The aloof man
Q. I am really in a confused state of mind. I feel loved starved, and desperate because I have strong feelings for someone, and I know that I am an important person in their life. However, we went through tough times. We met each other in 2007, h...
A. 29 July 2009: Well, it seems like you love him, at least.
This guy doesn't sound as vested as you are in the relationship. Its possible that you can turn all this around, don't ever let anyone tell you its not. A good possibility.
But here's what I se... (read in full...)
The guy I had an affair with has been cheating on his current girlfriend, so I sent an anonymous email. Do you think he might finally have learned his lesson?
Q. Hi I had an affair with a guy that works with me.We were friends for 2 years,then we started to have sex for 1 year then we stopped. Now we are friends again for 2 years. His last girlfriend left him because he cheated on her. Then he cheated ...
A. 23 July 2009: I think you had a hand in starting this whole debacle by getting with a dude who had a gf. Or you had a bf... or both. Since you took part in the "initial" cheat, I don't see how you have a right to be surprised at his actions.
As to sending ... (read in full...)
I need help before I destroy more lives!
Q. why am i such a pessimist it truly is awful being like this,im actualy an horrible person but i am quite good at fooling people especially women,i know that my ex girlfriend was good to me in loads of ways but i even turned her against ...
A. 23 July 2009: I'd bet a hundred to one that you are casting more blame on yourself than really is appropriate. You may be in a bad spot right now. But unless you have committed some atrocious deplorable crime, then you are NOT passed the point of no return. ... (read in full...)
Want to join a gym but I'm shy and self conscious, advice needed on how to overcome this!
Q. Dear Cupid, i've really been considering going to the gym to better my health, but the problem is that i'm pretty shy/self-conscious and i worry that if i do end up going to the gym, that people will be staring at me while working out, even tho...
A. 27 June 2009: I go to Gold's and I don't encounter anything weird like that. You got people stronger than you there, sure, but they are generally just doing their own thing, and not worried about you in the least.
Also, the gym is a great place to meet fit... (read in full...)
Dating a older guy who seems to be confused
Q. I am 29 and I met a guy who is 42 yrs old Brit. I met him at a gig and to network I gave him my business card. Later he emailed me saying how great I did and he is in debt to me. I wrote back and said if he is ever in the area I work in we can go ...
A. 26 June 2009: Generally that is always a part of it. When an older man goes for someone a couple decades younger, sexual attraction is bound to be a factor. You have to understand you have led him on a bit. The sexual texts, the fooling around right to ... (read in full...)
I'm torn between two lovers....
Q. I really need help. Ive been with my bf for a year and abit. I cheated on him with my best mate from work .I have come to realise that it was a big mistake. I told my mate that i think we should just be friends and nothing more. He has said he ...
A. 15 June 2009: There was a reason that you cheated. Before all the guilt and possibly shame, you strayed into the arms of another man. You must try to remember what the reason was. Boredom? being unappreciated? not talking? compatibility? curiosity? Whatever ... (read in full...)
Anyone out there who has dated a stripper and made it work?
Q. Is it possible to fall in love with a stripper? I met this girl about 2 weeks ago and weve gone on a few dates but we arent offically dating, and i wanted to make it official but she said she needed to tell me something, thats when she let me ...
A. 9 June 2009: I tried it.. it didn't work for me. But hey, your situation sounds a bit different. You picked her up outside of the club after all. In my case, I picked her up IN the club and tried to date her after. So you actually have moral superiority over ... (read in full...)
How can I help my son with his drug addiction?
Q. I don't know if I can help him (my son and his drug addiction.) Presently he lives with me and I want help, but he is not really ready to quit. I don't know if he will ever quit, but WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP? What do you think... what is the most comm...
A. 9 June 2009: What kind of drugs?
Some drugs need outright intervention because they rob a person of their free will. Crack, meth..heroin ect. If it is one of these, then I suggest you check him into a rehabilitation center.
if it is less serious drugs.. ... (read in full...)
I'm in one big lonely mess...
Q. I'm in one big lonely mess and it is getting me so down I spend nearly every night crying. I used to have a really close circle of friends, and even though we went our separate ways after school, we still kept in touch and went out together at the ...
