A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:A week last sunday I said something to my boyfriend which I really regret and I didnt mean. Everyone gets wound up sometimes and for me I blew and blurted it out. Well since then hes not spoken to me, ive text a few times, called and last night after leaving him for 5 days I sent an email apologising but hes just having none of it. Maybe hes not read the email yet but im totally baffled as to how someone can do this and if he really wants out then could he just not tell me? Has anyone else had a similar experience to mine? Theres nothing left for me to do now apart from move on but i really didnt think he was the type of guy to do this!
View related questions:
move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRennie- yes i know i've probably really hurt him and i have apologised. everyone deserves a chance to be forgiven,maybe hes letting me sweat or maybe he has really walked away.
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Sorry..I had to read it again,iv got back pain and doped up on painkillers so please excuse my mistake.Ok...you haven't committed the crime of the century, we all say things we dont really mean at the heat of the moment and like one of the Aunties said its a bit immature of your boyfriend to stay all silent and not do anything.Maybe your relationship has ran its course so your arguing more etc? I think you should give him some space...let him think things out...give it up to a few weeks and if you hear from him then the relationship wasn't that strong in the 1st place.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): That seems a little harsh for him to not respond to you (even though I am not really sure what you are txt-ing him or saying when you call. If you are being mean or cold it could be pushing him away even more). I guess it is good that you apologised but be sure you really mean it and that it is not going to come up again in the future.
Perhaps he has not responded because this has been an ongoing thing (the accusations and/or insults) that he feels fed up with. That sounds more likely.
If this has not been an ongoing thing and this was in fact an anomoly, a one time thing, and your relationship for the most part has been great, then it seems foolish that he has not responded. Communication is so important in a relationship and it is true that people feel insecure from time to time and say the wrong thing, he should understand this. It's ok to feel insecure from time to time, we occasionally say the wrong thing, but not every week. Are you sure this hasn't become a habit of yours?
Only you know the answer to that. In any case, I would give him space. Not much you can do, you already said your piece. If he feels disrespected then show him that you do respect him by giving him his space. Chances are he will come around. At that point it will be up to you to judge how you feel about his response and actions toward all this.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshania - we live 2 mins away from each other so far from a long distance thing but we both have hobbys/ interests/ demanding jobs which takes up a lot of our time.
When i mentioned about my op he didnt sulk, he was more annoyed that id suggested he wouldnt want to see me if he wasnt getting sex.
...............................
A
female
reader, RennieGeek  +, writes (28 October 2010):
Shania, I think you read her wrong, he got upset when she had to check to see if he'd still come around even if they couldn't have sex and asked her why she'd say such a thing.
You really hurt him, from the sound of it. I would be offended too.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 October 2010):
 So this has been an insecurity of yours for a while that he's been working to overcome in other words.
I'd feel like giving up if I were in his shoes. It seems like he can't win. No matter how he may try to prove otherwise you just think he's only wanting sex. I think odds nailed it. Depending on how many times you've had this conversation, he may walk at this point.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (28 October 2010):
Does your fella live far away then? hence the lack of time together? Im not surprised you feel a bit insecure if your boyfriend is anything to go by.Alarm bells rang when you mentioned about your operation and the sulks you got afterwards because he wasn't going to get his leg over....he sounds wonderful! So caring....Let him stew in it, sounds like you told the truth on what you really felt about him and he didn't like it. I think you need a new boyfriend.
...............................
A
male
reader, corbandallas  +, writes (28 October 2010):
I have to agree with Odds on this one. When you accuse us of this, it's like everything we have done for you in the past didn't matter at all. It really hurts, and yes it feels like nothing we did was good enough. I would say give him some more time. How much is up to you, and then if he doesn't get in touch with you then you can go by his place.
Then again, it could be true, he may have only been using you for sex and wanted out. I think if he really likes you, he will come around.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is how i see it..... i can be an insecure person at times and due to both of our time pressures we dont get to see each other as often as we would like so time is precious so I think this just fuelled it and i was upset when he left. When i do see him we dont always have sex sometimes we just chill out.
