What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: I guess I should clarify... everyone always has the right to choose who they want to be with in a relationship. For any reason that makes sense to them. That's what relationships are: a coming together of two people who both want to come together.
... (read in full...)
What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: A single one night stand does not stop you being a person of good standing, moral fibre and integrity. A bit of casual sex is not immoral, as long as both people are single at the time and there is no manipulation going on.
I would say that som... (read in full...)
What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: I would tell her to read this, plus the other discussions on the subject:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html... (read in full...)
Is a declining sex life inevitable in marriage?
Q. Is it true that marriage is a sure way to kill the sexual chemistry of a couple? Obviously I am concerned. This is my second marriage, the first when I was 19 and within 3 years did not feel sexually attracted to my spouse. I struggled for the next ...
A. 11 September 2012: It's natural but not inevitable. There's a wonderful book on how to sustain sexual energy in long relationships, I recommend it. It's called:
Cupid's poisoned arrow, by Marnia Robinson... (read in full...)
Thinking about her sleeping with guys who have bigger penises than me is driving me mad!
Q. Ok so my fiancé and I had takin a break for 3 weeks about a year ago. During that she was hanging out with a guy she had texted when we had broke up for couple days a few months prior. The text were about how they wanted to hook up. But when we got ...
A. 8 September 2012: The problem has nothing to do with penises. It's that she's maintaining contact with this guy.
I suggest you ask her to stop seeing him. That's making you insecure and since she's your fiancee she should be willing to do that for you.... (read in full...)
I'm only 18 and have slept with 28 guys, do I have a problem?
Q. Okay so I am an 18 years old female. I will be 19 in November. A few weeks ago I was thinking about exactly how many guys I've slept with. I wrote it down and came to 28. I know its a really high number and probably makes me look like an anonymous ...
A. 7 September 2012: The number isn't important. It's how and why. You say you can't help it. If that's true then that really is a problem: knowing our boundaries and having self esteem are important for our happiness. Being able to say no is a big part of that.
I sug... (read in full...)
Thinking about her sleeping with guys who have bigger penises than me is driving me mad!
Q. Ok so my fiancé and I had takin a break for 3 weeks about a year ago. During that she was hanging out with a guy she had texted when we had broke up for couple days a few months prior. The text were about how they wanted to hook up. But when we got ...
A. 7 September 2012: 'This is driving me mad!"
You are driving yourself mad. Only you can do something about this... which is to stop thinking about it. You can't change the past.
What you can do is change how you think now.
You believe that she's had a 10 inch... (read in full...)
I'm not sure how to be dominant
Q. Hi, just after a bit of advice please... I've been seeing someone for a few months and she likes to be dominated.. we have good and exciting sex, tying up, shackled toys, spanking etc.. my problem is I enjoy doing it with her but not sure what to ...
A. 5 September 2012: I once read this article on the subject. It's the clearest answer to your question I can think of:
http://www.denversub.com/ds.html... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't get off from blow jobs
Q. My boyfriend says that he can't come from blowjobs. Is this true of some guys or am i just doing it wrong? Tips?!...
A. 4 September 2012: Tell him not to masturbate for 2 weeks. Then see what happens. ... (read in full...)
How can I tell him that the one night stand meant nothing?
Q. I'm after a little bit of advice. I really have messed up and don't know how or if I can fix this. I really like this guy, but I thought he had made it clear that he wasn't interested in me. His best mate started flirting with me and I stupidly...
A. 4 September 2012: It's not going to happen. I'll try to explain the guy code:
First thing is, mates don't sleep with the same girls. So you are off the table.
Second thing: since you had a one night stand with his mate, you are now 'one night stand' material ... (read in full...)
I still love my b/f but the joy is gone
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for seven years.. At this stage, I love him still but it feels like the joy has gone. Apart from that, he's quite a grumpy person and not too affectionate. I'm starting to crave love .. I want to feel wanted and loved. ...
A. 3 September 2012: It's very important to maintain affection in a relationship, your boyfriend needs to understand this. If you show affection you feel like more affection, it feeds itself.
I recommend a book: Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson. It is very ... (read in full...)
Are there any real benefits to casual sex?
