Men: Would you date a woman who won't give oral sex?
Q. I do not like giving blow jobs at all. I could live my life quite happily never having to do it again because for me its not really a pleasant thing even if my partner enjoys it. I'd rather him miss out than endure my gag reflex telling me how ...
A. 4 March 2013: I'd mind yes. But you can do it without your gag reflex kicking in. There's many ways to make it enjoyable without having to put it more than just a little bit in your mouth.
It's not porn either' as others have said. It just feels very good.... (read in full...)
Met a hot guy who unfortunately has a girlfriend!
Q. About 4 weeks ago I met a guy on the train. We kept glancing at each other the whole train ride and I thought to myself “I will never get a chance to speak to this guy” lol! Anyways we had to transfer on another train due to a problem so as I was ...
A. 2 March 2013: You are both clearly in full flirt mode.
Hypothetical question for you: imagine you see him again, have a great time, and end up sleeping with him.
What's the plan then?... (read in full...)
Is it normal to have fantasies about being anally raped?
Q. I'm just your normal, every day 17 year old girl. Sometimes I like to read erotic stories online. About two months ago, I stumbled upon this story where a teenage boy forced himself onto his sister, anally. I don't know why, but this turned me on ...
A. 28 February 2013: This isn't just rape fantasy, it also seems like incest.
The problem with rape fantasy is it is utterly unlike the reality of rape.
The reality is truly awful. I once read an account written by a teenage girl who was anally raped by two men... (read in full...)
Didn't think he was the cheating type but I've caught him in lies and strange women answering his voice in the early am!
Q. I feel like im going insane. I do. I come from a conservative family and always thought I would be with (in regards to sex) one man. I like about the idea of only knowing one person intimately and vice versa. Me and my current boyfriend wen...
A. 28 February 2013: "I have found out recently that hes been lying to me about where he goes. Or if hes on a night out, all communication would stop till the next morning. He used to let me know when he was home. I guess it became a habit.
....... I called him when... (read in full...)
He needs some foot hygiene help! How do I do that without embarrassing him?
Q. My 28 year old boyfriend and I were hanging out at my place. He was exhausted from work, so I offer to give him a foot massage. His skin is a little hard and dry but the feet don't smell. At a certain point I notice that he has some white cotta...
A. 25 February 2013: It sounds like he has athletes foot. It's nothing to be embarrassed about and important he clears it up. Fortunately it's not really a bad sounding name: I suggest just telling him he has it. He might not be aware of it, and it's very easy to fix ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend because of his addiction to cyber sex?
Q. Hello Dear Cupids I discovered my boyfriend had been emailing female contacts he has on yahoo and also paltalk, to talk about sex. I discovered after I checked his computer after he had repeatedly clicked off the screen quickly when I came in t...
A. 24 February 2013: Depends. Yes someone can be going online because they just feel like cheating and are generally in control of their actions. Or they could be addicted to it: being compelled to do it and suffering side effects if they try not to, such as cravings ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend because of his addiction to cyber sex?
Q. Hello Dear Cupids I discovered my boyfriend had been emailing female contacts he has on yahoo and also paltalk, to talk about sex. I discovered after I checked his computer after he had repeatedly clicked off the screen quickly when I came in t...
A. 24 February 2013: To answer Liberal7686: "Do people really get addicted to cyber cheating?"
Yes. There is a rapidly growing amount of evidence coming from different areas: neuroscientists, behavioural psychologists, addiction councillors, self-help groups and more... (read in full...)
Should I leave my boyfriend because of his addiction to cyber sex?
Q. Hello Dear Cupids I discovered my boyfriend had been emailing female contacts he has on yahoo and also paltalk, to talk about sex. I discovered after I checked his computer after he had repeatedly clicked off the screen quickly when I came in t...
A. 24 February 2013: "Each time he has had such a strong reaction - crying, anger, hitting himself".
He is an addict in a very real sense. Treating this needs to be done the same way you'd treat a drug addict.
He needs to come to terms with the fact he's an add... (read in full...)
Since I found out about her history I'd like her to get tested
Q. Hello all! I come with a questions and concern. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and it's been great, I know I love her and I know I will spend the rest of my life with her. The problem is, I knew her back in grade sch...
A. 21 February 2013: "The only problem I have with the number of partners is the question that runs through my head, since she's slept with that many people, is fidelity going to be an issue? Which I don't think so but that thought lingers."
It depends. As I said bel... (read in full...)
Since I found out about her history I'd like her to get tested
Q. Hello all! I come with a questions and concern. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and it's been great, I know I love her and I know I will spend the rest of my life with her. The problem is, I knew her back in grade sch...
