A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all. Happy Christmas!! Please advise. Thanks. I jave recently finally got out of a long horrid relationship with a guy My feelngs have almost gone, and I'm doing ok. Anyway, to get to this point I decided no contact was best, so changed my cell phone number. It's been nearly a month now. Anyway, I got home yesterday and he had left a christmas present and card for me from him and his sister ( she has severe downs syndrome and he knows I am fond of her). Anyway he added in the card ot was from them both and I have not said thank you, as I do not want to start any contact again as he hurt me alot and is also extremley manipulative. I cannot text or xall him as he will get my number again and the last thing he said to me was too 'F-- off' so he doesn't deserve it. I do not have an email address for him so can't say thanks that way either. I feel a bit guilty for not saying anything re. The present, but cannot risk any contact as I ' m not totally over him, but am getting there and have to get away for my own future and piece of mind. Your views would be helpful Thank you.
View related questions:
christmas, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Honeypie.Onwards and upwards. X:-)
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (27 December 2014):
 Dear OP,
Don't beat yourself up over this. You said thanks without giving him a way to contact you, so it's not all bad.
YOU did nothing wrong. He is a manipulative person because THAT works for him, just BE GLAD you are no longer with him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear all. Thank you for taking the time to answer me. Unfortunatley, I got a massive wave of guilt before reading the responses, and sent a thank you card, saying happy christmas, and thanls for the present to him and his sister. I did not add my cell phone number or say anymore. It did bring up horrible feelings, and today I felt a bit sad, and am suffering a bit, but am sticking to my resolve, as it's the only way forward. I felt guilty, stupidly, but am back on track now. His sister wouldn't even have knownabput the present as she cannot function well mentally, so it was definete manipulation. It was very low of him to try that.I won't be letting my guilt get me again and will be ignoring anything else he might try. X
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 December 2014):
 I agree - he is a master if he added his sister.
I'd send a card addressed to his sister, thanking his sister for the present. I'm guessing that she had nothing to do with the present, and that he thought that you'd send it back if it was just from him.
You're right - he is smart and manipulative. And in your world, he no longer exists. Thank her warmly, wish her a fantastic Christmas and great new year, and that's the extent of it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (26 December 2014):
Dear OP,
To give you a christmas present one month after you cut contact, and sign it together with his sister is manipulative. It's a means to get what he wants, and not a selfless act of giving.
Don't fall for it, don't bother to say thank you. Stay strong.
I know this kind of guy who will always find an excuse to get in touch with you again.. all of a sudden, they have one concert ticket too much, or they are stranded in your city with no place to go, etc.
If you are polite, they'll never learn. It will be endless.
You owe it to yourself to get over this guy. Think of your chances in 2015 if you stay away from him, and the misery if you don't.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2014): Just keep ignoring him the way you have. You said yourself he is manipulative so while the gesture was nice and merits a, thank you, the intention behind it was not. And is just a tool he is using to manipulate you again.
You are doing a great job moving forward so don't stop now.
My ex, who also was manipulative and abusive, and who I no longer speak to, also got in contact with me for Christmas. Sent me a message with a picture of the cover of my favorite movie. It made me smile. I was appreciative that I had crossed his mind and that he had remembered something I like. But like you, it's a can of worms I have no desire to reopen so I didn't respond.
Enjoy the gift. Be thankful that someone is thinking of you. But just know that given your history, you don't owe him any gratitude. The new year is coming up, don't let this set you back. Keep moving toward your goal.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 December 2014):
Personally, I'd leave the present with the sister and tell her to give it to her brother (you can re-wrap it) and tell him in a card that it was nice of him to think if you, but no contact means JUST that, no gifts, no card, no nothing.
...............................
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (25 December 2014):
Ahh, he knows you well. He is a master. Do not fall for it. Heck, don't even unwrap it, take it straight to a donation center or something. Else you'll feel guilty everytime you look at it, which is what he wants.
You have escaped the cycle of misery, and ANY contact could get him a toe in the door.
I hope he isn't bringing his sister into his game, hopefully he didn't even tell her, because that would be very low and make him a rotten human being.
...............................
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 December 2014):
 You answered your question when you said he was manipulative. That's exactly what he was trying to do by leaving the present and the card from both him and his sister (is she even capable of initiating giving a gift?). He's trying to play on your manners to manipulate you into contacting him. You are under no obligation to say thank you for a 'gift' that's given with such obvious ulterior motives. Think no more of it -- or him.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (25 December 2014):
 It's good to be polite, but not at all costs. Don't put yourself in harms way for a 'thank you'.You made your position clear to him long before now so he knew there was a good chance he still wouldn't hear from you. Besides, if he's as manipulative as you say, then you also know he's up to his same old tricks.Don't contact him and don't respond to him if he ever finds a way to contact you. Let sleeping dogs lie.If he was that concerned about losing you he'd have been a better man when he had the chance. New year, fresh start. Leave him in the past.
...............................
|
