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*tar_07 agony aunt

*tar_07

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*tar_07's profile:

Hi there. I am 26 and currently finishing school and in a relationship. I stumbled upon this site looking for answers to questions I have had in the past. Ever since, I have found it to be a great place for people to ask questions and get feedback. I am an open minded, honest person with a little knowledge that guides me.

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My boyfriend of 7 months lied to me about his age . . .

Q.   I have been dating my boyfriend for about 7 months now. We have been completely in love. It is passionate and intimate and we have talked about long term and how we are what the other hoped to find. He has been divorced for 3 years, was married for ...

A.   2 June 2008: Aside from the relationship conflicts, I will answer your particular question about lying about his age. If he lied from the beginning about his age, I am sure that he couldnt find the right moment to tell you the truth and so is surfaces 7 months... (read in full...)

Choosing between two girls, opposites of each other...

Q.   To start off this question here is alittle background info. im 19 yrs old and i just finished my first year of college in canada and i am now staying with my parents.. i met this girl from my old high school and i started going out with her in ...

A.   2 June 2008: I have a question for you.... Why are you dating 15 year old girls? Don't you think it would be easier to date someone your age, in college?... (read in full...)

He's 25 and I am 16... should I stay with him?

Q.   i'm in love with this guy. we're in love with eachother. i'm 16, he's 25, almost 26. we're like, almost 10 years age difference. we wanta get married n 2 years, right after i finish highschool, i wanta take a year off after that anyway, and move ...

A.   30 May 2008: Well, I really do not think a 16 and 25 year old would have much in common. The age gap is pretty big at that age so Im not sure it will work in the long run. The odds are against you anyways. Why havent you told your family? What would they say... (read in full...)

I love her but my friends think she is ugly, shall I go out with her or leave it?

Q.   I love a girl and im 90% sure she fancies me. All my friends are friends with her but they think she is ugly. If i go out with her they will probably take the piss. Shall I go out with her or leave it?...

A.   29 May 2008: How do you think she looks? How do you feel about her? Just because your friends think she is ugly doesnt mean that you shouldnt give her a chance. If you really like this girl, you should ask her out. Dont worry about what others think, your hap... (read in full...)

I was happy sleeping with other men to please my husband, but he doesn't want me to anymore.

Q.   after we had been married about five years, my husband told me he wanted me to have sex with other men and he wanted to watch. i told him i didn't want to, but he begged and begged me to do this and i finally told him i would. he brought home a ...

A.   29 May 2008: I just want to say that I am not here to judge you and your husbands decision to have this type of relationship although it does boggle my mind.... The thing is, things like this may be sexually exciting and maybe he was okay with this. Possibly... (read in full...)

I deleted nude pictures of his ex. Was I right?

Q.   I turn to the Agony Aunts for everything! Today I'm writing about the following issue: My boyfriend brought up the topic of marriage a few months ago and we are already making plans. I work for him so I am at his house every day. We already act like ...

A.   29 May 2008: Okay, obviously I can not give you the "right" answer to this one so perhaps other agony aunts will have a clearer perspective..so here my opinion goes... You go girl! I would have trashed that crap a LONG time ago! I could understand if he didnt... (read in full...)

I'm 15, he's 25, is it illegal if I am with him?

Q.   hello i just wonderd if u could giv me some advice really i lyk this boy and hes older than me well hes older than 25 and im 15 i jst wonderd is it illegal if i am with him?? and do u think its right?? wb x ...

A.   29 May 2008: It it not only illeagal for you to be with someone 18 and older but it is wrong of him to be dating someone your age. And if you two are having sex, he could be charged with statutory rape. You are 15, just starting to date and learning about re... (read in full...)

I cheated… Now what???

Q.   I cheated on my boyfriend last weekend, I was completely drunk out of my mind, not that that is an excuse. Needless to say the guy I cheated on my boyfriend of a year is our friend and was over for dinner the night before we had a party. I ended up ...

A.   29 May 2008: You need to give him time to heal, two weeks is NOT long enough to repair the trust. He will feel like he needs to make you feel how he feels which is deeply hurt. You hurt him so you will have to deal with the consequences. At the same time, he ... (read in full...)

"Yipee my son is going to be a womaniser". Why do they talk like that?

