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*ugarbuns

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I want to move in together and he doesn't. how do we get around this problem?

Q.   I want to move in together and he doesn't. My boyfriend and i have been together for about a year and 7 months. This is my first serious relationship. We both live in the same city but in different apartments. I spend about 3 quarters of my time at ...

A.   29 August 2007: You simply ask him. The next time your unpacking your things say, "Tell me something.....what is it about living together that scares you (turns you off, freaks you out, you fill in the blanks)....?" You'll never know until you simply ask. ... (read in full...)

My mother hasn't spoken to me in a month and has been telling my children lies!

Q.   A liitle confused. My mother hasn't been speaking to me for over a month due to the fact that I went back to my ex who she doesn't like. Mind you I have two boys ages 12 and 6 who she has been putting stuff in their heads which I think is not right ...

A.   29 August 2007: You might just be better off distancing yourself from her, however sad that may be. She will eventually turn your boys against you if she's filling their heads with lies, and bashing your character. She may be your mother, but she neither respects ... (read in full...)

I said I would move to her town, but I don't think I have the money! I am very afraid for our future, IF I even have one with her.

Q.   Hello. I am just a normal guy, almost hitting 30, and looking for my better half. I have been in two serious relationships so far, never married, though. First of all, let me start by mentioning that I came to this country only about a year and...

A.   29 August 2007: If you love her, you should move closer to her and see where the relationship goes. If you don't, you will always wonder and that will drive you crazy in the long run. Things may not work out for the two of you but you're never going to figure it ... (read in full...)

My married life: lacking romance, lacking friendship and just plain lonely.

Q.   Ive been married 2 years and have a child who is nearly 1.My problem is that my husband doesnt want to spend time with me to take me out,He just stays at home,eats and uses the computer to do stupid research.He doesnt do anything romantic like bring ...

A.   29 August 2007: My heart goes out to you! Have you asked him why he's like this? Is he aware of how much it's damaging your intimacy? I was once married to a guy who would never really talk to me about anything. He would come home, flop down in front of the TV a... (read in full...)

I want to move in together and he doesn't. how do we get around this problem?

Q.   I want to move in together and he doesn't. My boyfriend and i have been together for about a year and 7 months. This is my first serious relationship. We both live in the same city but in different apartments. I spend about 3 quarters of my time at ...

A.   29 August 2007: No, quite the opposite. Alot of them are pushing for us to move in before we're ready. You didn't mention what reasons your b/f gave you for NOT wanting the two of you to live together, so it's hard to figure out what's up. If he's considering ... (read in full...)

How can I get through to him that this episode makes me uncomfortable without sounding insecure?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. Recently while at his place his Messenger popped up with a loud kiss inviting him to a falling hearts chat room. Her e-mail starts off as Hey babe. I asked him about this female before and he ...

A.   29 August 2007: Sorry about that last response! My computer sent the last answer before I had edited it and cleaned it up. So let me finish my train of thought: Simply ask him why a friend would address him as "babe". That clearly implies more intimacy than fri... (read in full...)

How can I get through to him that this episode makes me uncomfortable without sounding insecure?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. Recently while at his place his Messenger popped up with a loud kiss inviting him to a falling hearts chat room. Her e-mail starts off as Hey babe. I asked him about this female before and he ...

A.   29 August 2007: Simply ask him why a friend would address him as "babe". That clearly implies more intimacy than friendship. And if he doesn't respond to her invites, it seems odd that she would continue to invite him over and over. Most women would get the hint ... (read in full...)

What if she is playing me the same way she did her boyfriend?

Q.   I ain't proud of what I'm about to divulge but it was great, now I seem to be tormenting myself. A couple of years ago, I was dating a girl after a year or so, we were going thru a break up. During the break-up time, I met another girl and we ...

A.   29 August 2007: Reschedule your business committments and go to the UK with her. You will not be keeping her in your clutches the whole time. She will still be attending the business meetings, you can go sight-seeing, sleep late and work out at the hotel gym. ... (read in full...)

What do you think about affairs?

Q.   What do you guys think about affairs? Esp when someone has one when only in the first few years of their relationship. Does this mean generally they are unhappy, missing something? And if so once the affair has started and even stopped, will that...

