Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 5 December 2012: I've had similar experiences Cerberus. I live in Holland now, but have also lived in the USA and the UK.
"Imagine my surprize when I discovered if a Dutch or German etc. woman liked you she wouldn't hesitate to come over and talk to you. In our c... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 4 December 2012: "Feminism ignores that and it excuses the weaknesses of women and then finds the weaknesses of men unacceptable. To me that's a double standard."
Good post Cerberus and I agree with much of it. Except that my experience of feminists has not been... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 4 December 2012: "Feminism, along with past promiscuity, lying and cheating are total dealbreakers "
Wow. Well that goes to show how utterly misunderstood feminism is!
... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 2 December 2012: This has turned into a really interesting discussion. However we're all falling into the trap of using 'straw man' arguments.
What is a straw man argument? It's when you hold up a 'straw man' that you can then beat down By design the straw ma... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 1 December 2012: Sex and the city?
One amusing fact about that TV show: it was written and produced by a very very gay man: Darren Star.
This is why if you picture the 4 characters as gay men living in new york the show suddenly rings much truer and makes ... (read in full...)
Why is there such a double standard regarding men's and women's sexuality?
Q. Hi, I am openly dating. And my brother seems to think that I am a potential hoe even though I do not have sex with these men. He's young and is influenced heavily by society and the media and the defintion of what a woman is "supposed" to normally ...
A. 28 November 2012: The double standard has roots in biology: that casual sex for a man can be responsibility-free, whilst for a woman can result in 9 months of pregnancy then a child to bring up. Hence women are 'supposed' to be more discerning.
However there is... (read in full...)
Should your girlfriend be sleeping over at a guy's house who has hit on her?
Q. Is it all right for your girlfriend to sleep at a guys house,after the guy hit on her,she said she turned him down,but then she said was interested in him at one time,then did it again? I broke up with her?...
A. 22 November 2012: Well, by good reason i mean a huge unpredicted ice storm, a car breakdown and his is the only house within miles around! ... (read in full...)
Should your girlfriend be sleeping over at a guy's house who has hit on her?
Q. Is it all right for your girlfriend to sleep at a guys house,after the guy hit on her,she said she turned him down,but then she said was interested in him at one time,then did it again? I broke up with her?...
A. 22 November 2012: In a word: no. I would not be ok with this at all, unless there's a very very good reason for it.... (read in full...)
It seemed like a perfect time for a kiss but she wasn't up for it. Why does she act like she is and then turn off?
Q. A girl friend of mine asked me to go watch twilight. So i went along as I kind of got forced to. She was holding my hand in the film. Squeezing it and than putting both her hands on mine. Anyway she enjoyed the evening. I'm near her road dr...
A. 22 November 2012: It may have just been a bit much for her at that moment. Perhaps she's very shy about these things?
I'd give it one more shot and pick the moment.
But if she reacts the same, ask her directly 'would you like me to kiss you?'. Then you'll know... (read in full...)
Not for revenge but for my own pleasure I'm thinking of cheating, nothing serious just a one night thing. Opinions please!
Q. My partner and I have been together for 5 years up until recently we were engaged, have 2 children and were trying for a 3rd. During this time he has cheated on me twice that I know of. The first was for the first 12 months we were together...
A. 20 November 2012: Aunts: I feel it's a bit much to be telling a woman to break up with the father of her children when she clearly doesn't want to leave him. She wants to get past this, not break it.
He has you over a barrel: you want to be with him and you shar... (read in full...)
Am I really the bad guy here??
Q. I have two relatives that got pregnant on purpose knowing they had no way to support these babies.. Then to top that off they got pregnant again. They both have two kids living off the Gov for their housing and every other benefit they can get ...
A. 18 November 2012: It sounds almost like you are making a political statement, rather than an emotional one. Dearcupid really isn't the place for politics. Really.
All I'll say is I believe someone who is poor has as much right to be a parent as someone who has mone... (read in full...)
I feel ashamed that I have let him have such power over me. Please help me!!!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. I know he is probably a good person, but he makes me so sad most of the time. He literally critiques almost everything I do. Just to make sure I wasn't crazy, which he frequently tells me I am, I started ...
