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*appygirl agony aunt

*appygirl

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*appygirl's profile:

I love to help people.I give great advice for others but awful advice for myself.I've been through a lot and consider life a wonderful journey full of ups and down. I believe I am wise through my years of traveling and seeing the world.I would like to help out anyway that I can because I think that is the reason we are here. To help each other.

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Why do I think like this, about her past?

Q.   Hello, i am one very confused person. Basically i met this girl over 2 years ago and we fell in love and are engaged everything was great with us until we started talking about her history. We never talked about it much before, always figured s...

A.   21 September 2008: these are your issues and not her. She didn't do anything wrong and you are letting your insecurities ruin a good relationship. You are thinking too much about her looking at the house down the same street. Do you want her to close her eyes each ... (read in full...)

In love with another woman but terribly affraid of divorce and everything that comes with it!

Q.   I am 35 years old and have been married for 8 1/2 years. I have a 3 year old son and 9 month old daughter. I've been having an affair for a year and a half now. I am madly in love with her and want to be with her all of the time. I have no desi...

A.   21 September 2008: You made your bed and now you have to lie in it. Basically, you cannot run away from it anymore and must face the music. Either you end your affair and devote and concentrate on your marraige. OR have the decency to end your marraige so your wife ... (read in full...)

Why do girls keep running back to the guy they know hurt them most?

Q.   why do girls keep running back to the guy they know hurt them most? what the hell is it?? i was once a strong girl who never thought to do that...but once i opened up my heart to someone, they basically threw it back in my face and even though after ...

A.   21 September 2008: i use to be one of those girls. I didn't know any better. I thought it was what you were suppose to do when you love someone. Keep giving, forgiving and trying to make it work because I loved him. Now I know my mistake. Sometimes, we fall so deep ... (read in full...)

Is it common for women to cry during or after intercourse?

Q.   I have heard that women sometime cry during intercourse or after sex. Is this common? What does it mean? I appreciate your time....

A.   21 September 2008: we cry sometimes because it's pretty emotional for us. Men know how to block out their feelings, but sometimes for us it builts up and we can't help but to release it during sex. i've cried before just because it was so intense, emotionally, ... (read in full...)

Do you think he let me down gently by saying he was going out of town?? Should I go over to his house since he invited me?? He is 10 years older, by the way...

Q.   I have a really big crush on my neighbor. It all started about a month ago when we started talking outside and we realized that we had a lot in common. He gave me a few signs that he was interested in me so I decided that I would ask him out. I saw ...

A.   21 September 2008: i don't think he's blowing you off, but he's being nice. He probably see you as being a nice neighbor and no more than friends. You have to understand that because you have such a huge crush on him, you are probably coming on too strong and scar... (read in full...)

He wants me to have his baby, how can I postpone this?

Q.   ive been seeing an older guy for 4 weeks now.(26) im (15) and i generally feel like ive fallen for him big time. we see each other once a week as he lives too far away so he cant afford paying 50 pounds everyday just to see me. i met him for the...

A.   21 September 2008: No decent 26 year old would ever date a 15 year old. All he wants is sex and he will do and say anything to get it. If you have a child with him, this will be the biggest mistake of your life. Please do not have sex with him. I know you feel you... (read in full...)

Is he scared to like me?

Q.   Hi Evreyone heres a thing 5 months ago i went on a date with this bloke anyway we had a nice time but he ended it suddenly, Anyway we became friends so that was ok. Heres the thing hes a barman so when i go out with my friends i see him we talk...

A.   21 September 2008: He is young and acting like a typical immature guy. He slept with you and now the challenge is over for him. Guys this age love to play the game. They want to get what they can't have and when they get it, it's too easy so they don't want it anymo... (read in full...)

We discussed marriage but I have second thoughts as I don't want to feel tied down, I do want to be with her though and am worried about hurting her feelings!

Q.   Hi, I'm in a situation where i really don't know whats going on/gone on in my head recently. I'm in the forces and based in germany, i went home for a bit of summer leave at the beginning of august this year and met an amazing girl who lived in...

A.   21 September 2008: Better to hurt her feelings now then 10 years down the line when you are unhappy, she's unhappy and you both decide to get a divorce and she ends up resenting you. You are having doubts because deep down, you are not ready. You love her, but you ... (read in full...)

