Like what
he writes?
... Add *ild Thaing to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ild Thaing a private message | | | *ild Thaing's profile:I came here looking for help, like many of you. Then I started giving advice on this site.
If you want to know more about me, just read my column of responses. I rarely pull punches, and where appropriate I'll throw in a detail about my life.
I firmly believe the following: While you may not be able to choose the situations in which you may find yourself, you can ALWAYS choose your responses to them.
Happy surfing. |
|
My hubby's contacting his ex via mail, should I tell him or wait to see what happens?
Q. I'm a married women married for 6 years and my husband just starting contacting his ex-girlfriend who lives out west. Have had some issues in the past with him emailing another female friend behind my back. I don't want him to know I'm checking ...
A. 27 August 2008: Monitoring his emails without his consent = Lack of trust. This is a deficiency that only spells trouble in a marriage.
Now I'm not saying that you should "just trust him", but I am definitely saying you and your hubby had better start moving t... (read in full...)
My wife has a colorful past, and now one of the guys, she used to have sex with, is in one of her new groups of friends, thoughts of her past, are worring me very much, how can I stop being so concerned about it?
Q. I need some help. I've been married for 2 years now and to this day my wife's past is constantly haunting me. (I have a clean slate I’ve only been with my wife, no one else.) My wife and I dated for 4 years before we got married she was 17 and I ...
A. 25 August 2008: If it's not too late to jump into the fray...
It all comes down to respect. I commend the respect you show your wife. However, is she reciprocating that respect? Does she not realize that hanging around with a guy who clearly does not respect ... (read in full...)
Can I have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend who lives with daugher and her family?
Q. I am in a (5 month old) relationship with a mid 50 year old man who lives with his mid 30 year old daughter, her husband and 2 children (one of which is an almost 2 year old granddaughter that he adores of course). I am very jealous of the relation...
A. 13 August 2008: Thanks for the update. It puts things in a slightly different light.
Most men are pretty dense - myself included. If you don't think this guy respects your time, the only way to make him understand is to tell him so without equivoca... (read in full...)
I've been seeing a married man for 6 years and I think he's talking to other girls online!
Q. Hi: I have been seeing a married man for 6 years now, he tells me he loves me but he keeps chatting with women on line and wanting to get to know them better. When I ask him about he says it is not true but I know otherwise, what should I do?...
A. 8 August 2008: "How do you move on r get over loving a person?"
First, look for love within yourself. If you love yourself, you won't make choices that require deception, like sleeping with someone who can never be yours 100%.
Second, figure out why it is yo... (read in full...)
Can I have a healthy relationship with my boyfriend who lives with daugher and her family?
Q. I am in a (5 month old) relationship with a mid 50 year old man who lives with his mid 30 year old daughter, her husband and 2 children (one of which is an almost 2 year old granddaughter that he adores of course). I am very jealous of the relation...
A. 7 August 2008: Country woman has some great words of wisdom. She's a hard act to follow.
You chose to be with a man that comes with baggage. If you are unwilling to share him with a family that he clearly loves, you might want to consider switching to a man wh... (read in full...)
Can love really heal emotionally distant men? Why do I have a tendence to be attracted to them?
Q. I just( realize something about myself. I fall for emotionally distant men. I am so attracted to the one that are hurting inside. I notice a pattern. I think my love for them will "help" them ease their pain. So I had flings with 2 of them th...
A. 7 August 2008: The greatest love is the one you feel for yourself. And it comes when you respect yourself. This is love you will never find in someone else.
Early childhood experiences tend to shape our adult lives. You probably felt abandoned as a child an... (read in full...)
We're both married and both completely and utterly besotted by each other.
Q. I have fallen in love with someone and don't know if I should ruin everyone's lives by going off with him. We're both married and both completely and utterly besotted by each other. We are not having an affair but he wants to leave his wife for us ...
A. 7 August 2008: Honesty is the best policy. Clearly your marriage is in trouble... fundamentally there is a communication issue. What steps are you and your husband taking to be honest with each other?
Deal with your marriage first. It's so hard to work out... (read in full...)
