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... Send *chlottjl a private message | | | *chlottjl's profile:I am a mom from the San Francisco Bay Area. I have a degree in Economics and a minor in philosophy and almost in Psychology. I wont take sides in arguments because no matter what it seems like, no one knows enough about what is really going on to judge. (Sometimes, least of all, those closely involved!)
I tend to empathize with both sides in arguments and try not to see things as simple. Human nature means there will be misunderstandings. It is only when we are honest with ourselves about who we are and what we want and need, are honest and sincere about communicating that to others, and choose quality people to share our time, that we have a chance at turning problems into opportunities for growth and happiness.
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Should I have sex with my boyfriend. If so, where?
Q. I need to know if I should have sex with my boyfriend. I'm 16; he is 18. If I should or decide to, where should we do it at? What do I do physically with him?...
A. 23 October 2005: Please wait. I really think that since women mature sexually so much later that you will regret it if you do it too soon. It will not be all romance and fun as you might imagine and your heart will be that much more open to deep heart ache.
I hav... (read in full...)
My lover's wife is abusive and hateful, but he can't leave her because of the kids!
Q. I've recently started seeing a guy I met at work, we get on so well and just seemed to click the first time we met. The trouble is, he's not single. He desperately wants to leave his partner but he can't leave because of the children. He is their ...
A. 19 October 2005: Wow, such a great guy, lets his children be raised and abused (they must hear or see these beatings) and is so inocent of anything that is wrong in the marriage, I mean except lying and cheating. I want him if he starts to blame you for his life of ... (read in full...)
Am I too young?
Q. Do you think 13 is too young to have a boyfriend? ...
A. 18 October 2005: Are you asking because a parent said that you were and are you trying to find out if they are unfair? (At your age I would and wonder...)
If your parents have said you are not allowed, they are problably saying you are too young to date and have... (read in full...)
Am I too young?
Q. Do you think 13 is too young to have a boyfriend? ...
A. 18 October 2005: Are you asking because a parent said that you were and are you trying to find out if they are unfair? (At your age I would and wonder...)
If your parents have said you are not allowed, they are problably saying you are too young to date and have... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't swallow. Can I talk her around to seeing it my way?
Q. hiya, I was just wondering. I have been going out with my gilfriend for 3 years and I really want her to swallow my cum. Are there any ways in whichI can get her to do this? Thanx...
A. 15 October 2005: To all those reading this old Q. I am seriously hoping that the last few guys are kidding. Otherwise, I fear for any woman who dates these jerks.
JIK you guys want to know the real truth- MOST women will not swallow. If you fancy forcing her to d... (read in full...)
Can't understand why my friend and his wife bother to stay together...
Q. Why would a guy stay in a bad marriage? My friend is married to a woman who has two grown kids from previous marriage. Both her kids are herion addicts and have stolen money from him. He and his wife have nothing in common and she is ten years ...
A. 15 October 2005: My question is why do you care. If you wish he would be with you instead, or if you are good friends and he complains to you, perhaps there is more than one side to the story. When we are attracted, every woman the guy has ever been with is the ... (read in full...)
Anything I can do to make my ex more comfortable when we have to socialise together?
Q. My ex and I have been broken up for quite a while (not quite a year, but a few months) and he has been acting weird around me/ignoring me as we were just placed in a situation where we have to see each other every day after a long break of no ...
A. 15 October 2005: This is not your responsibility. He sounds manipulative and seems to like the control he has over you. The best thing you could do no matter what he does is act as if he is not there. Nothing will stop this better than his acting the drama queen ... (read in full...)
Is it time to dump my boyfriend?
Q. I cant deal with my boyfriend anymore. He always thinks I'm doing something wrong and picks out things wrong with me and won't let me have male friends, which isnt fair. Do you think I should get rid of him? ...
A. 10 October 2005: You break up when you no longer want to date someone. There doesn't have to be a reason beyond that. That is what is great about dating. If you were married you would have to jump a few more hurdles. So don't marry until you know you are with a guy ... (read in full...)