What are the rules of a casual relationship?? We connect intellectually and will provide comfort, intimacy and attention to each other, but neither of us is ready for a serious deal!

Q.   what are the rules of a casual relationship? Hi all, I'm in a 'contractual' relationship with a guy. He's 10 years older than me, divorced and is not looking for a serious relationship. Plus he's not local. I just got out of a messy relationship as ...

A.   21 September 2008: First of all, by being in a "casual" relationship, that means you are not exclusive and therefore free to date other people if you like. he has no control on this aspect of your life. Don't let him set the rules. Besides, if he's not the man ... (read in full...)

I want to seduce my 30 yr old teacher for fun. Any tips on how?

Q.   Ok, how can i tell if my male teacher is interested in me? Like what signs should i look for? How do i seduce him? Im 17, a highschool senior, and he's in his 30's. So I want 2 seduce him for fun. what way can i do that? Me and him get along like...

A.   21 September 2008: you really love a challange, and because he's your teacher you are getting a high from thinking you can get him to fall for you. It's your own ego. You are underage, and he is your teacher. That means he is off limits to you. Please don't ruin his ... (read in full...)

I keep saying to myself that this is how it should be and move on but it really hurts so bad. How do I stop this feeling?

Q.   This is complicated at least to me. I had posted before about being attracted to a younger guy and I'm married. It's more that I really enjoy his friendship and company. The responses were what I thought that i should limit my time with him and ...

A.   21 September 2008: I don't think it's HIM that you are missing. You are missing the friendship, attention, companionship that you lack in your marraige. Somehow you found it in him, but the truth is it's NOT HIM. It could be another guy that shows you the same affe... (read in full...)

Do you think I'm being played? Or is he just being his caring, genuine self?

Q.   Well, I am new at posting and asking for advice, so this is a little hard for me. To start, I never thought I would ever get involved with a married man. At first I did not. We were just good friends and could relate to each other. I met him seve...

A.   21 September 2008: I think you're being played. He sounds like he doesn't have any intentions of leaving his wife. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the security of having his wife and family, but he get bored sometimes and wants his fun. ..with you. ... (read in full...)

Does this older guy just want sex or could he really be interested in a relationship with me?

Q.   I am interested in a older man. He is 32 and I am 21. I like him a lot and he says he likes the chase but, we have walls up between each other that we have discussed we have because we are both scared (we both told each other we were scared). I am ...

A.   20 September 2008: i agree, he's cool now because he hasn't gotten what he wante yet. (sex) i wouldn't be surprise if once you gave it up to him, the phone calls are less and less. He does not sound like the commitment type at all. He just wants to date forever. ... (read in full...)

I want him back but he wants to be left alone. What should I do?

Q.   Im not sure where to start! My husband and I seperated last November, we have a four year old daughter together. We had the most stressful year - id had an ectopic pregnancy and was finding it very difficult to deal with and in the end I asked him ...

A.   20 September 2008: I agree. You need to give this relationship a break and some space to sort itself out. By you calling him and texting all the time, he doesn't have a chance to sort it out in his own head. You can't make someone love you or Be with you again. No ... (read in full...)

Why does he ignore me?

Q.   i am married and my friend is married too. my instinct tells me he likes me but sometimes he totally ignores me. All i really want is his friendship. He seems more intimate when we text and shies away from me or is more formal, when we see each...

A.   20 September 2008: He's ignoring you because he's a married man and he sense you want more than a friendship. You say that's all you want, but if that was true, then you wouldn't be here posting this question and caring what he thinks. I have a haunch that you have... (read in full...)

Do I get my hopes up on thinking he has changed his mind or was it just the drink talking?

Q.   Hi this is my first time on DearCupid so i am sorry if my question is too long but i need to get some opinions on my situation please. Where to start, well my boyfriend and i have been together for just over 7 months now. The thing is i have a b...

A.   20 September 2008: Honestly, you have to take it from us females who have been in your shoes. Marraige is not all cracked up to be. I think we were brainwashed since little girls to think that we will fall in love and prince charming will save us, rescue us from what... (read in full...)

