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*asteofIndia agony aunt

*asteofIndia

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*asteofIndia's profile:

TasteofIndia here. I'm 33 years old, with my BA in Theater & Psychology. I suppose you could say that I have studied people and how to get into their heads. I've been here on Dear Cupid for well over a decade. I love Dear Abby, Ann Landers, all those advice giving goddesses... when I found this website how could I resist?? (Couldn't.) I love Dear Cupid, love being a moderator and love giving advice when I can!!

A lot of people ask if I'm from India... just to clear things up, I'm not. I'm not Indian, I just really liked that song by Aerosmith when I first made this account. I've never been to India. I'm not even an Aerosmith fan, really, but I really liked that song at the time.

I've been with my fella for 14 years, married for 10. We have two cool daughters and a pretty cool life that involves lots of adventure, art and laughter.

I adore: positivity, theater, llamas, fromage, sweatpants, earrings, and sitcoms. That just about sums it up...

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Friend and I fell out. OK with me. But what do I do about a wedding we will both be attending? Don't want our issues to spoil bride's day.

Q.   My friend of twenty years and I had a terrible falling out. Now two years later, she wants to rehash everything, but I don't. Leading up to the "break up," we had grown apart, but I was taken by surprise with her decision to end it (via email). ...

A.   13 August 2012: I whole-heartedly agree with k_c100, and also agree that number 2 is your better option. I couldn't have laid it out better, and so I won't try. Excellent advice. Good luck!... (read in full...)

Can anyone help me figure out how to get such a hard-to-impress girl to like me back?

Q.   So, there is this girl. Intelligent, charming, good looking and so on. We get along really well, our conversations are great and I just think our personalities are compatible. But...she is very VERY hard to read; I don't think she's easily impressed ...

A.   2 August 2012: She doesn't date. Well, okay. It seems to me she's really not going to like guys trying to impress her. If you like her, I would do something counter-intuitive - stop chasing her. Assume you'll never date and just get to know each other as friends. ... (read in full...)

Dumped him for various red flags, agree or disagree?

Q.   Dated a guy for almost 2 years andhe never ever took me to his house or showed me where he lived. I found that creepy and asked him about it several times but he just ignored my requests to see his place. Dumped him eventually for that and a bunch ...

A.   2 August 2012: Absolutely agree!! Like HoneyPie, I don't know why it lasted two years! Two years wasted with that sketchy character. Trust your gut and know you did the right thing. ... (read in full...)

We broke up last week. With No Contact, his idea. But can I still text him to wish him good luck with exams? Or wait?

Q.   Hey Me and my bf broke up last week. I met him after 2 days asking him to be friends he disagreed for any contact. I maintained the no contact rule and today is the sixth day. He has exams on monday therefore, can I text him to wish him good lu...

A.   28 July 2012: Sorry sweetness, no contact means No Contact. So I wouldn't text him at all. Send him good vibes, but no text message. Good luck maintaining!... (read in full...)

I've lived in the same small town my entire life and it's getting depressing. I need a change. What should I do?

Q.   I've been feeling depressed recently due to many things. Mainly school, growing up, and love. I'm going to be a senior in college and I'm studying business. But I hate business because I dislike math. I can't stand all these graphs, numbers, and ...

A.   22 July 2012: Ahhh, present memories. I was lucky and double majored in theater and psychology. Theater I love. I feel passionately about it, and I love every second of learning and improving on myself. I can't say the same for Psych. It was great for the first ... (read in full...)

I used to be a bully!

Q.   When I was in 5th grade, I was bullied really hard by this girl. It seemed like everyone was mean to me because they were too scared to stand up to her. Anyway, there were a few kids she also bullied. I was desperate to make her like me, so I ...

A.   22 July 2012: What will bring you peace? What will make you feel closure? If it is apologizing, then that's what you need to do. But, if approaching them face-to-face, or at least, facebook-to-facebook isn't what you can do, write them letters. You don't need to ... (read in full...)

Any ideas for my daughter's 16th birthday party?

Q.   So my daughters 16th birthday is coming up in August and I don't know what to do for it I've read things on themes but she's not. Into stuff like that and we live in a small town so people aren't willing to do dances or anything formal...any ...

A.   16 July 2012: I'm pretty sure for my 16th we went to the park and had a big BBQ. It was awesome and memorable. And then bring in those blended smoothie drinks and the music that The Realist suggested!! ... (read in full...)

