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I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't see this being a long term forever thing

Tagged as: Dating, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 November 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 November 2018)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I've been seeing a guy since August we both got out of relationships shortly before so we just decided to have fun with it. we've known each other since March and got on well as friends but as both of us were in relationships we never displayed any flirty behaviours. Then when we both realised we'd broken up with our partners things happened. I think he may be falling for me but I'm not sure. When we're in bed he likes to smell my neck and shoulders and kiss me. He also said he didn't want me seeing anyone else but if I did to please use condoms for both our sake. Which I said I'm not seeing anyone else and that I don't want to. But I am scared to fully commit. Not that I want anyone else right now I just think I'm happy with it not having a label. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't see this being a long term forever thing which is what we had agreed to originally. Do you think he's falling for me? What should I do?

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A female reader, CherryR07 United Kingdom +, writes (11 November 2018):

You should tell him now, because if you leave it too long, it'll cause more damage. I was with a guy, who decided he wasn't ready for a relationship and so ended it with me, and it did hurt at the time, I realise now that I'm so glad he told me sooner rather than later.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2018):

I think you need a little more evidence before assuming how much he likes you, and what he wants. You "think" he may be falling for you; but it isn't certain until he tells you how or what he may be feeling. For the moment, it seems to me that he's attracted to you. And...a little creepy.

You might be getting ahead of yourself to be assuming he wants commitment, or something long-term. If the clues and hints are raining-down on you, nip it at the bud. Don't wait until you have to scrape him off!

Nothing clarifies things better than communication. Guessing games and amateur mind-reading will only lead to confusion and misinterpretations.

For sure, you've got a friend with benefits. If you yourself aren't the one who could be falling for him; you should simply let him know that you like things just as they are.

Like mother used to tell us, "use your words."

You're a couple of adults; and I don't see why either of you can't just tell each other what's going on in your heads. If he won't open-up, why don't you open the dialogue and have a discussion? Tell him where you're coming from, and he's likely to follow-through and stay on the same page.

Taaah-daaah!!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2018):

I think if he was falling for you you would know for sure. Dates, wanting to talk more out of the bedroom, not wanting you to see someone else because he LIKES YOU.

I am not saying he isn't falling for you mind, does he do those things or is it just sex with a bit of affection? And it has been a few weeks so he might want it to be FWB without others, if I was in a relationship, even what you have agreed I personally wouldn't want to be with someone who is having sex with others for STD reasons, but I wouldn't anyway now as I am older and not my thing, never has been.

You will just have to see if he seems to get more serious and if it happens you decide then if it is best to knock it on the head. I am assuming that sooner or later it has to come to an end though if you can't see it being long term so it's not a case of if it's when then

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (9 November 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI am not sure which part of your post is supposed to signify this guy falling for you? The part where he said he didn't want you seeing anyone else? That is just how some people are. He did then go on to ask you to use condoms if you did choose to see other guys, so he is probably just being careful about his health. Sensible man.

Not sure about the significance of him smelling our neck and shoulders. Do you think that signifies he is falling for you? Perhaps he just has a bit of a "thing" about your smell if it is nice.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with kissing you if you are affectionate towards each other. It does not necessarily mean he is "falling" for you.

If you are both on the same page in terms of this relationship (i.e. a bit of fun but not something long term) then there is no harm in having your fun for the time being. However, if you DO feel he is falling for you, then you need to call it a day and to leave both of you free to find someone with whom you CAN envisage a long term relationship.

Is it possible you have got the wrong end of the stick and you are seeing intent where none is meant?

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