about it? Take up an activity which will help you tone up and lose weight. It doesn't have to be the gym. That's not everyone's cup of tea. What about joining a walking group? You will meet new people and make new friends AND get fitter. What about joining a local community group which is involved in something like keeping public parks or gardens tidy? There seem to be a lot of these groups popping up as government funding for such facilities is cut. Again, you will meet other nice people and make new friends. What about volunteering your services for a charity a few hours a month? Again, you will meet new people. Take a night class in something that interests you.
EVERYONE gets rejected at some point in their lives. Look at how you approach women and try to improve on your interpersonal skills before going the road of soulless sex.
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