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"A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her."

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My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?

Q.   Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...

A.   27 April 2012: The only thing she can do is not lie again. I'm sure she regrets what happened. I know it's not fair. Life rarely is. But trying to exact some punishment on her is not going to help you. It will destroy you both in the end. I know that's not what... (read in full...)

I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?

Q.   Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...

A.   26 April 2012: Actually you are not the only one, not by a long shot. The great majority of guys your age saturate themselves in porn. Those with a fast internet connection at least. Porn has become ubiquitous. Research on this has been limited until no... (read in full...)

My husband loves teen porn

Q.   Hi, I have been married to my husband for 4 years. His a really good guy but looks at porn every day. The main issue is that it's teen porn. The girls in these sites look too young. In worried that it's a problem, especially since its everyday and ...

A.   25 April 2012: "I just want to feel as though this isnt a stepping stone to him cheating or leaving me for someone else." Porn is very rarely that. In some ways it can make a man less likely to cheat, but really it's not connected. Porn can create gaps in a... (read in full...)

My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?

Q.   Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...

A.   25 April 2012: You say: "Please give me advice ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life" And you say: "Nope sorry I'm not going to allow someone to flip this into what I NEED TO DO " Can you see your paradox here? You want advice, yet you are not... (read in full...)

My husband loves teen porn

Q.   Hi, I have been married to my husband for 4 years. His a really good guy but looks at porn every day. The main issue is that it's teen porn. The girls in these sites look too young. In worried that it's a problem, especially since its everyday and ...

A.   22 April 2012: Do you have a problem with his watching porn in general, or is it the genre? Bear in mind that people's taste in porn typically shifts over time, and sometimes escalates into harder stuff too. Men often look at genres of porn that don't directly... (read in full...)

I'm addicted to paying for pornography

Q.   First a little about me. I'm a male, 23 years old, about three friends, never had a girlfriend or sex, not even kissing. I am addicted to pornography. However, what's even more self-destructive is that I am addicted to PAYING for pornograp...

A.   22 April 2012: I seem to be handing out this link a lot lately, but here you go. This site is an excellent resource on the effects of porn addiction and help to quit. Good luck: Www.yourbrainonporn.com... (read in full...)

Why do women only want to do crazy things sexually with random people?

Q.   When i first met my GF, we weren't serious (or committed) and we had the best sex ever. Since we've gotten serious, and are now in a committed relationship, it seems the erotic, no-holds-barred type of sex has now gone out the window. We've nev...

A.   22 April 2012: My experience has been the opposite: the "crazy sex" I've had has been in long term relationships where we have grown really comfortable with each other. The short stuff has generally been vanilla, with perhaps a couple of exceptions.. It sounds l... (read in full...)

I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?

Q.   Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...

A.   22 April 2012: Yes you are causing harm to yourself. It's not permanent harm, changing your behaviour later can fix things. But it's not "healthy". The real risk is that at some point you become addicted to porn, with the negative consequences that addiction can ... (read in full...)

Problem with girlfriend's past?

Q.   So here's the issue. I am 18 and my girlfriend is 24, about to be 25. We met on a joke app (Funny Jokes) and found out we lived a couple hours away so we just started texting each other. Then we started Skyping and added each other on Facebook. And ...

A.   21 April 2012: This comes up here frequently. It's called 'retroactive jealousy' or 'retrograde jealousy'. By searching on this site you'll find many long discussions about it. This article is a good start: http:... (read in full...)

My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?

Q.   Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...

A.   19 April 2012: Decide whether you want to save your marriage or not. If you don't then there's no point in dragging this out. If you do, then you need to let go of what's happened and focus on the advice i've given below. But that's only going to go if y... (read in full...)

My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?

Q.   Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...

A.   19 April 2012: Yes she'll get upset if you ask questions. Please take my advice on this: i have spoken to many many men about this precise issue over the years on this site, having experienced it myself about 5 years ago. Don't ask her questions. Don't a... (read in full...)

