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How do I stop obsessing over this guy and just move on?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Crushes<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 October 2018) 1 Answers - (Newest, 9 October 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

I have liked the same person for ages now and I still have feelings for him ,we don't talk anymore as things happened mainly due to me and since then I just haven't stopped liking him . I do think I am obsessed/infatuated with him which is so annoying and I want it to stop and I'm worried that my feelings wont ever go away. I think about him nearly everyday and haven't liked anyone else since .

Im not really sure why I still like him and I don't know how to make it go away , when I see him all my feelings about him come back again and I would just like it if I could move on and not think about him , how can I do this or at least try as its really it hard to get someone of your head .

Sometimes I think I need to talk to someone about it because I don't feel right having liked him for ages .even little things remind me of him and this also means I end up thinking of him and the times we spent together .

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (9 October 2018):

When you don't give your mind food for thought and variate the stimuli you offer your brain, you'll have a one-track mind. You don't have many interests, if all you can think about is that guy.

You just broke-up with him; so give yourself some time to detach. You've been schoolgirl-crushing on him too long; until fantasy has now overtaken your thought-processes.

Not too unusual at your age. We were all like that in our teens and twenties. In-love with the notion of being in-love! That special person is on your mind day-in and day-out! Too much texting and social media follow-up; until you're over-saturated and addicted. The brain craves more!

All that dopamine, serotonin, and endorphins from being in a romance keeps you high! Taking them away puts you in withdrawal. It's like craving chocolate, sugar, or similar to people addicted to drugs. Constant cravings!

You're obsessing over a guy; because you are young, gushing with youthful-hormones; and have a need for his constant attention, approval, and validation. You probably smothered him with love, and felt insecure being with him; because you might not believe he was as into you as you are into him.

The problem with being in our late-teens and early twenties is that we have far too many untested, exaggerated, or unsubstantiated notions about what we think love is. At that age, we're really not sure; so we don't know what to expect from the other person, and you might end-up driving them nuts. We are clumsy emotionally from inexperience; or a little lame and crippled by our insecurities.

It seems you are idolizing this boy to the point of obsession; and you spend maybe too much time in the fantasy-world. Stop worshiping him. He's not a god. He's only human.

You need to concentrate on your studies, if you are a student; or really become more career-focused. Throw yourself into your job, and organize your life. Reconnect with friends; or go make some new friends.

You're an adult now, and being caught-up in your romantic fantasies and obsession over this guy is going to stunt your growth as a woman. I say this, because you're placing far too much value on needing him; when he's probably not reciprocating as much enthusiasm about being with you. So feeling rejected makes you want him all the more, or like you just can't let go. Even if he treats you like a jerk!

You need to get-away from your phone, avoid social media, and actually interact socially with friends and family.Get out and do stuff. Get a hobby or learn a craft. Workout, or get yourself a pet to care for. Stay busy! Focus on excellence in everything you do. Your job, school, and how you treat people. You always need self-improvement. Work on your faults, weaknesses, and insecurities.

Your world does not revolve around this guy, and you need to broaden your interests; so you can distract yourself from constant obsessing over him. A little therapy wouldn't hurt if your mind can't rest. If you find yourself having difficulty with concentration and mental-focus.

Getting over people you care for is a slow and agonizing process; but distracting yourself until your mind accepts the breakup is all you can do. Friends and family fill the empty void.

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