A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I just went to a work Christmas party. My partner was perfectly attentive as usual and gave me some kisses in front of people as he usually does. There was one girl who was prickly and I commented. He told me it is because she fancies him (or did do until he put on quite a lot of weight). I asked how he knew and he said she had flirted with him. He said she had fancied him two years previously, perhaps still did, except she thinks he is too fat (I was amazed at the personal comments she made about his weight in front of me, as did some of his other co-workers).. I don’t think my partner is having an affair, he is always home from work when he says he will be etc etc and is always telling me that he loves me. He said he is “not interested” in her.However, he does have quite a warm and flirty way with him, which I quite like when he is that way with my trusted friends. However, I was a bit concerned about the message that this girl must have gotten, after all two years is a long time, time enough to get the message and get over it. I quite can’t understand why he has not made his position clear enough to her, once realising that she liked him inappropriately. Perhaps he has, but she is holding out some hope because she thinks he treats her a bit special? Does this send her mixed messages? A compliment is a compliment, I am pleased if he has had one, I just wondered what it was that has made this go on so long. Ideas? Of course I am a bit insecure, which you may be able to tell, so if it is mostly that feel free to say!
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affair, christmas, co-worker, crush, flirt, insecure, mixed messages Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artistry  +, writes (12 December 2008):
 Hi again, I have to apologize for putting you in a marriage, it seems as though it is, but I am not rushing you, I just misspoke, so forgive my error. I do still think your relationship has a strong foundation. Take care.
A
female
reader, Artistry +, writes (12 December 2008):
Hi, hi, First, he is with you, he must be content, in a way because he has gained weight, or he likes your cooking :o). Next, men like to be liked, even if they are married, it's good for their ego, as long as it stays within certain boundaries. Who wants someone that nobody else wants? The woman may have a history of wanting other women's men, who knows. But it takes two to dance the tango. If he loves you and it appears he does, I would not trouble him with questions and accusations about this woman. If you do, you set up a human situation, whereas, if you are not going to trust him, then if he has the name, then he may get aggravated and play the game, don't go there, please.
Which is no excuse, for him to do something stupid, but leave it. The most iimportant thing, I think is to keep improving your bond with him, be as loving as possible, and as attentive as possible, on a gradual level, not all affection all at once. Make it steady, and as my Aunt used to say, cleave to your man. For yourself, build up your self-esteem, find a good book to buy, on the subject, all of us have certain insecurity issues, it's natural, but too much insecurity is not healthy. I direct you to a site www.socyberty.com/writers/quiet+voice.8137 where you will find "Finding Your Core", please read this article, which should help you a bit. Remember that you are a special person, one of a kind, there is no other you in the world, that is very unique, so love yourself, be good to yourself, and be your own very best friend. You are here for a reason, be happy that you are you. Your husband cares about you, there will always be women out there who are vultures, some just want to break up a good thing, to have a notch in their belt, some are trying to steal daddy from mommy, in a sense. You can't worry about the excess debris, just be sure that your man, has no excuse to go looking for anything better, because you are being the best, that he could have. After that, just be content with keeping yourself healthy, mentally and physically, try to cut down on the portions of food you give your guy, or maybe not.:o)
You have a good foundation in your marriage, it seems to me, just build on it. Your guy affirms that, when he kisses you in public, as he does, to let everybody know, this is my woman and I am her man. Be proud of him and let him know that from time to time, stroking never hurt anyone. Take care and stay in touch.
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