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| | Samantha x's profile:Hi, my name is Sam, and I'm 23. I joined this site in April 2009.
My main aim in life is to help people. I have been through a lot over the years, and if there is one good thing to come out of it all, it is that I feel I can understand and relate to people more than before. Hopefully, I can use the pain I have been through, and still do, and turn it into a positive thing, as a tool with which to help people.
I have studied some courses and got basic diplomas in psychology, counselling, body language, cognitive behavioural therapy, and Reiki. I am not an expert though, by any means. But I have acquired some knowledge.
I do not judge, and there is probably nothing you can say to me which will surprise me. In fact, I'll have probably been through it myself! Some of the things I have dealt with in life include family problems, mental health difficulties, low self-esteem, harmful relationships, problems at school, anorexia...the list is quite long actually!
I am not here to tell people what to do. I will listen though, and offer suggestions and support. My main hope is to help people find the inner strength they have to overcome their own difficulties. I believe we all have the answers and the strength inside us to overcome any obstacles. But sometimes, we need help to reach in and find it. That is what I hope to help with.
Regarding private messages, if you PM me I will do my best to help you. But if I don't feel able to help you with your particular difficulty, or if I feel it is beyond my ability to understand at this time, then I will tell you. I think it is only fair for both of us if I am honest, and if I'm not sure how to help, I would rather be honest and say so, instead of blindly stumbling around and possibly making things worse.
I also don't mind if you want to tell me about how you are feeling, or what you are going through, simply to get it off your chest. Sometimes, it is nice to just talk to someone, and you don't always necessarily want them to give advice, or suggset possible solutions. You just want them to listen. So I am okay with that, if you just want to offload to me and don't necessarily want me to offer advice. Just tell me, and I'll do my best to listen, and try to understand.
Sam x
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| Latest articles: Borderline Personality Disorder? It's not a death sentence!
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 September 2009: When I was about 13-14 years old, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I was also diagnosed with anxious/avoidant personality disorder, but the borderline one is the one I want to focus on in this article. I was only told my ...
A poem of love and loss
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 September 2009: I wrote this poem years ago, when I was a fair bit younger. But it still holds so much meaning for me today. I know it's not exactly quality poetry or anything, but hey, I tried, and I was very young! So please try to ignore the fact it might not be ...
The psychological effects of an eating disorder
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 August 2009: In this article, I wanted to say a bit more about my experience of anorexia. I’ve already summarised how my eating disorder came about, but I wanted to explain more about some of the psychological effects it can have. I experienced, and still do to ...
What DearCupid means to me
This question has 15 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 July 2009: I wanted to take the time to say a bit about how Dear Cupid has had a positive impact on my life. Well, I first joined this site in April. I had some free time on my hands, as I had to give up my demanding college course so I could focus on r...
Tips to help you get through the hard times.
This question has 11 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2009: This is a bit different to my last article. I’m not sure if you could even call it an article as such. Basically, I want to share a few tips and techniques that I have learned for how to get through difficult times in life. I’ve had plenty of those ...
Eating disorder: Is this what I'm getting better for?
This question has 6 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
3 June 2009: Hi everyone. This is my first article, so hopefully it will be okay! This article is about anorexia. Yes, I have an eating disorder. I am doing really well with the recovery process, but it still gets difficult at times. I got thinking a while...
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I have betrayed my boyfriend. What should I do?
Q. me and my boy friend has been dating for almost 2 years now. we love each other and we are crazy about eachother. recently i have moved to another country to study. in here im so free, i live alone. my parents live in another country and i ha...
A. 11 November 2009: I think it depends on what you really want. Do you really want to be with your boyfriend, and to try and work things out? It's just that you say you feel like you aren't meant to be anymore. So I am wondering if you would actually like to move on ... (read in full...)
Is my girlfriend controlling?
Q. Hi All Please help My girlfriend of one year has these traits. She is too bossy * Says I do everything wrong around the house * Housework and cooking have to be done her way * If i clean kitchen but leave milk or sauce out she complains ...
A. 11 November 2009: I wouldn't say that she is controlling, but maybe you have both reached a rough patch in your relationship? Sometimes we can start to forget why we are with a person, and why we wanted to be with them in the first place. We can start to take our ... (read in full...)
Why am I the abused in this relationship?
Q. I am very confused. Currently sleeping on the bathroom floor after being called a liar, being spit on, having multiple small objects thrown at me, and I was the one called the abuser. When I heard him say this, I stepped out of the washroom and...
