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*meedle agony aunt

*meedle

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*meedle's profile:

51yrs old, have a 25yr old son. Live in North Wales and love it.

I have lived through many different experiences in my life, some happy and some traumatic. I am single and have been for 7yrs. I have lots of animals including a horse and sheep.

I work with people that are homeless, have mental illness or learning disability, ex offenders, substance misuse issues, self harm, low self esteem, fleeing domestic abuse, families going through difficulties, parents with children who are having difficulties. I work in supported housing so see all these issues regularity and work with agencies to get some help if I cannot help.

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He keeps telling me I have mental problems. Is it me... Or is it him?

Q.   I have been in a mentally abusive relationship for the past 9 years (i have been told by doctors this is what it is anyway)I met this man when i was 16 and we had a daughter when 1 was18 and he was 20. he can show her no affection and it seems to ...

A.   25 March 2006: Good heavens, what on earth are you still doing with this controle freak, get out and do it very soon, you are putting your health at seriouse risk. He has no interest in your or your daughter so why stay for your daughters sake, he is just tell... (read in full...)

Is this typical for a widower?

Q.   My question is this I met a guy who is a widower. We fell in love he said some things to me like we are soulmates and he has never felt this way before. He started talking about marriage we discussed this and we needed to think about what we ...

A.   25 March 2006: I have to agree with Irish49, all men are different as are all women wether widowed or not, but loosing a loved one and then going through the grieving process and to what you think is the end of this process and feeling ready to marry again may ... (read in full...)

Been married two weeks and I HATE foreplay!

Q.   Dear Cupid, I have been married all of two weeks...and I HATE IT when my husband goes down on me. I dont feel like any foreplay activity either...that was not how i really thought i am.I am not too attached yet,but dont have any other romantic p...

A.   25 March 2006: Hello Denimgal, I am struggling to give you advice as I need the answer to a few questions first:- 1/ did you not have sex before you got married 2/ is this an arranged marriage 3/ are you in love with him in any sence of the word 4/ do you fin... (read in full...)

Is it right that my bf should spend some private time with his ex? How should I handle this?

Q.   My boyfriend recently got in touch with his Ex. After they spent a day together, the Ex made the offer to my boyfriend that he could spend a week at the Ex's house so my boyfriend could visit his family. I wasn't invited. I told my boyfriend that I ...

A.   25 March 2006: Tell your fella to stop playing games and either settle down with you or finish with you if he wants the ex back, If he wants to visit his family then he can book into a bed and breakfast or travel lodge, staying with her is just not acceptable and ... (read in full...)

Does my long-distance lover still love me?

Q.   I have a long distance love affair im not sure f if he still loves me...what should i do to know wether he loves me still or not?...

A.   24 March 2006: Hi Dawn, best thing is to tell him you love him and ask if he feels the same. Like Dazzerg says long distance romances are hard work and you never feel fully in controle or know what is going on, you just have to ensure communication is good and ... (read in full...)

I can't orgasm like other women!!!

Q.   I have a problem - i dont think i can orgasm or ejuculate like other women can do what is wrong with me!!! Me and my boyfriend have tried various methods to try and get me to orgasm, vibrators forplay and rubbing of the clitrios. i can get a tu...

A.   24 March 2006: You need to review your washing regime, check you only use non scented soaps etc and never use bubble bath that is not suitable for a baby. Wear cotton knickers and wash at least twice a day, more if you get very hot, dont wear tights and if poss... (read in full...)

A hidden text broke my heart. Are kisses cheating and can i ever feel secure with my partner again??

Q.   9 months ago i found a hidden text on my partner of 5 years mobile from a work colleague saying thanx for not taking advantage of me last night but i really enjoyed our kisses ... im still racked with worry that he may want other relationships ... ...

A.   24 March 2006: You are nine months down the line, so if he was going with someone he would be doing it by now and you have not had any other suspicions. Personally I think he is a rat for kissing someone else but these things happen and im sure when you conf... (read in full...)

He asked me, but then someone else! What is his deal?

