A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:how do I know if a girl is really interested or if she is just being polite or if she just likes my attention? I'll need some seemingly nice girl in the checkout line or at a bus stop or at a party or work and we end up talking for a long time and I give her my number and then she doesn't call so now I've just been making sure I get her number and then after listening to them talk for so long they won't even give it to me! I feel like that's unfair because it wastes time I could be spending finding a girl who really is interested. but how am I supposed to know anything about her if I don't talk to her for that long?I have found that I have to be really blunt with girls and interrupt them and say I don't want to hear about your friend or your sister or people I don't know, I want to talk about you. girls tend to get really snotty at that point and they don't want to tell me their last name or where they work if I don't already know and I feel weird asking about them because especially their coworkers get really rude and evasive or try to embarrass me into leaving. I just want to know some of the people she knows and which classes she takes or where she works or whatever so I can ask around about her to make sure she's the real deal.maybe you ladies can tell me why you would waste someone's time talking to them if you weren't even interested in exchanging phone numbers. What's wrong with just polite small talk to let them know you're not really interested? why did they laugh at everything you say and flirt with you if they really don't even want to talk to you after the night is over? it seems like when I'm being a nice guy and getting to know her as a person and take her on dates they want to put me in the friend zone after I put all that time and effort in. So I almost have to be an ass and sleep with her right away or at least real soon because the longer I wait the more likely she is 2 just want to be friends and if I had sex with her she at least sticks around longer but girls like that tend to be psycho. light, they get really needy and high maintenance and all they want to do is talk my ear off and complain that I don't take them out on dates anymore so I do every once in awhile just to keep her and she ends up dumping me because she says I'm just using her. I thought I wanted romance and I kind of do, but it seems like there's three types of girls: the one who friend zones you, the high maintenance kind the just want the attention and the dates and then the psycho kind who get really needy after you sleep with her. where are the decent girls out there and why am I always getting led on?
View related questions:
co-worker, flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2016): Where are the descent girls, you ask? You don't realize it, but you've probably pushed a lot of them away with your attitude. I would be quite put off by a guy who interrupted me to tell me he doesn't care about this/that. I wouldn't give him my number either. Maybe those girls talked about their sisters or friends because those people are a big part of their lives. I personally don't mind if a guy talks about family, because I feel it's good to value family. Too many people don't these days. You say you don't want to hear about someone you don't know, but think of this way: if you got serious with one of those girls, you would probably meet these people she talks about. I hate to say it, but you sound like one of those "self proclaimed" nice guys, who aren't actually nice at all. (Google the term. There are loads of articles written about the self proclaimed nice guy). Girls are not interested in this type of guy, because he is phony and entitled. Nice people aren't nice to others only to expect something in return. Truly nice people don't need motivation to be kind to others. You think the only purpose of being nice to girls is to see how they'll "reward" you. You view them as conquests. I'm baffled by your post, to be honest. The way it's worded makes it sound like you don't really know what you want. You SAY you want a descent girl, but your actions don't follow this. Saying you want a descent girl implies you care about personality, and you want something long term. Instead, you act like you somewhat lose interest in a girl once you've had sex with her. You call her needy and psycho if she pursues you after sex. So she developed feelings for you, what is so "psycho" about that? Especially if you led her to believe you wanted a relationship. Who is leading who on again? If you weren't upfront to the girl BEFORE having sex with her that you didn't want anything serious to come of it, then you are in the wrong. By the way, I don't feel it's "wasting someones time" to talk to them while waiting for the bus or whatever. Unless they seem like they don't want to talk, I find it perfectly acceptable to make conversation while we're just standing there anyway. Makes the wait a bit less boring.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2016): Your not getting 'decent' girls because you are not being decent your self. Women should not have to give out personal information about themselves to strangers they meet. To demand such is creepy. The comments you make about being 'blunt' with girls is rude, as well as how you have decided all women are one of three types-we are all different not a type.Also, if women here the terms 'nice guy' or friend zone they are turned off-those terms are generally used by men that think all women have to return the feelings of men that like them, even if they don't see them that way just because. I hope you find it in yourself to change your thinking, if not you are choosing to only have dysfunctional relationships.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 February 2016):
 I agree with the other ladies.
If you act just half as entitled as you sound, no wonder that you collect a series of fiascos.
Do you really approach girls... then cut their words in their mouth and tell them what they are allowed or not to talk about ?!!
Oh boy oh boy. This is not going to work. Not surprisingly.
In fact, the only suprising thing is that you are surprised if they get snotty ! What did you expect them to do , give you a prize ?....
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (5 February 2016):
 Why does this happen to you?
Let me be blunt too....
