A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am working on a divorce. My husband cheated on me with another woman. I'm being honest, it hurts bad. I did meet a friend only to find out he is married too. I am angry and of course we are not together anymore. This stupid married man keeps calling me. I almost want to say I hate him and all men like him. I don't understand why he won't go away...i'm sure his wife would be hurt if I said something but for some strange reason, I don't wont her hurting like me. Why do men cheat? Everytime this marrried man calls or texts, I feel like going over to his house and spitting on him. I hate him so much and my husband for lying. The more I express this to mr.married man, the more he keeps at it. Please help. I am single and never see myself in a relationship again.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): "Why do men cheat?"We don't all cheat. Why do people cheat...books have been written on that.The guy/gal who cheats did it for himself/herself, not for anyone else, not because of anyone else. Same with your ex and same with the guy who you met.Nothing to do with you, hard as that may be to believe.I've never cheated, had lots of opportunity, but never did. Still have opportunity, hopefully never will cheat. I'm tall, blonde, apparently handsome to women, intelligent, earn lots of money, well thought of in my community, looked up to, and absolutely devoted to my wife and family. What's not to like...right?.Well, my wife had an affair, short but damaging and horribly painful. She never felt like she measured up to me, heard other women say (when I wasn't around and she was working and they didn't know she was my wife) how "devastatingly handsome" I was, heard other women say things about similar couples like "you know, he could do so much better than her", and she felt like she never measured up. She is intelligent, but in her chosen field she earns 1/4 what I earn, is short and dark haired with short hair, not tall and with cascading blonde hair like so many of the norwegian descent people in our area, she felt for sure that I would leave her "any day" or "some fine day" and it drove her crazy, the waiting for it to happen.In fact, she thought I probably was cheating off and on. Why? That is what her father did, that is what her mother did, that is what her sister did, that is what her other two sisters did as well.So, opportunity arises, first serious and blatant opportunity after several years of marriage, and she feels like this is what everyone does and this is her chance...like I'd had mine...but she found out that I'd never cheated when we went to counseling and it devastated her. She found out that I'd never so much as touched, kissed, flirted, or done anything even remotely untoward. Not once.Nearly destroyed our marriage, because of preconceptions about what marriage is like. Which she got from her family of origin, from her parents. She lived with those till that moment when she realized that what I was telling her about how I felt about her wasn't an act, wasn't just words, but was truly how I felt about her. Till the day she realized that I was with her because of her, not despite her, and that she really was the center of my universe, and the tall blondes with their long wavy hair (she wished that she had) weren't on my wish list.Tell this guy to get lost, if he won't stop contacting you then get a restraining order. You deserve to be treated better.
A
male
reader, Ayan Ganguly  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 This married man keeps contacting you as he might feel that you are fragile and vulnerable,as your husband cheated on you.Put up a stern face against him and let him know that you don't need a man to face this world,men have this perception that a single woman is always on a lookout for a man.As for your who husband cheated on you,it was his fault not yours,there are certain questions for which there are no answers,just keep your fingers crossed and have faith that the man of your life must be somewhere searching for you
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A
male
reader, Uncle_Unsparing +, writes (6 February 2012):
"Why do men [who cheat] cheat?"
Lack of self-esteem, lack of balls, lack of brains, warped perception of how a true man carries and conducts himself.
"Everytime this marrried man calls or texts, I feel like going over to his house and spitting on him. I hate him so much and my husband for lying. The more I express this to mr.married man, the more he keeps at it."
Tell him once more to stop harassing you and if he
doesn't listen this time, the next time you're calling the cops and getting a restraining order.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (6 February 2012):
 The fact that you and this married man are no longer together would suggest that you've already made it clear you weren't intersted and why, yes? And is it safe to assume that at some point during your time together or when you broke up that you told him about why your marriage ended?
If so that may be the very reason this man continues to pursue you. Because you're a rational person you see such a statement as a decisive rejection and determination not to be hurt again. HE sees a hurt, angry and therefore, vulnerable woman whom he thinks just needs some male attention to boost her ego or get back at her ex.
My advice is to block his means of communication (email and phone numbers or consider changing yours). If he does manage to reach you, ignore him and keep ignoring him until he gives up, which he will do eventually.
It is a testament to your good character and compassionate nature that you have resisted the urge to inform his wife (to spare her pain). Don't allow your experience to embitter you. There are so many people out there who are decent and loyal who deserve a chance just as you deserve to be loved and happy.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 February 2012):
 With this married guy, tell him that if he ever calls, texts, or otherwise communicates with you ever again, you'll tell his wife. That should stop him cold.
As for you, technically, if your divorce isn't yet finalized, you're still married. Not to cast a judgment or anything, but maybe that's why you are drawing married people, because you're still married.
I would wait until your divorce is final before seeing anyone else. Primarily because right now, you're raw from what your husband did to you. You need time to heal, and time to wrap up things with that guy.
Eventually, you'll start getting different circles of friends and running into more single and available guys. Not everyone is a cheating, lying asshat like your husband and this other married idiot.
Just give it time, and you'll find someone a lot better!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): Sorry about your cheating husband and the married jerk, I hope your pain will diminish over time. Tell the married guy that you will be informing his wife the next time he tries to contact you in any way and then do it when he does. You can also change your phone # and contact or block him. I would probably tell his wife in any event- I know you don't want to hurt her but it's better she know what he is doing to her.
why do they cheat? so many reasons- many just want multiple sex partners for the thrill of it and they don't care who they hurt in the process. Good luck.
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