Cant perform during sex because I have been so used to masturbating for 20 years!

Q.   Hi this is more of a sex question but Im hoping someone can help. I have been single for many years, and my only sexual outlet has been through masturbation. I have of course become quite used to getting myself off and can get hard quite quick...

A.   19 April 2012: Viagra won't help much i think, this is as much in your mind as in your 'hands'. The solution fortunately is very simple. It's also unfortunately very difficult: stop masturbating. After a time (this varies a great deal) you'll find things s... (read in full...)

My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?

Q.   Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...

A.   17 April 2012: You are entitled to feel hurt that she kept this from you. It's a highly unpleasant experience to hear something like this: i've been there myself. But at the same time understand that she kept this from you to protect your feelings towards ... (read in full...)

Should I be an asshole to get girls? Or be the nice guy? Or just give up and save myself the hassle?

Q.   Im 19 and have aspbergers disorder (autism). tragicly for me, im a super nice guy. I dont think im ugly or that it had to do with my looks sense ive seen way gnarly looking asshole guys get handful's of women. I want to know if its better to be...

A.   17 April 2012: Girls don't like guys who are assholes. Girls like guys who are confident, brave, and know what they want. You can be that and a nice guy too. Then you have the best of both worlds.... (read in full...)

My 31 year old fiance has lost his sex drive, how is this possible?

Q.   ok my fiance is 31 and his sex drive has gone. how can this happen???...

A.   16 April 2012: Stress. Depression. Porn. Boredom (with you). Having an affair. Drugs. Medical problems. Unhappy with his life. So many possibilities. Talk to him about it.... (read in full...)

I need to know if my girlfriend honestly does not remember performing oral sex on this guy in high school!

Q.   Hi aunts and uncles im actually a veteran on this site been on it for 5 years giving advice and now im going to need some. Ok so ive been with my girlfriend for a year now but in the begining she wanted to know my sexuall past so i told her and in ...

A.   14 April 2012: "i said i dont care i just want her to be honest". That's a lie. You clearly care very much. Since you asked the question dishonestly, it's no surprise you don't trust the answer. A lie begets a lie. Mistrust begets mistrust. ... (read in full...)

Are there any men they do not use pornography in a relationship?

Q.   Are there any men here who don't use pornography in a relationship? I would absolutely love knowing they weren't looking at anyone else. I don't even know why they still do it and thinks it's normal to still look when they are getting sex. Men want ...

A.   12 April 2012: I quit porn for my relationship. I found it was messing with our sex life: and my head. It took a while to join the dots and realize this however. On the plus side, once i stopped the benefits were easy to see, which reduces the temptation to ... (read in full...)

Is he lying to cover up his problems getting an erection?

Q.   Help I've been with my boyfreind now a couple of months, so everything is fresh and new and we're getting to know things about each other.. Its all bliss apart from one thing... Sex! My boyfriend finds it hard to get and maintain an erection. He'...

A.   5 April 2012: The most common cause for erectile difficulties with men these days is desensitization to 'normal' sex with a 'real' woman due to porn. It's rampant unfortunately, plus complicated by the fact that men are very reticent to consider it as a ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend is addicted to porn.... what should I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 months... Our relationship is fine in everyway except our sex life. He has admitted to me recently that he is addicted to porn and watches it and masturbates 2-3 times a day. At first sex was never a...

A.   5 April 2012: That's a difficult situation you are in. Porn can be very very addictive: with all the negatives that addiction bring. Meaning it's going to be really hard for him to quit, with the subsequent negative emotions that come with it. An addict often ... (read in full...)

Finding 'the One'.....

Q.   How can i find the 'right one'? Every time i speak to a guy, we meet up and text and speak over the phone and facebook, and then they just stop talking to me? this has happened a few times now and i'm tired of getting hurt. I just want to settle ...

A.   4 April 2012: I don't believe you can find 'the one' until you find yourself first. So focus on yourself, have fun, and also learn and grow. Being in a great relationship takes two people: the more you learn about yourself and life the better you'll be able to ... (read in full...)