A. 9 June 2009: Hmm.. Well, something happened, undefined, that alienated you from your friends. Happens. You possibly offended someone that had more "pull" than you in the group, and the rest followed that person like a pack of lemmings in ostracizing you.... (read in full...)
My husband is very defensive, but needs to understand my side of the story, how do I get through to him?
Q. My husband and ihave been married 7 years. He has been not doing so well in his business and I have been paying all the bills. He is always upset about everything I do. I stay home all day with kids and go to work at night. I asked him to take our ...
A. 8 June 2009: Honey if you pay all the bills HE should be doing the housework. Or at the very least not dogging you just because you forgot to pick up a dirty sock or something.
Defensive...hmm. He could be guilty and ashamed. When people get over defensiv... (read in full...)
Wanted to talk to girl at club, she wouldn't after talking with her friends, why are women so insecure?
Q. i approached a girl at a club and i asked if i could have a chat with her. enthusiastically she said "yea why not, but leme talk to my friends first cuz we're leavin soon, so i'l be back". after a couple of minutes i noticed she was around me with ...
A. 8 June 2009: Yeh.. Club scene you are unlikely to find just lone girls wandering around. In the club, you have to socialize with the whole group they are with, and charm the friend next to her otherwise the friend WILL block you like an offensive lineman. ... (read in full...)
What kind of game is he playing with me?
Q. Dont understand my ex broke up 2 months ago. He came to my rescue a few days ago with a family illness. He acts like he wants me back but yet has not called for 2 days. Not even to see how my father is doing in the hospital. So why did he offer ...
A. 8 June 2009: Well... When he asked to go see a movie with you, did you communicate willingness to do so? Perhaps he was put off for some reason, perhaps you were playing a little too hard to get..
And as to the family illness, I think he did his part che... (read in full...)
He's socially awkward, what do I do?
Q. hi my man is not very social. he is awkward in social situations and around my friends. when we are alone he is so nice and chatty and outgoing. it feels like he has a split personality. its especially hard when my friends etc are like "why are you ...
A. 8 June 2009: I'll tell you what happened,
you have gained his trust. He feels able and willing to open up completely to you and show his fun, friendly, and outgoing side.
But as for the rest of the world, he doesn't trust them as much. So he presents them... (read in full...)
My wife has doubled in size, I've lost interest in sex..do I leave her to get her to get in shape?
Q. When I proposed to my wife she was 5' and a perfect size zero. She had lovely long hair and walked like a graceful lady. Exactly my type. Now after 15 yrs of marriage she's a size 14-16 w/ short hair and walks like a chimp. Doubling her weight ...
A. 8 June 2009: You all misunderstand. I wasn't calling him shallow, not in the strictest sense of the word.
I was pointing at the cause of her gaining weight in the first place, and the probable motivation for her losing it, not just purely the current situatio... (read in full...)
Cannot let go of my first love
Q. i can not let go of my first love. we have been dating for 5 months, we loved each other a lot, but we broke up because she would not stop flirting with my friends, and i could not stop complaining. after a few weeks of separation i grew weak and ...
A. 8 June 2009: Dude.. Ok, I'll throw you a clue.
I meant a new question altogether, in a new thread. You are back in the site's history archives right now, you realize this? Only reason I still see this is because of my follow up notifications.
Ok, if ... (read in full...)
I just want fun, but he's getting emotionally attached...
Q. I have recently started an affair with a married guy at work. He is a lot more senior than me, older than me and married. It started off with him inviting me to a working lunch and I genuinely thought that's all it was. We then went out again and I ...
A. 6 June 2009: "run its course"?
If he is feeling love, and you are feeling "fun", then it is immoral of you to continue. But no more immoral than cheating, I suppose.
Yeah, do whatever you want to him, he shouldn't be cheating anyway.... (read in full...)
Married, but gay and I don't believe in Bi-sexuals!
Q. So I'm in my early 20's and got married to my HS sweetheart. Very typical; most of you already know why I need advice. She is quite possibly the best thing for me and keeps me grounded, she's smart and ridiculously good looking. All my friends are ...
