I can't seem to bring myself out of my shell. Please help!
Q. Hi all, I've never dated before. I have asked out girls in the past (and got rejected obviously), and I've tried to work out what is wrong with me - the things that are making me undesirable - and I've pretty much got the jist of it. And what a l...
A. 16 August 2009: and here's a really radical idea... next time you are at a party and you meet a nice girl (or 2 or 3) why not try just asking for advice? Say... you know, I'm really shy. Can you help me? Can you give me any advice on how to talk to girls? I can't ... (read in full...)
I can't seem to bring myself out of my shell. Please help!
Q. Hi all, I've never dated before. I have asked out girls in the past (and got rejected obviously), and I've tried to work out what is wrong with me - the things that are making me undesirable - and I've pretty much got the jist of it. And what a l...
A. 16 August 2009: Hi darlin, don't go hide under a rock all that will do is make you feel even lonelier. I know it might feel overwhelming, but there are a lot of other people your age who are in the same boat. You just need to build your confidence up a bit. You ... (read in full...)
I keep making the same mistakes, having affairs, what can I do to make this right?
Q. I keep making the same mistakes and can't seem to stop myself. I had an unhappy first marriage and after having my children I had an affair with my Husband's best friend and left my husband for him, he then didn't want to know me once I was single, ...
A. 16 August 2009: Hi honey, I feel for you I really do. It's hard to break these patterns and I can see it's causing you a lot of stress. if your husband doesn't want to do marriage counseling then you can still go for counseling by yourself. You really need to.
... (read in full...)
I'm back with my ex... but he's giving me mixed signals! Should I stay or go?
Q. Mixed signals. I am back with my ex. His actions say love and commitment. But his words say he does not want a commitment. He says he does not want to see or be with anyone else exceot ne, but he does not want a commitment. I do not realy ...
A. 16 August 2009: RhythmandBlues keeps referencing Rori Raye... (girlfriend trap, power speech) and she's really great BTW. here's a great article. http://blog.havetherelationshipyouwant.com/... (read in full...)
I'm back with my ex... but he's giving me mixed signals! Should I stay or go?
Q. Mixed signals. I am back with my ex. His actions say love and commitment. But his words say he does not want a commitment. He says he does not want to see or be with anyone else exceot ne, but he does not want a commitment. I do not realy ...
A. 9 August 2009: Just be honest. Tell him you completely understand that he's not ready for a commitment and you aren't going to pressure him for one. But you want a committed relationship in your life so if he can't do that then he will have to understand that ... (read in full...)
I know my guy friend still likes me, so how can I make him jealous?
Q. My guy friend and I haven’t been talking. I texted him the other day saying that I heard he was going out with someone and he texted me back twice asking who I heard it from. I never answered him. I know that he’s not in a relationship! When I go to ...
A. 9 August 2009: Honey, friends don't play games with each other. Real friends are honest and kind and supportive. If your guy friend stopped talking to you and has been distant, maybe it's because you keep acting one way and talking another and ignoring him and ... (read in full...)
We have so much chemistry... but he has a girlfriend! Should I wait to see if he breaks up with her or forget him?
Q. I've met a guy I really like. He made it clear from the beginning that he had a girlfriend and that he didn't want anything other than friends. I accepted that and we went out. But it became very clear that there was chemistry between us. He flirted ...
A. 9 August 2009: Honey... forget this guy. Seriously. The hard truth about men is that they will totally use you to boost their ego and just "enjoy" flirting and attention, and not even think there is anything wrong with this. I've seen it time and time again, and ... (read in full...)
Deeply troubled with sexual past, please help!
Q. I am almost 20 and have slept with 7 different people. I find myself thinking about it each day more and more and its depressing me to the point that I cry about it for hours. I am so troubled with it and have so many different issues I just dont ...
A. 9 August 2009: okay honey, I can help. As a woman in my early 40's, I can honestly look back at my life and say the BIGGEST regret I have is not what I did, but what I didn't do. I wasted WAY TOO MUCH time worrying about, and grieving over the past. What's done is ... (read in full...)