My wife got in touch with her first sex partner and sent him a pic of her's in a bikini

Q.   My wife and I have been together for 6 years, married for 4 years. My wife has been with between 60 and 70 men between the age of 18 and 30. She had one 3 year relationship during that time. About 90% of her past sexual experiences were just ...

A.   4 April 2012: Don't connect her number of sexual partners with this behaviour. In fact: it's telling that the guy she's been in touch with is one of the few that means something to her! A meaningless one night stand is not going to inspire you to reconnect after ... (read in full...)

The night we started dating she slept with another guy and I cant forget it!

Q.   I need help with settling inner turmoil. I have been with my current girlfriend for over a month and a half now, and I love her, and she says she loves me, but there is a problem. The night we started dating she slept with another guy. When I found ...

A.   4 April 2012: It's quite normal for this to happen at the start of relationships. Things can be 'complicated' before they settle down: sex with others, complex situations and so on. It takes a while for commitment and trust to build, and in the mean time, our ... (read in full...)

A harmless crush? Or am I right to be upset by my wife's behaviour?

Q.   OK. My spouse basically admitted that she has/or had a crush on one of our male friends. She says that I should be fine with it because she would never cheat on me. I told her that I find her affection for the guy, the way she looks at him, hangs ...

A.   2 April 2012: I feel a crush on another person when you are in a relationship is not ok. Having said that, flirting a bit with others is fine. I have discussed this with my partner and we have a rule with each other: it's fine to flirt as long as it goes no ... (read in full...)

Ended up having sex with another man while at my bachelorette party at Vegas!

Q.   ***Before I begin, please don't judge me for what I did, I already know it was wrong, and I feel horrible*** I am enganged at an amazing man who I love very much, our wedding is about a week away. This past weekend my girlfriends and I went to Ve...

A.   2 April 2012: If you tell him, you will take the pain from you and give it to him. Do doesn't deserve this, neither do you. This is your burden to bear. You have two choices. - Tell him. Before you marry. He will leave you. - Take this to your grave ... (read in full...)

My husband can't keep hard. Is he cheating?

Q.   my husband for the past 2 days hasnt been able to get his penis up, but sitting on the couch yesterday looking at me, rubbing up behind while cooking , and in tje shower he did get it up.... but when time to preform his penis wouldnt do ANYTHING, so ...

A.   30 March 2012: Wow. Sorry but i'd be incredibly upset if my girlfriend asked me that because i couldn't get it up. Men are very sensitive about that part of our anatomy... and it doesn't always do what it's supposed to. You owe him an apology. FYI it can be t... (read in full...)

I'm not really attracted to him, we hooked up and I don't want to lead him on!

Q.   I became friends with this guy a little while ago. We get along so well- mutual interests, great conversations, same views on life, etc. I wasn't initially attracted to him because, not to sound like a complete bitch, he's less attractive than I am ...

A.   28 March 2012: Sometimes the person we should be with is the one who is right in front of us, but we're to afraid to let go and be with that person. When people say they 'have a type' i'm very skeptical. Put it this way: what is something that all your exes hav... (read in full...)

I messed up and my girlfriend broke up with me, how can I turn this around? I need her back!

Q.   I lost someone dear to me. My girlfriend. I messed up and she saw where I had flirted with other girls on facebook. I lied and said it wasn't me. The truth came out. We broke up, and exchanged violent words. Man have I messed up! I want her, so bad ...

A.   26 March 2012: What a mess. All I can suggest is: - delete your Facebook account, at least for a good while - see her face to face! - do something amazing to show her how sorry you are and how much you love her. Something real and physical that takes grea... (read in full...)

She says I suck in bed because my penis is too small and I'm not very good at having sex with her! What can I do to give her the best sex she's ever had?

Q.   Hi I have a really big issue with my girl Basically she says I suck in bed that there is only one position that she likes that gives her pleasure but not nearly enough to satisfy her. She thinks it's because my penis is too small and since I lo...