I don't want to ruin his family life, he does not want to let me go, or his family, how do I end this relationship?
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been in a relationship with a married man for about a year. Initially, I rejected him few times but due to his persistent pursue on me had made me feel touched and I fell for him in just months. I was a very conservative per...
A. 5 August 2008: Like all people caught in this situation, you have boundary issues. There is a stench of disrespect that permeates these kinds of arrangements and I commend you for finally noticing the smell.
This manipulator and liar will use you until the very... (read in full...)
I have filed for divorce, now I find out I have to split my assets with him and he has to do the same, I have $100K, he has $4K, I will be able to keep the house, but only if I buy him out, this will ruin me financially, does anyone have any remedies
Q. I am a 48 year old woman with two kids ages 11 and 15. I live in Massachusetts. After 17 years of marriage I filed for divorce. I was in a marriage where I was doing everything by myself so it became emotionally draining. Husband refused to get ...
A. 5 August 2008: I think you will lose the house. The mortgage payment of $1140 represents 27% of your before-tax income but really comes out of your after-tax income, so what is left over for all of your other expenses and investments?
So if you have equity n... (read in full...)
I've been seeing a married man for 6 years and I think he's talking to other girls online!
Q. Hi: I have been seeing a married man for 6 years now, he tells me he loves me but he keeps chatting with women on line and wanting to get to know them better. When I ask him about he says it is not true but I know otherwise, what should I do?...
A. 5 August 2008: Sloppy seconds, or is that thirds or fourths? How can you know possibly know where you are in the "pecking" order with a liar?
If he can disrespect his wife he can certainly be equally disrespectful to the likes of you who enable his cowardly... (read in full...)
Can a relationship work without trust?
Q. Can a relationship work without trust? trust is only one way....
A. 3 August 2008: Without trust a relationship is a farce, a lie.
Why do you ask?... (read in full...)
Please let me know how to handle my crazy jealous wife!
Q. I need advice this issue is tearing us apart. I met a friend online from another country. I find chatting with her interesting. There is nothing being said that is inappopriate. She is just interesting adn from a country I have always been ...
A. 31 July 2008: You have serious boundary issues with regard to appropriate and inappropriate behaviour as a married man. If you don't know what I'm talking about, then it is little wonder that you think your wife is "crazy jealous".
It's bizarre that you woul... (read in full...)
I love a man who is still married, but separated for 10 years, his wife will not sign divorce papers, I want to marry him, what should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 24 year old lady that has been dating a special man for over two years. A month ago, I found out that he was still married to his "ex-wife" but they have been separated for ten years. She has moved on to someone else and had ...
A. 31 July 2008: I would think that a desire to salvage your self-respect would have already given you enough motivation to cut this guy and his heavy baggage loose like so much redundant ballast.
Honey, no one on this forum can do the heavy lifting for you.... (read in full...)
He wants to have a baby with another woman, how do I stop from losing my husband?
Q. Ive been with my husband for 12years.I can not have kids.I do have 2 but not his. He really wants kids. so 5 months ago he went out and met this woman now shes pregnant. now he tells me he must leave me because she wont keep the child if he keeps ...
A. 30 July 2008: For the sake of your children think of the example your husband is setting, and think about the example your response sets. When the going gets tough he runs away. Now he's being squeezed by both you and his knocked-up mistress. And he wants to ... (read in full...)
My ex boyfriend, now married, tells me he has wanted a divorce for a long time. Should I just avoid him?
Q. Let me start by telling a bit of the past. Many years ago, approximately 14 yrs ago I had this boyfriend and we were pretty serious and very close. We dated for almost a year and we broke up because my Mother demanded that we do so and would punish ...
A. 30 July 2008: This is a man who runs away from his problems instead of confronting them. And if you are not careful your dalliances could make you a homewrecker.
Let's say you and this guy end up together. What makes you think he wouldn't run away from you... (read in full...)
I love a man who is still married, but separated for 10 years, his wife will not sign divorce papers, I want to marry him, what should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, I am a 24 year old lady that has been dating a special man for over two years. A month ago, I found out that he was still married to his "ex-wife" but they have been separated for ten years. She has moved on to someone else and had ...