A. 18 November 2012: The way you describe your situation it's clear you are an intelligent, sensitive, perceptive person.
Why do you stay with him? What is preventing you leaving? Ask yourself that and be honest with yourself. As honest as you have been with your des... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy issues/taking a "break" and getting back together
Q. I'm seeking advice on how to deal with my girlfriend's past, and if there are any couples out there who successfully took a "break," reconnected, and went on to enjoy a healthy and loving relationship. My girlfriend and I were together for 3.5...
A. 14 November 2012: It's great you made the decision. There's a quote from Goethe I believe in: "Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen".
At times you may feel trapped. Remember that you are always free to leave if you want, but it's ver... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy issues/taking a "break" and getting back together
Q. I'm seeking advice on how to deal with my girlfriend's past, and if there are any couples out there who successfully took a "break," reconnected, and went on to enjoy a healthy and loving relationship. My girlfriend and I were together for 3.5...
A. 12 November 2012: Should you leave her?
Only you can answer that. I don't believe you can move on until you decide whether you want to try to make this work.
If you really value your relationship with her, and feel that you two have a future together (as lon... (read in full...)
How can I try giving b/f a rim job?
Q. How do I know if my boyfriend wants a rim job and how do I do it? We have a great intercourse relationship we always change things up, but sometimes when I give him blowjobs I get The feeling that he wants me to lick his ass he has done it to me...
A. 9 November 2012: Since he's done it to you it suggests he could be into it. If you want to do it it the simplest way is to ... ask him. Wait until he's very turned on to get the most honest answer. Or if you can't ask, just do it and see his reaction: you'll know ... (read in full...)
I can't cope with my girlfriend's history and don't know what to do.
Q. My girlfriend had 3 boyfriends before me, I had 2. She's 24 and I am 28. We have been dating for 6 months, and it's a serious relationship to both of us. Recently, she asked me how many girls I've slept with before her and we discussed honestly ...
A. 7 November 2012: There's nothing to forgive: she didn't do anything wrong. Yes you don't like it and it hurts, but it's not wrong. She doesn't owe you an apology.
Everyone has different boundaries. They mean a lot to us, but we can't assume they have the same mea... (read in full...)
While my wife and I were seperated she slept with someone else, how do I let this go?
Q. I'm having a hard time getting rid of the past. My wife and I split for almost two month quite a few years ago. During this time she had a fling with another man. This man was a disgusting excuse for a man. He's a drunk and almost 15 years older ...
A. 7 November 2012: It sounds really unpleasant.
Something must have triggered this to hit you just recently how it has. Something has caused you to feel insecure and the firewall in your mind built against this has been breached. That insecurity could be in your rel... (read in full...)
Should my friend tell her fiancé that she slept with two of his friends, before they were officially a couple?
Q. i wanted to ask this question on behalf of one of my good friends. we were talking earlier today and i gave her some advice and wanted to know if people had differing perspectives. her and her boyfriend got together about a year ago. they were j...
A. 6 November 2012: Normally I'd say don't tell. But given this is two of his close friends there is a very good chance he'll wind up finding out from one of them at some point in the future. Perhaps 10 years from now they'll be drunk and one will just let it slip. It ... (read in full...)
Advice on how to stop worrying over someone's sexual past?
Q. Okay so for those of you who are going to say "get over it" or "the past is the past" please dont bother. For the rest of you here is the problem. I am a virgin, i have only ever kissed(by kissed i mean a peck that lasted 1 second) a girl before, ...
A. 18 October 2012: "I just really want my first time to be special and not be with someone who has experience with another person because then theyll think about them or judge me or something".
You have to let go of this belief. It's just not real. A girl who is r... (read in full...)
Advice on how to stop worrying over someone's sexual past?
Q. Okay so for those of you who are going to say "get over it" or "the past is the past" please dont bother. For the rest of you here is the problem. I am a virgin, i have only ever kissed(by kissed i mean a peck that lasted 1 second) a girl before, ...
A. 18 October 2012: I'll try to unpick some of your previous comments:
"-A woman who has had lots of casual sex will compare any person she has sex with, with the others, whether that be experience, penis size, or just the way they do things.(Yes this is insecuri... (read in full...)
