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17 yr old and attracted to younger girls (10-14). I take relationships seriously, with honesty, but this worries me?

Tagged as: Dating, Health, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 November 2007) 14 Answers - (Newest, 23 March 2011)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone,

I have a question that I don't know what to make of. I am a 17 year old male and I think am worried because I think I might like girls younger than me. By younger, I mean as in 10-14 or so. Somtimes when I look at schoolbooks or so, I feel like I am more attracted to girls who are about the age I mentioned, rather than girls who are older or at my age. It gets to the point where I feel like a paedophile. The thing is, I am not a pervert just looking at underaged girls. I have strong morals about these things and I just dont know what to think of it. For example, I watch this show called Datline NBC To Catch a Predator and it's about guys getting caught trying to meet a 11-14 year old girl alone in the house from online. I have strong morals against the guys but I also feel attracted to the idea (Except that I take relationships seriously and am an honest, caring person). Also, I had thoughts about me and one of my friend's friends (she was like 10 or so). I somtimes feel like I'm a paedophile, but I really am against that. Help plz.

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A male reader, Duramaxdieselfanatic1 United States +, writes (23 March 2011):

I am 20 and at times looked at girls in the 8th grade and found them attractive i dont think it makes me a petophile, she was cute! But be careful I just got done with dealing with repercussions from my x who is 15. By repercussions I mean arrested for sex with a minor and I didn't have to register as a sex offender but I am not allowed to have bcontaxy with her till she's 18 and I have 3 years probation 300 hours of community service.I got lucky..

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A male reader, JonasR United States +, writes (1 February 2009):

OMG you people are ridiculous. Most of the answers here are either religious declarations or rants against the guy as a pedophile. KNOCK IT OFF!

Dude, seriously. Listen to me. In many countries not only is it okay for you to be attracted to someone a few years younger than you, but it is also expected. In many countries young men marry ten, eleven or twelve year old girls. This may not be exactly correct in many people's eyes, but it is a fact.

The fact is...all men are attracted to "young, inexperienced women" Browse the shelves of your local porn store and see how many "18 year old" and "barely eighteen virgins" videos there are. Most men are attracted to girls in thier teens. Its not unusual, it's not a disease and it doesn't mean you're going to hell.

The fact is...the age of consent in the United States is eighteen. Which means that you are unable to act on your impulses without going to jail. Nothing else. If it were illegal to eat brownies there would still be people fantasizing about eating brownies. Don't listen to these idiots that try to tell you the God is going to curse you for your thoughts or that you are a pedophile and you should get counseling. If you are unable to have the thoughts without acting on them THEN maybe you should get some couseling..not for being attracted to young girls...but for being unable to control your actions.

In short, people stop talking out your asses and think about the facts before you start ranting your religious or moral crap. Okay? kaithanksbai!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008):

I think you are a normal, hormonal teenage boy, but I would watch out and stick within the upper limits of younger girls. I have a 10-year old sister and the idea of a 17-year-old boy being attracted to her is really scary? I also have a 14-year-old sister; however, that idea isn't as unsettling.

WHY do you like the idea of little girls? Is it the fact that they are inexperienced in many regards, unlike girls your own age? Is that what attracts you? Think on it and I bet you could find someone a bit closer to your age with similar characteristics that make you attracted to younger girls.

If you can't and you find yourself consistently attracted to 10-14 year-old's, THEN I would say you have a problem. I mean, say you're 25 and you're still into 10-14 year old's because you have not yet found someone that fits your criteria?

Hope this helps you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2008):

man, i have the same problem, sometimes i just feel like, what the hell it's just hormones I'm attracted to nething that moves and then i'll think i'm a pedophile as i'll look at like a 13/14 year old in that way...

it's a paradox...

do u particularly enjoy these thoughts?

or are they intrusive and annoying... in which case u may have OCD...

i know how you feel and i know how low u can feel. ur best just accepting these thoughts as a pathological aspect and that if you want to change it find help in the correct way...

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

Don't worry man i feel the same way, but i am 14 and attracted to girls who are 11-12. the thing is i don't feel like a pedophile cuz i am young too.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007):

Good on you for not being too embarassed to seek advice.

Listen,when it comes down to it, you'd be hurting any girl who's too young if you were to pursue a relationship with her. You sound like too good a person to ever go through with making a clear decision to hurt someone.

I agree with the person who spent time to research the problem and said that it's an innocence issue. You might like an older girl that's somewhat innocent much more than these younger girls.

I disagree with the people who have posted with a 'wtf' attitude. Don't listen to them,they're dickheads. Don't start thinking badly of yourself or you're at risk of becoming something you don't want to be.

You'll be fine. Don't stress,don't worry. Pay enough attention to it to understand yourself, but no more than that. :-)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2007):

This site is filled with questions where 13/14-year-old girls are asking whether it's okay to go after the 16/17-year-old guys. Other girls invariably cheer them on to go for it.

Funny how the same attraction becomes "pedophilia" and "sickness" when speaking about the male in the exact same situation.

Would I be so crazy as to suggest that this reflects a double-standard? And a double-standard on an something that is not only a moral issue, but a LEGAL one? Males sometimes get arrested and imprisoned over these kinds of age-splits.