I would really like your opinions on this.

Q.   This is not really a question, but just something I'd like people's thoughts on. So, lately I've been noticing on Facebook the emergence of a lot of those supposedly inspirational photos/quotes aimed at women about loving who you are, being ...

A.   13 July 2012: Well, I agree with you - but I also think that guys are much more widely accepted at all sizes. Look at most sitcoms. Nearly all sitcoms. I don't know if in New Zealand you have all these, but look at King of Queens, Seinfeld, Everybody Loves ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend thinks I'm a freak because I used a male escort once. What do you think?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together 6 months now, things are going great and he's showing signs that he's about to pop the question, which I'm very excited about as I love him so much. Oh my God that sounds soooo girly and I'm not a girly girl at ...

A.   10 July 2012: I don't think you're a freak at ALL. I completely understand. Your logic makes sense, and I think that for the situation, who can blame you? This is one of those double standard things, because a guy wouldn't be able to get away with this quite as ... (read in full...)

Should I express my concerns? Or just go along with her excitement? She has already accepted a job in Porn industry

Q.   My girlfriend, 20 years lost her job last year and hasnt been able to find consistent work since. She came up to me a few weeks ago after talking to one of her friends about joining the porn industry. She is very interested and actually determin...

A.   8 July 2012: Hello! Listen, I'm not going to judge your girlfriend or you. It is an attractive industry, and finding a good company is hard to do. So I understand why this would be such a conundrum. While a lot of people are like "EWW", millions and millions... (read in full...)

I love him but feel he is rushing me into marriage next year. I haven't accepted. Should I accept?

Q.   I love my boyfriend so much and he obviously loves me more than i love him.it was him i gave my virginity to. we are both just 17. he proposed to me to marry him.he said he wants us to do it as soon as possible(next year when we turn 18). But i dont...

A.   8 July 2012: Nope. Because if you marry him, you'll only be bitter and resent him for pushing you into that kind of commitment. I don't doubt that you love him, but you shouldn't need to prove your lover by MARRYING HIM. That's just crazy. Marriage will not make ... (read in full...)

Is it true that girls my age are more attracted to guys who know how to drive and own a car?

Q.   Recently I've felt pressured into learning to drive. Here in the UK you can learn at 17 and im currently 19. Quite a few of my friends can drive but I've never got round to learning, most of the places I go to in my spare time are local or I can ...

A.   8 July 2012: I think this needs to be less about girls and more about you learning to drive. You need to learn how to drive! Who cares if you have a car or not, but you really ought to learn the skill. The sooner the better, because the longer you put it off, ... (read in full...)

A question for any woman who has caught her husband cheating

Q.   after a long day of sketchy and questionable behavior from my husband he *finally* came home *late*. ive been having this uneasy feeling lately that theres foul play going on but aside from all the red flags, this is what i came here to ask. SO, my ...

A.   28 June 2012: As Aunty Em says, that's pretty bad evidence against him. Makeup on his clothes, semen in his underwear... let's see him try and talk his way out of this one (he can't). Then it all comes down to what you see as cheating. If it were me, and I fo... (read in full...)

I want to stop taking my birth control pill and not tell my b/f

Q.   I'm 20. I started dating a great guy a few months ago, and for the past month, all I've been thinking about is getting pregnant. He's 27, has a wonderful job, and would not walk out on me if I got pregnant. His father left when he was young and he ...

A.   4 June 2012: You already know it's not right. And doing something when you know it isn't right because you want to... well, that's gonna feel real crappy. And then to have a child come out of that lie, a constant reminder that it wasn't made out of love, or even ... (read in full...)

I'm 17 and don't know if I want to lose my virginity or not

Q.   I'm 17 and basically, confused about weather I want to loose my virginity or not. I'm one of the oldest of my friends and I'm the only one to be still a virgin. I know that at least a small part of me wants to loose it, but the other half of me is ...

A.   2 June 2012: Masturbating is not weird, but encouraged. Like it was said, it is a good thing for you to get to know yourself before any fella does. That's what growing up is all about. If a part of you doesn't feel ready - listen to that part, because if you l... (read in full...)

Subtle ways needed. Is there a way of bringing him round to my wish for slow lovemaking?