Q.   Why is it i constantly hear women with young male children, speaking to another woman. OOOH he's a proper lad he's going to be a bit of a one with the women, then a beaming smile. Like whats this all about? Yipee my son is going to be a womaniser?...

A.   29 May 2008: I don't think these people REALLY understand what they are saying. This comes from the culture, its a good thing that young men have all the ladies or have women chasing after him or that they can "smooth talk" a woman. In reality, its pro... (read in full...)

Why do we find it so hard to move on from exes even after we have ended it ourselves?

Q.   Why is it we find it so hard to move on after ending a relationship, even though we know they aren't the right person for you so you call a halt to it. I'm curious, as i ended a rollercoaster relationship of a yr and a half back in january. I dont r...

A.   29 May 2008: Well, for one, you havent stopped communicating with him, so all that annoys you is still around you!! So stop talking to him all together, that would help!! But even when you do cut the communication, it is still hard to move on. With the excepti... (read in full...)

How can I get the pictures of our vacation from him? We've broken up now and I've moved on, but would like to have them!

Q.   I really need some advice on what to do! Me and my boyfriend broke up about two months ago. He broke my heart but since then I've moved on. He's changed beyond recognition, he now smokes and drinks (both of which he never did much before) and...

A.   29 May 2008: Prepare yourself for never having the photos but I would definately try to get them through his mother. I would talk to his mom about the photos since you are close to her. If he doesnt want to give up the original photos to you then how about th... (read in full...)

He says the spark is gone, and doesn't believe that I love him!

Q.   Dear Cupid, My boyfriend doesn't believe that I love him and he says the spark is gone, how do I change this?...

A.   29 May 2008: The "spark" your boyfriend is talking about is infatuation. When you first get together with someone, you feel butterflies in your stomach, your heart pounds, you cant stop touching each other. Then....this dies down! You can't go back to what it ... (read in full...)

How can I make sure it's better this time?

Q.   I'm sorry this is long, but it's quite complicated. Please hear me out lol! I got back with my ex 3 days ago. We had been split up for 3 and a half weeks and had been going out for 1 year before we split. I really loved this man, I still do and I...

A.   27 May 2008: I think part of what will really help you two is time. It will take time for you two to repair what has happened before, it wont happen over one night or one conversation. You need to keep things open with him. Tell him how you feel. When you get ... (read in full...)

I've been going out with a great girl for a year...but she cheated...should I stay with her or end it?

Q.   i have been going out with a great girl for about a year now.at the moment it is a long distance relationship. anyways we had an aruguement about the people she hangs around with over there guys hitting on her repeatedly,and me getting angry cause ...

A.   27 May 2008: I would say I have to agree with Isabella1974. If this is truely a one time thing and you are willing to forgive her COMPLETELY and you two can move on, great. But, being depressed or under the influence of alcohol is NOT an excuse. I thin... (read in full...)

Met online and I don't think he has a clue how I felt

Q.   I've been chatting with this guy for about 8 months on AIM who I met through a movie forum. We're both from BC but live about an hour away from each other and have never met. I like him quite a bit, but we have only chatted as friends, although I ...

A.   27 May 2008: I am not trying to be rude but I am going to say it like it is. Please try to understand! I realize that you have spent a lot of time chatting with this guy and you think you have feelings for him. But the truth is, you don't really know him. I d... (read in full...)

We had a big fight...and he left to stay at a friends...now he is saying that he has things to sort out..whats going on? Any ideas?

Q.   So my boyfriend and I got in a fight after one of his nights of drinking and him calling me at 7 am to come pick him up.after huge fight in which I tell him to leave but not seriously he left but left all his things and went to a friends. He said he ...

A.   27 May 2008: It is very possible he is sorting things out. He must deal with what happened. He has to figure out that his behavior made you angry and why it made you angry and maybe you said some things that were wrong too. He has to determine "who is at fault" ... (read in full...)

When is what appears to be "something" actually "nothing"??? Am I in denial, blinded by love?

Q.   Found this text from a chat log on my PC: "Hi Sexy Man!!!!!!!!!!! Are we still on for Memorial Day weekend?" At first I thought it was my daughter to her new boyfriend (since she shares my PC) and so I asked her if he was coming down for that we...