Q. My first sexual experience was a FWB. I was 13, she was much older and, to my recollection, it was a very awkward, uncomfortable situation. It bothered me a lot and perhaps has made me biased against them. When I go back through my memory, the ...
A. 29 August 2012: You can ask your dates anything you like. Just don't always expect them to like the question or give you an honest answer. ... (read in full...)
Does her sexual past matter? Would I prefer this new friend over my GF just because of my Gf's sexual past?
Q. I have never been the jealous type and I am not sure I would define what I feel as jealousy. My new girlfriend sexual past is really affecting me. I have had quite a few girlfriends in my life and never felt anything like this before. Not even c...
A. 22 August 2012: I would suggest evaluating someone on how they are now.
Nearly all of the wisest, strongest, most loving and most faithful people I know are like that because they've been through very difficult experiences and learned a lot in the process.... (read in full...)
I want sex all the time, and I can't climax when I'm with my girlfriend. Please help!!!
Q. Ok so, I have two problems, I'm 18 and in a relationship with a girl and have been for 2 years now and I find my libido to be annoyingly high, we are sexually active but I just find myself wanting it far too much, even when we're just sitting around ...
A. 20 August 2012: If you masturbate to porn that could be a cause of your ejaculation issues. This link has good information about that:
http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/any-suggestions-for-healing-delayed-ejaculation... (read in full...)
Can't deal with her past - should I leave now or keep trying to deal with my issue?
Q. I used to roll my eyes when people say they had issues dealing with their partner's past; however, now I am unexpectedly on the receiving end as my partner's past is a bit beyond what I am used to, and I am at my wits end trying to stop dwelling on ...
A. 17 August 2012: "Allow men to do what it takes to stay out of relationships with people whose past will cause them hurt. And it has to be socially acceptable for them to take preventative steps, not just technically possible."
I agree with you. No one should e... (read in full...)
Does her sexual past matter? Would I prefer this new friend over my GF just because of my Gf's sexual past?
Q. I have never been the jealous type and I am not sure I would define what I feel as jealousy. My new girlfriend sexual past is really affecting me. I have had quite a few girlfriends in my life and never felt anything like this before. Not even c...
A. 16 August 2012: "I am not a woman, so I don’t really know how woman view FWB and ONS, but from my experience most woman seem to feel ashamed of ONS and FWB. Most women I know are embarrassed to admit to them. There are, of course, exceptions, but not many; at least ... (read in full...)
Can't deal with her past - should I leave now or keep trying to deal with my issue?
Q. I used to roll my eyes when people say they had issues dealing with their partner's past; however, now I am unexpectedly on the receiving end as my partner's past is a bit beyond what I am used to, and I am at my wits end trying to stop dwelling on ...
A. 16 August 2012: I have some comments on the latest few posts:
"If it is wrong to let someone's past negatives affect your feelings about them, then how can it be right to let the positive things affect your view? It cannot."
It turns out it can.
It's not... (read in full...)
Does her sexual past matter? Would I prefer this new friend over my GF just because of my Gf's sexual past?
Q. I have never been the jealous type and I am not sure I would define what I feel as jealousy. My new girlfriend sexual past is really affecting me. I have had quite a few girlfriends in my life and never felt anything like this before. Not even c...
A. 15 August 2012: My girlfriend describes me as her first real boyfriend and our relationship as her first real relationship. We are both in our thirties.
I regard this as a great privilege and honour. That I am the man that she was finally willing to give herself ... (read in full...)
Can't deal with her past - should I leave now or keep trying to deal with my issue?
Q. I used to roll my eyes when people say they had issues dealing with their partner's past; however, now I am unexpectedly on the receiving end as my partner's past is a bit beyond what I am used to, and I am at my wits end trying to stop dwelling on ...
A. 15 August 2012:
Glad some of the advice feels helpful.
Don't be discouraged by some of the reactions you see here. I have been coaching on this subject for over 5 years and tend to see these two reactions very often:
The first reaction is bitter men who sa... (read in full...)
Can't deal with her past - should I leave now or keep trying to deal with my issue?
Q. I used to roll my eyes when people say they had issues dealing with their partner's past; however, now I am unexpectedly on the receiving end as my partner's past is a bit beyond what I am used to, and I am at my wits end trying to stop dwelling on ...