Q.   Okay well this guy asked me to the prom and turned around and asked some one else but now he wants to go with me.... should i give him a chance or leave it as that?...

A.   24 March 2006: When he asked you did you say yes and still he asked someone else or did he think you did not want to go with him. If he asked you and another girl and you had not said no then dont bother with him if you can find another date, dont be second best... (read in full...)

I don't want sex that much anymore with my partner, is this a problem?

Q.   I have this problem, me and my mate of five years have always had sex regularly and just this year I just don't want to could it be because I am falling out of love or do we need to spice it up more?...

A.   24 March 2006: Try spicing it up if you can be bothered if not finish it and move on, there is nothing worse than being with someone you just dont fancy anymore and the sex is just not doing it, you are not married and hopefully there are no children so gently ... (read in full...)

I would love to get married, but I'm not sure he's willing. Any advice?

Q.   I'd like to get married. We are deeply in love. He is 60, I am 50, we have both been married before. His 1st wife cheated, his 2nd, took him to the cleansers, he is not anxious to wed again. We talk of being together into old age, we live together...

A.   24 March 2006: Live together, there is no shame in this anymore. He may along the line decide that he is ready to marry again but as long as you are together that is all that matters, but you must get a will made as later on this will ensure that if the worst happ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend was grabbing my boobs, is this wrong?

Q.   I am 15 and I am going out with my first bf. My Mom has told me about boys but the other night when we were kissing he put his hand on one of my boobs but I moved it away. A little bit later he did it again and this time he squeezed and I told him ...

A.   24 March 2006: It felt nice and there is no harm in that, I too like my boobs felt and as long as it is not too hard and you are consenting and he is not pressurising you to go any further then enjoy it. If you get worried then stop him and tell him feeling boob... (read in full...)

In need of a hug and some good advice... We're taking "time off".

Q.   Hello all, I'm in need of a hug and some good advice. I have been in a year and a half relationship and recently we broke up. Well, time off for a month. Does time off really happen? Or does it translate into 'let's break up'? We broke up rat...

A.   23 March 2006: Well done on the job offer, this will boost your already growing confidence and will give you some much needed distance from your ex. You are already so much stronger, this I can tell from what you wrote first time and what you wrote this time... (read in full...)

He's blown me out for a girl he goes to Church with...

Q.   My boyfriend whom I've been with my two years left me a week ago from Sunday. He went to church on Sunday, I let him borrow my car and then I didn't hear from him the rest of the night after he dropped off my car. We live together and I worried ...

A.   21 March 2006: If he is just friends with this girl he is doing a lot of secretive behaviour and so my guess is that it may just be plutonic now but he is working up to making it much more and you will be ditched. So get in there first and finish with him, tell... (read in full...)

Both my fiancee and I are virgins. I want our first sexual experience to be beautiful for us both!

Q.   I am engaged to be married soon. My fiancee and I are very close and have been together for a long time. We're both virgins. I want our first sexual experience to be comfortable, enjoyable, and pleasurable for her. What can I do to make things ...

A.   21 March 2006: What a nice bloke you are, well you need to do some research into what turns women on, you can find this in some sex education books like "the joy of sex" the more you know the better, you can set the mood ensuring no interuptions and comfy ... (read in full...)

I don't think my best friend's boyfriend is good enough for her!

Q.   everytime i see my bestfrien with her bf it drives me crazy, she deserves so much better then him. if i try to persue a relationship with her and fail , im afraid i will loose a lot more then just pride. Our friendship is special, and i wouldnt want ...

A.   20 March 2006: You percieve that she could do better and that means you think that with you she would be doing better, she is with him and not you and so this fact you need to accept or you are just going to tie yourself up in knots and do something you may regret ... (read in full...)

Why do married men choose "spice" over rekindling the love with their wife?

Q.   Hi, i want to know why is it that married men go looking for some spice in their lives when they have a beautiful wife at home and im sure together with some effort from both sides, they can enjoy their sex lives as much as abt having an affair with ...

A.   20 March 2006: People stray for a variety of reasons and none of them acceptable but it is usually when there are some problems in the relationship and they just dont want to put in the time and effort when something goes wrong to put it right. It is perc... (read in full...)