A.   28 August 2007: I do believe in most cases, cheating is a symptom of something that is missing in the relationship and for whatever reason, that person is afraid to simply confront that demon and move on. Sometimes there's a fear of being alone that prompts people ... (read in full...)

I met a guy at the weekend, we got on well, now I've heard nothing!??

Q.   Hi, I met a guy at the weekend in the local disco, I got chatting to him and we ended up kissing. We danced and kissed all night in the disco and swapped numbers at the end of the night. He text when he got home to let me know he was home and ask...

A.   28 August 2007: Sort of sounds like he was looking for a fling and nothing more. But if you want to figure it out, just text him or call him and ask him out for coffee, or lunch (something that doesn't involve alchohol, or potential sex). If he makes excuses, ... (read in full...)

When he jokes with me he he really wanting me to to do stuff, but afraid to come right out and ask?

Q.   my question is kind of embarrassing but here goes i was dating a man last year and during that time we would engage in oral sex we have since then broke up but remain friends im still very attracted to him and think about him all the time but he is ...

A.   28 August 2007: Probably he's half-serious, just testing to see if you'll offer it when you can get him out of ear-shot of his new g/f. Instead of hitting him with the oral sex questions, the next time you are alone with him (like maybe when she goes to the ... (read in full...)

I was drunk and stoned he took advantage last night what should i do

Q.   i was drunk and stoned he took advantage last night what should i do...

A.   28 August 2007: Put it behind you and know your limits next time. The advice the other aunts have given you also apply. One of the greatest things a woman can do, is not put herself in a situation where she is not in control of what's going on around her. Good ... (read in full...)

I've been dating her for 4 months now, but she has cooled off. I dont know if I was too smothering? What do you think?

Q.   Hello. I've been dating this girl for about 4 months. We have a lot of activities in common. Both Gemini - if that matters. From the beginning I really liked her a lot and have fallen in love with her. About 2 weeks ago she wanted to end the ...

A.   28 August 2007: I think you should thank your lucky stars that she had the guts to tell you the truth now, instead of deluding you for months or years and then pulling the plug. It takes alot of courage to tell a man that you don't share the same level of love for ... (read in full...)

My boyfriends little girl sees me as a threat. I dont want to come between her and her dad. Any advice please?

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 years has a 7 years old daughter. She is from his previous marriage that his wife ran off with another guy. The daughter is now living with the mom who just had a new born baby. I’m in good relationship with my boyfriend’s ...

A.   28 August 2007: She's still young, you still have the chance to win her over and be the hero. She needs a mother-figure to look up to and turn to. That could very well be you. If you approach the situation cautiously, and take small steps, my guess is, she's ... (read in full...)

My boyfriends little daughter wants to know why her parenst split. They have told her she will know when she is older. Do you think this is right?

Q.   My boyfriend's daughter who is 7 years old told me she wants to know why her mom and my boyfriend got separated. She doesn't understand why everyone keep telling her they will explain to her when she is 17-18. The truth is her mom had an affair with ...

A.   28 August 2007: She's far too young to understand the dynamics that led to their split, even if she is asking. You might make a comment that sometimes people make better mommies and daddies when they live apart, but I wouldn't go much further than that because ... (read in full...)

Me and my guy dont seem to do anything fun anymore! Any suggestions???

Q.   I told my boyfriend we never have any fun outing anymore. All we do is sit at home and he’s on his computer and I’m on my computer. I wanted to go to interesting places that I can have a memorable weekend. He agreed with me and said we’ll do ...

A.   28 August 2007: Some guys just aren't good at stuff like that. But maybe he will learn from your example. Plan something fun and don't be afraid to do it a few more times. Perhaps he will eventually take the initiative once he figures out it's not rocket ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with my neighbour! How do I know if she's interested in me more than a friend?

Q.   I am in love with My neighbor. I've known my neighbor lady for about 2 years..she had a boyfriend who lived with her...he didnt treat her very well,drank alot,and for a few months now he is gone every week for work, last week-end she kicked him out ...

A.   23 August 2007: Well, why don't you invite her over to your house to watch a movie or have pizza with you and see what develops. Good luck.... (read in full...)

She never has much to talk about.