Q.   I am very happy in my relationship. My partner and I enjoy our time together and have regular sex. But the problem is, it's always hard, fast sex, if you know what I mean! It's good and he drives me wild but sometimes I just want to 'make love' as...

A.   30 May 2012: Excellent advice all around! If talking doesn't work (which may suggest bigger issues), then go for Plan B: Tie him up with a scarf or a tie so that he can't move. Then you'll be free to move as slowly as you'd like without him grabbing you!... (read in full...)

He says he doesn't mind my moans but it embarrasses me later!

Q.   When I orgasm from having sex with my man, I cant help but moan quite loud. I know he likes it but it kind of embaresses me when I think about it afterwards. So Ive tried to stop it but I just cant. I also dig my nails into him so hard that Ive ...

A.   29 May 2012: If he's into it, then the only person lessening the fun of the sex you're having is YOU. Let go of your embarrassment and just enjoy the sex! He clearly is, so join him in the jubilee. You sound perfectly normal to me! And hey, if you don't want to ... (read in full...)

Should I stay in this sexless relationship?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend of 9 years and we have a 5 month old baby. We also haven't had sex since I was about 6 months pregnant making it 8-9 months total with no intimacy excluding greeting hugs and kisses. While pregnant he said he wanted to ...

A.   29 May 2012: Have you asked him why he still feels weird about having sex? It seems a shame to throw away a 9 year relationship with a great guy who treats you well and is the father of your child because something is holding him back from sleeping with you. ... (read in full...)

We both want to get married one day, but I'm worried that if I move in with him he will become too comfortable and never marry me!

Q.   Hi everyone, So I have this question about marriage. I have been with my bf for 2 years. We love each other and get along pretty well. We decided we wanted to move in together and are actively looking for a place together. It is all extremely ex...

A.   29 May 2012: Yes, if you're ready to move in together, you're ready to talk about the future of your relationship so you can start off on the right page. My fella and I dated for a year, lived together for three and then got married at four. It worked just ... (read in full...)

I told my husband I want to end the marriage and now he's acting all pitiful

Q.   After being married for 12 years I've told my husband I can take it no more and I want out. He's been cheating which I found out and even after that I've put up for 3 years. We have 2 kids and I have been telling him since a year that I am not happy ...

A.   26 May 2012: N91 is absolutely right. He's manipulating you, and if you fall for it, you'll be right back where you started. Don't relent! Leave as you've said you would. You'll be much happier in the long run. Good luck, sweet!... (read in full...)

Why are people so upset by the fact that I cant drive?

Q.   For the longest time i have been fearful of the art of driving. as a teen i was never excited to get my drivers licensee like everyone else. I have always been baffled how people could go through life driving and ultimately putting there lives in ...

A.   26 May 2012: Here's my thought - you seem to be rationalizing this by saying that putting yourself behind the wheel of the car and endangering your life by driving is the reason you don't want to drive. Who is most likely to protect themselves from harm? YO... (read in full...)

I don't want my girlfriend's gay friend at my house and she doesn't respect my wishes

Q.   My girlfriend has this lesbian couple as her friends. I have met them, spent time with them and i quite like them. This Sunday, she wants to take all of us out for breakfast, me, the couple and a male gay friend i have never met, but she talks about ...

A.   24 May 2012: There are aggressive girls, there are aggressive guys. But not all guys or girls are aggressive. I think if you had some experience with a girl in the past who was rubbing up on your foot and winking at you, you wouldn't ban all females. Just ... (read in full...)

My partner as just started army training.. Does this get any easier?

Q.   Iv been with my partner for 2 months now and before we got together we spoke loads and he told me he had applied for the army. I told him I would stick by him with whatever decision he makes. He went to army training and has been there a week and ...

A.   18 May 2012: My fella is a Marine. We got married 3 years ago, he joined and I pretty much haven't seen him since. It doesn't get easier, as the years go by you adjust or it gets more difficult. Being a military wife or girlfriend is a really tough job. And ... (read in full...)

I've been waiting for her to leave her husband for me for 15 years! Should I confront her or should I let this go?

Q.   I'm still in love with my childhood sweetheart and she said she is still in love with me and we have a child togeather but she is married to another man. I've been waiting for her to leave her husband to be with me for 15 years. What should I do. ...

A.   1 May 2012: You've wasted 15 years, and if you don't move on with your life, you'll waste 15 more. Then you've blown 30 years of a life that you only have one chance to live. Go and live your life, for crying out loud!! And don't even consider being with her ... (read in full...)