A. 14 August 2012: You have made a positive first step: recognising that this problem is your problem not hers. That the problem centres on 'your' emotional reaction to her past.
You have to make a decision.
Do you want to stay with her? Do you love her? (I str... (read in full...)
My girlfriend got drunk and cheated, she's devastated but I'm not sure what to do
Q. So here's the situation. Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 months and things were going absolutely perfect for us until yesterday/today. She went out to a pub with a friend on sunday night, she asked me if i wanted to go however i ...
A. 30 July 2012: It sounds like you want to forgive her. And it does sound like she's truly truly sorry.
I'd suggest you take her back.
At the same time she's going to have to do a few things:
- You'll probably be very paranoid and jealous for a while. She... (read in full...)
She's my Dream Girl. But I'm consumed with jealousy over her past. Can someone help me resolve this huge problem?
Q. how do I stop thinking about my Girlfriends past and make sure its not the end of our future? I looked at many sites about guys on this subject but Wow all these dudes think they got it bad with like girlfriends having 3-4 partners more then th...
A. 27 July 2012: You are struggling under an irrational belief. A belief that is not true and that is keeping you from moving forwards. This is it:
"There is a permanent stamp on all these people in there. In my mind and in my gf's mind."
Believing thi... (read in full...)
I'm struggling to stop looking at porn but its very difficult!
Q. Hello, I am attempting to stop looking at porn because it is hurting my girlfriend's feelings. She likens it to cheating or is afraid that it will lead to me cheating. I love her more than anything and that is reason enough to try to stop, and I ...
A. 18 June 2012: It's possible to get addicted to porn, and given that you are struggling to stop looking at it, it sounds like you are. A porn addiction will certainly have a negative effect on your relationship. In the long run it will have negative effects for ... (read in full...)
How is porn any more real than picture of ME?
Q. I let my bf take naked pictures of me, in hopes that he would stop looking at porn. Not only did he continue looking at porn, but he doesn't even use the pictures of me. He said he doesn't think that the pictures of me are "real" enough, or that I'm ...
A. 12 June 2012: Wow. Well I guess that shows how distorting porn can get: that it seems to him to be more 'real' than ... reality.
The link that person12345 is excellent, it will explain what's going on.... (read in full...)
After seeing her ex, she called me his name during sex and now I'm very upset
Q. Ok... hopefully i can get some good advice on this and not people making fun. I have been seeing the most lovely girl for the past few months. Before she was with me, she was in a 4 year relationship with the most awful guy - he hit her, put her...
A. 11 June 2012: She had a horrible relationship with the guy: bumping into him unexpectedly is bound to have an impact on her. Including him being on her mind. That's just how it is.
It was an accident. You say it may be a guy ego thing. Well, man-up and get over... (read in full...)
It takes forever for him to orgasm
Q. So my bf and i have been together for a little over a month now and whenever we partake in sexual activites it takes him 45mins or longer to ejaculate and orgasm. my problem is that i'm usaully done after 20 mins. i can turn him on just fine, he can ...
A. 9 June 2012: There could be various reasons, but probably the most likely is he's become desensitised due to masturbation to porn. The combination of endless novel images plus a very hard grip while masturbating means conventional sex won't be providing enough ... (read in full...)
Disgusted by my fiancee's past relationship
Q. Hello, I'm due to marry my fiancee in December, I love her so much and she's perfect for me. I'm 36 so am no spring chicken, and have had past relationships that never worked out so I know what an awful lot I have to lose if I blow this one. ...
A. 7 June 2012: "I'm very conservative and have led a sheltered life. I despise myself for it actually, but have come to accept that that's just who I am".
You don't have to accept this. By encouraging yourself to let go of the beliefs that are keeping you from... (read in full...)
I don't want to know about a girl's sexual past. Why do women find that shallow?
Q. Why do women find my rule shallow? I have this rule when dating that I absolutely DO NOT want to know anything about a girls past sexually. I have this rule because I'm a virgin and I already know that everyone else has a past and to refrain from ...
A. 1 June 2012: It's a good rule. I follow it myself. Well, up to a point. I want to know about the 'big things' in her past: the main relationships and the rough course her life has taken before meeting me. But i certainly don't want to know about things like ... (read in full...)
