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A married man at work is asking too many questions !

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 October 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 October 2015)
A female United States age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Hi. There is a married man at a work (he doesn't work there), his child is in a class at the school where I work, I'm an assistant. He's been asking me personal questions like:

Are you married?

Do you have kids?

Do you live close by?

Do you live alone?

Got any plans this weekend?

What are you doing Saturday?

Do you sit at home on the weekends?

At first I thought it was a language barrier thing. As he continued asking me more personal questions I started doubting language had

anything to do with it. I asked him why was he asking me about my weekend and then he put his hands up and said "no no no". I thought it was dropped but then he asked me the question again?! What in the hell? I don't deal with married men nor do I want to lose my job! I've been wanting to leave my job for a while now and I think this will certainly add fuel to my desire to leave.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (10 October 2015):

YouWish agony auntI have spoken to many people from all over the world, and personal space is as varied as personal privacy.

I think you start by being diplomatic. Instead of "why are you asking", tell him "It's inappropriate to get so personal with a married man, especially one with a child at my school. I'd prefer to remain professional and not answer questions about myself."

If he continues to pressure you, THEN report him. Trust me - he's not going to be tripped up by the language barrier.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 October 2015):

Honeypie agony auntJust tel him in the nicest way possible, that it's really none of his business.

You don't owe him an itinerary o your life. Parent or not.

Now he might just want to make Small talk, not hit on you. BUT it really IS up to you if you want to do small talk with him or not.

You are not paid to entertain parents with answering personal questions.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (9 October 2015):

Denizen agony auntYou need to report this to the school's head right away. The head should then approach the man, and tell him that his questions are inappropriate and to leave you alone.

You are right to be worried.

Follow this up and make sure the head teacher has fully dealt with the situation.

Also start keeping a journal and note all the incidents and the dates. It builds up a picture that may be useful evidence if required.

Remember it is not just you that might be at risk.

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A male reader, oneguy United States +, writes (9 October 2015):

oneguy agony auntThese are extremely personal questions. I'm guessing this man is from the eastern hemisphere. You can rest assured that men from that part of the world are taught to be way more shy than what is considered normal in the west. This guy is trying to be smart. If times are hard, sometimes we are punished with many such loafers in our lives. Please remember one thing - it is never a good solution to run. You should leave for better opportunities, but never without first breaking the spine of bad characters who try to torture you. Finish them off, break their intent, win, and then leave. Sometimes, they are way too evil, and then, it is better to walk away, because that hurts their ego like nothing else, and since they can do nothing about it, they actually get defeated when you walk away. Tell this guy that you don't appreciate such personal questions, and tell him that if he persists, you will have to take action in other ways. He will back off. Do your job happily, do it until it gives you happiness. It's a job, not a spouse. Do it as long as you can do justice to it and it gives you satisfaction and protects your livelihood.

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