A. 24 October 2009: You know, I am actually kind of glad you have asked this question, because it shows that a part of you knows that something is very wrong in this situation.
No, it is not you. You have done nothing wrong. It sounds like you are working very har... (read in full...)
B/f says he called ex for homework, that's all
Q. I gave my ex boyfriend one chance after he cheated on me with one of my friends. When he cheated,we had been together for a year and three months . He lasted a whole year trying to get back with me; I was really hard to qet back and i thouqht it ...
A. 24 October 2009: This sounds very stressful for you. It seems like you find it very hard to trust your boyfriend, which is understandable considering what has happened. The fact that he phoned his ex must have made you feel like he is up to his old games. I can't ... (read in full...)
We have a FWB relationship so why does he keep asking about other guys?
Q. I know most men are literal, but maybe I've been out of the dating game too long to read the signs. I joined a dating site earlier this year and reached out to a man that I felt was someone that fit me. He responded and we spent the summer...
A. 24 October 2009: I can think of two reasons why he might be asking you if you have been meeting other guys. The first is that he may have been meeting other women, and he is just wondering if you are doing the same, meeting other men. He may just be curious to know. ... (read in full...)
He say's his saying bad things is training to see if I can be his wife!
Q. I'm worried,me and my fiance are born again christian and we have been together for ten months now.at first we were fine with each other and and loved one another so much,but these days he becomes too hard on me,he is every day quarraling and says ...
A. 19 October 2009: I am so sorry you are being treated this way. It must be very upsetting for you.
I don't think you should put up with this. I think his words are very worrying. He is testing you to see if you are qualified to be his wife? And to find out if you a... (read in full...)
Married and falling for a married coworker...can I sleep with him to get him out of my system?
Q. Hi, I am 33 and hapily married, with one child. I love my husband very much; he is a wonderful man. I have started a new job at the beginning of the year where I met this man. He is 39 and also married. His wife works at the same place. A ...
A. 19 October 2009: I think that if you sleep with this man, it will not get him out of your system. Quite the opposite. I think it will make your feelings more intense, and cause you more pain. By sleeping with him, you will most likely end up feeling attached to him, ... (read in full...)
By cutting him off, will he realize what he is walking away from?
Q. My husband walked out on me and our 2 children 3 months ago for another woman at work who is 17 years younger than him. We have been married for 9 years and together for 13. I have tried everything I can to try and win him back and I know he is ...
A. 19 October 2009: I think you have got the right idea about this, and I agree that moving on is probably the best thing for you to do right now.
This must be so difficult for you, but you have tried and tried. He doesn't seem prepared to leave this other woman. I... (read in full...)
My parents are very stricked...how do I tell them I'm pregnant?
Q. Hi everyone, I am 21 yrs old and my boyfriend is 22 yrs old, We have been dating since I was 15. For some reason my dad never really liked him even though he is really nice and sweet to me. My parents are very stricked and have always told me that I ...
A. 19 October 2009: The idea of telling your parents must be scary. But you will have to tell them at some point, because pregnancy isn't something that can be hidden! Do you feel more able to speak to one of your parents than the other? Maybe you could approach just ... (read in full...)
4 years affair and I don't think he's ever going to leave his wife
Q. first of all im begging you all not to pass moral judgment however tempting it might me,, heres my problem ive been seeing a married man for 4 years..and hes been giving me hopes..that we could be together as his wife had an affair and hes n...
A. 16 October 2009: I can understand that feeling, of being left hanging, left in limbo, and wanting some kind of closure. But I'm not sure if he will give you the closure you seek. I have experienced this before, and there comes a point where you have to decide to ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to add her to my FB friends list without asking her first?
Q. Hi, right now i like a girl and i dont really talk to her. So i keep thinking if i should add her on my facebook friends list so i/we could talk a lot. But the point is if i should add her without asking or asking first. Whenever i look at her...
A. 14 October 2009: I don't add people on Facebook if I don't know them very well. Facebook is, for me, more personal than some other sites I know of. So if a random stranger adds me, I get a bit annoyed at that.
But if you did add her, I don't think it would be... (read in full...)
My ex girlfriend accused me of cheating and now wants me back!
Q. I am a gay girl. I met a girl a year ago whom I really liked. It was supposed to be only a ONS, but we agreed to go on a date after she returns from holidays. The date only materialized few months afterwards, on my instigation. However aft...
A. 13 October 2009: This sounds really complicated, and it must be very confusing for you. One moment you resign yourself to the fact it is over...the next she wants you back!
This has happened now several times, so it seems that this is a pattern that will just kee... (read in full...)