My iternet lover has found someone else.

Q.   I recently got into an internet relationship with someone overseas who I already knew.It was incredible how quickly we hit it off.Week by week out connection grew and so did my love for this girl.I found great comfort in her and she was always there ...

A.   19 March 2006: Sadly you have just faced the reality that no one is there for life and that is especially true of an internet relationship and even more true of one that is in another country. You are a friend to her but only that, you have shared moments toge... (read in full...)

I was drunk and my friend's father assaulted me in the bathroom! I am sick over this..what should I do?

Q.   hi, i would really appreciate knowing what u think about my problem as it driving me insain and it's wrecking my life, i went to a party with my bf at new year at a friends house and there was a few members of her family there including her parents, ...

A.   17 March 2006: What a dirty old man he is, yes he appears to have assaulted you and that is unforgivable. Why is he telling people what he did and why does his wife and your friend not sort the dirty swine out, if he was my husband I would certainly deal with him ... (read in full...)

Been through a bit of a "dry spell" and now I'm quite used to it!

Q.   am 20 and me an my boyfriend have been togeter 4 one year and when i meet him i havent had sex in two year at frist i wanted sex all the time and not i dont i think it is that i was so used to not haveing sex that now i dont want it i think he ...

A.   17 March 2006: When we first enter into a sexual relationship we do have sex a lot as it is new, exciting and it ensures bonding, but as time goes by we have sex less and that is fine, but sometimes we want less sex than our partner and that can cause ... (read in full...)

She says she loves me but I know there's another guy! I miss her, so how do I get her back.

Q.   well i am 15 but this girl is my life.we both told each other that we love each other she said that she feels theres too much goin on in her life and we are better as friends so she dumped me. butI know she has an "interest" in another guy. please ...

A.   17 March 2006: This is gonna hurt but you have to hear it, Let me translate for you what she told you , she did not want to see you as there is too much going on in her life, this means that she wants you out of her life as her time is taken up with persuing this ... (read in full...)

Sex, sex, sex. Sex. Sexsex. That's all he wants to talk about, and I'm SICK of it!

Q.   I have a problem My boyfriend and I have been together 2 months. He seems to have a very high sex drive. We haven't had sex yet as i want to wait, but my problem is, i want to talk about things in our relationship and how much i love him and thi...

A.   17 March 2006: Dich him, he is not compatable with you and never will be. He is not respectful and is not listening to you, your feelings are counting for nothing and he is only telling you he loves you so he can get you into bed, lip service is all he is doin... (read in full...)

Is she keeping me on the back-burner?

Q.   This is driving me crazy! My ex wants to remain friends (I want more than that but will settle for now if that's the only way I can keep her in my life) but says she is either too busy to hang with me or blows me off to hang with her rebound guy. ...

A.   17 March 2006: Good advice from other agony aunts so I will just add that you should cut all ties with this woman and not let her play with your head and heart as that is all she is doing. Keep your self respect and dont let her treat you in this way, you will... (read in full...)

After 6 years of marriage, I think I fell out of love with my husband. What should I do?

Q.   I have been with my husband six years, I think I fell out of love with him, I tried to leave him but he convinces me to stay, we have too many problems What should I do?...

A.   17 March 2006: Face up to the fact that it is over, that is if it really is over and you have gone through the talking and soul searching stages. Have you tried as much as you can to work through the issue and if so or you know you just dont love him then time... (read in full...)

Seperated for six months... Should I work at my moribund marriage or keep going with the new guy I'm falling for?

Q.   I'm a married women and have been separated for six months. My husband I are still seeing a counselor but we argue constantly and he is still under the impression that everything is going to work out and I'm moving home soon. Which under the right ...

A.   17 March 2006: You need to wake up to the fact that you are going to hurt your ex and that the marriage is well and truely over, hurting someone is inevitable in these circumstances. You have done your best to save the marriage and this is not and has not work... (read in full...)

Should I be a) be worried about the condom-in-his-wallet, or b) be less insecure?