My wife had sex with 10 guys by the time she was 19 Is that normal?
Q. I am 35 and my wife is 34, and she has had sex with 11 men in her life including me. That might not sound like a massive number of partners relative to her age, but the other 10 guys were all between the ages of 15-19. From 19-30 she was with one ...
A. 19 May 2012: It's a very average number. It's quite normal. It also happened a long long time ago. You should take heart in the fact that she then had a very long term relationship: it show's she's a keeper and someone who can hold down a long relationship.
... (read in full...)
How should I have acted when I found out girlfriend had one night stands before me?
Q. in my previous relationship (recently ended) i got really annoyed when i saw people that my girlfriend (at the time) had sex with (always friends with benefits/1 night stands) (i was her first proper boyfriend) i would always get in a mood and go ...
A. 7 May 2012: "she was just the easy girl who would do anything but was never good enough to go out with"
Perhaps she thought they weren't good enough to go out with her? She thinks more highly of you.... (read in full...)
How should I have acted when I found out girlfriend had one night stands before me?
Q. in my previous relationship (recently ended) i got really annoyed when i saw people that my girlfriend (at the time) had sex with (always friends with benefits/1 night stands) (i was her first proper boyfriend) i would always get in a mood and go ...
A. 7 May 2012: It could happen again.
First you need to accept that plenty of people have one night stands: you don't have to like it, but the world is like that and there's nothing you can do to change that. That means you're likely to have girlfrie... (read in full...)
Why do I feel so bad for breaking up with him?
Q. Okay so I'm 14, a freshman in high school and I met this guy who told me he was a senior and 17. He asked me out the same day we met and I agreed. The next day, when I saw him at school he was acting really weird. He tried to make out with me, tried ...
A. 5 May 2012: It's never pleasant breaking up with someone. But you definitely did the right thing. He sounds like he has issues and would keep trying to push you to do things too fast and too much.... (read in full...)
How do people cope with the knowledge that their spouse probably had better sex with at least one of their exes?
Q. I realize people are tired of the never-ending retroactive jealousy questions, but please try to bear with me. Believe me, if it were possible to solve this by simply telling myself it's irrational, dumb, pointless, a double standard, the past ...
A. 5 May 2012: "I've always been very quiet and awkward socially, struggled with self confidence issues".
This is your problem. You can solve this by improving your self confidence. Your insecurities are manifesting themselves via comparing yourself to your wif... (read in full...)
Why are girls wearing clothes you can see their butts in?
Q. It is starting to get warm out now and why do a lot of the girls wear their shorts so short? I have seen sport shorts and cutoffs and they all seem to be extemely short, to the point that their cheeks are hanging out. I have also seen dresses that ...
A. 5 May 2012: That's this summers fashion. Read any woman's magazine at the moment and that's what they're saying. I found this out by reading the fashion section of the newspaper last sunday. It also gave the editor the opportunity to print lots of pictures of ... (read in full...)
Is it possible for my boyfriend and I to love each other but have no sexual chemistry?
Q. Is it possible for my bf and I to love each other but have no sexual chemistry? We have been dating for three months and we love each other very much. We have a healthy realtionship in every aspect except the bed. Its either he cant get an erecetio...
A. 1 May 2012: Its quote possible he's become desensitized due to masturbating to porn. That can have exactly the effect you describe. This site has lots of good information about it: www.yourbrainonporn.com
Remember that men are often very insecure about th... (read in full...)
My insecure wife constantly accuses me of looking at other women!
Q. My wife and I have a problem. We have been together 8 years, we are mid 30's early 40's (I am 6 years younger), unable to have children after having multiple miscarriages. My problem is this; that every time we go out, be it the mall, supermarket, ...
A. 29 April 2012: Cerberus gives an excellent answer. She needs to see a professional psychotherapist to discuss her feelings over your miscarriages. She's clearly deeply hurt, try to be as supportive as you can be whilst she goes through this. ... (read in full...)
My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?
Q. Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...
A. 27 April 2012: The only thing she can do is not lie again. I'm sure she regrets what happened.
I know it's not fair. Life rarely is. But trying to exact some punishment on her is not going to help you. It will destroy you both in the end. I know that's not what... (read in full...)