Why does my stomach get bigger during my period?
Q. Hey.I started my menstrual cycle recently and i noticed when i'm having my period,my stomach area and breast area tends to slightly increase in size.However,i weigh myself and realised i didn't put on any weight.Can anyone help me and explain why?...
A. 13 October 2009: It is quite normal for this to happen, I get it too. It is a pain, but nothing to worry about, and it doesn't mean that you are putting on weight. It should go during your period. x... (read in full...)
Should I tell her it's over?
Q. My girlfriend and her roommate (male, also my childhood friend) are getting too close. He is getting sexual and crossing the line and being disrespectful. We both met my girlfriend about 4 months ago and I started dating her, but then he moved in ...
A. 13 October 2009: I can understand why this is bothering you so much. It would bother me too.
It might be that your girlfriend doesn't realise how this is making you feel, even though you have tried to tell her. Maybe she sees it as fun. Or, it could be that she... (read in full...)
Should I tell him he kissed a guy when he was drunk?
Q. I am in a new relationship with a man I very much love. Our relationship is going really well, and I think he's the man I may want to marry. Last night, though, I was at a friend's birthday party and got blackout drunk and apparently kissed a guy ...
A. 10 October 2009: I think it would be best if it came from you first. Tell him what you have said here. That you don't remember, but you apparently kissed some guy at the bar. He might be a bit upset about it, but I think it would come as an unpleasant shock if he ... (read in full...)
My ex broke up with me over another girl. Now he is saying he still wants me! How do I get him back properly?
Q. Hi there.about 5 weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up due to him having feelings for another girl.we had been together nearly a year and a half so I found it really hard. we never really stopped contacting each other even saying that we might try ...
A. 10 October 2009: It sounds to me like this guy can't decide who he wants to be with, so he is trying to keep both of you so he can see how things turn out. While I understand his logic in this dilemma, I think it is quite selfish of him to expect you to just wait ... (read in full...)
4 years affair and I don't think he's ever going to leave his wife
Q. first of all im begging you all not to pass moral judgment however tempting it might me,, heres my problem ive been seeing a married man for 4 years..and hes been giving me hopes..that we could be together as his wife had an affair and hes n...
A. 8 October 2009: I am really sorry to hear that. After everything, I guess it would have been nice if he had at least been more truthful. You must have felt very alone right then.
But I guess this could be used in a positive way, maybe? Has this helped you at a... (read in full...)
I look great now - is that the only reason he wants to be with me?
Q. Hello, I'd love to hear your opinions. I'm 37 and have been divorced 5 years with three great kids. Since my divorce my self esteem has been pretty low and I ended up putting on 3 stone in weight. Two years ago I became friends with a man 8 years ...
A. 7 October 2009: I don't think he only likes you in that way now you have lost weight and stuff. You said that he is shy about relationships. So maybe he has just needed time to muster up the courage to ask you!
You could always ask him, I guess, if it would he... (read in full...)
He hurt me - do I really want to see him again?
Q. My friend and I were sleeping together. I was very much in love with him and he was with me, so he said, but it all went horribly wrong and we didn't talk for 7/8 months. To get over him I moved 300 miles away but it's not helped, it just means I ...
A. 7 October 2009: Well, only you can find the answer to that. It sounds like you haven't really got over what happened though. You said you moved 300 miles away, and it didn't help. That's because healing comes from within. There isn't really anything we can do that ... (read in full...)
Could a woman please translate what she's telling me here?
Q. I've been with my girlfriend for about 9 months and have grown to love her alot. We are opposites in some ways ( I'm a yuppie. She's a hippie) but our core values are the same. We both adore animals. We both love cooking and baking. We both see ...
A. 7 October 2009: Have you asked her directly about this? I think it is a bit unfair for her to expect you to mind-read, to know what it is that is missing in her opinion.
What could she mean? Well, I can think of two possibilities. Both may be incorrect, but I'll... (read in full...)
Am I normal? Is he the one?
Q. I have been my bf for 5 years. However sex just doesn't turn me on! Reading romance novels, thinking of the process of sex, get me going.. But sex itself.. I feel not much- AM I normal? or maybe he's just not for me?...
A. 7 October 2009: Some people just aren't that into sex. Reading romance novels and thinking about sex can get you going, but for some people, actually doing it just doesn't really appeal. So as to whether you are normal or not, I don't think there really is a ... (read in full...)
He says he's going to cheat on me - should I chase after him?
