A
female
age
18-21,
sofiamorgan
writes:The following is a story of what has happened in my life, just something to say that we can all get up and carry on.Well when I was at primary school I was the typical pupil, doing well in class participating in sports etc. but when year 5 came around a girl who I had originally thought to be a good friend of mine started to bully me she called me names, made all the little snide comments, I would come back from break to find my things scattered all over the classroom. It got to a point where it started to get physical and one break time she started to push me around and all the anger and frustration I had felt suddenly burst out of me and I retaliated which of course was what she wanted so we got into a brawl in the playground (very ladylike i know!) this of course ended up going to the teachers and it was all sorted, needless to say we did not really speak (though eventually we started to be amicable to eachother). The thing that I really regret about that whole episode is that I retaliated to the taunts that she threw at me - mind you they were really hurtful (I was born 3 months premature and I wear hearing aids now) they were things like 'deffie' etc - but the person that came out of me when I retaliated was not one that I recognized it was at this time I realised just how bad a temper I had. I never wanted to loose it like I did then ever again, as I said things that i regreted and they were very hurtful, it made me feel very ashamed of myself, I did apologize to the girl and we parted on fairly amicable terms. So I wanted a fresh start at secondary school and a fresh start is what I got, however I did not take advantage of it and I did not work, was lazy about going to class and handing in preps etc needless to say this landed me in rather alot of detentions. I should probably tell you that my mother is a one parent family and she brought me up by herself consequently we are very close, but there are just some things that you really cannot tell your mother, if you know what I mean. So my mother sat me down and gave me a talking to basically telling me to pull myself together and get a grip on what I wanted. This talk to gave me a kick in the right direction and I did pull myself together but only for a while. So even thought it was a very hard decision for my mother and I to make we decided that boarding school would be a good idea. So we looked all around and decided on where I am today. Before I went to where I am today at the beginning of year 9, I sat myself down and thought about what I really wanted to get out of where I am and what I wanted to put back. I decided I wanted to get good grades, establish myself on the sports field and make friends for life. During my first term there were all the ups and downs one would expect from converting schools. However there were just a little to many for my liking and I began to wonder if I really fitted in, I wasnt quite sporty enough, not academic enough, not popular with the 'popular gang' cos I hadn’t pulled yet. So I didn’t really find my little nest or group. I really wanted to fit in to be part of the crowd so in order to do this I started lying saying that I had pulled, been drunk and all the rest. This gave me a lot of street cred and I started to feel good about myself, but there was always this nagging feeling in the back of my mind, what’s going to happen when they find out?Of course you cannot always keep lying, so I was eventually found out and a big number of arguments ensued between me and various friends as they did not know whether they could ever trust me. However I owned up to what I did and I tried to move on, it was hard cos half of my year were all obsessed with guys and I hadn’t even started to think about them, wasn’t really at all interested. I got the piss taken out of me for this but I just ignored it and went about my daily routine, I would say to my self just get through today, 2morro is something else. So at the beginning of year 10 I started to become part of a group and this made me feel really good and accepted. At this time my layer were going through a bit of a split in half, and I was bang in the middle because I was in a class with one 'half' and was friends with the other. The people who I was in a class with, I was really close to and we all got on well, to make things easier i shall call them X and Y, and i just really liked the 'other' side of my layer. Seeing as neither half was speaking to the other it was kinda difficult for me to deal with, but I thought that it would all sort itself out needless to say it did not. so when I came back from a weekend out of school I went in to talk to X and Y they ignored me and did not say a word. I thought this a little strange but did not think much of it as we were all under alot of pressure at that time. So when they did not come by my dorm when it was time to go to lessons I had a feeling that something was up as we always waited for each other. So I went and confronted them about it. They're general reply to my question was 'You have to choose its either them or us, and to be quite frank we don’t care' so that put me in an absolutely awful position, I had no idea what to do, I had lost 2 of my really great friends and I couldn’t possibly choose one side of the layer. My work started to slip, I started to feel very worried, and unsure/insecure, i did not really have anyone to talk to, X and Y would not even acknowledge me in the corridor just stare blankly through me. So I started to retreat into my own little world, and just blank out everyone around me, it was literally me against the world. I had always loved reading whilst I was younger, and I started to use them as an excuse to get out of reality and escape from all my problems. During this time I became depressed, I felt as if no one would notice if I just ran away or disappeared. It eventually became far too much and I ended up having a break down to my mum, to cut a long story short it was all sorted. Recently I have had series of arguments with my mother, we have said things to one another that has made me realize just how important life is and just how short it is. At this moment in time my life is I think back on track, I think I had just lost my way. But I worry that I will loose my way again and that their will be no one their to guide me and that my mother will turn a blind eye to me. I have already fallen off the ladder once, and hit the ground very hard, and that hurt a lot. It has taken a great deal of courage and strength to regain myself but I think I have. However I think that there are times when I loose my grip a little and begin to slide back into depression, times when I just sit in my room and cry, and its hard to pull myself up from that, but I do.At the moment in time, this are so much better. My mother and I are working together rather than against eachother. I have left my so called friends X and Y to their own devices - I don't need them I am who I am and no-one can change that.So my advice to everyone is to keep going, you never know what is around the corner. Life is a wonderful journey and you learn so much without realising it. Thank you for reading this, I know its long! :-)
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a break, aids , depressed, drunk, move on Reply to this Article |
You can add your comments or thoughts to this article A
female
reader, Trinnity08 +, writes (30 January 2008):
 there will always be people ready to put the boot in , but as they what dosent kill us only makes us stronger .good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): Life is a wonderful journey - you're so right about that!
You keep going with everything.
Have a good life.
Good luck x x x
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A
female
reader, MissKin + ♥, writes (28 January 2008):
 This was really inspirational and I feel better having read it. We all have hardships and it's good to know that we're not alone in things in life. Congratulations on having the strength to pull yourself back up whenever you fall down, i hope you continue to do this :) Thank you for writing such an inspiring article.
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