A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My friend who is a gay man (I am too btw) has tried to dump his boyfriend 6 times to date. Each time he does this the boyfriend cries his eyes out and tells him (my friend) that he can't live without him, etc etc. My friend gets sad and takes him back and says he shouldn't just chuck a relationship away. I respect him for thinking like this but I have told him to make a decision wether he should keep or leave this guy and told him to stick with it because this is not doing anyone any good.I myself will not tell my friend or anyone else to end a relationship. I will always stick by him, whatever decision he makes but I am trying to encorage him to stand up and decide what he wants. I really do not know what to do now. Any suggestions? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust an update for everyone watching, I had a word with my friend and we went togther to see his boyfriend. My friend told me that he didn't hate his bf but didn't love him anymore. I told him that it is better to be cruel to be kind and end it as it would just get harder the longer it went on. He dumped his bf who didn't take it well at all, he tried to trap my friend in the room and started sending very hurtful text messages threatning his family etc. Needless to say he has shown his true colours and my friend is soo glad to be away from him. I didn't even expect this and I was there for my friend and always will be.
A
female
reader, openmind  +, writes (30 October 2009):
Ask your friend to think about why he always wants to leave if they are problems he doesnt want to fix or he just isnt attracted to the guy any more inform him that he is not only hurting himself but also the boyfriend by living a lie if the only reason he are with someone is because he cant stand to see him cry then he is just wasting both of their time. He needs to just say look i cant do this anymore im sorry that you are hurting but you and i do not belong together and if i stay with you now i would be lieing to you and to myself and neither one of us deserve that. Then he just needs to leave and not contact and or answer the ex's calls and texts for a good long while so both parties can move on
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (29 October 2009):
 Hello fellow Agony Uncle,
Caring Guy is right. The best thing that you can do for your friend is to be a good friend to him. What direction the relationship goes in is his decision to make. Be there for him, and listen to him, and give him advice when he asks for it.
It's hard when you have a friend who is making a mistake in their relationship, and I sense that you disagree with your friend's decisions. If he comes to you for advice, that's one thing. If he doesn't, then I would just be there for him and listen to him.
I hope this helps. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks CaringGuy, we were thinking of doing somthing like that as he has asked me to be with him next time. The only problem is mobile phones (damn you modern technology!) He called 15 times before my friend gave in but long as hes feeling strong this time I will go with and support him doing this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 October 2009):
This other guy is playing the emotional blackmail card. My advice to deal with this is if they go to split agian, make sure it's done in a public place, where your friend has either you, or another strong friend with him who can prevent him from falling for the story. Other than that, you can only be a good friend to him, because at the end of it, he has to learn from his mistake. Be there as a friend, and if the chance for it to end comes up again, make sure you're there in a public space so that it can be ended quickly without all the drama, and you can get him away. Good luck to you there.
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