A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:The man that i have been with for 6 years tells me he does'nt feel the same way about me anymore that he does'nt love me that way, we have a 4 yr old son together and i cant understand why he feels that way, he cant tell me why he feels that way and says that its not another woman... please someone help me, how do i get him to try again and find the love he says that is gone and he knows that he wont find it again, please i love this man with all my heart and cant bear life without him, i am shattered i dont know where to turn..... please help Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, baby duck  + ♥, writes (7 December 2007):
 I am so sorry that you are hurting like this. (((BIG HUGS)))
The truth of the matter is, though, that all you can do is tell him that you do love him and that you want to work it through with him. Then, the ball is in his court.
If he is unwilling to work on the relationship, that is just the end.
Sometimes, we are so focused on keeping the relationship together, that we neglect our own needs. You NEED to be loved and valued by whomever you are in a relationship with, or you NEED to let it go. Staying in the relationship does not mean that you are, that your very real and justified needs are being met. As Gawd-awful as it sounds, if he cannot love you and treat you with value, than you need out of the relationship. It sounds horrible. But think about it ...
this is not a childish thing. You are not saying that you are shattered because he won't buy you expensive gifts. You are shattered because you DO love him and you want to keep your family intact, but for whatever reason, he cannot reciprocate the feelings. Yes, of course you are shattered.
All that love you have for him? Turn it around, lady ... love yourself and love your child. I am not saying to hate him or even dislike him. I am saying that you need love that he can't give, so give it to yourself. Hold your head up. You will get through this.
I would LOVE to read your post later, that he had a change of heart and decided that if he made some changes, he could create a new love for you. But if not that, than I'd love to hear that you are healing and growing, that he's still involved with your child, and that you know you will get what you need one day. It starts, though, when we love ourselves enough to meet our needs. Best wishes to you.
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