A. 6 June 2009: I know dudes that swing both ways... Its fully possible. Quit playing mind games with yourself. You are attracted to her, right? You have had sex with her right? These memories and acts cannot just be swept under the carpet of recollection. A ... (read in full...)
How long is too long for a Break-Up?
Q. I see people have broken up for close to 8 months, 1year and 2 years and yet they would just refer it to "Only 8 months" "Only 1 year". Isn't that long enough or a reasonable time and most times, they still get back together after that long period ...
A. 6 June 2009: Who knows... there is no set amount of time. Each situation/connection is different. I've heard stories of high school sweethearts divorcing their spouses 20 years later and getting back together.
An interesting tidbit from the bible to consider... (read in full...)
My wife has doubled in size, I've lost interest in sex..do I leave her to get her to get in shape?
Q. When I proposed to my wife she was 5' and a perfect size zero. She had lovely long hair and walked like a graceful lady. Exactly my type. Now after 15 yrs of marriage she's a size 14-16 w/ short hair and walks like a chimp. Doubling her weight ...
A. 6 June 2009: "walks like a chimp."
lol..
Wow. This man has a serious problem, would you want someone that walks like a chimp?
The answer is of course, she doesn't really walk like a chimp. But your inner dialogue about this woman is troubling. Tha... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 6 June 2009: Quirklady,
Well.. then I have lost track of what we are even arguing about. Oh that's right. You started with a post I found mildly offensive, then in reaction to my most appropriate response, accused me of being something based on the strength... (read in full...)
I like her but she does drugs! How do I let her down?
Q. There's this girl at work I began to like quite a bit over the last few weeks. She is cute, funny, friendly and just an easy going person to be around. I'm a little shy when it comes to this stuff, but I began giving out little hints that I fan...
A. 6 June 2009: Well it depends what kind of drugs, honestly. If it is weed, people can still live productive lives using weed. She is living proof. I mean obviously if they have known her a "long" time she has held down her job despite her whatever habit she ... (read in full...)
I think I'm scared of having an orgasm!
Q. My vibrator isn't getting me off... I think it's 'cause I'm too scared of going having an orgasm. I recently got out of a very long term relationship (almost 6 years), and we were each others first and only kiss, sex partners, etc. The sex was never ...
A. 4 June 2009: As I understand, with females getting an O is contingent upon a mental release as well as the physical. You seem to have some mental hangups when it comes to sex and pleasure. You are exactly right, you are not LETTING yourself orgasm.
You h... (read in full...)
Desperate to lose weight and fit in!
Q. i am just desperate to lose weight. I'm not pretty and I don't know why my boyfriend wants to sleep with me (I do too). I have been making myself throw up for a week trying fit in with my friends who are so prettier then me. How can I be to be ...
A. 4 June 2009: Sorry but that's pretty..... pretty dumb! Its not healthy! If you are so desperate, you should hit the gym and do situps till you scream and run on the treadmill till your sides burned. Then you would rest, stretch, and do it all over again! ... (read in full...)
Any ideas for writing emails that give a good impression? I signed up for an online dating service.
Q. hi i signed up for a onlie dating agentses a few months ago and sent 2 or 3 email to girls i was interested in but got no reply just wonderd if anyone had any ideas on wot i should put on thease emails i/e to get the girls atention as i spotted ...
A. 4 June 2009: Well it depends on the site for starters. E Harmony has different dynamics going on than say... adult friend finder!
But across the board, one thing to understand about those online sites: The women are even more selective there than they are... (read in full...)
Her vagina smells! What do I do?
Q. Help! I have been dating this girl for 3 months now and we are starting to get sexual. The only problem is her vagina kinda stanks. How do i tell her or what do i do???...
A. 3 June 2009: Dude..one time in my reckless youth I got with this chick that had an odor resembling rotten eggs mixed with turpentine. Luckily I was massively drunk or I would have never survived it when I went down on her. Man, I couldn't get that smell off my ... (read in full...)
Lost love - normal to see them in another person?
Q. Hello there, I have a small question to ask. When you fall in love with someone, you become completely attached to them and devote your time, self and thoughts to them, right? But, if you lose them, either through death, distance or just ...
