A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am not sure whether to stay with my boyfriend. We have been together for two months. We had some arguments and i said that i didnt want to see him anymore. I only said that because i was angry that he eas being horrible to me. I told him that i didnt want to be with him on the Sunday a week ago. We arranged to meet to sort things out last Wednesday. We met up in a pub. I went to the bar and when i was walking back to our table, he was on his mobile phone looking at the text messages. I saw one of them at a quick glance from a woman that he had been keeping in touch with. It said " I love you just as you are". I got angry and asked what that message was about. He said she was just being friendly. I asked to look at his phone but he refused to show me. We went back to my house later. He stayed over, but he had to leave early to go to work. He got a text message from her at 6am saying " Good morning". I thought it looked odd that she texted him so early in the morning. We went out again that night. He got another message from her saying that she would " leave us both to it". When we went out again on Friday, he told me that she had told him that she still has feelings for him, but he told her that he wasn't interested in her and wanted to be with me. She got angry with him and said that their friendship was over. I got really upset and cried hysterically when he told me what she had said. When we went back to my house, i saw some more messages that they had sent to each other on facebook. There were some that were sent when we had only been together for a week. They were making a sexual joke about having fun in an alley. There were some more messages from last Tuesday saying that they had kissed each other once six years ago and my boyfriend said that he wished that it had lasted longer and he was talking about the kiss. She told him that she missed his cuddles. She told him that she had always had a soft spot for him, and he made a sexual comment about having a "hard" spot, and then she said that it was a " G spot". I have been very upset since i read those messages and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it or talking about it with him. And we have still been arguing. He apologised and said that he knows that he messed up but on Tuesday, he thought that I didnt want to be with him anymore. I said that it was too soon for him to be flirting with someone else anyway, and we had had intercourse for the first time together just two days earlier. We didnt use any protection then, so i am also stressed wondering if i am pregnant. We had intercourse again last Thursday ( the night before i read their facebook messages ) so the timing of it was really bad. I don't think that this woman would xare about how badly it has affected me. How dare she flirt with him and tell him how she feels when she has a boyfriend and children and when he is with someone ekse, but he has been just as bad as her too. I don't know if I can forgive him and move forward. I love him with all my heart and i would miss him if we split up, but i am absolutely heartbroken. We screamed at each other this morning. He has tried to call me since and has sent lots of text messages asking me to contact him and asking if I am ok, but I haven't replied to him. What do you think about it?. I am finding it hard to believe that he doesnt still find her attractive or have feelings for her. I feel really paranoid and keep wanting to check his messages. He said that they were just joking, but I think it is cruel.She also told him that he was her only bit of happiness. It sounds like she has a lot of issues, maybe mental health problems. I find it creepy that they only kissed once and they still talked about it and it's creepy that she still has feelings for him after so long.
View related questions:
facebook, flirt, g-spot, has a boyfriend, heartbroken, I love you, she has a boyfriend, split up, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2017): A relationship 2 months new shouldn't be this difficult. Firstly, for Christ's sake stop sleeping with him when there's clearly no trust! Secondly, why on earth are you still bothering? He's flirting away with an old friend...not a great start to a relationship and this will cause issues throughout if you stay with him. He will never cut her out because he can always say she was a friend hes known long before you. Also, you put a lot of anger and blame towards the other lady, as you said: "How dare she flirt with him and tell him how she feels when she has a boyfriend and children and when he is with someone else"Well...Why should she care? As someone else rightly said, she doesn't owe you anything and it's up to her if she wants to message someone - your boyfriend on the other hand does owe you the respect to shut down anyone trying to flirt and he doesn't, hes joined in and encouraged it!Just step back and ask yourself what is actually good about this mental relationship. Why are you hanging on so desperately to a man who clearly still holds some feelings for an old friend? I do not understand how some women would rather be in a relationship with a liar and a cheat than be single...It would be a lot less stressful to ditch him and be single, just yourself to worry about! Also, get tested for sexually transmitted infections. To go without any protection so soon with someone is risky and sends alarm bells - because how many others has he happily gone without protection with previously? After that, go on the pill/implant/coil as a minimum so should you start a new relationship with someone decent you're at least protected against unplanned pregnancies (because you really don't want to be bringing a child into the world with someone you hardly know). But think of your health and don't rush into unprotected sex until you both have clear STI tests done.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2017): There's another problem now. We had sex again last night but the condom split!.We only noticed after he ejaculated.We are trying to work things out with each other but it is still difficult.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2017): He tried to say that it was a play on words between them when they made the sexual comments and said it is just his humour. He doesn't think there was anything wrong with them talking about what happened between them in the past either. The timing of all this has made me really depressed. I was in a bad relationship last year and me and him were friends for a year and a half before we got together two months ago. He used to work in a pub that i used to go in. He knows my ex boyfriend too. When we were friends he never flirted with me or told me how he felt because i was with someone, so why didn't he behave the same way towards her?. He liked me when i was with my ex. I am hurt that this has happened with her when we have got together. Things have got really bad because i said really horrible things to him when I saw their messages. Do friends usually joke with each other that way?. I know now obviously that she had other intentions, but I am not sure why he responded like that.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 So you have been together two months and all this has happened? End things.