A.   23 May 2008: This could be nothing. Emilysanswers could be right on about this. But I wonder, you said "this isnt the first time this has happened..it's been over 8 months" Exactly what do you mean? Them seeing each other? You gettin upset? Has she cheated ... (read in full...)

I'm clueless, I love this girl with everything I have, but I can't bear to go through Round Two.

Q.   So I've been dating this girl for about 13-14 months. When we first started, everything was great, and we talked about marriage after about 6 months. Then, right around the 10 month mark, she changed, and her tune was, "I'm having doubts and don't ...

A.   22 May 2008: I would say that you need to back off. Talking about marriage after 6 months? Dont commit to that. Get to know her better and find out if you really like her for who she is, not for what who you think she is. This is not a unknown female cycle! I... (read in full...)

I think my husband is an alcoholic, but if I leave him I'm not sure how I would support my family!

Q.   Okay, here goes....... I think my husband is an alcoholic. I have been married for 12 years now, and have 2 young children. We started dating when we were 20. We both partied back then, as well as when we first were married. I stopped when I b...

A.   22 May 2008: Have you talked to your husband about your concerns? If you havent, then this is a good place to start. Tell him that you care about him and are concerned about him. He needs to learn how to regulate himself, that is, have a few drinks on special ... (read in full...)

My family disapproves of my husband because of his race, now they want to come see our new baby!

Q.   My family does not approve of my husband because he is another race. I married him anyways because I love him and he loves me. I just had a baby in April and now my family decides they want to talk to me and see the baby. I have said no because I am ...

A.   14 May 2008: Maybe you should talk to your family first. Tell them the ground rules. He is your husband and no matter how they feel about him, they MUST respect him, especially in your home. If they understand how you feel then I think you should let them see ... (read in full...)

My overcontrolling mom is interfering with my relationship with my boyfriend!

Q.   Okay, so I have a big dilema. Its a long story. My parents dont approve of my boyfriend or my best friend. It is mostly my mom that doesnt approve, I havent talked to the rest of my family yet. The reason why she doesnt approve of my boyfriend is ...

A.   14 May 2008: First, the friend. I think your mom is worried that hanging around her will get you into trouble. Although, personally, I dont think your friend is a whore but what she is doing isnt right either. Until you are an adult, you cant make adult ... (read in full...)

Help my bf is going too fast, how do I slow him down!!!! DESPERATE FOR ANSWER

Q.   i am 12 and am dating a 14 year old he is really cool and i like him but he is moving to fast for me weve been together for about 1 week and he already wants to kiss and makeout and maybe even see me naked but says he doesnt want to "ball" me until ...

A.   14 May 2008: Its best if you tell him he is going too fast and that you are not ready to do those kind of things. Sweety, if he dumps you because you want to go slower, then he isnt worth it. Only do what feels comfortable to you, dont let him pressure you into ... (read in full...)

When will I know she's ready to have sex?

Q.   Hi everyone. I've been dating this girl for nearly a year, we get along very well, finish each other's sentences and all that, lovey-dovey kind of couple.I swore I would not be like that in another relationship, but.. here we are, lol. Anyway here's ...

A.   10 May 2008: Thats a tough situation. For one, if you're the one to make the move, it could be good or it could be bad. I think the best thing is talk about it. And not when you two are in the midst of getting hot together. I mean, have a serious talk with her. ... (read in full...)

People say we are strange. Should I stay where I am in the blissful present?

Q.   Hi, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over 5 years now. We got together when we were both 18 and just started college. Things were great back then.. well maybe could be better but i couldnt be happier. We went out to the movies a lot and ...

A.   8 May 2008: That is entirely up to you. If you really feel you are unhappy with him, then its best to end it. You are right, moving in together does allow you to get to know him even better, no suprises. I don't think you would get on each other's nerves t... (read in full...)

People say we are strange. Should I stay where I am in the blissful present?

Q.   Hi, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over 5 years now. We got together when we were both 18 and just started college. Things were great back then.. well maybe could be better but i couldnt be happier. We went out to the movies a lot and ...

A.   4 May 2008: Did he say why he was against the idea of moving in together? The relationship will change a lot if you two lived together, thats when you really have to learn about compromise. I would talk to him about why he is against living together. There are ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend or ex or whatever of almost 2 years has turned everything about him around...