A question about G-spot orgasm
Q. I would like to have a G Spot orgasm. I've been very close of having an orgasm by only stimulating the G Spot with a partner at intercourse or with his hands, but I've never been able to reach a full orgasm without stimulating the clitoris at the ...
A. 10 October 2005: Usually, it occurs through intercourse since it is so out of reach. (JIK- it is about a full finger up and to the front and feels like a rough patch on the wall of your vaginal canal.)
You can try a vibrator. However, in my opinion, our bodies h... (read in full...)
My mind's not made up about what I want in my life. That includes my wonderful, caring boyfriend!
Q. I'm 18 and I've been dating a 23 yo guy for 5 mths (1st bf). He's wonderful, trustworthy, caring, loving, committed, willing to do anything for me and wants to marry me after we graduate. I dated him because after 6 wks of knowing him, it got to t...
A. 10 October 2005: Try to relax. Tell him that you are not ready to get married yet. Unless he wanted to marry after college, then there is no way either of you are ready. It takes much longer than 6 months for sure and it really takes dating more than one person so ... (read in full...)
I climax too soon. Can anyone offer advice?
Q. I'm a 27 year old male whom seems to come too soon. Could it be psychological or health problems? I have tried a spray to help me not come as fast. It did help me not to come but the side effect was that I didn't get hard enough. Please send me any ...
A. 8 October 2005: I can't necessarily directly help but can tell you what worked for my bf when we had a spell of the same.
First, try to relax. What you think is not long enough might be different than what the ladies think is long enough. If you go 5 min, you... (read in full...)
We work so wonderfully together and I think it could be long term... so I don't understand why he's avoiding me!
Q. I have like this man from afar for years but couldn’t do anything about it because I was married and I don’t believe in playing away from home. He was never aware of this. I am now going through a divorce and our paths crossed 3 weeks ago, we ...
A. 8 October 2005: Only he knows what is going on. If it has been a week since last contact, it could be that he senses that you are really into him and he is not sure. Or, he could be seeing other women (possible when not answering the phone and so secretive...), but ... (read in full...)
Want to do a threesome with another girl. Good idea or not?
Q. I had brought the idea of having a threesome to my boyfriend. I have been with girls before and it doesn't bother me. He said that it could be fun and asked if I wanted him to join or stay out of it. I told him to join. We have spoke to the other ...
A. 7 October 2005: NOOO! oh wait- not unless you are trying to end this relationship and it appears you are. You are inviting your boyfriend to cheat on you. You will forever picture him with her and compare or worry you don't please him like she does. He will become ... (read in full...)
My new guy is so much better than my ex. So why do I still want my ex?
Q. dear cupid I am a 20 year old girl and I have some relationship problems. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years and started dating a new guy. The new guy is totally different from my ex, all the things that I wanted from my ex but I miss my ex so...
A. 7 October 2005: Women tend to bond long term thru sex. I believe it is because of our capacity to get pregnant. It is also why we harm ourselves each and every time we give ourselves away to the undeserving.
If only we knew that we hold the key.....
Also,... (read in full...)
Can I make her chase me?
Q. I know right now, that the girl I'm talking to and I'm very interested in, is what I'm after. She is what I desire. Through some research, I've learned that it should be her after me, so she will actively desire to be and talk with me. How do I go ...
A. 7 October 2005: You can't make this happen. And the advice was semi wrong. Basically, people do respond when they are not overwhelmed with someone trying to give them the world. What they (we really want and actively seek is a self-assured guy who is not desperate. ... (read in full...)
When I want sex, I want it immediately!
Q. I am a woman that likes to have sex with her husband about 1-3 times a day and sometimes I don't even want to have sex on certain days, but when I want sex, I would like to have sex right then. But he wants to wait a few hours sometimes. What should ...
A. 7 October 2005: Gain some control of yourself. If you don't realize already, atleast by your post you sound controling and selfish. What if he demanded that you never do again? Neither of you have the right to demand anything. You can request, but even you say ... (read in full...)
Hate to break my partner's heart, but I regret getting back together again...