Girls: WHAT are the signs that a girl wants a guy to approach her?
Q. girls: WHAT are the signs that a girl wants a guy to approach her? help me out here! is there a general sign or does it depend on the person? and do girls want guys that they've just seen to approach them?...
A. 9 August 2009: If she checks you out and then looks away, but then looks back. Don't be shy. Girls love a confident guy. Just go over and say hi like it's no big deal. Introduce yourself, ask her name. Chat for a few minutes and then move on, leave her wanting a ... (read in full...)
I keep making the same mistakes, having affairs, what can I do to make this right?
Q. I keep making the same mistakes and can't seem to stop myself. I had an unhappy first marriage and after having my children I had an affair with my Husband's best friend and left my husband for him, he then didn't want to know me once I was single, ...
A. 9 August 2009: Well first of all, if this is a pattern, I think you need to spend some time with a good therapist. You aren't going to get to the bottom of what's going on on these boards. Second, you might want to consider marriage counseling as well to see if ... (read in full...)
Ex boyfriend wants advice on his current girlfriend...
Q. Ex boyfriend is now confiding in me things with his current beau aren't going well. they have been together four months she is nice quiet and kind of cold (his words) Apparently she isn't affectionate and he is wondering whether he needs to stay ...
A. 9 August 2009: My ex did that too. We were together for a long time and he said I know him better than anyone. The thing with guys - they don't really confide in their guy friends, they turn to women to talk about their emotional issues. He views you as someone ... (read in full...)
Help...I don't know who the father is! What should I do?
Q. Well I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm in a pickle... I've been with J for a year now, but sometime around christmas we had a fight and I went to my exs house (T) and u can do that math on that, well I went to Ts house christmas eve and then christmas ...
A. 9 August 2009: Why not talk to your gynecologist and explain that you really want to know when you conceived?
I just checked a gestation calendar online, and logged in your last period date of Dec 28. It gives a due date of Oct. 4th, with a conception date of ... (read in full...)
How long am I expected to be responsible for my childs life!!?
Q. Usually how long parents have to feel responisible for their grown up kids life? I started to feel that it will never end, and I love them but I feel I can never have my life back! I know some people want to do this forever, but am I wrong if I wan...
A. 21 June 2009: Seems like we need a bit more information before we can weigh in. How old is your kid? Is it one kid or more than one? How are they looking to you to be responsible? are we talking about cat-sitting here? Did s/he lose their job in this tough ... (read in full...)
Stuck in this triangle competing for my husband!
Q. I have trust issues with my husband. i resently found out the he has been secretly contacting his ex girlfriend calling and texting her up to 5 times a day.i feel insecure that he dont even communicate with me on that level and i am his wife. I have ...
A. 14 June 2009: Your husband knows how you feel and he is selfishly ignoring that, so obviously talking isn't getting you anywhere because he is not paying attention. They say people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone, so what I suggest is give him a ... (read in full...)
Leaving my wife after 15 years of pain
Q. My wife changed the night our first child was born. We had been together for two years before that, and she was a happy, loving woman. When I left her at the hospital after our son was born, she was still the same happy woman, but when I came to ...
A. 9 June 2009: I think you are amazing and brave and as a woman, there are times when I feel like men just don't want all the things you describe, so it's really beautiful to hear you say that you want them. No one should have to live in pain. For you to do it for ... (read in full...)
My flirty fiancee wont stop flirting with our younger friend...why does she need to do this?
Q. I am 47 and my fiance is 41. She constantly flirts with a younger 23 year old friend of ours everytime she sees him. She says she has no attraction toward him and it's innocent but this really pushes my buttons everytime she does it. I've told ...
A. 28 March 2009: It may be that she is 41 and feeling strange about getting older... she may need the validation that flirting with a younger man gives her, to help make her feel like she's still got game. I'm sure it's innocent, but the fact that you have called ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to make a rude comment about his new girlfriend?