Q.   Hi there. Yesterday I found a condom in my bf's wallet and it has really been bothering me. I'm still a virgin so that's why I found it strange. He told me that it was not for another girl and that he just had it in case something would happen. I'm ...

A.   17 March 2006: You need to remember that he told you about the kissing incident and in detail by all accounts which is honest and shows that he wants honesty in the relationship. He is with you and this shows he has feelings for you, if he was seeing other girl... (read in full...)

How can I sneak over to my boyfriends house without my mom knowing?

Q.   How can I sneak over to my boyfriends house without my mom knowing? ...

A.   17 March 2006: As a mother it goes against the grain to tell you how to do this but im sure you will find a way if you want to. Just ask yourself why your mum does not want you to see this boy and what will the consequenses be if you are caught and are they wort... (read in full...)

I was rejected as lacking "chemistry", but only after my guy friend kissed and held me...

Q.   I'm 15. This guy I am friends with that knows I like him came over. I thought he was liking me too because he kissed and held me etc. Then a week later he turned around and said he "didn't like me like that" and that he just came over to "see if ...

A.   17 March 2006: He is a bit of a rat and my instinct is to tell you to keep away from him, but maybe just be friends with him and keep it at that. I would not consider him as a boyfriend as he is shallow and over confident and would I feel use you. Enter into a f... (read in full...)

Just wanted time to think and to get over petty annoyances, but I don't want to break up!

Q.   Hi...I recently asked to have a break with my bf of nine and a half months and I'm not sure what else to do. I asked for a break because I noticed more and more things he did really angered me and it bothered me to think the more time we spent with ...

A.   17 March 2006: Sounds like you are being sensible in asking for a break from the relationship, oftern if things are not going well and you just cannot solve them together a little distance can give you the space you need to work through what is wrong with the ... (read in full...)

I've lost my mojo!

Q.   Hi there i am 17, male and live in the UK. Now i'll start by saying this site is brilliant! I come by here every day. Now to get serious i asked a question a couple of months back in December: http://www.dea...

A.   17 March 2006: Good that you have started to move on, but you are just starting and getting fully over someone is hard and it is a slow process. You have made huge progress but still have a lot of hurt and mistrust in you, this will not go away fast and time is t... (read in full...)

I want to fall OUT of love...

Q.   Any tips for someone who wants to fall out of love? How can I fall out of love? I am madly in love with my bf but he doesn't seem to be in love with me and it hurts... Please I need ideas......

A.   17 March 2006: Make a list of all of his faults and look at why you are with him, were the realtionship is going and were you would like it to go. Look at why he does not tell you he loves you and think about this, is it really that he does not love you or is it... (read in full...)

Why does he say these things to me, given that he has a girlfriend? And should I ask him to stop?

Q.   what does it mean when a guy says (after a drunken night and opportunity to hook up with him passed) "i would have kissed you but i wouldnt be able to be around you for like 3 months after"? this happened to me recently and i dont understand why he ...

A.   17 March 2006: sounds like he is messing with your head, you have one of two choices, 1/ Tell him to stop saying things to you unless he wants to start dating you and is going to ditch the girlfriend. 2/ ignore him and just dont encourage him this will make him... (read in full...)

He dumped me by text and now he won't see me.

Q.   He dumped me by text...after his ex has been messing with his head. he says there is no point meeting up, that its too early and it wont achieve anything! i have deleted his number, but i want to meet in person am i asking too much?...

A.   15 March 2006: Forget this spinless bloke, anyone who ditches you other than face to face is just not worthy of your attention. He has made it very clear it is over and he is not interested so just keep hold of your pride and leave him alone.... (read in full...)

Is he scared, or does he just not like me?

Q.   so theres this guy i like, its been like 6 months and i know he kinda likes me. his friends have told me this. we hang out like once a month, and we talk on the computer. he has been hurt before and he admitted once he backs off when someone gets ...

A.   15 March 2006: He does not know what he wants, he is immature and showing it, just leave him and see what happens. Dont make the moves and be cool with him, he will soon make up his mind if he is interested or not if he thinks you are just not bothered.... (read in full...)