Does he just need time, or will I never mean as much to him?

Q.   Ok, so this guy who I've liked for a really long time told me he doesn't want a relationship with me. He recently broke up with his girlfriend of 8 months and since then, we've been getting closer and closer together. A few weeks ago, we ended up ...

A.   1 May 2012: Janniepeg is absolutely right. You should always be sure of the situation, and make sure you both have the same idea of what your relationship entails before sleeping with someone. Apparently he wanted something casual, perhaps he was rebounding a ... (read in full...)

Our sex life is a shambles

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost three years. I'm 20 and he's 23. In all other respects our relationship is great but it's just the sex life that is a mess. I'll give you a bit of background on our sex lives before we were ...

A.   27 April 2012: Well, you're both not helping each other. From the get go, you should have been taking more of the lead and showing him what kind of stuff you like, and taking more control. He's not great in missionary? Get on top, girl and show him how it's done! ... (read in full...)

He's gay but fools around with girls, but he's never made a move on me! What should I do?

Q.   Hi guys and gals, I'd appreciate some help here.... There's this guy who's my college friend. He's gay and I think he's hot! Seriusly, im very attracted to him. Now recently i got a lil shock when i heard through the rumor mill that he was fool...

A.   30 March 2012: Someone in another part of the world, and a bit younger is having the same problem. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-thought-my-friend-was-gay-but-found.html Here was the advice she got... and I don't think my advice to you would be much di... (read in full...)

Can you be in labor if your water doesn't break?

Q.   MOD NOTE: We are not doctors, please go to the hospital, yes you can be in labor! can you be in labor even if your water doesnt break?? having serious contractions and not sure whether or not to go to the hospital....

A.   29 March 2012: For the love of God, get off the internet and into the hospital!! The human body is a crazy thing, it's speaking to you and you should listen to it! You will only find doctors who can diagnose you at the hospital, not on Dear Cupid!! Congr... (read in full...)

She's the one who is getting him to cheat on me!

Q.   the guy that i've had a crush on finally asked me out, we've been dating for almost a week. and i think he's cheating on me. he's been texting my friend ******** and she's always getting him horny. at first, she said she was happy for us both ...

A.   29 March 2012: I wonder, who told you that? Who told you that he was only talking her down from suicide? Did she tell you? Or did he? That sounds like a bunch of bologna to me. But even if it is true, he made an explicit choice to say "I love you, I miss you... (read in full...)

She's the one who is getting him to cheat on me!

Q.   the guy that i've had a crush on finally asked me out, we've been dating for almost a week. and i think he's cheating on me. he's been texting my friend ******** and she's always getting him horny. at first, she said she was happy for us both ...

A.   28 March 2012: She isn't doing anything to you, aside from being a lousy friend. But she's single - she's not committing a crime. Your BOYFRIEND is the one who is the screw up! He's committed to you! He should be able to resist advances, no matter who they're ... (read in full...)

I thought my friend was gay but found out he sleeps with women. I'm attracted to him, do I say so?

Q.   I have a gay male friend and we're really close.I have been attracted to him since day one of knowing him but obviously i tried to keep my thoughts in check, knowing he's gay. I knew that there wouldn't be much chance of getting with him considering ...

A.   28 March 2012: Here's my thought on this: Perhaps he's gay, as in he enjoys having relationships with men. But, doesn't mind fooling around or having sex with women. So, I don't think that he's going to suddenly turn around and want a relationship with you... m... (read in full...)

How to deal with lies at school?

Q.   I know this isn't the usual type of question for this site, but I pray you will help me anyway. there's this guy at school, who is spreading vicious lies about me [he's telling everyone I told him i'd be happy if he killed himself] when I ...

A.   27 March 2012: Personally, I'd write him a letter.. since he won't listen to you when you chat, I'd write a letter saying something like... "I'm terribly sorry that you've heard a rumor that simply isn't true. I would hate anybody thinking I wished them death, e... (read in full...)

How can I make my parents and grandpa see that I need to have my phone?

Q.   My parents just took my cell phone. Its spring break! I cant talk to any of my firends. Im going to my grandpas house tomorrow. He says I dont spend enough time with him when im there. None of my friends live near by, he dosnt have internet, and no ...