A. 3 June 2009: If the reason you get with someone is cuz they remind you of an ex, then I don't think that's fair to the new person, or to yourself. I think that's different than going for a "type" that you like. Might sound similar but in all reality its not.... (read in full...)
Cannot let go of my first love
Q. i can not let go of my first love. we have been dating for 5 months, we loved each other a lot, but we broke up because she would not stop flirting with my friends, and i could not stop complaining. after a few weeks of separation i grew weak and ...
A. 3 June 2009: If you want different viewpoints from mine, you might want to just start a new question. We are sort of isolated at this point. lol. Damn, dude. This chick sounds vindictive and scorned squared. What on earth did you do to her to make her inva... (read in full...)
Created a disaster, by agreeing to move in with her and her kids, how do I end it peacefully?
Q. Hey folks, thanks for reading. A bit(okay, a lot) of background: My girlfriend and I have been together for a little more than a year, and she has two kids from previous relationships. When we first got together she was living in a very tiny apar...
A. 2 June 2009: ahh..I didn't think about how YOU could leave for some reason....interesting.
Yeah, that works too. Less messy. Good solution, you are only renting after all.. and if there is no complications with getting your name off the lease then great. ... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 1 June 2009: This isn't just about doors. That's just the surface..I agree that a lot of men (and women) are jaded, and I agree that this developing society is largely at fault. Blending of gender roles.. deteriorating of family values. You name it.
"Syfe... (read in full...)
Created a disaster, by agreeing to move in with her and her kids, how do I end it peacefully?
Q. Hey folks, thanks for reading. A bit(okay, a lot) of background: My girlfriend and I have been together for a little more than a year, and she has two kids from previous relationships. When we first got together she was living in a very tiny apar...
A. 1 June 2009: One more aside:
She has someplace else. She has to. Family, friends. If you kick her out, she wouldn't end up on the street. She'd most likely end up at her momma's house.
other than that, I see one possible solution: You can have a conve... (read in full...)
Created a disaster, by agreeing to move in with her and her kids, how do I end it peacefully?
Q. Hey folks, thanks for reading. A bit(okay, a lot) of background: My girlfriend and I have been together for a little more than a year, and she has two kids from previous relationships. When we first got together she was living in a very tiny apar...
A. 31 May 2009: Well... a lot of women out there have a pretty large sense of entitlement, to a man's logic. This sounds like such a case. Why would she work when she has you? She has to raise her kids after all! Apparently you aren't ready, or able, to prov... (read in full...)
Do I let her keep playing games or should I break contact by being silent?
Q. Hello, I am 29. My ex-fiance is now 30. We got engaged a little over a year ago. Heres my situation. She is a massage therapist. About a month ago, she had a client (this is what she called him) that came in and she was doing some healing work ...
A. 31 May 2009: Healing work eh...that brings to mind a certain Marvin Gaye song... But seriously.. I sort of know what you are talking about. I dated a stripper once upon a time. Who knows who REALLY is a client and who isn't a client? There is definite phys... (read in full...)
How do I know if I'm really in love with him?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 2 months and i am really starting to love him, but how do i know if I 'm in love with him?...
A. 31 May 2009: The age old answer to that is "you'll know when it hits you" but another unfortunate possibility that is more rarely mentioned is: "you won't know till afterward when that person is gone" My advice would be, don't be so eager to slap a label on ... (read in full...)
Engaged but, he doesn't work, smokes weed all the time, plays video games and I'm tired, any suggestions?
Q. i dont know what to do thats y im asking for help. i been with my boyfriend/fiancee for 2 yrs, the reason y i put the slash fiancee is cause im engaged to him but i feel like our relationship is going no where, im 24 he is 25 he has a daughter from ...
A. 31 May 2009: You should go, or at least present him with an ultimatum. Not because I'm against weed. I'm no narc. I think, used in moderation, people can lead good lives despite using a drug like that. But he smokes in excess. He doesn't sound like a won... (read in full...)
How to deal with chest hair?
Q. i have a pretty hairy chest, but i dont really want one anymore, ive tried to shave it but all that it left me with was multiple ingrown hairs, rough stuble. I want a smooth hairless chest, is there anyway to get that?, maybe waxing?...