Q. I'm so afraid that if people that I think of as my true friends were to find out what I had done, that they would be let down or disappointed in me. I'm afraid that they might think I'm a bad person. Maybe I'm wrong and just listening to fear. ...
A. 28 March 2009: Hi sweetie. People can be so cruel. It's a mean trick of fate sometimes that when we need comfort and reassurance the most is when people will run away from us the most. It really hurts, I know. But you need to let it go. This man obviously does not ... (read in full...)
Aren't our feelings for each another enough to make things work?
Q. I posted a question on here last week about how my boyfriend and I seem to want different things. Last night, after 2 and a half years, he broke up with me because of it. He wants to focus on his career and while I do to, I had also suggested l...
A. 28 March 2009: I'm so sorry that's really hard. Hang in there, you will be okay. Some people say that's just the way men are - that they are very goal oriented and they need to feel they've achieved something before they are ready to settle down. In your case ... (read in full...)
Now I'm being bullied by the co-worker he's dating
Q. I dated a guy in my workplace:we kept it secret due to policy.i previously helped him get a job there. he didn't know at the time that i was bullied there.i didn't want to get him involved and was scared he would think less of me. anyway, i fell i...
A. 28 March 2009: That's absolutely horrible!! Oh my gosh. Honestly awful. I think you need to work on rebuilding your own self esteem after the way this man manipulated you and took advantage of you. You need to find the strength in yourself to feel good about ... (read in full...)
I miss the intimacy and don't know what's wrong
Q. I've been in a very loving relationship for 8 months now. My boyfriend is so caring, understanding, lovely... everything I could ask for and we very rarely argue. When we first together we had sex basically every day. This is how I was wit...
A. 28 March 2009: The first 6-8 months of every relationship is when all the hormones are raging and you can't keep your hands off each other. Then things settle in a bit. Having sex 8x a month is still 2x a week... that's not bad. A few other things to consider ... ... (read in full...)
I told him once, should I tell him again 2 years later?
Q. Hi, I don't know what to do. I'm 14 and I really like this guy, the thing is please don't say you're too young because I'm sure when you were my age you were interested in boys. Okay he's in loads of my classes at school, they always make fun of ...
A. 23 March 2009: At that age there is NO WAY he can let on he likes you in front of his buddies... they are so uncomfortable with girls at that age they would just tease him and give him a hard time if they knew. Also... if the guys are making fun of you that's ... (read in full...)
Is it ok for them to share a bed?
Q. Ok, my boyfriend's friend who is female is staying at his house... Before I met him I met him through her they were really good friends.. She used to tell me that she used to stay at his house and they shared a bed but didn't do anything. She ha...
A. 23 March 2009: What's the old saying... Keep your friends close and your enemies closer"? Why is she sleeping over at his house and you are not? Kind of hard for her to sleep in his bed if you are in it I'd say. No way is it OKAY for her to sleep in his bed with ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose a good friend just because my girlfriend tells me to!
Q. I have a situation that is becoming problematic. See, I have this friend, we'll call her Sophie. Anyway, Sophie is a good friend, we get on very well, she is funny and interesting and intelligent, and she really doesn't like my girlfriend, Laura. ...
A. 23 March 2009: Sounds like you are lucky to have two women who care for you very much. I still stand by what I said... Laura may hate the idea of you hanging out with Sophie, but you are making excuses for her when you say "it's understandable". That's ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend was beaten and raped 8 months ago. Now can can't bear me to come near her...
Q. I have been dating my curent girlfriend for just over 2 years. 8 months ago she was beaten and raped. I have stood by her and tried to help any way I could. I love this girl and can honestly see her as the one. But after 8 months she still isn't ...
A. 23 March 2009: I have two things to say.
1. Therapy. Definitely she should be in therapy and you might want to try it to help you cope.
2. I LOVE that you are a good man who has stood by the woman he loves in a kind understanding way. There are so many stor... (read in full...)
He gave me permission to have sex with other guys! Does he love me?