Q.   My boyfriend or ex or whatever of almost 2 years has turned everything about him around. He doesn't act the same so I called him out on it and much more and he treated me like i wasn't even there he didn't care i guess but last night he put his ...

A.   22 April 2008: Yes, I agree. Please explain your situation a bit more.... (read in full...)

I want to leave him as he was staring at this girl for hours!

Q.   I am a woman that as long as i rememebr had 2 divorced parents, which made me choose all the wrong guys in my life, which now am trying to correct. The sad thing is, it has been more than a year and a half when i decided to break up with someone ...

A.   22 April 2008: I dont think this has anything to do with this other woman. It might sound crazy, but it has more do to with respect. Now this might not be a reason to break up, especially if it could be worked out. But I think there is a reason why this bothere... (read in full...)

Husband refused my divorce petition, should I let my solicitor deal with his unresponsiveness even though it will take longer?

Q.   i havent seen my emotionally and sometimes physical violent husband for 5 months now. i have tried to serve a divorce petition on him at his parents address but it was sent back saying not at this address. believe me if it had been any other kind of ...

A.   22 April 2008: Yes, I think you should let law enforcement and the lawyers deal with this situation. Rather than risking running into him or having an altercation with him or his family, its probably best if you simply take the next steps in filing for a divorce. ... (read in full...)

People say we are strange. Should I stay where I am in the blissful present?

Q.   Hi, my boyfriend and I have been going out for over 5 years now. We got together when we were both 18 and just started college. Things were great back then.. well maybe could be better but i couldnt be happier. We went out to the movies a lot and ...

A.   22 April 2008: I think you need to clarify what was meant by "moving out together." Do you mean in the near future or are you talking a few years down the road? You both need to have the same goals for the relationship. Does he want to get married in the future? ... (read in full...)

Who do certain act indifferently when they break up from someone they supposedly loved?

Q.   why do guys when they break up with someone who they supposedly loved act like they arent even bothered. My bf broke up with me after 4 months together and i was truly hurt, we are both 14. Like he acted like nothing bothered him but yet I heard ...

A.   22 April 2008: Guys handle break ups a lot differently than females. For one, 4 months isnt that long and another thing, he was the one to break up with you. The person who does the breaking up usually is less upset to begin with. But if he is upset, he certainly ... (read in full...)

We said a lot of stuff that wasn't meant to be said so where do we go from here?

Q.   BF of a year and me split a few weeks ago,but tried to remain friends,as i was still in love with him this was very difficult(he stated he wasnt,contrary to his actions)Anyway today we had a massive fight because i wasnt happy with the friends set ...

A.   22 April 2008: Trying to remain friends with someone you were involved with is very difficult. For one, you have to close the old relationship to open a new one. Maybe you should allow some space for a while and then try to contact him. I think the best thing is ... (read in full...)

Why is he lying about looking at porn?

Q.   I've been with my bf for 10yrs. now and we've recently been having problems. The situation has been resolved, but now he's looking at porn. I don't know if I should be offended or not. I know he's looking at it, but i can't tell him how I know. He ...

A.   22 April 2008: He might be embarassed or maybe he fears that it will hurt you. The thing that he doesnt know is that him lying to you hurts you more than him looking at porn. Or thats at least how I see it. I think he either is lying to protect himself or protect ... (read in full...)

What amount of time should we be spending with each other after a 3-year relationship?

Q.   i've been dating a man for going on 3 years. can u please tell me what you think after a 3 year relationship what amount of time a b/f and g/f should be spending with each other. also do men as they get older (50) have slumps with their sexual ...

A.   21 April 2008: Im not sure what you mean by amount of time you should be "spending" with each other. So I will answer the other question. Yes, I think men's labido's drop after a certain age. While women get to know themselves in their 30's and sex drive goes up, ... (read in full...)

Was this the right thing to do?

Q.   I caught my 12 year old niece smoking cigarettes with her friend. I was going to tell her mom, as I was bringing her home she said that if she gave me a blowjob can I forget about it? We pulled down a back road and she sucked me off in my car, S...

A.   9 April 2008: There is a HUGE difference between doing that with someone her own age and a man. With someone her own age, neither party REALLY understands the complexities of what they are doing. This is a grown man who should know what he is doing. Its ILLEAGAL ... (read in full...)

Was this the right thing to do?