Would I be making a mistake to marry her?

Q.   I will be marrying my fiance next year. I have discovered that in her past she had an abortion, had an affair with a married man and had sexual relations with several other guys. She also has the tendency to lie. She says she has changed but ...

A.   20 September 2008: When in doubt. Dont do it.... (read in full...)

I'm used to my girlfriend forgiving me after I abuse her, but this time she's fed up. What do I do?

Q.   Hi everyone. I've been with this girl for 3 years now. We have a child together. I love her dearly and want to marry her. She does everything for me. She let's me want for nothing. We have the same religious background which is wonderful (first girl ...

A.   19 September 2008: You have issues and problem and you need to get help. How dare you put your insecurities on her? Putting her down and make her feel like crap. Maybe inside you don't feel worthy of having her, so you have to put her down to make sure she never ... (read in full...)

What do you do if after 4 years into the relationship your bf still keeps in touch with his ex?

Q.   What do you do if after 4 years into the relationship your bf still keeps intouch with his ex. And even after fighting and talking about how much it bothers me he still talks to her. I don't mind much of the keeping in touch with her, what bot...

A.   19 September 2008: That's why people do the "no contact" rule after a break up. That way you can heal and move forward with your life. If you still keep in touch, it is not fair for any future relationships you might have. It's hard to let go, but if you don't let go, ... (read in full...)

I'm really worried about my girlfriend, she's just had an abortion.

Q.   My girlfriend had an abortion ten days ago. When she went to the clinic she kissed me and said it wasn't going to be a big deal, but ever since then she seems really depressed. I text her and she doesn't reply. I went to her house and she says she's ...

A.   19 September 2008: it's finally hitting her and it's going to take a while to get over this. Emotionally and physically. The only thing you can do is be there for her and support her any way you can. I think the best way is to write it in a heartfelt letter to her. ... (read in full...)

He treats me like crap now that we are back together! How can I get him to be more respectful?

Q.   Long story short, my boyfriend and I went out for a year and three months. We broke up for four months and I dated another guy during that time; my boyfriend did not date anyone. He and I got back together a couple months ago and now he's treating ...

A.   19 September 2008: I don't think you did anything wrong. You guys were broken up so you were free to date whomever. Don't let him make you feel bad. There is no point in getting back together if he is going to hold this over your head. He is trying to make you feel ... (read in full...)

How does one maintain their identity in a relationship?

Q.   Ok guys today in class i had a major break through in my opinion. In the back of my mind in always thinking about what happened and why, and all the good stuff. I came to the conclusion so far that ive been depressed and that is what really did the ...

A.   19 September 2008: I know exactly what you mean. One minute you're head over heal in love with someone, the next you don't even know who you are anymore. I think the problem is when we fall in love we give everything to the person we are with. We forget the life we h... (read in full...)

Do I let this woman be, or do I call her? I just want closure.

Q.   I was in a relationship with a women who was in the process of divorcing her husband, we grew fond of each and dated for a couple of months. Now the husband is back and I'm pretty sure she has fallen in love with him again. Now I'm just looking for ...

A.   19 September 2008: You deserve closure, so you can move on. I say call her up and get a straight answer from her. Most likely if you know that she is still in love with her husband and going back to him, you should move on too. ... (read in full...)

The 'situation' that will dumbfound you!

Q.   About 2 years ago I met a woman on an online dating site. She had just finished a 3 year relationship. This guy was verbally abusive and always wanted a 3some. She was very much against that. They subsequently got engaged and then he left her out of ...

A.   19 September 2008: something about the story doesn't sound right. Why did't she show up? or maybe she did, but you didn't see her. Maybe She wanted to see what you looked like first so she hid somewhere while you waited for her. Whatever the case, I would try to ... (read in full...)

After 2 dates with her, I kissed someone else and we weren't even a couple at that time. She found out and broke up with me. Ladies, your thoughts?

Q.   Ok here is the deal.... I met a really great girl, took her out on a date, things went well, a week later took her out again things looked good, then the third week i went to another town where my parents stay went to a party had a blast and ended ...

A.   18 September 2008: How can you break up when you weren't even together? You both said that this wasn't serious..meaning you are allowed to date/kiss/hug other girls. This is the "getting to know you phase" and she's definitely overreacting. If you really like ... (read in full...)