Q. to make a long story short, me and my bf of 3months have been fighting lately because he tells me hes going to go chill with other girls and cheat on me and stuff and i get pissed and he gets mad and says im insecure. so now he said he needs to ...
A. 6 October 2009: I feel quite angry with your boyfriend after reading this!
I am sorry he is treating you like this. But why are you apologising to him? What have you done? Are you apologising because you are, as he says, "insecure"? You are not insecure. You are ... (read in full...)
How do I get over losing the girl of my dreams?
Q. Hi Everybody sorry for the long story but, I am desperately looking for your help, please answer and please don't pull any punches, I have just recently split up with my girl friend of a year and and half, we have had major trust problems in the ...
A. 6 October 2009: I am really sorry that you are in so much pain right now. This must be a really difficult time for you.
I think it is natural to feel devestated over what has happened, especially as this was a recent thing. But try to have hope that things w... (read in full...)
My insecurities are getting the best of me in this relationship
Q. I am in a serious relationship we met 9mths ago and things have been awsum but lately for the last few weeks i have started to feel insecure about things, my body him being friends with other girls and it makes me feel that hes gonna run away on me ...
A. 3 October 2009: It could very well be because of your previous bad experience. But are you willing to let what happened get in the way of enjoying this relationship? I'm sure the answer to that is no!
We can all feel insecure in relationships. It is a sign tha... (read in full...)
What makes a woman change when she starts dating?
Q. Whar is it that comes over a woman when newly in a realashionship? I've turned into someone I don't recognize anymore. I went from being cool, calm and quite "righteous". I have turned into a jealous and very insecure woman all of a sudden. I ...
A. 3 October 2009: To a certain extent, I think we all change when we enter a new relationship. I can relate to what you said about turning into someone you no longer recognise. Like you, not too long ago I was calm, in control, happy as I was...and then I got to know ... (read in full...)
4 years affair and I don't think he's ever going to leave his wife
Q. first of all im begging you all not to pass moral judgment however tempting it might me,, heres my problem ive been seeing a married man for 4 years..and hes been giving me hopes..that we could be together as his wife had an affair and hes n...
A. 3 October 2009: I have heard of situations like this before. The person will always hint that someday soon, they will leave their spouse and you can be together...it seldom happens. Since this has been going on for four years, I think it is clear that he is not ... (read in full...)
Girls, do you like it when guys wear eyeliner, or "guyliner"?
Q. do girls like it when a guy wears guyliner? i would like girls' opinions. thanks for any responses... ...
A. 3 October 2009: I think the answer to this really depends on the girl in question. Some will like it, other's won't.
I personally have no problem if a guy wears eyeliner, I think it can look nice. x... (read in full...)
He said he needs time to think.....does this mean I have lost him?
Q. Ok well here goes had a huge fight with my BF of 6 months this weekend after a night out, I ended up leaving his house at 5am in the morning and going home in a rage, i call sunday and he wont answer my calls or the texts, we usually speak all the ...
A. 30 September 2009: It's difficult to say, but I wouldn't lose hope just yet! The fact that he replied to you at all is a good sign in my opinion. I would advise just giving him a bit more time. I know this must be extremely difficult and worrying, but if he asked for ... (read in full...)
I struggle to trust men and I think this has taken its toll on my relationship, how do I stop my boyfriend from leaving me?
Q. Hi everyone ! I need some help. I have ruined my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him a lot and so does he. But in the past i had unsuccessful relationships and due to my past i couldn't trust my boyfriend. I always fought with him and blame ...
A. 30 September 2009: I guess it must be tough for your boyfriend. But it also must be very difficult for you. Due to your previous bad experiences, it is understandable that you struggle to trust in relationships. But what has happened in the past is clearly tainting ... (read in full...)
Geographically undesireable is becoming desireable
Q. Dear Cupid, Great longing and an aching heart for someone far away brought me to you tonight. I look towards the wisdom and divinity of dearcupid.org to lean on. First, I will get right to the point, then provide support details and describe the...
A. 29 September 2009: I think rcn has made some great points, and I think that I too would rather struggle to overcome the obstacles, rather than spend forever thinking "what if?".
I also wanted to add that I don't think your feelings are foolish at all. You have fal... (read in full...)
Why does my boyfriend make me so upset and hurt all the time, while my male best friend does the opposite?
Q. Why does my bf make me so upset, anxious and hurt all the time, where as my best male friend does the opposite? My bf is never there to support me. Whenever I need him, he has always been drinking so he cant be supportive, becuase when he drinks h...