A. 21 February 2013: Some of the most loyal and wonderful women I know had very many sexual partners until they found 'the one'. At that point they settled down and were faithful, loving and deeply committed.
Some women i've known who have had messy difficult relation... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy is tearing us apart
Q. my partner and i have been together for 8 years, hes just gone 40 and i m 36. we have been friends for 19 years after meeting when i was 17 and seeing each other for a few months. we stayed friends after this and i had my son with someone else and ...
A. 15 February 2013: Serpico I think you give great advice and insight on retroactive jealousy. You are kind of the flip side of my experience in that I managed eventually to beat it. But it took some letting go of some deep beliefs and I ended up not the person I was ... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy is tearing us apart
Q. my partner and i have been together for 8 years, hes just gone 40 and i m 36. we have been friends for 19 years after meeting when i was 17 and seeing each other for a few months. we stayed friends after this and i had my son with someone else and ...
A. 14 February 2013: Too bad.
One thing I learned is that men have a misconception about women: namely that a girl who likes to hop in bed when single without worrying about it too much can't be faithful in a relationship.
Many men feel that, but the reality is t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't really ejaculate, he says that's normal for him but I don't think so?
Q. My boyfriend and I have just started getting really intimate and I have noticed that he doesn't ejaculate.. not really anyways. Like I'll keep doing things to him and he will get really hard and talk about how good it feels and that I give him like ...
A. 14 February 2013: Does he look at porn? Can he ejaculate by masturbating to porn?
Not being able to ejaculate during 'normal sex' is a fairly common side effect to porn addiction. I've read many many accounts from men that this has happened to.
It's easy to ... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy is tearing us apart
Q. my partner and i have been together for 8 years, hes just gone 40 and i m 36. we have been friends for 19 years after meeting when i was 17 and seeing each other for a few months. we stayed friends after this and i had my son with someone else and ...
A. 14 February 2013: It sounds very much like he loves you and is suffering from retroactive jealousy.
Don't underestimate the torment he'll be suffering: I experienced it myself and it was the most unpleasant and unbearable experience of my life.
In this case,... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy is tearing us apart
Q. my partner and i have been together for 8 years, hes just gone 40 and i m 36. we have been friends for 19 years after meeting when i was 17 and seeing each other for a few months. we stayed friends after this and i had my son with someone else and ...
A. 13 February 2013: The horrible irony is that jealousy is the shadow of love. Men experience this powerful retroactive jealousy when they are in love: and the more in love the more powerful the negative emotions. It's because he loves you that it hurts so much to ... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy is tearing us apart
Q. my partner and i have been together for 8 years, hes just gone 40 and i m 36. we have been friends for 19 years after meeting when i was 17 and seeing each other for a few months. we stayed friends after this and i had my son with someone else and ...
A. 13 February 2013: He doesn't need a gp, he needs a psychiatrist.
When he leaves this won't leave him alone. If he ends up with someone else, her past will haunt him just as much as yours. He'll perhaps get 'fortunate' and find someone with a very clean past, al... (read in full...)
Are there men who voluntarily don't look at pornography?
Q. Is there any women here whose boyfriend/husband doesn't look at porn? If they don't do you know for sure? Where did you find them? Did you have to tell them to stop? Are there any men here who don't use it in a relationship? If they d...
A. 11 February 2013: Yes there is a small but growing number of men that don't use porn. This is because some men are realizing that using porn has harmful effects and want to avoid these. These effects can range widely: things like lack of interest in 'real' women, ... (read in full...)
What to do? Sex is destroying our loving relationship.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been going out for about 7 months. I am 17 and he is 18. Our relationship is very loving, supportive and intimate. We were both virgins when we met and after a month we decided to make love. We were both very nervous, the...
A. 9 February 2013: I would suggest you both stop masturbation and he stops looking at porn. After a time your level of sexual energy will get higher which hopefully will create sparks between you.
The other thing you can do is stop worrying about the intercou... (read in full...)
Retroactive jealousy is tearing us apart
Q. my partner and i have been together for 8 years, hes just gone 40 and i m 36. we have been friends for 19 years after meeting when i was 17 and seeing each other for a few months. we stayed friends after this and i had my son with someone else and ...
A. 9 February 2013: A lapse in self confidence could be the sudden trigger. Retroactive jealousy is related to low self esteem on some level: perhaps his getting older has made him feel less sexually capable. Or perhaps it's something else, like a problem at work.
... (read in full...)
How should I approach the attractive girl on Facebook?
