A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He's from the UK, I'm from the US. We've been talking online for 6 years now, been "official" for one. Guess what... I've never met him!I know this sort of relationship is unconventional. A bit weird, and most people don't get it and will never get it. But we cam a couple of times a week, we text every single day almost constantly, and we try to talk on the phone for around an hour each day. Whether you agree with this type of relationship or not, there is a lot of emotion, pain, and love invested in it.While this type of relationship is VERY DIFFICULT (believe me, as someone in her early 20's I know it's so much easier to meet and hook up with a guy who is local or who I go to school with, but I don't want that), we are going to try our hardest to make it work. If it doesn't, then it doesn't, but we would be fools to give up without a fight and not at least try.Actually, I almost gave up. I called it quits because I couldn't take it. But my boyfriend and I really had a heart to heart. After showing me how much and how badly he wanted to try to make this work (I thought he didn't care as much as I did), we began our relationship again.In order for this to work, yes we both know one of us will eventually have to move to the other's country. We are planning our first meeting, though it may be another 6-8 months since I'm in school and I have to work around the semesters. And yes, we both know dating through distance is nothing like dating in real life. But, if our meeting goes well, we will strive to make it work.Would love advice from other people, especially people who have gone through this and made it work!How can we make our long-distance relationship successful?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 August 2014):
 I'm sorry I've done LDRs and Mark is spot on.
UNTIL you meet IRL you can't tell if you have any chemistry at all together face to face.
I know that what you have now FEELS VERY REAL. I've BTDT in the past. We went hot and heavy online... we were so excited for our first meeting and then when we met within 5 days it was clear it was NOT going to work. This happened more than once for me.
To be honest I've done LDRs that worked. My current hubby and I met IRL and then proceeded to have an LDR/FWB relationship. Which for good or bad within a few months became serious and then within a year he moved to be with me.
yes it can be done. I have friends that are married 10 years he was a Brit. He moved here they met and married. He became a US citizen but they travel back to England twice a year to see family.
What you need is
honesty
communication
commitment
MONEY
TIME
and a plan to end the distance.
until you guys meet and see if you click IRL it's all just pipe dreams.
Sadly LDRs have to have ONE goal... to NOT be LDR...
if you guys have been friends for 6 years and a couple for 1 year I can't help but be concerned that this is not looking good for permanency.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (26 August 2014):
 Hello,
Im sorry but I think you need a reality check right now. If you have never actually met him in real life you have nothing. Sorry but six years of online/phone/text/email relations is not the same as real life. Being "official" with someone you have never met is, quite frankly, ludicrous.
Talk of moving to a different country, far away from friends, family and the life you both know, when you have never even met each other is crazy.
I understand what your saying about love, commitment and emotion BUT you need to be realistic....you are in love with the version of him he presents to you online, via webcam and via phone and text. That is not the same as the real life version of the guy that exists in the real world.
There is no physical involvement, no cuddles, no sex, no kisses, no touching and no chance of being there for each other outside of digital media.
When he is down or angry he can hide behind an excuse. When he is fed up and depressed, or stressed out, he can go off line, or say he is busy. In a real life situation he cannot do that.
As an example - on DC many regular users of the site know me as being quite witty, giving decent answers and sometimes offering both sound advice and laugh out loud quotes when appropriate....yet I am probably bipolar and certainly prone to episodes of depression and angst. My fun, witty responses to questions come on days when I am "up", when I am "down" I avoid the site. Likewise I use other sites where I present a fun, amusing and engaging persona - but only on days when I feel good. If I was to use those sights when down I would probably be asked not to do so again. I present a version of me to the world, via a site like this, that I want others to see. It is NOT the same as spending time with me in real life.
No disrespect meant, but for all you know he could have bad breath or annoying habits or lack social skills. You have no way of telling that via electronic/phone communication.
You have spent six long years trying to make it work...six years when you could have been finding someone in a normal situation. Sorry but to make it work you both need to spend a lot of time in real life, face to face situations to understand if you both feel the same way in real life and then one of you needs to move to another continent. Do you know how many young brits dream of living in the US only to never make it? The UK, where I am from, is very hard for immigrants of any kind to find work too. So either way, for one of you to move to the UK/US is going to be tough.
Mark
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2014): Meet up ASAP to make sure you have physical chemistry
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