Q.   Hi, I have a brief but none the less personally important question. I've been dating my current gf for about 6 months now. At first we would find things to talk about without much of a problem, but after the first couple of months it started to ...

A.   23 August 2007: I was once married to a guy like this and I wish I would've seen the signs earlier in the relationship. I eventually got very bored because I never felt challenged by him since he never had two words to say; he never opened up about things, never ... (read in full...)

What's with the sudden anal sex craze?

Q.   I'm 45 and over the course of the last 4 years I have dated 3 guys and each one of them requested to have anal sex. My boyfriend of 7 years before never asked for this........what's up with the anal sex craze and why is it so much better than ...

A.   23 August 2007: I have a theory. Men with smaller penises tend to be the ones who crave anal sex because it feels tighter to their, uh, smaller members. It could be like Dr. Pete mentioned, and have some connection to the porn industry, but oddly enough, of the ... (read in full...)

I keep getting itchy and smelly.

Q.   Hi My name is Sabrina and I'm in a problem now a days kindly release me from this whenever i made love with my guy itching has started in ma vagina and start smelling after 2 days I'm very depressed about it i took so many medicines but useless ...

A.   23 August 2007: Go see your physician to determine if you have an infection which can only be treated with an antibiotic prescription. Nothing over-the-counter will cure it if that's what's going on and that's what it sounds like to me. After you receive ... (read in full...)

He said he prefers porn to me sometimes.

Q.   Alright, I need some advice on what I should do or say in this situation. Last night my boyfriend and I were talking about us getting married, Just the cutsie, lovey dovey conversation. Well to bring up a past problem, when I would go to bed my ...

A.   23 August 2007: Masterbating relieves tension. Some men need it to fall asleep especially when they're under stress. The reason your b/f said it was sometimes easier is just that -- there's no one else involved, no one you have to "get in the mood", no one you ... (read in full...)

Having problems with my family! Any advice?

Q.   hi ya at the moment im feeling that my family have been treating me like they hate me!! me my mum and dad always argue over silly things and i feel like are trying to start a arguement with me on perpose. plz help i used to get along with them b...

A.   23 August 2007: Maybe your parents are feeling the stress of having extra people to feed and take care of, so they're "fuse" is a little short here lately. That can put a strain on any family. And you're at the age where you probably don't like being told what to ... (read in full...)

He was texting a 24-year-old co-worker and finally confessed, what should I do?

Q.   Am I over reacting? I noticed my husband was being a bit strange with me and couldn't sleep, went downstairs and found dating sites on the internet that he had joined. It was then that I noticed his phone was always in his pocket whereas befor...

A.   16 August 2007: Apparently he was indeed texting this 24-yr.old woman, but once you confronted him, he ended it. Okay, I wouldn't worry too much about that part because it appears that he did the right thing by ending their little whatever-it-was. But what worries ... (read in full...)

Do you think that it is possible to have many sexual partners in 1 night stand bases without her looking for sex?

Q.   I'm 29, my partner is 21. I had 2 sexual partners 1 through marriage and 1 short term relationships, never 1 night stand. My partner was sexually active since the age of 14, she had 30 sexual partners most of them were 1 night stand. She keeps ...

A.   14 August 2007: Sounds like she was pretty young so she may have been a bit naive about how quickly guys can make their move, once they've been invited back to a girl's place for drinks etc. But eventually, she should've caught on and either stopped inviting them ... (read in full...)

I love my boyfriend but I do not fancy him anymore and cannot face having sex with him, he does not turn me on at all, in fact it is more of a chore. What should I do?

Q.   I have been with my boyfriend since I was 17, I am now 23. At the time I did not think that anyone would like me and was happy that someone did. Recently I have been getting a lot of attention from men and it makes me wonder if I settled down too ...

A.   9 August 2007: I think women should never marry or expect to stay with the same person they were attracted to at 16, 17, etc. As you grow up your taste changes. You begin to figure out who you are and what you want and usually you end up outgrowing the person ... (read in full...)

I want to leave my marriage, but dont know how to tell my husband

Q.   I have been married for 8, almost 9 months and I want to leave. We dated for about 2 years, even though most of the first year was long distance. We lived together for the second and then got married. I've started to feel like we rushed everything ...