A.   26 March 2012: If she cared about you she wouldn't say those things. You know this already in your heart. The harder you try to satisfy her the worse things are going to get. You sound like a good person and a conscientious lover. She does not. I suggest you find ... (read in full...)

Her promiscuous past and comment about "I wouldn't have dated you then because of your appearance" have really shook me up!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I am nearly 49 dating a very special 51 year old woman for about eight months now. She is extremely fun, beautiful and sexy and I love all that about her and more. Early in the relationship, she admitted to me about her promiscuos p...

A.   25 March 2012: You started asking for details. That's a pandora's box that is best left closed, for the reasons you're discovering now. But, sadly, what you learned can't be forgotten. She was tactless and cruel to make that comment about your teeth. My guess is... (read in full...)

I just used her for sex so how do I end it and still look good?

Q.   I started screwing, nothing serious, around with this chick from my job when I'm home from college. She was a rebound girl from my last relationship and i wasn't being to pick when i choose her. I'm not saying I'm a great catch but I'm way out of ...

A.   25 March 2012: Tell her you don't want a relationship with her. Don't say you are out of her league, or that she is unattractive to you or anything like that. Just say you aren't 'feeling right about it'. You can break up with her without making her feel terrible ... (read in full...)

I'm 30 and have never been in a relationship. Is anyone else like this?

Q.   Ok, here goes... I'm nervous about posting this but the bottom line is I'm lonely. I live in a big city and whilst I know people, I would consider the vast majority acquaintances. I moved away from my home town years ago as most of my childhood ...

A.   18 March 2012:  Maverick gives a wonderful answer, I'd suggest reading that very carefully. As she implies, it is very connected to your work-life balance and your unbalanced attention (and lack of attention) you pay to your own needs. It's certainly no... (read in full...)

Is it fair of me to ask my B/f to keep on using condoms, to "save" ourselves for our wedding night?

Q.   I'd kind of planned on waiting until marriage to have sex, but then I met my first boyfriend. We're an LDR couple and I lost my virginity to him late last year. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret it at all, it felt so right when it happened! We're ...

A.   18 March 2012: I find it a very strange request to be honest. You are asking him to do something that only really effects him (wear a condom) because you feel it's right. Your emotions around your virginity are making you feel that 'something has to compensa... (read in full...)

My G/f screamed at me publicly because I was looking at this gorgeous redhead on the train!

Q.   Hi guys and girls im a bit of a chump - thats how i feel right now atleast... i made my girlfriend a beautiful silver necklace for valentines, took her away to a hotel/spa for the weekend, she absolutley loved it, as a treat for me she took m...

A.   20 February 2012: She hit you? Because you looked at a woman in public? She has issues. People look at other people. It happens, it's not a big deal. You spent a huge effort showing her a good time and she is miserable because of nothing. Don't let her insecuri... (read in full...)

My wife wants me to be more of an alpha!

Q.   I'm not a tough guy type. I always tried to be nice and gentle. When we have sex, I always ask my wife if she is comfortable, or if there is anything she wants, during sex. She used to love me like this, but not anymore! She says I care too ...

A.   1 February 2012: It's not about not being nice, or being a jerk or whatever. It's about occasionally being dominant sexually. And that's much simpler than it sounds. Just wait until you're feeling turned on. Approach your wife and grab her. Then do exactly ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong for being unhappy with the engagement ring?

Q.   Dear Cupid, My boyfriend of 4 years and I just recently got engaged. I'm really happy and excited about it all, because I had been pushing the whole get married thing for so long. We shopped around for rings and at first I didn't care which one he'd...

A.   28 January 2012: "I'm not materialistic I just live in a materialistic world. " Sorry but no. You choose your own values. If you want to choose values that mean you are "just going to be wrong and sad for the rest of my life." then you should take a good look at ... (read in full...)

Am I wrong for being unhappy with the engagement ring?