Back in May i was having an operation and was told to stay clear of sex for 8 weeks, I said to him then will you still want to come round if we cant have sex and he got a bit pissed off then i had said such a thing.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 October 2010):
 I'll assume you don't really believe he's just using you for sex, or you wouldn't want him back. If that's wrong, disregard this post.
This kind of accusation cuts a decent man to the core. Of course he wants sex, lots of it, but if you accuse him of wanting only that, it's like saying everything else he's ever done for you does not matter. Right now he's either questioning whether anything he's done for you was good enough, or wondering if you're just ungrateful and spoiled - or both.
Obviously, those thoughts are tough to get past. It's enough to make him question whether you are even worth the effort of a relationship.
Try going to him in person. Texting and email is absolutely not designed for emotional stuff, whether it's fighting or making up. If he's not answering your calls, I'd say that's a sign that he's not getting over it anytime soon, but the only way to be sure is to see him in person. Go to his house and apologize in person. Be willing to leave if he tells you to, or to give him more time - not more than another week, I'd say.
If that doesn't work, chalk the whole thing up to experience and move on. When you're mad enough to say things like that in the future, just explain that you're too mad to be rational, and walk away clean.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have been together 8 months, maybe I did catch him out but I really didnt think he was the type of guy to do this to me and if he really wanted out then surely he would just tell me, right noe im getting nothing from him... unless hes not made his mind up! Hes 33 as well so surely he can't be that immature?!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Oh geeze, sounds like he's using what you said as an excuse to break up with you. Either way, I'm thinking you said exactly what you meant, but did it at the wrong time. You really *do* feel like he uses you for sex, but regret that you waited until the heat of an argument and used that fact as a weapon to hurt him with.
You should work on not bottling things in until you blow up like a hand grenade. Your feelings *are* important, and I think you would have had more of an impact if you talked to him about how you felt when you weren't fighting.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (28 October 2010):
For you to say that...then at the back of your mind,you must really think that.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 October 2010):
That's mean, but not exactly a reason to cut off all communications.
If you start to talk again, make sure to not say such things out of spite.
Then again, he may have cut communication because you called him out and the game was over. Hard to say.
How long have you been together?
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 October 2010):
My advice would depend on what you exactly said.
Either way, the thing about not controlling what you say is that usually when one loses their temper, words are like bullets. You can't ever call them back. Whether telling your parents that you hate them, or telling your boyfriend that he has a small penis. That's the problem with getting mad and trying to hurt the one you love. The damage could be irreversible.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (28 October 2010):
You apologised, you texted him and you emailed him, the ball is now in his court.I suggest that you stop all contact and let him calm down, and miss you.If he does love you he will contact you but if he doesn't,then you will have to accept its over.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI accused him of using me for sex but i didnt tell him face to face i texted it to him shortly after he left. Yes i know shocking of me to do it by text so no wonder he wants nothing to do with me!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): maybe he just needs some space if what you said to him was bad it might take a few days to sink in. dont move on till you have spoken to him and analysed your realtionship and where u are at because he may still want to be with you. just keep trying him you will get an answer eventually
good luck hope this helps x
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (28 October 2010):
What did you say? That will influence the severity of his reaction. It's hard for me to give any advice because I don't know if he's overreacting or not.
You just need to give him space right now. He has to figure out what he wants and how he wants to handle this. Most guys won't just walk away and never say anything, but my ex decided one day she was just going to cut off communication for no aparent reason, so anything is possible.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (28 October 2010):
 We all have rows from time to time. Your boyfriend probably needs a bit of time to get over whatever was said. Give him some time and if he is not back in touch in a week or so then you just have to accept the relationship was not what you expected. Some people are not great at the breaking up thing and his silence may reflect his desire not to see you anymore. He may not want any more fights so he hopes that not communicating will send the right message to you. However he may just be sulking about the argument. I suggest you stop contacting him and stop apologising. You have done your best. Time to wait and see how he responses...if he ever does of course.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Depends what you said really, he may or may not be over-reacting...
...............................
|