A.   9 August 2007: Try going to marital counseling. If talking about your problems together doesn't bring about a change for the positive and help you re-kindle your love, then it may be a way for you husband to learn how to cope with the ending of your marriage. ... (read in full...)

I want to split up, but he wont leave

Q.   with my partner 12 years drifted after 5, found out sperm no use cant get pregnant. had 1 ivf cycle and failed now gutted. im 41 his 49 alcoholic. life feels endless now . dont no what to do . want to split up, i have no love for him he wont leave. ...

A.   9 August 2007: Then you should look for an apartment and do the leaving. You sound very sad and life is too short to feel this sad. I can relate to your situation to some degree. Was with my husband 20 years, no kids. He had the sperm, but was completely ... (read in full...)

We have only been married a year, but she says she has no feelings for me

Q.   Hello, I have only been married with my wife for 1 year and we have been together for 3. We got married right after the birth of my son. I have been married for 1-year, with a 1-year old son. I haven't been the best husband and recently she fo...

A.   9 August 2007: You need to determine if she's truly fallen out of love with you, or if she's just going through a phase of boredom because she's got a new child, and some women feel like their identity as a sexy, viable woman (i.e. "lover") gets swallowed up by ... (read in full...)

I want to get divorced, but I am terrrified of the wrath of G-d!

Q.   I want to end my 25 year marriage because my husband and I have grown apart and there is absolutely no attraction in it for me. But I have tremendous religious guilt and worry incessively that God is going to punish me for doing this horrible ...

A.   8 August 2007: Update for TaylorChu; This other man I've met, yes he is a Christian. His marriage ended because his wife suffered from terrible depression and wanted out (it runs in her family). She has since re-married but I do not think she is happy there ... (read in full...)

I'm slim, but I have love handles! How do I get rid of them?

Q.   Hey I was just wondering if any of you girls had any tips for getting rid of those unwanted "love handles?" I'm a very slim girl but for some reason I have little love handles and I can't seem to shift them. Anyone got any exercise tips or anything?...

A.   8 August 2007: Don't feel bad honey, I'm slim too and have the same little rolls and I just hate them. I think women tend to pack on their poundage around that area before it goes anywhere else. God knows, we couldn't have been blessed by gaining weight in our ... (read in full...)

I don't want my gf to drink b/c my dad used to be an alcoholic. But I don't want to tell her what she can and can't do!

Q.   Well my girlfriend and I have been dating now for three months and everything is going really good. This weekend one our friends is having a little get together at her house and they are all going to drink and then spend the night over there. My dad ...

A.   8 August 2007: Everything in moderation. Just because someone drinks doesn't mean they will get drunk or end up being an alcoholic. Perahps you can find middle ground. When I go out, I like to have a couple of drinks. It helps me relax but I am in no way out ... (read in full...)

His family forced him to divorce me and now he regrets it

Q.   I recently got divorced after being with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 daughters. The oldest is mine as it is not his child, we only had 1 child married. My problem and question is this.We were having problems in our marriage and just fell ...

A.   3 August 2007: Of course he's doing everything you dreamed of. His family thinks they've won since they succeeded in causing him to file for divorce from you. And he's just letting them think that because that way he thinks he's keeping everyone happy -- you're ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I broke up because we keep fighting but I want him back.

Q.   My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday, he loves me so much , I love him more, but we keep fighting, because he keeps picking on me a lot and he drives me crazy, I want him back, how?...

A.   2 August 2007: Well you can take him back if you want to but if he's not willing to stop the behavior, you're going to be in the same boat again in a month or two. Ask him why he feels the need to constantly criticise you? Were his parents perfectionists, and he ... (read in full...)

After a year and a half he still wont introduce me to his daughter and wants our relationship to be secret

Q.   I am separated and I met a man who is also separated. We have been seeing each other for a year and a half. When I first met him he explained that his ex can cause problems and so he wanted to keep things quiet about us. He further indicated he ...

A.   2 August 2007: So if he's been "seperated" for a year and a half, what's the hold up? Is there some reason he hasn't yet filed for divorce? I don't think you can expect him to introduce you to his daughter if she's going to blab it to his wife. He is still ... (read in full...)