I found photos of him as a cross dresser in the Internet, it seems he was an escort and is bi, I am so frightened to aproach him about this and don't know how.

Q.   I have been with my man for 2 years now, we hit it off from the word go and fell in love pretty quick, we are so close and always confide in each other if we have anything on our minds. We have just bought a house together and I could not have bee...

A.   18 September 2008: Stay strong, and i'm sorry you're going through this. Lots of love and support from us. {big hug}... (read in full...)

I think I should leave him but I don't do it. I think if I do that then I may not find nobody that can treat me good. So I cry every day!

Q.   I don’t know how to begin so I gues ill just start talking. I afarid. Afraid that no matter how nuch I try ill never meet someone that will love me as much as I do them. I know someone that will but he doesn’t want to. Should I just sit around here ...

A.   18 September 2008: "I don’t understand why he expects me to stay at home and wait on him when he can’t even respect me when he goes out. Am I really that stupid." YOU ARE NOT STUPID, SO DON'T TELL YOURSELF THAT. YOU HAVE TO RESPECT YOURSELF FIRST BEFORE ANY MAN WILL ... (read in full...)

What do I do about my controlling boyfriend?

Q.   My boyfriend of 3 years is very controlling. I have lived at his house, well his MOMs house for 3years. For the past year he has really been trying to control me. He has: * Put me on different curfew times. 11pm, 7pm, 8pm, now its 9pm. I have a cu...

A.   18 September 2008: No One can control you unless you let them. You are your own women, why are you putting up with it? If you don't like it, then you have the freedom to end it and move on. He sounds very immature for a 24 year old. If you stay, this is what you ... (read in full...)

I'm attracted to a guy 11 years my junior, and I'm falling out of love with my husband.

Q.   I am in such a desperate situation so please bare with me. I have been with my husband for 13 years we have 3 wonderful children. I found myself attracted to another man who is 11 years younger than me. He is not the problem ,even though the ...

A.   18 September 2008: I think you lost respect for your husband, therefore all your attraction for him is gone. i don't know if counseling will get this back. I think women want strong men who will "fight" for their women and since your husband is okay with you and your ... (read in full...)

His divorce might not go through, and I'm thinking of ending the relationship because of it. Help please!

Q.   I have been seeing this married guy for 17 months. He moved out from the house that he lived in with his wife and 3 kids about 15 months ago and moved in with is sister. Our relationship was a secret to his friends and family for about a while, b...

A.   18 September 2008: This is what happens when you mess around with married men. Lot's of heartache. At least you know that you have to end it. The best way is to tell him directly, keep it short and to the point. Tell him "This is not working out, we want different ... (read in full...)

I'm stuck between two guys, who do I pick?

Q.   I have a problem, six months ago I got into a relationship with a guy I knew in highschool (20+ yrs ago), he's been married now for 20 yrs. He was in an open relationship with his wife, she knew he was seeing me. After a while I developed strong ...

A.   18 September 2008: I would not get back with your ex (the one with the wife) because first of all, he is still emotionally unavailable to you. One month will not change how he feels about his wife. She will always be there in his mind. Also, let's say he's over her,... (read in full...)

Is this love or convenience?

Q.   Is this love or convenience? I asked my gf of two years to marry me and move to a different city. She said yes after thinking about it for two days. When she announced her resignation from her employee, she was relieved that her employer wanted ...

A.   18 September 2008: She already quit her job, and is moving to a different city where she doesn't know anyone. All for you and your relationship. What more do you want from a girl? Getting married is a big step, and i didn't get your question. "leveraging the oppo... (read in full...)

Do I get back with my ex lover, as I always do, or do I stay with my new lover?!

Q.   I have a girlfriend who ive been with for over 2-3 months. its good im happy. she made me straighter than i was before. but now my ex-girlfriend wants me back. she a very attractive and she wants to be with me again like it use to be. i might ev...

A.   18 September 2008: You broke up with your ex for a reason. And for you to choose her over your current one based on looks is plain shallow. I kinda feel sorry for your current girlfriend because she deserves someone who is completely devoted to her and since this ... (read in full...)