A. 30 July 2008: Indeed, I agree with eyeswideopen. Your man's story does not pass the smell test.
Have you met his supposed ex-wife? Are you sure your man isn't still living a married life?... (read in full...)
How do I get my husband's relative to stop flirting with me?
Q. I have an issue, one of my relative's husband constantly keeps flirting with me. It's to the the point where it's getting out of control. I've repeatedly asked him to stop. The funny thing is that he never acted this way in the beginning. He ...
A. 30 July 2008: If you've already told him to stop his inappropriate behaviour then tell your relative (his wife) about it. This guy has a boundary issue and needs to be told, especially by his wife, that he has crossed a boundary. Good luck and take care.... (read in full...)
Is it possible to leave everything behind and start a new life?
Q. hi i have a very honest question to ask you and would like some honest opinions! i am a 21 year old girl, quite pretty with a pleasant,gentle and unique personality! at this point in my life i should be brimming with excitement, boys and nig...
A. 30 July 2008: You grow when you finally choose to step beyond your comfort zone. Any energy spent not stepping out of your comfort zone (like complaining about things you can clearly change but are afraid to do so) is a waste, a drain. If you choose to waste ... (read in full...)
What could anyone recommend for a man who is miserable in marriage and staying in it for the kids sake?
Q. What could anyone recommend for a man who is miserable in marriage and staying in it for the kids sake? I have been with my wife for 7 years (married 6) and for the last year or two I have been insanely unhappy. I'm in no way perfect, so I won'...
A. 30 July 2008: One option (among a few) is to take a break from each other, as in live separately.
What happened in the past is not very relevant. You and your wife are now in this very dark place and I'm sure your kid(s) senses it. If both of you are projecti... (read in full...)
I love him but resent him terribly for emotionally cheating on me!
Q. My husband is a middle aged old who has a part time job as an entertainer. He is generally quiet and somewhat shy except when he is performing. Back last fall I caught him talking, emailing and texting to a young girl who lived eight hours away...
A. 29 July 2008: You are playing a dangerous game with other people's lives in hopes that somehow you'll feel better after all is said and done.
How would you enjoy being "set up" by someone?
All of this game playing is helping you to avoid the discussion you n... (read in full...)
Is my husband carrying on with a woman from his office?
Q. I've been married for past 8 years. We dated for 3 yrs before getting married. In all these married years, my husband has always complained about me being overweight. I'm 5 ft 3 in and weighed 140lbs when i got married. Now I'm 155 lbs and I have a ...
A. 29 July 2008: You're scared to be active and you don't know how to swim. Yet your hubby seems to be into all of those things.
Why don't you list the activities you and your hubby do together? It may give you some insight.
I would strongly recommend you ta... (read in full...)
I feel like the man in the relationship. And I hate it!
Q. I have been married for two years. At first, my husband couldnt keep his hands off me, but then life changed. Reality if you like. Work, baby, health etc. I work in a high powered, stressful job. Out early. Get home very late. My husband got m...
A. 29 July 2008: Anon poster, if you wish to hear from someone who is in a similar situation, send me a PM.... (read in full...)
I feel like the man in the relationship. And I hate it!
Q. I have been married for two years. At first, my husband couldnt keep his hands off me, but then life changed. Reality if you like. Work, baby, health etc. I work in a high powered, stressful job. Out early. Get home very late. My husband got m...
A. 29 July 2008: Let's clear the decks of the soapboxes and shine that uncomfortable spotlight on you for the length of this reply...
According to you, your hubby is happy and you are not. If it's evident to any reader of your post that you are not happy I can on... (read in full...)
I don't love my husband any more. Should I leave him?
Q. I have been with my husband for 11 yrs and I think I've made a mistake marrying him and did so too young. He is a lovely man - kind, trustworthy, caring, intelligent... The problem is I just don't love him anymore and sometimes find myself almo...
A. 28 July 2008: Complaining about your life on this forum is a harmless form of escape. Nobody gets hurt right?
It sounds to me like you still have some growing up to do because you aren't taking responsibility for the choices you make. For instance, staying ... (read in full...)