Q. I split up with my partner of 4 years 6 months ago because he wanted an open relationship which I tried but couldn't deal with. I moved back to my own flat and continued to see him as a friend which was often strained because he wanted me back. He...
A. 4 October 2005: It is not your responsibility if his heart is hurt. In fact, staying with him while you feel this way is worse. He has a right to be set free and find what he is looking for.
I am not so sure that he even really is as in love with you as you s... (read in full...)
Since I discovered my girl once slept with someone I know, I can't get the image out of my head!
Q. I'm with a girl I really really love, really deeply. But in a conversation when we was talking about our past sex lives I found out she had slept with somebody I know. It has begun to really bug me, to the point sometimes I don't look at her the ...
A. 4 October 2005: Explore where this is coming from. Realize you are not crazy. You are in fact normal and saying the truth. (Any ladies reading this should take note. This is why your virginity is a gift.)
However, it is of course unfair to hold any of this aga... (read in full...)
I love and trust my boyfriend to enjoy the company of his friends, but I don't feel the need to go out with them...
Q. Dear Cupid, My boyfriend and I have been living together for just under a year and it’s been great so far, except now he is starting to complain that I don’t spend enough time hanging out with him and his friends. Lately, I prefer to stay home and ...
A. 30 September 2005: This demonstrates my points perfectly. There is no such thing and perfect and for atleast the first few years there is no such thing as perfectly happy. If it is not comfortable to you, ask yourself why you should shoulder more discomfort than he ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is going through so much! I just want to know how to help her talk about it.
Q. I have a big problem. My girlfriend won't ever tell me what is wrong and she has confronted me about this a few times. I do not know what to say and freeze when I know something is wrong. She is going through a lot right now and I want to be th...
A. 30 September 2005: Disclosure: Sorry this is so long but your question really pushes a button for me. I am less impressed with your girlfriends plight. I lost about half of my family suddenly to death and all but one of my friends, to selfishness when they were ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to make new friends, but one single rejection and I'm devastated!
Q. I want to try and improve on social skills by going to pubs and bars and making general small talk. Sometimes it goes well, but it really only takes one bad chat, and I'm right back there on square one again. Even when it does go well, it's not ...
A. 30 September 2005: I agree with pops.
But as one who can talk to a pole and seem interesting (I am told) here are the secretes that are actually detailed the the book "How to win friends and influence people" (a real classic and an easy read that my mother forc... (read in full...)
We broke up promising to be "friends", but now she's mad because I called her!
Q. Me and my girlfriend of 2 years just recently broke up. It was because of one stupid arguement but I guess you can say the separation was a long time coming. When we were together it was perfect and we were both full of love. We even had talked a...
A. 30 September 2005: I am so sorry. You must feel horrible. As a chick I have some good news and some bad. The bad first: It is over for now and at least the next year or so at the very least. Girls never tend to come out and say it is over and please leave me alone ... (read in full...)
Can I love my boyfriend and my friend at work simultaneously but in different ways?
Q. I met my friend in the same company. He's a very outgoing person, very friendly to everyone. We are pretty good friends (at least that's what I feel). We can keep on chatting many things and have a lot in common. Maybe because he's a lot older ...
A. 25 September 2005:
First be very, very careful. For the record I must say that if you every want a relationship to work out, you must give up deep friendships with the opposite sex (unless gay). This is because any time spent in intimate talk with anyone other than... (read in full...)
What happened to the buzz of our relationship?
Q. Hi, I have dating this girl for the past 5 months. It was love at first sight for both of us, but in the last 3 to 4 days it feels like the buzz has gone. When I say "I love you" to her it doesn't feel the same. I don't want to leave her cause ...
A. 23 September 2005: Your kidding right? Do you really think that any cool new anything will remain new and novel forever? It is deeply misguided to think that that is love.
Real love has nothing to do with the first feelings. So you both fell into lust. Love req... (read in full...)
My fiance won't marry me until I'm clinically obese!
Q. I am 24 and my fiance is 28. He has delayed our wedding until I become clinically obese. He said to me that he wants a clinically obese bride (me) at our wedding. I tried talking to him about it, but to no avail. What is going on with him...
