A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I am 27 years old and have never had a long term boyfriend. In the past and until recently, I have been on many dates, dated guys for a few months etc but have never been anything to them. I have never been asked out or been called someone's 'girlfriend, just been with them. I am not a Victoria's secret model, but I'm not unattractive either. I've been on dating sites etc but I'm feeling now that because I've been single practically my whole life, that I can't keep a guy's attention, even on the dating sites, after a few messages they disappear. I'm not one to throw it about at the drop of a hat to get myself a name, but I'm not inexperienced either. It's embarrassing to know that I am the 'loser' in the entire family and in my circles of friends because they all know I have never had a boyfriend and they always ask what I'm doing wrong..but that's the thing, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I am a nice girl, I am loyal, funny and would go out of my way to do anything for anyone. I know I lack some self-confidence (which I think is bringing me down) but that is mainly due to being rejected so much over the years and let down. I know people say the right person will come along when you least expect it etc but at this rate they got lost on their way! I'm a complete laughing stock to everyone I know and myself. It gets me so down and depressed knowing that I have never loved or been loved and I'm just so lonely. I don't want to live the rest of my life like that and I hate when people delve into my private life and ask questions that I'm too embarrassed to answer. Is there anything I can do to change? I need advice because I just keep hearing the same thing off everyone I know. I know a lot of guys are just into one thing but I'm not the type to just sleep around and I think that is also making guys uninterested. I'd rather be with someone who cares and doesnt just use me when they need it. Can anyone please give me advice on what to do or what to change about myself? Thanks in advance!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2015): I'm not sure anybody here can truly help you since you are self-diagnosing and may be getting something wrong.
However, it sounds to me like you are attracting guys, but maybe the wrong ones, or maybe you have some minor psych problem that kills your relationships.
Since this bothers you so much, one possibilty is to seek professional help just to make sure there is no psych aspect to it.
Best of luck, and remember, there is somebody for everybody out there!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2015): well be glad that as a woman you are not expected to approach and be the initiators
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2015): Hi guys,
Thanks so much for your replies to my questions and all the advice you have all given me. (to the guy asking if I'm a virgin, no I'm not as I have dated guys). Anyways...back to the advice, I'll definitely start looking around at some social groups, volunteering groups to join (I'm afraid all my past college/employment has been mainly female based so that also doesn't help). I've looked into the 'friends' situation and have distanced myself from the negative 'friends' which I find has helped a lot but I still need to boost that confidence and find new people to spend time with. Again, thanks for all the advice, it's been very helpful! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2015): I am sorry to hear that you feel so lonely. I know that can be hard to deal with, many of us have been through it at some point though.My suggestion to you would be this: Try new things.Do you have any hobbies, play any sports, participate in any clubs, or volunteer? If not, try one or more of these activities. Try to find something that you enjoy but that also involves other people, so that you have to interact with others and get to know them. It can be more of a long game, as opposed to meeting men online or being set up thru friends, but it has the potential to both build your self confidence (makes you more attractive), and to allow you to meet men that have at least a few things in common with you and are more likely to be a good match for a long term relationship.Also, I think this will help you meet new people, since you say currently you are a laughing stock to your friends. I think it will be good for you to find some new ones, and to see that you are important and deserving of happiness and respect. Helping others, or accomplishing a goal can do wonders for that. I know all will work out for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): are you a virgin as well too? because i'm a guy who is also 27 and never had a girlfriend
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): sweetheart you dont have to change anything about yourself at all.
If you had a pair of shoes that hurt your feet you wouldnt cut your toes off would you?
No, youd find a pair of comfy shoes.
Thats what you want..a nice comfy boyfriend.
All the rest are just plain unimportant.
If you feel life has got you into a rut, then take a year off to do something extraordinary like helping turtles to protect their young as a conservation project.
You will have new friends and new experiences.
Life is just a pathway and the person you are prepared to love must be prepared to travel the same pathway with you as far as possible.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (11 November 2015):
 There is a saying: 'Just find someone who wants to love you, and let them.'
So part one, finding the right guy, is top of the list. You may have to reject quite a few before you find someone you want to be with, and who wants to be with you.
Part two is about giving. You must be selfless. If you treasure your partner, once you think you have the right one, then it will show.
Over the long term you must re-affirm your commitment to your chosen mate. There will be days when you might give up, but you have to remember why this person is worth keeping.
If they are not; if they do not love you like you love them you might want to look elsewhere. There is no easy fix in love. Relationships are a complicated balance.
I wish you a happy future with a good man.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2015): I just got through posting a question just like yours and i am hopeful for helpful answers as well! I have tried many things to find a decent guy, and it seems hopeless, but I have a little more experience than you, so my intentions here are to save you a lot of hassle. Dating websites may open the door to many single guys, but you have to keep in mind that a lot of them are having trouble establishing relationships which is what brought them to the site to begin with, making it a whirlpool of a mess to find a good one in. With that being said,I think you have to really dig deep into yourself to determine what it is that is preventing you from establishing relationships, which is why we are both on here posting similar questions. I have been emotionally guarded my whole life. I barely even established a relationship with my family growing up. I was withdrawn in many ways. Today I am trying so hard to overcome that, but even when opening up to people, my ways of doing so are so foreign that it goes seemingly unappreciated. It is exhausting. If the answer is not within us, assuming that we are meant to be loved "as is"-baggage and all, then I guess it has a lot to do with where we are finding these men at who seemingly cannot commit [either].
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