My wife says I am in love with my friend. Is she right?
Q. I am married. I love my wife and daughter. Lately I find myself thinking about a friend (who is female) alot. We talk to each other 3-4 times a day. My wife says my face lights up when I talk to this friend. She says that I am in love with this ...
A. 27 July 2008: You have a kid! I should have read your post more carefully.
Well that changes the tone of my original response. Give your bloody head a shake (the big head that is) and decide how much more hurt you would like to inflict upon your family, ... (read in full...)
My wife says I am in love with my friend. Is she right?
Q. I am married. I love my wife and daughter. Lately I find myself thinking about a friend (who is female) alot. We talk to each other 3-4 times a day. My wife says my face lights up when I talk to this friend. She says that I am in love with this ...
A. 26 July 2008: Tell us, what is your inner voice telling you?
I think you are looking for validation on this forum. However your inner voice, if it has a properly aligned moral compass, will be screaming something at you. To this point you have steadfas... (read in full...)
Do married men ever leave their wives for the younger girls they are cheating with?
Q. Do married men ever leave their wives for the younger girls they are sleeping with? in what circumstances. why? ...
A. 26 July 2008: If you're being eaten up by your friend's behaviour it's only you that is getting stressed. Clearly this friend is OK with getting sloppy seconds and doesn't quite realize that she has little self-respect. She will continue to make bad choices ... (read in full...)
Tempted by a married man, what should I do?
Q. Hi Everyone! Any help with this situation would be muchly appreciated! For years I have liked this guy who is 16yrs older than me and married =(, i tried my best to forget about him, but everytime i saw him it was back to square one. One day ...
A. 26 July 2008: Listen to your inner voice. Tell us, what do you think it is saying?
I think you've got a good idea about what this guy is about. Remind yourself everyday that you avoided becoming sloppy seconds to a woman who is married to a COWARD.
Good fo... (read in full...)
Leaving marriage for affair partner is that a good thing??
Q. I'm pretty much down to my last option. I'm a 37 year old married man, with two children. Have been married for 8 years, have been together for 15. I am in the middle of an affair. Not real proud of it, it is with a co-worker and it just happened...
A. 7 March 2008: Well, now that you've dragged innocent children into your mess, what do you want to hear from us?
It's clear that you have an inner voice that either you ignore or has completely lost its moral compass.
You can choose to continue to rati... (read in full...)
My 16 year old daughter is dating a 48 year old man!
Q. This problem worries me A LOT and I really need your help, so please help! Apologies for the length... sorry! I'm a mother of two, been married to my husband for 20 years - my son's 19 and in university (living away from home), my daughter's 1...
A. 18 August 2007: You are right to be concerned, and your husband is a twit for not being just as concerned.
I remember being 16. I knew everything that there was to know about a sheltered existence. And I thought that through my sheltered existence I would be... (read in full...)
He was texting a 24-year-old co-worker and finally confessed, what should I do?
Q. Am I over reacting? I noticed my husband was being a bit strange with me and couldn't sleep, went downstairs and found dating sites on the internet that he had joined. It was then that I noticed his phone was always in his pocket whereas befor...
A. 16 August 2007: You caught him in a lie. With this knowledge, do you think there is mutual trust and respect in this marriage? If you don't think so, then there is some hard work ahead for the both of you. Provided both of you want to save this marriage.
You k... (read in full...)
He sometimes mentions our age difference. What does that mean?
Q. Im 18 and hes turning 25, we flirt and kiss so much but he just mentions age just a little. What does that mean? Like. i like him alot and he likes me alot and he also says he just dosent wanna get in to trouble......
A. 16 August 2007: Sorry, I don't understand what you wrote. Can you give us some more details?... (read in full...)
Don't know whether to marry my "a-bit-boring" boyfriend, or not!
Q. I have been with boyfriend for over 5 years now and we are about to get married this year. We also have a place together. In the beginning I was truly in love with him and couldn't imagine my life without him, but as time went by I fell out of l...