Q.   Dear Cupid, My boyfriend of 4 years and I just recently got engaged. I'm really happy and excited about it all, because I had been pushing the whole get married thing for so long. We shopped around for rings and at first I didn't care which one he'd...

A.   27 January 2012: That's rather materialistic of you don't you think? His measure of his feelings towards you is not a dollar amount placed on the cost of your ring. Do you know the history of the '3 months salary' idea that exists in the USA? It actually come... (read in full...)

He treats me well but my parents don't think he's wealthy enough. Should I stay?

Q.   Hiya :) Hope you can help me. I will try and keep things brief! I am 31 and have had 3 relationships, only to which they have used me and treated me badly. My parents however loved one as they thought he was financially stable for me and co...

A.   18 January 2012: Emotional support is much more important than financial support. If you really believe that this man will be there for you emotionally then go for it. Only you can be the judge of that. Your parents reaction is understandable, but also narrow-m... (read in full...)

Wife doesn't want to get rid of pictures of her ex. Am I being unreasonable?

Q.   We're only married 6 months and already we have an 'issue'. When my wife and I got serious and started talking about getting engaged, we both deleted 'exs' from our facebook accounts, deleted them from our contacts in our phones. I even threw out ...

A.   5 January 2012: Deleting someone from facebook is one thing. Asking someone to throw out irreplaceable photographs that are a record of their life is something else entirely! You are very much over-reaching here, and being controlling. It's not at all good for... (read in full...)

How can I keep my desires down, so to respect my girlfriends no sex before marriage beliefs, but still enjoy the relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupid Im in love with my Girlfreind we are have been going out for almost a year. We have a reall connection and are the best of freinds. The biggest arument we have had was when i did not like her baby names. Im finding it really hard...

A.   4 January 2012: Have you considered that your sex drives might be different? Meaning that when you get married you may want sex every day whilst she wants it once a week? One of the problems with abstaining until marriage is you can end up being "stuck" with ... (read in full...)

How can I keep my desires down, so to respect my girlfriends no sex before marriage beliefs, but still enjoy the relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupid Im in love with my Girlfreind we are have been going out for almost a year. We have a reall connection and are the best of freinds. The biggest arument we have had was when i did not like her baby names. Im finding it really hard...

A.   4 January 2012: Ok for our five times a day is too much! That's clearly not working. Not many people can manage to stay celibate the way your gf is expecting you to. Most cultures that believe in no sex before marriage also involve getting married very young...... (read in full...)

How can I keep my desires down, so to respect my girlfriends no sex before marriage beliefs, but still enjoy the relationship?

Q.   Dear Cupid Im in love with my Girlfreind we are have been going out for almost a year. We have a reall connection and are the best of freinds. The biggest arument we have had was when i did not like her baby names. Im finding it really hard...

A.   3 January 2012: Being your age, in a relationship, and not having sex, must be incredibly difficult! Other than masturbating a lot, I don't know what to suggest. Get married soon?... (read in full...)

My wife's friend is marrying my wife's 1st boyfriend and we don't want to go to the wedding, should we?

Q.   We need advice. My wife has this good girlfriend that she's known for a few years. We're married 4 years now and everything is great. This girlfriend hasn't been a big part of our life because of who she's dating (and now marrying). This girlfrien...

A.   3 January 2012: I understand that you wouldn't want to hang out, but a wedding is an important event and a one-off. For just this day I suggest putting this aside and going, and finding joy in their marriage. This is one of your wife's good friends and your wife ... (read in full...)

I am asking the questions about her past, and she says its none of my business

Q.   I am almost 40, married, to my grade school crush, I love her, more than anything. We were found each other 2 years ago after over 20 years graduating high school, we led very different lives, and now I am having big trouble dealing with her ...

A.   3 January 2012: You are married, in love, and going to therapy, so clearly you want to remain with her. You have read 'endless posts' about this so I won't repeat what you have no doubt read many times. Instead I will try to outline the steps you can take to ... (read in full...)

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