You did technically break up with him and you cannot judge how soon is to soon for him to talk to other girls. Angry or not don't threaten to break up with someone if you don't mean it because it will bite you in the bum.
It is obvious he enjoys flirting with her. Having unprotected sex so soon in to a relationship was silly off you both. Imagine bringing an innocent baby in to this? After only being with this guy two months? I think this relationship is a disaster waiting to happen and its much to intense from your end. You should take a break and concentrate on yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2017): Nah get out of this one. Leave him be to flirt with this girl. He has not moved on, and if this girl were single he would be with her ( it looks like). I dont think you would trust him and why should you? Just move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 April 2017):
 I agree with Anonymous 123. The woman might not have ANY MORE mental health issues at all. Even if she did it IS beside the point.
She is bored in her relationship and your "bf" provides attention and entertainment FOR her (and him) that is it.
And WHY should she care how it makes OYU feel? YOU are not the one she is with or the one she is flirting with over FB... She might not even know he HAS a GF or he might have told her some fib about how you are SO OK with them talking or... she doesn't KNOW that you know. Take your pick.
I find it TYPICAL that you are MAD at her and judging HER so harshly when it reality you should take a GANDER at the guy you call BF. HE is JUST as involved in their little fantasy game as SHE is.
You have ONLY been dating two months, OP and he is ALREADY showing you what an ASS he is. So why stay? Why LET this guy treat you with so little respect? The fact that you are ALREADY having arguments shows just how dysfunctional this relationship is.
Staying with him will NOT make him stop, it will only make YOU a bitter and desperate woman - both qualities I think you rather not be known for.
Just text him:" I wish you good luck, stop contacting me I'm done with you" and THEN you BLOCK HIM.
There is NOTHING here to build on. There is no trust, no honesty or respect. You know it's NOT a great match for you so why settle for such a CRAPPY BF?
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (11 April 2017):
 This relationship sounds like a disaster. 2 months in and you're already at each others throats and he's messaging other women in a sexual manner.
What exactly is making you stay?
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (11 April 2017):
 What the hell are you doing with this guy? Two months into a relationship you are already arguing and yelling at each other and you have lost trust in him. Do you honestly think things are going to improve? I can promise you, they are not.
You sound quite highly strung and into dramatics (hysterical crying and refusing to answer his messages are more the stuff of teenage relationships rather than two adults). Do you actually like the person you are when you are with him? Think carefully about that because that is what you will become if you stay with him.
Don't put the blame of what is going on on this other woman. SHE owes you NOTHING. HE is it he one who is in a relationship with you and, if he had ignored/blocked her messages, she would not be messaging him. He is hedging his bets because he is not committed to you, otherwise he would not risk your relationship in this way.
And for crying out loud USE CONTRACEPTION! You are old enough to know better. Do you really think this feckless bloke would make a good father to any poor child?
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (11 April 2017):
 I don't think she has mental health problems. I think she's unhappy in her own relationship and is looking for a way out and your boyfriend is her passport to what she thinks is a new and better life. He's flirting heavily with her and she's making him feel like the king of the world, showering him with affection and making him feel important.
You need to figure out how much more you can take and what is acceptable to you. Stop having sex with him and if you do, use protection because the last thing you want right now is an unplanned pregnancy. He's as good as cheating on you and I honestly don't think your boyfriend is to be trusted. I know you're angry and venting your anger on the other woman but your boyfriend is equally creepy. She's hanging on to that one kiss because that's all that she has with him and he's leading her on.
I think it's time to show him the door
...............................
|