I wasn't in the mood, but he still got his relief, so should I be worried?

Q.   2 nights ago, my boyfriend of 15 months wanted sex and I wasnt in the mood. After pestering me for some time and not getting anywhere, he went to the toilet and relieved himself. Should I be worried? I dont know what to do....

A.   15 March 2006: Better he relieved himself with a wank in the toilet than force you into something you were just not up for which may have caused problems in the future. Worry not just be pleased.... (read in full...)

Stunned by my ex's news, so how do I deal with this?

Q.   I have recently split with my gay boyfriend, 21, after six months together. I am 33 and found out at the weekend that he has left me for his best friend who is 37. This man has just separated from his wife after 13 years of marriage and has...

A.   15 March 2006: You are better out of the relationship as you well know, it would not surprise me if he went cool after new year because he was eithe sleeping with someone else or working up to it. Sounds like he is not fully over his wife either and may not be f... (read in full...)

She couldn't get over her ex, so she broke up with me

Q.   My first girlfriend recently split up with me. She says that she hasn't gotten over her ex. We seemed to be doing ok since we were only seeing each other for a month. Is she lying and if not should i call her and ask to be friends?...

A.   15 March 2006: She is sensible in realising she is on the rebound with you and as such is not giving you a fair relationship. Be her friend and you never know what will come of this in future if it is meant to be.... (read in full...)

She says no body was as perfect as me, but I don't believe her!

Q.   A Question to all you woman out there, my wife tells me guys are attracted to women more from a phyisical stand point, women from a emotional. that a mans body, penis size are not important. I cant believe my wife who has been with better body, ...

A.   15 March 2006: You said it, you are perfect for her so stop all this nonsence about her ex fellas etc, they are all in the past, you are her future and she is happy just accept you have more than most.... (read in full...)

I met him, gave him my number and never heard from him

Q.   After the break-up of a long term relationship, I have been single for 4 years. I am very shy and do find it difficult to talk to people I don't know well. One night when I was out I made eye contact with a man I felt very attracted to. He also ...

A.   15 March 2006: If you have his number or can get hold of it then you ring him, if he is this shy and I know some people are he may find ringing you really difficult. Both of you are shy so someone has to make the first move and it depends on who is the less shy ... (read in full...)

We clicked so well, but my parents didn't want that!

Q.   I'm 22. I come from a 'well to do' family. I met a girl who had similar likes and dislikes to me. Seen her for about 3 months, we really clicked, never felt this before. Then i told my parents about her. They said don't see her, because she not ...

A.   15 March 2006: For gods sake wake up, you are 21 not 12, they have no controle over who you go out with and you must stand up to them. They are snobs and that is that, she sounds like a lovely girl and you would miss out on having a fantastic relationship with... (read in full...)

I can't my behavior towards her, I'm going crazy!

Q.   I am a 34 year old guy and I have fallen in love with a 32 year old woman. The problem for me is that I am feeling very insecure in this relationship. She is very beautiful and often gets admiring looks, comments, telephone numbers, and pro...

A.   15 March 2006: Wow, you really have got your self tied up in knots, you are loosing all reason and self worth and this has got to stop as you already know. Yes your women is beautiful etc but I bet you are a fantastic person in your own right you are just loos... (read in full...)

I'm in love with her....but we're friends!

Q.   I am in love with a girl I am good friends with her so I don't want to say anything just in case it spoils our friendship! What should I do?...

A.   15 March 2006: You have two choices, tell her and risk the friendship but maybe replace it with a better more intimate one, or not tell her and watch her date other guys which will really hurt and consume you with jealousy. The choice is yours!!... (read in full...)

In need of a hug and some good advice... We're taking "time off".

Q.   Hello all, I'm in need of a hug and some good advice. I have been in a year and a half relationship and recently we broke up. Well, time off for a month. Does time off really happen? Or does it translate into 'let's break up'? We broke up rat...

A.   14 March 2006: Counseling may help and it will make him see that relationships are a two way thing, but it does sound like your relationship has been on a steady decline and that although you love each other this is starting to not be enough. Couples do have ups ... (read in full...)

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