Advice on how to stop worrying over someone's sexual past?
Q. Okay so for those of you who are going to say "get over it" or "the past is the past" please dont bother. For the rest of you here is the problem. I am a virgin, i have only ever kissed(by kissed i mean a peck that lasted 1 second) a girl before, ...
A. 16 October 2012:
""1. I was going to wait till I'm in love anyways, but if I waited until I found love with a virgin could it be more special than a non-virgin because not only do we love each other but were both virgins too?"
- Perhaps. But more important is... (read in full...)
Why do romantic novels make it seem like all women achieve vaginal orgasms?
Q. We all know that a tiny fraction of women achieve a "vaginal" orgasm. Then why do 90% of romantic novels talk of this kind of orgasm as if its only natural for a woman to achieve it? And they always talk of "reaching the heights together" bulls**t. ...
A. 15 October 2012: "Im totally pissed at how unrealistic these f****d up books are, yet i keep reading them."
Well there's your problem. How about reading books that are realistic instead? Most romantic novels are very much fantasy and are there to delibera... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend that I had online sex with a stranger?
Q. Hello. Im a gal of 18. it has been an year since i have been in a relationship with my bf. i love him wholeheartedly .everythings going well but a mistake of mine ruined evrything.I met a guy online .Soon we become good friends.But what happened ...
A. 15 October 2012: I suggest not, it will really freak him out.
Instead: delete all contacts with this guy. Delete the chat records, remove him from address books, de-friend him, etc.
Next focus on how guilty you feel now: that is your lesson. Never do it agai... (read in full...)
Advice on how to stop worrying over someone's sexual past?
Q. Okay so for those of you who are going to say "get over it" or "the past is the past" please dont bother. For the rest of you here is the problem. I am a virgin, i have only ever kissed(by kissed i mean a peck that lasted 1 second) a girl before, ...
A. 15 October 2012: Sounds like you've got it pretty bad. There's a few things you can do:
- Get some experience! I'm serious. Less experienced guys tend to suffer more from retroactive jealousy than more experienced guys. Up to a point: and don't do anything... (read in full...)
Partner only wants hand jobs and anal sex. I'm confused!
Q. My partner only seems to want handjobs (about 3 times a week) and no penetrative sex. On the other hand all he talks about wanting is anal sex. Im confused what to think. Anal sex is not for me and no matter how many times i say so he continues to ...
A. 12 October 2012: Well let's be honest here. He's going to be poorly matched to any woman! Hand jobs and anal: perhaps he'd be better off with another man?
As for the why he's like this: it could be porn related. After using a lot of porn some men can really o... (read in full...)
Partner only wants hand jobs and anal sex. I'm confused!
Q. My partner only seems to want handjobs (about 3 times a week) and no penetrative sex. On the other hand all he talks about wanting is anal sex. Im confused what to think. Anal sex is not for me and no matter how many times i say so he continues to ...
A. 11 October 2012: He's clearly very into you have pleasure too. Get what you want out of the relationship or get out I would suggest.... (read in full...)
Have you ever caught your spouse, fiance or boyfriend perving on high school girls and I found his porn stash
Q. When we go out to eat at a local restaurant (it's a small rural town) I noticed that my boyfriend will stare over quite a lot at the local waitresses teenage daughter who is 17 when the daughter decides to come into the restaurant to see her mother ...
A. 10 October 2012: Almost all guys look at women, of many ages. I have certainly caught myself looking at a teenage girl before realizing she's probably way too young. Some girls develop early and dress provocatively. If I'm a pervert because of that then so are most ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has had sex with 100 girls. Am I just the next one in line?
Q. My boyfriend confessed to having nearly 100 past sexual partners. I'm still a virgin, which makes it a shocker for me. He told me that before he turned 21 (his bday is next month) he wanted to go above 100, but said he would stop at me. He wanted me ...
A. 9 October 2012: Ugh, nasty.
How special do you think sex with you is going to be? Not at all for him.
You deserve much better.... (read in full...)
He's reluctant to try any solutions. But he has trouble getting it up. What can I do about this? What might help?