Q. I'm in a long disatnce relationship and my boyfriend gave me permission to have sex with other guys. Is this a bad thing or does he love me? I love him very much...
A. 23 March 2009: Hmmmm... I hate to say it but this sounds like a set up to me. If you have permission, then it's implied that he has permission too. If he knows you love him then he's probably not worried about you actually acting on it... but frees him up to do ... (read in full...)
I still can't get my ex out of my head!
Q. Me and my ex boyfriend split up 3 years ago and I still cannot get over him. I've been with other men, but in the back of my mind it's always him. We still talk, and lately he's told me he still has feelings for me, but then after telling me he ig...
A. 23 March 2009: Try to focus on building your own wonderful life. Plan to do things with friends. Take a class. Make a list of things you've always wanted to do in your life and try to start doing them. Get busy.
If that doesn't work and you still find yourself... (read in full...)
What to say on a first date?
Q. Okay so I'm asking out a girl but if she says yes I have nothing to say after so can y'all give me some ideas???...
A. 23 March 2009: Be interested in her, ask her questions about her life. Where did she grow up, what work does she do or what does she want to study, ask about family, friends, favorite movies, music, books, etc. Ask her what she thinks about things perhaps you are ... (read in full...)
Do you think he's just scared and will come back?
Q. Hi, I'm 4 months pregnant with my ex's baby we had been together 4 years and this was planned. We started going through a rocky period recently, during this time my ex slept with someone else and ended up finishing with me for her. I got in touch ...
A. 23 March 2009: Of course you still love him... you agreed to have a child with him and that kind love and that dream doesn't go away in a few months. It must be so frightening to face going through this pregnancy on your own. I completely understand. Seriously, ... (read in full...)
My gut instinct is that he is no longer interested in me
Q. I have been with my 35 yr old boyfriend in a LDR for just over 18 months. Things started off amazing. He was really into me, and proudly introduced me to all his family and after 6 months he started mentioning moving in together. I felt it was ...
A. 22 March 2009: LDR's are very challenging. It's hard when you can't see that person regularly. But seriously -- you need to trust your gut. I know you are very emotionally attached to this man, but someone who seems to have done a complete 180 in their affections ... (read in full...)
Is medication affecting her decisions?
Q. My girl left me for another men, she is married i'm single ,the day before her birthday he told me to break up, she said she don't want to jeopardize her daugther possible custody if the husband find out about us, also her job is at risk too, Im ...
A. 22 March 2009: Sweetheart.... You have been carrying on an affair with a married woman for 4 years? She's had 4-5 affairs over 12 years? It sounds like she has been making flawed decisions for a very long time, with or without medication.
Why do you think sh... (read in full...)
Guys especially - how do I tell my ex's housemate how I feel?
Q. Right, basically I've just finished a 5-month open relationship with a lovely, understanding guy. He told me he loves me but he can tell I am obsessed with his housemate and he can't handle it. Being the angel that he is, he is telling me to go for ...
A. 21 March 2009: Do you still hang out with him as friends? If so I'd say just keep doing that and let him come around to it in his own time. After all... he's the one who has to live with your ex - not you. ... (read in full...)
Wife's nude pictures!
Q. My wife of 16 years was cleaning out the basement and she found some old family pictures. I joking asked if she found the nude photos and she says "I don't know where those are or if I even have them any more"! My heart almost jumped out of my ...
A. 21 March 2009: She knows you want to know. If she wants to tell you (or show you) she will do so in her own time. Just enjoy the fantasy, forget about and let sleeping dogs lie. Pestering her will only create problems. While it is a nice romantic ideal to think ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't want a relationship with ANY woman... why?
Q. I have an on again off again “relationship” with a man who is intent on not having a relationship and I am really confused. We get on great, the sex is great, we socialise together and have lots of mutual friends yet he does not want a boyfriend – ...
A. 21 March 2009: In my experience, women usually stay in a relationship and try to work through it until they are totally exhausted and only then do they leave. For men, I feel like they don't even begin to deal with the pain and issues until after it's over. I ... (read in full...)