A. 24 September 2009: I don't know why your boyfriend is so awful to you, and your best friend is lovely to you. I guess it is differences in personality. Your friend sounds like a nice, decent person, who respects and cares for you. Your boyfriend sounds like a ... (read in full...)
Taking advantage of Love
Q. Dear Cupid, I didn't think your aim could get any worse, but yet again you manage to surprise me. I look at his bizarre carnival sometimes and I wander if there is truly method to your madness. Maybe I am looking at it too closely. If I just z...
A. 24 September 2009: Love can seem haphazard, I agree. It does seem like random arrows are flying everywhere, with no logical pattern or plan in mind.
But just to give my perspective, I think LOVE is there inside every one of us. Some people are more able to find it ... (read in full...)
Do you think it is worth it to forgive someone who did this to you?
Q. I have been dating a girl for 3 years. We graduated college and had a long distance relationship. In this time she broke up with me for someone else. Im am pretty sure she cheated on me before she broke up with me for this other person. Well ...
A. 24 September 2009: I don't believe in that saying "Once a cheater, always a cheater." Everybody makes mistakes. It doesn't mean that you are going to go out of your way to make that mistake again.
However, I am NOT trying to excuse what she did. It must be very pai... (read in full...)
I need opinions from others. What's he playing at?
Q. Hi This is a long story so hear goes... Well there was this guy I met at a club. He saved me from another guy who was trying to basically attack me. We hung out for the night swapped numbers. He contacted me we would talk on the phone for hours,...
A. 23 September 2009: It sounds to me like he really isn't sure of what he wants. Hence him pulling you back and forth, and coming and going himself, like a yo-yo.
I think he doesn't want to be in a relationship, but at the same time, he may be scared of losing y... (read in full...)
She's used to the single life. I'm not sure she would be faithful if we started something. What should I do?
Q. I met a girl this week. I've been coming over to hers, we've been having dinner together and lot of sex. However, having spoken to her about the concept of starting a relationship, she's hesitant. She has trust issues, as she's had a number of guys ...
A. 23 September 2009: This sounds like a difficult one. You say you like people to put their trust in you, and you would clearly like this girl to trust you. But you don't trust her.
I can see why you would be unsure of how she would be in a relationship. And due to t... (read in full...)
Borderline Personality Disorder? It's not a death sentence!
Q. When I was about 13-14 years old, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I was also diagnosed with anxious/avoidant personality disorder, but the borderline one is the one I want to focus on in this article. I was only told my ...
A. 22 September 2009: I just wanted to add that, having had a quick look on the internet, it seems that awareness of personality disorders is finally improving. I found this site particularly helpful: www.bpdworld.org/ This page clears up four of the main misconceptions ... (read in full...)
Borderline Personality Disorder? It's not a death sentence!
Q. When I was about 13-14 years old, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I was also diagnosed with anxious/avoidant personality disorder, but the borderline one is the one I want to focus on in this article. I was only told my ...
A. 22 September 2009: Thank you all for your comments. I was worried that this article came out sounding angrier than I had intended! But I guess I am just passionate about every person being given fair chances and opportunities in life, regardless of what "disorders" or ... (read in full...)
Letting go is sometimes the hardest.
Q. This is more for people who are going through heartbreak at the moment - and to say that people have far more strength than they realise. I have had so much heartbreak from someone i will probrably never get over but more realise that i deserve b...
A. 21 September 2009: I really felt the emotion in what you wrote. As I read this, I got a sense of the pain, the emptiness, the sadness, the incomprehension...but also of the strength, the promise of healing, the acceptance. I don't know if you actually feel any of that ... (read in full...)
Looks... or personality???
Q. I just needed to vent about this and get other people's opinions. Lately I've been browsing through a lot of dating/love advice sites, and I see numerous of threads where 13 year olds complain about not ever having a boyfriend. Not only that, b...
A. 20 September 2009: I think it can be difficult, because the first thing we notice about someone is how they look. And we will form an opinion on them based on that, often without realising it. It is human nature to do that, I think.
But I do agree that a persons ... (read in full...)
Would you get rid of someone if they told you that they had a personality disorder?
Q. Since they say personality is what you look for in someone first and foremost, it puts me in quite a dilemma. I have a personality disorder, well... actually I have two, Borderline and narcissitic personality disorder (yes I've been diagnosed). If ...
A. 20 September 2009: I came across your question and would like to add my opinion.
I also have two personality disorders, borderline and anxious/avoidant. They pretty much ruined all of my teenage years. I tried an anti-depressant, but it didn't really help. I now ta... (read in full...)
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