Q. Hi, My bf and i have been dating for about a year. I think he has performance anxiety. He can get a erection fine, when we make out or when i give him oral, but as soon as we move on to penetration, he loses it. As a result, we have yet to have...
A. 9 October 2012: It's very possible this is a side effect of his using porn. The number of guys in their 20s reporting erectile problems due to porn use is skyrocketing. This is because they've been masturbating to very graphic video for 10 years using a strong ... (read in full...)
How do I get my prude girlfriend to do sexual things with me?!
Q. How do I get my prude girlfriend to do shit with me?! We have been dating for a few weeks and we have only made out. I try to feel her up and she just stops me. how can i seduce/persuade her to let me finger her or give me dome!? ...
A. 9 October 2012: Be very very very patient.
Show her that you care about her.
Show her that you're not just with her for sex, that it's about her personality and companionship.
Show her that you have willpower.
Show her that you respect her.
Take th... (read in full...)
Is this bad? "Virgin" girlfriend has kissed 80 guys!! What does this say about her?
Q. Is it bad that my girlfriend is only just turned 20 and has kissed around 80 guys. She says it's nothing bad because she's still a virgin, so it's not like she slept around, but that kissing was harmless fun. But what do you guys think? I find it...
A. 9 October 2012: I had kissed about 40 girls by age 7 as I was the preferred target for the girls in the school playground for the game kiss-chase. Fortunately my girlfriend was not threatened by thin information.
As for her kissing 80 guys... it says... ... (read in full...)
I don't like her past and think she lies to spare my feelings
Q. help me, am a guy and am having a really hard time with my gf past she recently confessed she has been with 20 man from the time she was 20 to 26 and its really bothering me i feel so desperate and bothered by the fact has given herself to all these ...
A. 8 October 2012: "I do not believe you are feeling retroactive jealously with all due respect to one of my fellow uncles. I believe you probably have standards and morals, and it bothers you that a woman would have such an intimate experience with that many men."
... (read in full...)
I don't like her past and think she lies to spare my feelings
Q. help me, am a guy and am having a really hard time with my gf past she recently confessed she has been with 20 man from the time she was 20 to 26 and its really bothering me i feel so desperate and bothered by the fact has given herself to all these ...
A. 8 October 2012: This comes up here all the time: you are not alone. It's often called 'retroactive jealousy', since the symptoms resemble jealousy although it's directed at her past, generally not something she's doing now.
Many men are unable to overcome... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my addiction to pornography?
Q. I plan on quitting pornography after using it twice a day since I was 15. Now, 4 years later, I feel like it is holding me back. I've only had one girlfriend and felt guilty using it and tried to quit it, but wasn't successful after relapsing too ...
A. 8 October 2012: I have to strongly disagree with grymsoul. Porn has a range of negative effects on your 'real' sex life, and can end up causing lots of damage.
This site has everything you need to know:
http://yourbrainonporn.com... (read in full...)
My threesomes have come back to haunt me
Q. I am really in a bind and I don't know what to do. A little over a year ago I met my now fiancé. When we met we clicked instantly and became an item right away. He is charming, intelligent, attractive, educated and an all around great guy. About...
A. 25 September 2012: "What you disclose to another person, even if they are a fiance, a parent or your best friend is for you to decide. No one can make you confess anything you don't want to. He is not a priest or a judge"
Except her past was disclosed by a drunk fr... (read in full...)
My threesomes have come back to haunt me
Q. I am really in a bind and I don't know what to do. A little over a year ago I met my now fiancé. When we met we clicked instantly and became an item right away. He is charming, intelligent, attractive, educated and an all around great guy. About...
A. 22 September 2012: The problem with saying something is 'the past' and no longer relevant is that is only sometimes true.
When the past is long gone, forgotten and buried, and no longer effecting the present day then yes it can be said the past is no longer importan... (read in full...)
My threesomes have come back to haunt me
Q. I am really in a bind and I don't know what to do. A little over a year ago I met my now fiancé. When we met we clicked instantly and became an item right away. He is charming, intelligent, attractive, educated and an all around great guy. About...
A. 21 September 2012: Oh dear. He's entitled to feel deceived and humiliated: both those happened to him that day. The question he asked you "if there was anything in my past that could be an embarrassment in the future" was a very important test.