My husband doesnt trust anyone, even me!

Q.   I am faithful, but My Husband say's "I dont trust anybody", incuding me.. what can i do to gain his trust?...

A.   2 August 2007: You don't really say how long you've been together but my guess is, it'll come with time. His trust issues could be deep-seated, back to his childhood, or former relationships. Some people never trust anyone completely but they learn not to accuse ... (read in full...)

I am engaged but fancy the married older woman I met on holiday

Q.   I'm 21 and engaged ive been with my fiance for nearly 3 years ,i do love her . Recently i went on holiday with my family and we got friendly with a family that live about an hour away from us . The mother of the family has 3 young kids and i...

A.   2 August 2007: I think you're infatuated with this woman, and perhaps grabbing at the last threads of your singlehood status. She probably was attracted to you too because you're a younger man and that's always kind of an ego boost to any woman over 30. But ... (read in full...)

Whats anal sex like for a woman?

Q.   whats anal sex like, for a woman...

A.   2 August 2007: Some women love it. I don't. I think it kind of hurts and I don't get turned on or have any exciting sensations when my b/f does it. He likes it though because it's a pretty tight orface if you know what I mean. I endure it, only because he ... (read in full...)

We are under so much stress! How can we keep from falling apart?

Q.   I've been in a relationship for almost 4 years and we have two children together. It's been extremely hard for us financially the past couple monthes and the stress just keeps building up. What can we do to keep us from falling apart?...

A.   2 August 2007: Talk about your problems together and make it a team effort to solve each bump and crisis that comes along. Don't stop doing nice things for each other, no matter what's going on. When you're getting the kids ready for school or daycare, he could ... (read in full...)

Will I ever get over the pain of his betrayal?

Q.   Hi aunts, I have posted a question on here previosly regardiung my husband sleeping with prostitutes. I appreciated all your answers. My question now is its been about 6 weeks since I found out and I still cry everyday. I am having trouble ...

A.   2 August 2007: I would file for divorce. I don't think I could ever get over this type of betrayal. Your husband is not normal and you will never trust him again, it doesn't matter what he tells you, it'll always be there in the back of your mind. He has an ... (read in full...)

I'm obsessing over my ex even though nothing can happen because he's so far away, how can I stop?

Q.   How do i stop obsessing over my ex boyfriend? He told me he might be moving back to my city and ever since then i have been phoning him and chatting with him online everyday. he says he still likes me but there is nothing we can do unless he moves ...

A.   2 August 2007: Well, do you want him back? Or are you just setting yourself up for another heart break? It's okay to visit with him a little, but if he's got a g/f or hasn't indicated that this is anything more than a friendship, then you probably need to find ... (read in full...)

I signed up for a dating site and flirted with women, pretending to be one myself; was I cheating?

Q.   So i screwed up big with my girlfriend. Everything has been great with us and i've never been happy. This girl is amazing on so many levels and couldnt ever think of a better woman. But a couple months ago I was bored on the computer and ended up ...

A.   2 August 2007: Well I'm assuming she found out your little on-line disguise. Boredom is the devil's favorite tool to mess up our lives. Be more on your guard next time! I don't know what you can do to repair the damage except, well remove your on-line profile ... (read in full...)

I need to get my mind off him!!!

Q.   hi i am 14 and i recently went to a football match and i really like one of the footballers i saw playing (it was a pre season match) i cant stop thinking about him although i have only seen him twice (i saw him in his car on the way home ) he is 21 ...

A.   1 August 2007: Congratulations! You got your first crush/infactuation on a much, too much older guy. It's okay. Just know that it isn't going to go anywhere. It's like when I was 14 and I had crushes on all the rock stars at every concert. Like any of them ... (read in full...)

His family forced him to divorce me and now he regrets it

Q.   I recently got divorced after being with my husband for 12 years and we have 2 daughters. The oldest is mine as it is not his child, we only had 1 child married. My problem and question is this.We were having problems in our marriage and just fell ...

A.   30 July 2007: Yes, I think he gave in to the pressure his family put on him, and went through with the divorce, but it sounds like he still has feelings for you. How sad that he let them manipulate him like that. I don't understand why he's not man enough to ... (read in full...)

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