A. 15 August 2007: Wow, did I just suffer from a brainfart or what? :)... (read in full...)
We are thinking of moving in with each other for conveniece purposes and we would love to give our daughter a "complete family".
Q. Dear Cupid, I have been divorced from my ex husband for 8 years. Since then we have remained in each others lives either as friends or parents to our daughter. We have had many fights but have always forgiven one another. We have both had relation...
A. 15 August 2007: If you and your ex-husband can show your daughter a relationship built on mutual trust and respect, then go for it.
But the two of you ended it for a reason. Are we to believe that this reason has suddenly disappeared?
"Convenience"... (read in full...)
Should I continue loving my cousin, or should I ignore my feelings?
Q. me and my cousin haven't seen each other since we where really lil kids finally we meet again after 17 years i feel strongly connected to her. we play around bit wrestling tickling etc. i cant keep my eyes off from her. i do like her allot. i don...
A. 15 August 2007: Does your cousin tell you that she returns your feelings? If no, then it's like any other relationship. You are the only one "in love" and you will need to move on to other relationships.
If she does return your feelings then understand all of t... (read in full...)
He is texting another girl saying i do his head in!!!
Q. I've been with my husband 6years now and married 2years and got a 1yr old daughter. Recently things haven't been good between us and I found messages on his phone from and to a girl who he works with saying how they missed and loved each other and ...
A. 15 August 2007: He's lying about the "just friends" part.
So now the ball is in your court. Do you want to continue to enable his cheating behaviour or do you want to salvage your self-respect?
A healthy marriage is based upon mutual trust and respect. It... (read in full...)
Don't know whether to marry my "a-bit-boring" boyfriend, or not!
Q. I have been with boyfriend for over 5 years now and we are about to get married this year. We also have a place together. In the beginning I was truly in love with him and couldn't imagine my life without him, but as time went by I fell out of l...
A. 15 August 2007: Your problems cannot be solved whilst you are in the arms of anyone.
Take a break from all romantic relationships while you try to sort yourself out. I see a disturbing pattern of co-dependency forming in all of your relationships. You are miss... (read in full...)
I know he loves me but he's still married, he says that he is going to get a divorce and we will get married and have a life together, but when!
Q. I am in life with a married man who in return really adores me as well. The problem is I do not know if we will be together or not. We have both liked each other for ten years, we use to go out drinking together with mutual friends and...
A. 15 August 2007: I'm with eyeswideopen on this one, but given that you have lowered yourself to settle for sloppy seconds I would doubt you currently have it in you to walk away from this relationship.
The anon poster who was also a "lady in waiting" is the voic... (read in full...)
I am in love with my wifes cousin, but I still love my wife, too!
Q. I have been married to my wife for 8 years and we have been together for 12. We have two daughters together (8 and 6). I have a huge problem that has been tearing me apart for a very long time and I am hoping that some outside advice will help...
A. 14 August 2007: At this point, you have caused a great deal of damage to your family. Don't cause more by trying to alleviate your guilt.
You can't have your cake and eat it too. Didn't you learn this the first time? Be a man and spend some time on your own... (read in full...)
My best mate doesn't take an interest in talking to me anymore since she's got with her bf.
Q. Hi I need some advice please. My best friend of almost 10years doesnt seem to open up to me anymore, or be all that interested in doing girls stuff together - since she started going out with her fella. They've been together for just over a year, an...
A. 13 August 2007: When there is mutual trust and respect in any relationship, there is also reciprocation. Your friend, by not reciprocating, has shown that she does not respect you.
It took me over twenty years to discover that certain friends who I thought ... (read in full...)
He sometimes mentions our age difference. What does that mean?
Q. Im 18 and hes turning 25, we flirt and kiss so much but he just mentions age just a little. What does that mean? Like. i like him alot and he likes me alot and he also says he just dosent wanna get in to trouble......
A. 13 August 2007: If he brings up your age or his age or the age gap then it is safe to say that age is weighing on his mind. Therefore, it would be best to lower your expectations about this guy until you are both comfortable about the age gap.
He definite... (read in full...)
| *ild Thaing's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ild Thaing has
added them and they have added *ild Thaing!
|