In terms of what to ... (read in full...)
I know this is not normal but...
Q. Had a few drinks but was not drunk - I was performing oral sex on my wife when things got very intense and before I knew i slipped further down. To my surpise my wife moaned in pleasure and asked for me to do it again. I accomodated and before I ...
A. 18 September 2012: It's all good as long as you're clean. There's plenty of people of both sexes that enjoy it as far as i am aware.... (read in full...)
Will masturbating several times every day for nearly a decade affect your fertility?
Q. If you're a guy and you masturbate between 3-5 times a day ever since you found the joy of self-pleasuring, will it eventually effect your sperm count or even fertility? The reason I ask is because when me and my boyfriend are together and I p...
A. 17 September 2012: Masturbating that much can have major effects on your sex life in the long run, and on your life in general. He's doing it so often he could end up addicted, which can be harmful in a lot of ways.
As for his orgasms... are you sure he's having t... (read in full...)
Is he right about the meaning of my tattoo?
Q. I have a yin and yang symbol on my wrist, a tattoo. But when the guy i'm seeing noticed it he said he didn't like it because it meant I believe in satan and it's quite emo? I said no, it means balance that everything has an equal an opposite reac...
A. 17 September 2012: He's being childish: he just doesn't like the tattoo at a gut level and is making up nonsense reasons for it. Sometimes you don't need a reason, and the more he tries to invent them the more ridiculous he'll sound.
The yin yang symbol has deep spi... (read in full...)
I no longer desire sex with my wife but I do desire other women. It's consuming me, help!
Q. Ok,i'm married,and have lost my desire for sex with my wife,but have a desire to have sex with almost every female i come across! When i meet another woman,even for just a minute,i'm wondering what it would be like to have her! It's consuming ...
A. 14 September 2012: Read the book: Cupid's poisoned arrow, by Marnia Robinson.
It's about how to maintain connection and sexual energy in a long term relationship. ... (read in full...)
I care about her promiscuous past. I am determined to get over this, anyone have advice on how?
Q. Basically, I've started dating my dream girl and she's perfect. The only thing is when I met her she was going thru a more promiscuous phase even though she never used to be like that and isn't like that now. I know for a fact I'm an idiot...
A. 14 September 2012: This has some good answers for your question:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html... (read in full...)
I like this guy but he asked me for a threesome. Should I still do on a date with him anyway?
Q. Hi, I need some honest answer! This guy I kinda like... asked me for a threesome..( two guys and me!) Yes, I was hurt by this proposal and really offended. I thought he might like me as well... but I guess it's not. But still I desperate...
A. 13 September 2012: He asked you out because he's going to try again to get you to have a threesome, or if not just have sex with you.
He likes you... for sex only. It's clear that because he asked you right out for a threesome, he does NOT see you as girlfrie... (read in full...)
Why do people hold such views?
Q. I am lesbian. Been with my girlfriend for nearly 6 months now. Most of my friends are fine with it, however a handful of my friends don't seem to understand and realise my sexuality. They say that lesbian sex isn't 'real' sex as there is no male to ...
A. 12 September 2012: They hold those views because they're young and don't know much about sex yet.
As I've got older I've learned that 'real' sex is about intimacy, emotions and connection. The physical side is secondary.
In fact the best sex advice I ever go... (read in full...)
What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: I guess I should clarify... everyone always has the right to choose who they want to be with in a relationship. For any reason that makes sense to them. That's what relationships are: a coming together of two people who both want to come together.
... (read in full...)
What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: A single one night stand does not stop you being a person of good standing, moral fibre and integrity. A bit of casual sex is not immoral, as long as both people are single at the time and there is no manipulation going on.
I would say that som... (read in full...)
What would you think of an otherwise decent woman having a one night stand in the distant past?
Q. If you were dating a woman of good standing, moral fibre and integrity.... what would you think of her if you found out she made one big mistake several years ago in the form of a one night stand found from the internet? Would who she is today be ...
A. 11 September 2012: I would tell her to read this, plus the other discussions on the subject:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/retroactive-jealousy--how-do-i-overcome-it.html... (read in full...)
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