He was such a gentleman, so charming! But since he flew out of town, I haven't heard from him at all! I'm clueless! Men, what is your opinion?

Q.   I was seeing a very gentlemanly, charming man for a little over a month. Every time we were together his charming ways would shine through more and more. I don’t even think he realized how charming he was being. He would say the sweetest things ...

A.   17 September 2008: Don't believe one word he says. Guys will say anything to get in your pants and leave when they got what they wanted. YOu have to look at his actions.And since he hasn't called you then he's got other girls on his mind or he really is busy with ... (read in full...)

Why do so many people believe in the 'no contact' rule after a bad relationship?

Q.   Why do so many people believe in the no contact rule after a bad relationship? Or if they had just gotten their hearts broken? Why shouldn't we contact them? And if we were to contact them.. would that be such a bad thing?...

A.   17 September 2008: The no contact rule basically means just that. Do not call them Do not email Do not text/msg Do not do drive bys their house to get a glimpse of them This is to speed up the process of healing. It doesn't matter if you were the dumper or dumpe... (read in full...)

My Girlfriend is a bitch...Or is it me?

Q.   Well to start, my girlfriend blows up into a bitch at any chance, shes been diagnosed with depression a couple years ago. She gets 'stressed out' extremely easily. Today, I get to class and my class is cancelled. So talking on MSN at my school, I ...

A.   17 September 2008: Your girlfriend is also selfish. She is testing and pushing her limits with you and its up to you to put your foot down and set boundries with her. She needs to be more independent and not rely on you anymore. She's not 8 years old. you are not ... (read in full...)

I asked my husband if he had EVER cheated on me, he was defensive and denied it but my gut told me it is true...

Q.   I asked my husband if he had ever cheated on me and his response was really different. He kept saying i cannot believe you do not trust me. He was defensive and after a while my gut told me this is true .. He said that if it was when we were youn...

A.   17 September 2008: men will NEVER EVER EVER NEVER admit that they cheated. Even if you caught the girl in bed they will swear up and down they didn't do anything. So good luck getting the truth out of them. The only thing we can go by is our instinct because it gives ... (read in full...)

Is playing hard to get a good strategy to get the person you want?

Q.   Hi all, This question has been around in my mind for quite some time. So I would like to know does doing that actually makes that person you want crave for you, like you more and wants to pursue you instead? 'Cos I am susceptible to becom...

A.   17 September 2008: when i first started dating, i didn't want to play games and thought if two people liked each other why can't we just forget these game and get onto the important stuff. Now I realize that Dating IS A GAME. it's to test if the person is right for ... (read in full...)

Hubby disregards counsellors' recommendations and I continue to feel unwanted despite of my efforts!

Q.   Hi everyone, I have been struggling with a problem for the last 3 years and wondered if anyone could help. My husband has gone off sex completely, after years of counseling etc, he says he's just not interested at all with anyone including me! ...

A.   17 September 2008: I disagree with Emily's answer. I think men do not respond with words. They respond with action. What you need to do is stop putting effort into making it work. For the next month, stop doing things for him and he will notice. During this time, fill... (read in full...)

I am extremely overweight, after having two kids, would a woman who is 5' 3", and weighs 140 lbs, be attractive to men?

Q.   I am 5'3 and have had two kids. I weigh 140 lbs and i feel extremely overweight. Before i had kids i weighed 120lbs. Do guys find girls attractive who have had kids and weigh 140lbs at 5'3?...

A.   17 September 2008: You are not extremely overweight. You are just heavier than what you are use to. Men are attracted to women who are comfortable and confident in themselves. If you don't feel that way about yourself, then a man won't either. That's why some ove... (read in full...)

How do you find a decent man? One who doesn't just want you for sex?

Q.   How do you find a decent man? who doesnt just want you for sex? How do you know when they are telling the truth and not just trying to get into your knickers? coz I dont have a clue, and neither does anyone else I know. Please help, Im starting to f...

A.   16 September 2008: the best way is to test them. Wait as long as you can to have sex with them. And look at what they do, not what they say.(action speaks louder than words) All guys will want to get in your pants, but it's the nice/decent ones who really wants to get ... (read in full...)

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