Either this age split is okay, or it is not. People can't have it both ways depending on who is doing the asking.

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A male reader, cantabile United Kingdom +, writes (15 November 2007):

There's no problem with being attracted to younger girls, particularly at your age. Many girls of your age are attracted to older guys. It's a difficult age to get through, but within a short while the age range to which you are attracted will broaden and avoid you feeling guilt about your feelings. Just bear with it and time will sort it out.

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A male reader, Diablo Australia +, writes (5 November 2007):

Hi,

I am doing my doctorate in clinical psychology an was interested to hear what you have to say. I would remind others who have written on this sight about your situation that although there is differeing statuate designating what defines a paedophile from country to country there are still rigid criteria which a person must meet for them to be classed a paedophile.

However this is irrelevant at this stage in time because there seems to be quite a rigid and succinct moral rationale in place. This indicates a stuctured faily life to some extent and this can only be a good thing and help you to prevent whatever it is which is causing these urges from progressing any further. I understand that although his may not constitute an infactuation at this stage, it has the potential to gain a lot of impetus if you alow it to.

I think the best course of action is a PROFESSIONAL counselor and not others who read self help books and pertain to be. My area of expertise is sexual disorders and malformations of child sexuality. I am happy to give advice to you, and guide you as to seek the best help possible in this area. Please understand also that I am here to talk to when you need it. I have experience with people in situations like yours.

Please dont feel alienated or scared by this.

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A female reader, Blue_Angel0316 United States +, writes (5 November 2007):

Blue_Angel0316 agony aunt It sounds like you have some self respect left. You are smart enought to realize that it doesn't feel right. You feel as though you are what would be considered a pedophile. This is something you are against. Be wise and let common sense be your guide. DON"T EVEN GO THERE!!!!! It is not only bad for your self image but it is also illegal. I would advise you to seek professional counsel to help you deal with your feelings and keep yourself on track at not BECOMMING WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY AGAINST....Get caught and you can spend a long time in jail.

Seek ye wise consel and let the Lord and the Law be your guide.

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A female reader, Blue_Angel0316 United States +, writes (5 November 2007):

Blue_Angel0316 agony aunt It sounds like you have some self respect left. You are smart enought to realize that it doesn't feel right. You feel as though you are what would be considered a pedophile. This is something you are against. Be wise and let common sense be your guide. DON"T EVEN GO THERE!!!!! It is not only bad for your self image but it is also illegal. I would advise you to seek professional counsel to help you deal with your feelings and keep yourself on track at not BECOMMING WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY AGAINST....Get caught and you can spend a long time in jail.

Seek ye wise consel and let the Lord and the Law be your guide.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007):

hello!!! u need to get help man. this is child abuse i hope u know that. what makes u think of girls who are much younger than you are best while u r around beautifull and fantastic girls of your own age. come on, think of your litlle sister getting involved with someone of your age and get violated what would you feel? u need to get a prfessional help. this is something serious.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2007):

Get help, it's not normal and it sounds like yes you are a pedophile. I feel sorry for you as you can't help these feelings but you must NOT act on them. I'm 18 and got a 12 yr old sister, I can't see how any person my age or older can find her sexually attractive as she's just that, a child. Get help please. It dosen't matter if you take the relationship honesty, these girls are children and are not ready for a serious relationship your just be abusing them.

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (4 November 2007):

rcn agony auntI recommend seeking counseling. Now I'm not saying all of it's bad. I'll tell you why. I saw that show as well. Still can't get over the guy that fell for the trap two times in a row.

After watching that show, I was like WHY are these guys attracted to these young girls. So I did research for about a week on the subject. I did so from a psychological standpoint. What I found is that many times with these guys, it's not about the sex, or the fact their "soap on a rope age" meaning hard prison time. I looked at history. What do parents always say about sex? Wait until your married. That was the norm 60-100 years ago. Just as animals have instincts, I think men and women are born with certain instincts as well. You've hear about women who have the motherly instinct. Their developed to be prepared for childbirth, and have this nurturing way about them.

Men on the other hand were born with the instinct of work, support and protecting our family. With that my research showed, boys are also born with the instinct of innocence.

Many years ago, a man would choose his wife, and they would share their first sexual experience together. If the women and man divorced, the women was to remain single because she'd been touched by another man.

It's not the youth some of these guys are attracted to, it's the innocence and unfortunately innocence has gotten younger and younger.

There are some who are in it just for sex with youth. I'll tell you, someone touch one of my daughters, if I don't get to them first and their mother does, their going to loose something they might find they'd want to keep. I always wonder if that's part of my reasoning for remaining faithful. Some people make threats jokingly, she was serious. But first using a meat tenderizer.

i want you to know this. It does not matter how you take relationships, caring or not. Violate the law, take the consequences. When having a relation with a minor, judges are not willing to take into consideration how serious and caring you may be. The law is the law, and a violation doesn't have reasons around what can happen to you if you do. You'd also earn your own place on the sex offenders registry.

If you see this as an issue you're having, seek professional help. Remember also, Kids need to be protected not violated.

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