Q. Hey, so there is this girl I am friends with on Facebook and I find her very attractive, we have about 80 mutual friends (which in todays society meens f**k all, cos we probably added one another just because we have mutual friends, it's a numbers ...
A. 1 February 2013: - Find out who here real friends are that you have in common. The REAL ones. Then hang out with them and meet her in person. That's a much better way to meet.
- Don't use the word f**k so much without good reason. She probably won't find it attra... (read in full...)
My girlfriend lost her virginity at 16 and it makes me extremely jealous of her
Q. I've been going out with my girlfriend for months now, she is my first proper girlfriend and the first person I have sex with, I am 22 and she is 20 , she lost her virginity at 16 and it makes me extremely jealous of her , I cant stop picturing her ...
A. 24 January 2013: I've been answering questions on this topic here for at least 6 years now and have yet to see someone sum up almost everything in one very simple way. But human male did it:
"If I were you I would just be thankful that I had a girlfrie... (read in full...)
Is it creepy to have a relationship with him when he posted online for causal sex?
Q. Met a guy on a dating site, we totally clicked and I really really like him and he feels the same about me. We have so much in common too. Seems great right, but I recently found that he or someone that looks amazing like him, posted pics and ...
A. 21 January 2013: "I just found out my girlfriend visits casual sex sites on the internet. She says its just for fun but i'm really shaken up by it. What can I do?"
... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 16 January 2013: Well it's not about facebook per se, but about friends in general.
There are a couple of female friends in my life that i have had sex with, although it was brief and not a good idea. But we remain good friends, and nothing more. I want to remai... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 14 January 2013: "You believe it is abnormal for myself, or others, to be uncomfortable with their spouses having exes for facebook friends?"
No it's not abnormal, it's quite normal.
I see the issue as: how uncomfortable is it for you, versus how important is... (read in full...)
Since I am a virgin, is this normal that I cannot face ever having sex for the first time with a woman unless she is a virgin too?
Q. I feel like it's not right to date a woman who already has dated and had sex with another person. I can't imagine having sex with her if someone has already had intercourse with her. I'm thinking and hate imagining that i'll be somehow touching...
A. 13 January 2013: "I'm thinking and hate imagining that i'll be somehow touching my penis with the other guy's."
Yes that's a weird and messed up thought. You are not somehow touching another guy's penis when you are having sex with a woman who is not a virgin! ... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 11 January 2013: "Its gets so bad sometimes that I think you even start to enjoy the pain, if that makes any sense at all. "
What Serpico says here rings true to me too. Thinking about her past can become like an addiction, with pain as the reward. A form of self ... (read in full...)
The mental images of my wife having sex with other men from the past are killing me!
Q. Hi, I hope someone can help me. Like many other 'askers' on this site, I have trouble accepting my wife's sexual past (though I am truly getting better and better). I am in the process of starting therapy again to help me get through these intense ...
A. 10 January 2013: It sounds like you've come quite far in this in a positive direction. Namely that you rationally know this is not a problem, and aren't caught up in a host of unpleasant irrational beliefs about your wife. That's really good news, many men in your ... (read in full...)
Guy trying to steal my girl becoming a nuisance
Q. hi ladies and gents, i need a little help with my gfs/fiances problem friend. before i came onto the scene, they where dating and she gave him a little tail once in a while (from what i gather). but they never became bf/gf because he was too ...
A. 10 January 2013: "i dont mind them talking n being friend"
There's your problem right there. This guy is clearly not interested in being friends.
In your shoes I would ask her to cut off all contact with the guy. Extreme perhaps, but he's not going to get the... (read in full...)
Does being "up front" about wanting a FWB relationship means you are now a "decent" human being?
Q. Why is it that men (and women) think that just because, they are being "honest" about wanting a FWB type of relationship in the beginning, that they are somehow a "decent" and upstanding human being? For instance, if someone who was going to rob...
A. 9 January 2013: Your argument relies on the assumption that FWB relationships are fundamentally flawed and wrong.
Meaning if you engage in FWB relationships then you are not a decent human being by definition.
If that's true then you are right, if it's n... (read in full...)
She lost interest in me because I let her pay for her part of the meal on our first date!
Q. I had a situation with a woman I really liked, and need you opinion on this. I 've met this girl in a building that I work at. She works for a different company, and I saw her several times at lunch before we started talking. We just talked for ...
A. 9 January 2013: I'm going to have to defend the Euros here. I've lived both sides of the Atlantic and women in the US seem much more touchy about this than in Europe to me at least. I live in the netherlands, now go google the term 'going dutch'.
The guy payi... (read in full...)
Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 8 January 2013: "Please remember that you are smaller or bigger in comparison to others. "
Ah ok. You have developed an obsession with her having had sex with some guys with larger dicks than you.
There's a few things you can do:
- Deal with your obsession... (read in full...)
I'm still having trouble accepting my boyfriend's past
Q. I've been with a great guy for the last year...but I'm still having trouble accepting his past. He's the only guy I've even slept (or done anything sexual) with, but he has 4 exes that he's been with. I think about it everyday, wondering if he ...
A. 7 January 2013: You're not the first person who has struggled with this.
You should realise that this issue is part of you, not him, and will likely follow you around until you solve it. This could be breaking up with him and finding someone with no sexual p... (read in full...)
Is this as sign that my husband is having an affair?
Q. My husband had a strand of hair wrapped around his penis. It wasn't mine. He says that our daughters hair that gets everywhere including our brushes in our room, has got caught in his clothes and worked its way down there. And that this is a common ...
A. 6 January 2013: The long black hair in my bed was quite a shock to my girlfriend since we are both blonde.
When she asked me about it I was puzzled too, until I remembered my cleaner has long black hair.... (read in full...)
Is this as sign that my husband is having an affair?
Q. My husband had a strand of hair wrapped around his penis. It wasn't mine. He says that our daughters hair that gets everywhere including our brushes in our room, has got caught in his clothes and worked its way down there. And that this is a common ...
A. 6 January 2013: Does it match your daughters hair?
Are there other signs he is having an affair? Has his behaviour changed?
By itself it's not a clear sign of anything. But as one of many signs it might be. ... (read in full...)
Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 6 January 2013: " I think there is no such thing like "average". You are small, very small, big or very big"
No there is very much such a thing as average. There is: very small, small, average, big, very big.
You've managed to convince yourself of some... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 6 January 2013: It's part of human nature (in our genes) that men prefer woman who are younger, more virginal and more attractive as their primary mate. In the same way women (in their genes) prefer men who are more confident, stronger, smarter and funnier. That's ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 4 January 2013: I think we can call this post well and truly hi-jacked. Apologies to our original poster.
"If anything behavioral was an evolutionary adaptation, it would not vary wildly depending on where you are in the world and what period of history you are ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is upset about what I did in a past relationship....
Q. My bf is upset about what I did in a past relationship I am with my current bf for about a year and a half now, going on two years. We met in college and have a great relationship. My bf and I recently went back home to my family for the T...
A. 4 January 2013: A guy wanting a threesome with his girlfriend because he found out she did it before is the worst reason I can think of for having a threesome. Sex isn't a competition. The problem is you are doomed if you do and doomed if you don't now. If you ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 4 January 2013: Much new science is laughed at by the establishment until in a sudden burst of embarrassment they have to accept and adapt to it. It's not so long ago we burned people at the stake for saying the world went around the sun. That many contemporary ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 4 January 2013: For me this fundamentally comes down to making choices: exercising our free will.
When you're experiencing negative emotions, resentment and jealousy towards your partner you are facing a choice.
You can give in to the feelings: and bl... (read in full...)
How can I ask him for another hookup without sounding slutty or needy?
Q. After coming out of a very serious relationship and getting my heart broken i've decided to swear off realtionships for a while and just have fun. So basically at a party I hooked up with one of my male friends and we had pretty awesome sex. The ...
A. 4 January 2013: "I've decided to swear off realtionships for a while and just have fun."
"The thing is, I want to do it again."
Doing it again is what leads to a relationship unfortunately (or is that fortunately?)... (read in full...)
Why does my wife insist on lying about my penis size?
Q. As I have said on previous posts, my wife has had about of 25 sexual partners before me (we met each other when she was 40). She is a very well educated and very kind person. At the begining we were very open during our conversations and at that ...
A. 3 January 2013: Dude, 5.5 inches is the exact average. Your penis is the very definition of normal.
Men feel about penis size the way women feel about weight. Women always want to be a bit skinnier and men always want to be a bit larger. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 3 January 2013: If we had to be pressure free to love someone no one would ever be in love. It's the hard times that really tell us whether we are in love, not the easy ones.
He's just making excuses.
It's really very simple: he's entitled to negative feel... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has not treated me right since he discovered I had a one night stand before dating him. Do I end things?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few years and we are getting married soon. At the beginning, he was really sweet, caring and understanding. The kind of guy that I have always wished for. However, one day, I told him that I had an one ...
A. 3 January 2013: It sounds like it's still bugging him but he's not mentioning it. I suggest giving him an ultimatum: either drop it entirely and stop harboring resentment, or threaten to leave him. He's not going to return to the way he was unless he really ... (read in full...)
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