A.   27 March 2012: I'm 25, and didn't get a cell phone until I was 16. Now I kind of miss the days when I didn't have one... it was nice having time to myself and actually delving into creative things, like writing, reading, drawing, games, photography... get in touch ... (read in full...)

I miss my ex terribly, should I try and get in touch?

Q.   My ex and i have been broken up for two months. We were together about a year he is the one that broke it off just saying things weren't going to work and he didn't want to try anymore. I miss him terribly should i try to make contact? Even though ...

A.   27 March 2012: I wouldn't contact him. He seems to have made himself pretty darn clear. I'm so sorry, sweetness!! But like the first poster, I think contact will only be more painful and cause you more hurt than the hurt you're feeling now. Check out this question ... (read in full...)

I like to cook for him but he feels I'm being too motherly! Am I being too pushy?

Q.   I like to eat healthy and my bf...not so much. usually he'll buy a huge package of what he thinks is the least-tasty/most healthy lettuce he can find, glares at it for 3 weeks until it liquifies. Meanwhile, when i visit, i make hearts with my eyes ...

A.   27 March 2012: Maybe go out and buy some cooking magazines or cookbooks and look through the recipes together? He sounds like a guy with zero motivation to find recipes independently. I would remind him that you just love to cook - it's not you being motherly... (read in full...)

Any advice to keep me going through this break up, or any tips on how to stay strong?

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 years and I broke up on Saturday. It was so abrupt I've been in such shock ( the gist of it being I thought he was the one, he didn't feel the same anymore so I left) So far I've been doing ok, quite up and down but generally al...

A.   27 March 2012: Wonderful advice from all. I also recommend to distract yourself as much as possible. I have found in my own experience, that the pain passes with time, and while you should address your pain - writing it out in a journal is what I like to do - ... (read in full...)

I need fashion help badly!

Q.   I have never been real fashion trendy. I guess you can say i am more of a tom boy. I have wanted to be more style trendy since mom family is but i guess it skipped me. I am married and money has been tight so i don"t buy clothes for me unless i...

A.   27 March 2012: You got great advice. Target, dresses that cinch at the smallest part of your body (the waist, usually), classic black stilettos, learning to accessorize, getting a new haircut, working out, reading fashion magazines... As I have found with hee... (read in full...)

What can I say to just make her stop?

Q.   Hi all.. Last weekend my friend and I got into an argument. It wasn't the first one and I was overall fed up with her bullsh*t, so I told her I'm done with her and got an app on my phone to block her. Well, I can still see what she says as long...

A.   17 March 2012: Yes, definitely sounds like high school! What a lousy situation. I'd just keep ignoring her. She'll settle down soon. If you write back, you'll only be encouraging her and rewarding her persistence. Good luck! ... (read in full...)

I want to have a relationship--but I find women utterly annoying!!

Q.   ok here's my problem. i've never really had a successful relationship with a woman. the reason is...the ones I've dated or known closely have gotten to be the most annoying, superficial. dishonest, and gossipy individuals I've ever met. i am ...

A.   15 March 2012: Oh brother. You've just started what I suspect will be a very intense thread. And I'm sure all the other Aunts and Uncles will speak for me. I don't really feel like getting into it with you. But, it seems obvious to me - why not give dating ... (read in full...)

My fiance broke my cell phone and wont pay for it, because of this he ruined our daughters birthday. Should I end the relationship?

Q.   I was with my fiance for 3 years on and off..well in that time we have had numerous problems..for a while now I thought he really just has been using me for sex because all though he works and goes to school full time he makes little time for me if ...

A.   15 March 2012: Well, if the phone is what it takes for you to end this relationship with this jerk, then fine. YES, you should end it with the guy who belittles you, only uses you for sex, lies, insults your abilities, isn't there or loving towards you or your ... (read in full...)

Was this Band member being sincere? Did he mean it when he said contact him again? Should I?

Q.   The other night I went to see one of my favorite bands play in a tiny bar in a tiny town, so there really wasnt anyone there. I'm only visiting here so I went alone. I ended up talking to one of the members at the bar, and we totally hit it off....

A.   13 March 2012: Amen to the first poster. Approach with caution. Lots of people are trustworthy, but not everybody is worth your trust. Never, EVER trust a stranger, even if they seem genuine. As someone who works with actors all day, everyday - there are a lo... (read in full...)

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