A. 29 May 2009: waxing isn't permanent... laser hair removal would be your best bet.
But that's $$$... (read in full...)
Cannot let go of my first love
Q. i can not let go of my first love. we have been dating for 5 months, we loved each other a lot, but we broke up because she would not stop flirting with my friends, and i could not stop complaining. after a few weeks of separation i grew weak and ...
A. 29 May 2009: Dude...not talk to her less. Don't talk to her, period, until you can feel more detached. She is fighting the influence battle on you, as I said. And you are not even fighting back, you are capitulating? Feh! A man does not do this! Man up. If y... (read in full...)
Cannot let go of my first love
Q. i can not let go of my first love. we have been dating for 5 months, we loved each other a lot, but we broke up because she would not stop flirting with my friends, and i could not stop complaining. after a few weeks of separation i grew weak and ...
A. 29 May 2009: Seeing her all the time can be rough, true. But letting go is not synonymous with distance. Ask any woman, they have the capability of making you feel worlds apart when you are standing right next to them, and at the same time, can make you feel ... (read in full...)
Will she come back if I give her space?
Q. So there's this girl I go to school with since September. Around December, she was absent from school one day and I called her to make sure she was okay. Then I spoke to her at a school play. By about February, it seemed she just might like me. The ...
A. 28 May 2009: You're welcome, I suppose.
"Will she eventually come back if I give her her space?"
Your words, not the site's.
But no matter. I'm saying your situation could be a lot worse. We'll leave it at that. I understand that you two were friend... (read in full...)
I have a massive porn addiction
Q. hi, this is more confession than question but i would like some feed back so i have a pretty...well lets call it healthy, sex drive. i think sometimes it screws with me being happy with my life. i dare say i am on the boarder of being a porn add...
A. 28 May 2009: "i almost feel as tho my life is ready to be over (not by my own hands but by gods hand)"
Because you looked at some porn? Dude, its not that big a deal. You might think God will smite you, but that also translates into self aggrandi... (read in full...)
Cannot let go of my first love
Q. i can not let go of my first love. we have been dating for 5 months, we loved each other a lot, but we broke up because she would not stop flirting with my friends, and i could not stop complaining. after a few weeks of separation i grew weak and ...
A. 28 May 2009: I just reread your post, you don't live with her, you two are already broken up, and you are keeping "tabs" on her.
Well that's different. Though still relevant, my earlier post would have been more appropriate advice for you a while ago.
... (read in full...)
Cannot let go of my first love
Q. i can not let go of my first love. we have been dating for 5 months, we loved each other a lot, but we broke up because she would not stop flirting with my friends, and i could not stop complaining. after a few weeks of separation i grew weak and ...
A. 28 May 2009: You have reason to be jealous..
You do. Your first mistake here is thinking you are somehow wrong in that. You're not. If you communicated in the beginning your desire for a monogamous type of arrangement, and not an "open" thing, then you are ... (read in full...)
Will she come back if I give her space?
Q. So there's this girl I go to school with since September. Around December, she was absent from school one day and I called her to make sure she was okay. Then I spoke to her at a school play. By about February, it seemed she just might like me. The ...
A. 28 May 2009: One thing to understand:
You wouldn't be "winning her back", you would be winning her for the first time. You two never dated. There it is. You were never together. You flirted with the possibility of being with each other, but you have to ... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 25 May 2009: "You know, the "Nice Guys", the insecure guys who put you on a pedestal right away, can't understand why you don't like being smothered with attention 24/7, and think they are entitled to your love because they act like a doormat for you. A ... (read in full...)
What do you think? Is chivalry really dead or do gentlemen still exits?
Q. I am a big fan of classic period dramas and books such as Pride and Prejudice and North and South. I love how women are treated in this era and how men are respectable gentlemen. I know i am not alone in this thought and that many women love ...
A. 25 May 2009: Problem is most women of my generation treat nice guys like complete contemptible pathetic pieces of dirt. You are basically describing a nice guy, what with chivalry and all that, no?
Case in point: I used to be a perfect gentleman, just as ... (read in full...)
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