Q.   I caught my 12 year old niece smoking cigarettes with her friend. I was going to tell her mom, as I was bringing her home she said that if she gave me a blowjob can I forget about it? We pulled down a back road and she sucked me off in my car, S...

A.   17 March 2008: I'm not talking about things you see on TV or some documentary. I am talking about what the research shows and my point is that they are not capable to make those kinds of decisions. Meanwhile, this man is clearly an adult and should know what he is ... (read in full...)

Why is he always in my dreams and what does it mean??

Q.   I'm a 13yr old girl and I need people's opinions. This boy in my class(13), he's my friend and he likes me alot. Like he has feelings for me. We're not going out but I think I might even like him the same way too. Every night when I go to sleep, ...

A.   12 March 2008: The most obvious reason he is in your dreams is because you are thinking about him a lot. Dreams usually come from what we think about or do during the day. Yes they get twisted in dreams but you can always figure out where they come from.... (read in full...)

Why does my boyfriend feel the need to lie or cover up the fact that he looks at porn when I know he does?

Q.   Why does my boyfriend feel the need to lie or cover up the fact that he looks at porn? I was gone for 4 hours one day and when I came home he was gone and I know that I shouldn't do this and it's wrong of me to look at his computer but under hi...

A.   12 March 2008: Well, I would just confront him outright. Dont hint around about it. Just tell him you know he looks at porn and its better that he is honest with you. Lying about something like that is more hurtful than the action itself, at least thats what I ... (read in full...)

Can I date a guy in an off period of an on/off relationship?

Q.   I've liked this guy, we'll call him Ryan, on and off for about... four years now. I recently got his number and we've been texting a lot but I can't figure out if he likes me or not. I also have a problem because he has an on again off again ...

A.   12 March 2008: You should probably wait til he is done with this on/off relationship b/c you might be the one that gets hurt if decides to go back to her later. I dont think you should involve yourself with someone who is on/off with another girl b/c people ... (read in full...)

Was this the right thing to do?

Q.   I caught my 12 year old niece smoking cigarettes with her friend. I was going to tell her mom, as I was bringing her home she said that if she gave me a blowjob can I forget about it? We pulled down a back road and she sucked me off in my car, S...

A.   12 March 2008: Society and the media have made what it is. Thats exactly right. But your interpretation of that is COMPLETELY wrong. Somehow, you have gotten this message that it is okay to abuse girls. Thanks to the media and society, millions of girls are ... (read in full...)

Was this the right thing to do?

Q.   I caught my 12 year old niece smoking cigarettes with her friend. I was going to tell her mom, as I was bringing her home she said that if she gave me a blowjob can I forget about it? We pulled down a back road and she sucked me off in my car, S...

A.   25 January 2008: Male anon and anyone else justifying child abuse: So you are justifying girls getting molested as well??? Just because young people are more sexually advanced does NOT make it right. Their brains are not advanced! Just because something seems ph... (read in full...)

Why is he STILL contacting me?

Q.   I hadn't heard from my ex fiance since christmas eve, after I told him for the thirtieth time very sternly to not contact me, and then just today I got a text from him asking where a certain restaurant was that he forgot how to get to, also saying ...

A.   16 January 2008: Yes, that makes perfect sense! A true friend would never hurt you and if you arent over the damage he has caused then being friends isnt a likely option.... (read in full...)

Was this the right thing to do?

Q.   I caught my 12 year old niece smoking cigarettes with her friend. I was going to tell her mom, as I was bringing her home she said that if she gave me a blowjob can I forget about it? We pulled down a back road and she sucked me off in my car, S...

A.   14 January 2008: Umm..yeah! She is a CHILD. Just because she might appear to look like a lady, act like one, and talk like one doesnt make her a woman. She still thinks like a CHILD. As a grown man, you shouldnt have ever done that in the first place! That is ... (read in full...)

Why is he STILL contacting me?

Q.   I hadn't heard from my ex fiance since christmas eve, after I told him for the thirtieth time very sternly to not contact me, and then just today I got a text from him asking where a certain restaurant was that he forgot how to get to, also saying ...

A.   14 January 2008: Its obvious he wants to remain in contact with you using any excuse to talk to you. But why? I guess there can be all sorts of reasons why. Some exs do it to try to get back with you and some do it to try to be friends with you. If you dont want him ... (read in full...)

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