Guys especially - how do I tell my ex's housemate how I feel?
Q. Right, basically I've just finished a 5-month open relationship with a lovely, understanding guy. He told me he loves me but he can tell I am obsessed with his housemate and he can't handle it. Being the angel that he is, he is telling me to go for ...
A. 21 March 2009: Does the housemate know why you two broke up? Because of him? I'd say play it cool and let him come to you. A guy who really wants you will come for you. ... (read in full...)
Is the guy I'm dating gay? How can I tell? Help!
Q. Ok, so I've been on 3 dates with this guy I met on an internet dating site. On paper he seems like just the right kind of guy for me.. tall, successful, educated, looking for a relationship, etc.. but when we met, I seriously questioned his ...
A. 21 March 2009: Some guys just do have that gay vibe. I remember when I met my friend's husband the first time. I totally thought he was gay!!! but guess what - they have been married for 11 years and are having a child now and she is so happy and says the sex is ... (read in full...)
My imagination is going wild thinking about things he's doing behind my back.
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We're both currently studying and taking the same course. Just last month, I found out he was cheating on me. I found his messages to the girl on his phone. When I confronted him, he admitted ...
A. 21 March 2009: I think you already know what you need to do. You cannot find peace and happiness in a relationship with a man you cannot trust. You deserve to have a significant other you can trust. What's worse - the pain of breaking up with your boyfriend and ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose a good friend just because my girlfriend tells me to!
Q. I have a situation that is becoming problematic. See, I have this friend, we'll call her Sophie. Anyway, Sophie is a good friend, we get on very well, she is funny and interesting and intelligent, and she really doesn't like my girlfriend, Laura. ...
A. 21 March 2009: Hmm. Well I think it's commendable, though a bit co-dependent of you, to be standing by Laura. You can't change other people, and I fear you are just setting yourself up for heartache. Your friend Sophie obviously cares about you and that is why she ... (read in full...)
There seems to be two faces to my friend.
Q. I have a good mate at work, we get on at work, we chat a lot and have a good laugh and that. When I ask him does he want to go clubbing with me to meet birds and have a drink he is like Yeah we should and talk about places to go. On facebook he...
A. 21 March 2009: It may be the other way around -- on Facebook your conversations are there for the whole world to see. He may feel uncomfortable about committing to plans openly on that forum. No offense but this guy does sound kind of flaky and insecure. You may ... (read in full...)
I just wish I could tell myself it was a mistake, learn from it, never do it again
Q. I seriously need help, I need real advice. Well, I've been with My boyfriend for almost 5 months and right when We first started going out there was a guy I used to hang out with and he liked me. So of course he wanted to kiss me and he pretty much...
A. 21 March 2009: You've been obsessing over this for 5 months? Oy. You need to stop and let it go. It was just a kiss. It's not a big deal. You are tormenting yourself for what -- 5-10 seconds of bad judgement? Sweetheart... read some of these other posts. There are ... (read in full...)
Over a year..not over the ex!
Q. Hey , I would appicated if anyone can give me some advices on what to do. Here's the story, I went out with her for about 3 years. The day I asked her to be my girlfriend was on my bday so it was really speical to me. She was my first girlfriend...
A. 7 February 2009: If you want to apologize, then write her a letter telling her how you feel. I went out with a guy once for 3 1/2 years. He didn't listen and ignored everything I said until I became too hurt and exhausted to continue. After we broke up, he finally ... (read in full...)
How should I present his V-day package to him?
Q. Hiya all, I've just bought my boyfriend some fluffy handcuffs for valentine's day and was wondering how to give them to him? I've also got him a photo frame - a more romantic gift Lol! Do you reckon I should give him the present and then just sh...
A. 7 February 2009: Wrap up the key to the handcuffs in a lovely box. Give that to him at dinner with the romantic picture frame. When he asks what's this for? you can smile and say "oh you'll see" or "the key to my heart darling of course" or something witty like ... (read in full...)
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