A. 18 September 2005: Technically, 25 to 30 pounds (in the US) is obese and that is easy. 5ft 2? obese at about 125lbs at 5'5" approximately 140lbs....
but wait those are the unhealthy 60's and 70's standards.
Moreover, he wants you sick and dying young? And you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's sister wants to make him choose between me and our baby, or her and his mum!
Q. I have a big problem. My boyfriend and I have been going out together for 2 years. We are extremely happy and always have been. We are best friends and love each other so much. To our joy I recently found out I was pregnant (unexpectadly). Now we a...
A. 18 September 2005: Okay, I have been here and let me tell you, if you want to continue with your boyfriend, a lot of bad feelings are yet to be felt. Here is the thing;
You can insist that the hot tempered witch be punished for her ranting that she might really r... (read in full...)
Me: quiet and traditional. Her: loud and bubbly. How would I ask her out?
Q. The girl I love is very flirty and I don't know how to interact with her. She is loud and bubbly while I am more quiet and "traditional" about such things. She knows I like her a lot but shows me no recognition. I just don't know how to intro...
A. 15 September 2005: Approach confidently. That doesn't mean loud just as if you can handle what ever comes your way.
BTW- opposites attract. Loud and bubbly people want the strong and silent type. I know trust me on this. Every guy that is talkative or flirty i... (read in full...)
Why would God let me fall in love with a guy who's scared to talk to me?
Q. I've been trying to get this guy's attention for over 3 years, and at times I think he likes me, but other times I don't. I'm very confused on why God would let me fall in love with him. I know I have deep feelings here, because one, I've never fe...
A. 13 September 2005: As a believer in God, I believe we bring our biggest fear into being so that we can beat it. It is not about loving him but about loving yourself.
I fear that you have a very unhealthy view on relationships and love. Because love is not really a... (read in full...)
Is it playing games to try to get my ex back into my life again?
Q. Thanks for the quick reply on my question I posted last month! Well I took your advice and feel soo much better for it! The guy friend (I had at work) had promised to just be a "friend" but then he started flirting with me through e-mail and I ...
A. 13 September 2005: The reason you need to give it two weeks min. is because distance makes the heart grow fonder, if possible anyway. The games begin if you "accidently" call and then act busy and hang up quickly. Do everything in your power to let him breathe a bit. ... (read in full...)
I caught my 10-year-old daughter masturbating!
Q. I hope you can help me with this because i just dont know what to do! I have a 10 year old daughter who is very happy- go lucky and has lots of friends. Last week i walked into her bedroom to find her straddling her bedcorner and thrusting. I told ...
A. 10 September 2005: It can't be too aweful if infant babies have been known to do it. People tend to touch what feels good. If she spent too much time alone trying to evade authority, then worry. What you leave alone will work itself out in this situation. ... (read in full...)
We broke up and I want to move on... but how do I forget my feelings?
Q. Dear Cupid, My fiance broke up with me a month ago and I'm still in shock over it. We were deeply in love. She would say all the time how she couldn't wait for us to be married and living together. I wanted to be with her in all eternity but now...
A. 6 September 2005:
First, she is crazy. She knew who you were when she met you. It is never okay to go so far with someone and all the while expecting to force your opinion of how they should be on them. So as you grieve your loss, you may want to try to mix s... (read in full...)
Has my interest in romantic movies ruined my chances of a happy relationship!?
Q. Dear Cupid, There is this weird thought that makes me constantly question the relationship between a guy and a girl. I am an adult guy who has had a few flings but that's all. I never sustained a relationship with a girl for the fear of getting ...
A. 6 September 2005: You are (bless your heart) a commitment phobe. Or at least that is how you came off in the question. The bad news is that if this is true, you do have an uphill battle in finding satisfaction in relationships. The good news is, you have already ... (read in full...)
What's the difference between "loving" and "being in love with" someone?
Q. Hi, My partner and I had a discussion on 'just loving someone' and 'being in love'. He doesn't see a difference. He believes that when two people are in a relationship and they love each other then they are 'in love together'. This came abou...