Because you PRESUME that if a girl talks to you she MUST be interested in sex or getting to know you. While SHE on the other hand is JUST being polite and social. It's called small talk. What is a shame is that these girls don't tell you to go kick rocks, and stop talking to you. I am AMAZED that you get ANY girl to continue to talk to you, let alone to met up and have a date or sex with you.
And if they do end up going out on a date with you and/or have sex, you treat them like shit and get mad and call them needy when they dump you or want more attention than you are willing to give.
Look, having a relationship IS NOT JUST about you getting your rocks off. There is a LOT more to it. LIKE listening, talking, going on dates, spending time together, GETTING to actually know the other person.
YOU... have very little to offer. THAT is why it doesn't last. I seriously doubt all these girls are psycho.
Friend-zone is not a REAL thing. It just means that a girl CAN talk without wanting ANYTHING to do with you sexually or in a relationship.
I agree with Auntie BimBim - your approach sucks. You attitude towards women sucks even more. And that is probably why.... girl don't hang around long enough for you to discover what kind of girl they really are.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2016): I only read so far in to your question and got quite baffled as to why you feel like you should have decent girls falling at your feet when you aren't particularly decent towards girls.If I was at a bus stop I definitely wouldn't appreciate a man chatting to me and then basically telling me to shut up talking about myself so he could make his move and have my phone number.Why would anybody want a relationship with you when you aren't remotely interested in talking to them about anything? Don't you think there is more to life than men and women only having to engage in conversation because they all want to hook up? I go to work on the bus every morning and see the same people every day, I talk to men, does that mean we are all interested in sleeping with each other? Try and find something a bit more fulfilling than trying to get in girls pants everywhere you go and accumulating phone numbers.Describing girls as psycho because they are needy after you slept with them, I'm sorry you sound like a bit of a player. All the decent girls will be with the decent guys. You sound more like a teenager than your actual age group, sorry to be blunt and all.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 February 2016):
 Its great that you feel its okay to be blunt with girls because it means I can be blunt with you, and that I don't have to pussy foot around looking for the words to express my opinion without having to worry about hurting your feelings.
The friendzone is a load of codswallop!! It is a convenient fallacy for men because it puts all the onus on the women and girl and makes them responsible for the guy's feelings. If a women, or girl, is not interested in you romantically or sexually then accept that, she is allowed to have her own feelings and desires without having to pander to yours.
It is no wonder girls get snotty when you interrupt and tell them what you don't want them to talk about, have you considered that for many people THAT is small talk?
The fact you claim talking to girls who don't end up giving you a call is a waste of your time suggests to me you should cut all the crap and print yourself a flyer to hand out, it could includes things like
I don't care what you want to talk about, I only want you to talk about what I want you to talk about
don't waste my time talking if it isn't going to lead to sex
don't give me sex if you are going to get needy afterwards or turn into a psycho
I want your work and home details so I can investigate you thoroughly before I waste any more time on you
If the above suggestion doesn't work for you then my alternate idea is for you to examine your attitude and how it matches up with your expectations.
Good luck either way
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2016): I would not really say those girls are high maintenance. relationships take maintenance they take work. if you went to the gym and worked out and ate really well, after a while it would pay off but if you stopped doing those things your body would go back to being the way it was. whatever you do to get into a relationship, you do need to keep doing to maintain it. the girls probably feel like you pulled a bait and switch when you were at first giving them attention and then took it away after sex. you are not going to find love in line at a store, at her work, or a bus stop. most women do not want it to go past a friendly conversation. nobody is wasting your time talking to you just because it does not result in a phone number!you sound incredibly entitled and I understand that being the nice guy does land you in the friend zone because by not being sexual, you set the tone of the relationship on a friendship level. maybe watch for body language, is she looking you in the eye, is there affectionate touching, not sexual but affectionate? is she looking around or at her phone or looking like she wants to escape? if she is evasive in her answers about her last name or any contact information, that is reasonable! She's trying to protect herself.it makes sense to get to know a girl before you see her outside of wherever you met her and if you're interested, some friendly banter is acceptable and this is where you find out if you have things in common. that is where you could give her your number and gauge her reaction. You can invite her somewhere public one on one and see how she reacts. Or, you can try to arrange for a group setting invite her along too and see if she spends time talking to just you. of course the girl gets clingy after sex! she thinks you're into her and she mistook it for affection.ok, you feel led on and taken advantage of when you take her on a few dates and she suddenly does not want a relationship. it is possible she just likes the attention and that she likes to have guy friends who can play the part of a go to date. in that case, after a few dates one on one, you can ask her where she hopes it goes. That is when you can make it clear that you just want to keep it casual or you want exclusivity. if she wants something different, simply respect that and part ways.
...............................
|
