A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im in love with an older guy but i am a virgin. im 20 and hes in his 40s, divorced with kids, his oldest is older than i am. im really scared about having sex with him. I heard that for your first time its better to go on top but im scared i could fall of or, er...miss. Im scared he might think im crap in bed and dump me. We really love each other so i think he wont dump me, but at the same time i cant help thinking he will if im bad enough. Please give me some advice
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionomg thank you so much for the brill advice!!!
A
male
reader, tra40d  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Good advice from "smeedle" and "sarcy24", but in many ways I think that you are concentrating too hard and on the wrong things!Relax - sex should be fun; so what if you get it wrong? Just laugh, pick yourself up and start again......By the way; don't go straight for it. FOREPLAY IS ESSENTIAL! Try cuddling up, naked and skin-on-skin for ages before even starting anything; and then mainly just caressing each others bodies gently all over. Sometimes deliberately avoiding the rude bits altogether (teasing is fun, too!).And do make sure that he engages your mind first: when it comes to sex, all women (and some men) know that it starts in the mind long before it reaches the rude bits! For really good sex you need to be intellectually stimulated first - it's not even about penetration, necessarily; some of the best sex need not involve penetration at all – it’s much more about clitoral and g-spot stimulation. He will of course use his fingers and tongue for all this.Then if you have had several orgasms before penetration, you will be really ready and it won't hurt.Don't forget the “after-play”: that magical time when you are relaxing down from our joint orgasms, hugging and kissing and gently caressing each other. Take care, relax and enjoy the start of an amazing physical and emotional experience.Ron.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (25 January 2009):
 Smeedle has given very good advice here. Be sure he is the 'one' that you really want to be the first one. He is experienced and he will take control and show you what to do so you have no need to worry. It will all come naturally. I too think for the first time it is better if he is on top then he can glide into you naturally. Since he is experienced he will be able to arouse you and you need to be very wet so it won't hurt. The more he caresses you and kisses you the more this will happen but using a lubricant is a good idea too. The secret is to be relaxed and to set the scene as sex is a mental thing as well as physical. Pick somewhere nice with candles, nice smells, music you like and all will just happen. Have fun xx
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A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 January 2009):
 He should be gentle with you and if he really loves you then he will wait until you are ready for this big commitment.
Having sex with this guy moves your relationship on to another level and loosing your viginity to this guy is something you should do only if you are very very sure that he is the person you want to make love to for the very first time.
Now if you are certain and you definatly want to do this then make sure you are as relaxed as possible, let him know you are nervouse and that you are not experienced, he needs to get you as turned on as possible and you need to use something like KY jelly, this is a lubricant that will make intercourse easier for you on your first time.
The position you have sex in is not really important as you will find the actual act just comes naturally, he is experienced and as long as you make it clear that you are not, then he will take controle of this.
On top is probably not the best for first time, best perhaps to have him on top of you, but like I said,just relax and do what comes naturally.
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