A. 29 August 2005: If I had a choice I would prefer your boyfriends rational. That in love feeling is great while it lasts but is nothing more than a mind trick. It gets you nothing. It should fade and that would be a good thing.
I do not ask my boyfriend that bec... (read in full...)
I started becoming jealous after comment my boyfriend made...
Q. My boyfriend has said and did some things in the past (especially while intoxicated). It's made me a very jealous person, when in reality I'm not. How do I deal with this and the stress of it?...
A. 29 August 2005: We would need to know more info before answering this for certain. However, from what you said, I would consider that sometimes jealous feelings are one of many unpleasant feelings.
1- Sometimes it is human to feel jealous. If you have been put... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend too needy, or is it me?
Q. I have been going out with this girl for almost a year now but I think she is becoming a bit possessive. To give a specific example, towards the end of this week I spent Thursday and Friday night with her and Saturday morning. On Saturday...
A. 29 August 2005: Needy is in the eye of the beholder but I agree with those who have posted before me. If you never talk to her about it, you will never know the potential.
Perhaps she wanted to be included in your visit. Do you always separate your life between ... (read in full...)
He's content with his online chats to other girls, and his family staying with us... but I'm miserable!
Q. Hi I'm 20 and living in Spain due to my boyfriend, as we met here. We've been together for two years. Last year I went back to England to work for our own place as we lived with his parents. We now have our own place but have his sister and mum ...
A. 24 August 2005: Leave as soon as you can. He is not respecting you, he is (at the very least) emotionally cheating by chatting with other girls and is in general disrespecting you. You are too young for this and it only will get worse.
While it is easy for me t... (read in full...)
My son wears his sister's bikini bottoms!
Q. If anyone can help me with this problem, then advice is appreciated! I came back home from work one day to find my #16-year-old son sitting in the garden wearing his 19-year-old sister's white bikini (it was a hot day). His sister was at univ...
A. 24 August 2005: Maybe you could try this line of reasoning for yourself first and him second.
He might be on to something. If he has discomfort wearing regular trunks, then there are alternatives out there. However, it is disrespectful for him to wear any clot... (read in full...)
Four years together and I feel that we've grown apart.
Q. I'm 22 years old and I have been with my boyfriend since I have been 15. We have lived together for 4 years and lately I feel that I don't love him and that we have grown apart. I tried talking to him about taking a break but he just made me feel ...
A. 24 August 2005: Usually, I would advise that it is absolutely normal to feel the itch about now. That is, you are at the point in a long term relationship when almost all people begin to question their love for their lover. The rest felt it last year or will feel ... (read in full...)
What's wrong? I've never, ever had an orgasm...
Q. Okay, I have never in my life had an orgasm. What is wrong with me? I won't let a guy go down on me or touch me much. I have never been sexually abused or anything so what is wrong with me?...
A. 24 August 2005: Assuming you are female, you may be lacking the correct type of stimulation. If you do not let men "go there,” then you need to, if you want an orgasm.
Also, you don't say your age, but if you are less than 30 years old, you might be one of the 6... (read in full...)
Could I be asexual?
Q. I'm a 25 year old female and I've never had any sexual feeling towards anyone, male or otherwise. I've never had sex or kissed anyone, never masturbated, fancied of fantasised about anyone, and to be honest the thought of any of these things doesn't ...
A. 22 August 2005: After ruling out supressed feelings in response to childhood sexual abuse and medical situations that effect hormones, perhaps it can be normal. If you don't mind and have to desire to grow old with someone go for it. Just don't bring another ... (read in full...)
My daughter is involved with a man 36 years older than her!
Q. Hi there, I have a 16-year-old daughter and have recently found out that she is dating a 52-year-old man. She is talking about marriage and children with this man; personally I don't understand why she wants to marry someone so much older than...
A. 22 August 2005: Is there any way you/she could get away for awhile? Do you have any relatives out of town where she could stay for a time to allow her to forget him? She could do a semester away. Or, does she do any out of the home activities? If she engages in ... (read in full...)
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