He was watching porn when I was asleep next to him!
Q. Hey! Last night I fell asleep next to my fiancé while he was watching a movie on his computer. He left the computer on and this morning I saw that he'd been looking at porn while I was asleep next to him. I didn't say anything, but then over ...
A. 26 April 2012: If you haven't discussed porn then now is the time. Make your feelings clear about it, whatever those feelings are. Do you have a problem with him watching porn in general? Or really just in that context?
Establish what you are comforta... (read in full...)
I have an extreme porn addiction!
Q. I have an extreme porn and mastubation addiction. My family found out about it a few years ago and I told them that i would stop and I did but later I continued behind their back. This is so painfull and I want to stop but its an addiction like ...
A. 26 April 2012: The website person12345 posted is excellent: it contains everything you need to know about the effects of porn addiction and how to beat it.
I quit porn when I realized it was damaging my ability to have a 'real' relationship: messing up my sexua... (read in full...)
I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?
Q. Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...
A. 26 April 2012: Actually you are not the only one, not by a long shot.
The great majority of guys your age saturate themselves in porn. Those with a fast internet connection at least. Porn has become ubiquitous.
Research on this has been limited until no... (read in full...)
My husband loves teen porn
Q. Hi, I have been married to my husband for 4 years. His a really good guy but looks at porn every day. The main issue is that it's teen porn. The girls in these sites look too young. In worried that it's a problem, especially since its everyday and ...
A. 25 April 2012: "I just want to feel as though this isnt a stepping stone to him cheating or leaving me for someone else."
Porn is very rarely that. In some ways it can make a man less likely to cheat, but really it's not connected.
Porn can create gaps in a... (read in full...)
My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?
Q. Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...
A. 25 April 2012: You say:
"Please give me advice ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life"
And you say:
"Nope sorry I'm not going to allow someone to flip this into what I NEED TO DO "
Can you see your paradox here? You want advice, yet you are not... (read in full...)
My husband loves teen porn
Q. Hi, I have been married to my husband for 4 years. His a really good guy but looks at porn every day. The main issue is that it's teen porn. The girls in these sites look too young. In worried that it's a problem, especially since its everyday and ...
A. 22 April 2012: Do you have a problem with his watching porn in general, or is it the genre? Bear in mind that people's taste in porn typically shifts over time, and sometimes escalates into harder stuff too.
Men often look at genres of porn that don't directly... (read in full...)
I'd rather view videos than be in a relationship. Is it wrong to love porn?
Q. Is it wrong to love porn? Ive never really thought about it until the other night but porn makes me emotionally warm and happy . Ive never had a girlfriend nor have had sex but to be honest I would rather choose Videos over trying to be in ...
A. 22 April 2012: Yes you are causing harm to yourself. It's not permanent harm, changing your behaviour later can fix things. But it's not "healthy". The real risk is that at some point you become addicted to porn, with the negative consequences that addiction can ... (read in full...)
My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?
Q. Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...
A. 19 April 2012: Decide whether you want to save your marriage or not.
If you don't then there's no point in dragging this out.
If you do, then you need to let go of what's happened and focus on the advice i've given below. But that's only going to go if y... (read in full...)
My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?
Q. Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...
A. 19 April 2012: Yes she'll get upset if you ask questions. Please take my advice on this: i have spoken to many many men about this precise issue over the years on this site, having experienced it myself about 5 years ago.
Don't ask her questions.
Don't a... (read in full...)
My wife has changed, she's become so cold hearted and to make it worse I find out she's lied about her sexual past! Am I crazy or should I feel hurt?
Q. Please anyone give me advise ...I'm hurting more than I ever have in my life, so here's my story I'm 30 years old married 5 years and together 6 years. we have 3 kids two she had from a former marriage but the dad was a deadbeat, thug, gangster in ...
A. 17 April 2012: You are entitled to feel hurt that she kept this from you. It's a highly unpleasant experience to hear something like this: i've been there myself.
But at the same time understand that she kept this from you to protect your feelings towards ... (read in full...)
| *os's friends
These are mutual friends, so *os has
added them and they have added *os!
|
