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*etina1 agony aunt

*etina1

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Hi I'm a 50+ Woman of the world. Been through divorce, lived as a single parent and work for social services. Spent 6 yrs in adult education. I've had many jobs and many experiences of working with diverse and interesting people. I know life can be hard and realize that some people don't know where to look for the answers for things that are important to them as an individual. I hope I can advise honestly and responsibly to the questions asked. Good Luck, Hope this helps. Petina1 x

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My daughter is suffering over this man! How do I help her?

Q.   Ok I dont know where to start all I can say ..... He left woman #1 to be with woman #2 that had his child then he left his child and woman #2 to go back to woman #1 that forgave him then left woman #1 to be with woman #3 my daughter is suffering ...

A.   5 January 2011: Yes I know what you mean, all you can do is be there for her when she needs y ou, our children never listen to us do they?... (read in full...)

I'm his wife and yet I feel like a "dirty secret"

Q.   Needing Advice My husband and I recently married. We had discussions about concerns prior to marrying and I thought all was settled....Wrong...My husband went to visit his new Grandbaby at his ex's home on Christmas. His son, who is in his 30's was...

A.   2 January 2011: He's just another one who goes into a new marriage without sorting the baggage from the old one out. The amount of times I try to tell my friends not to do this and they don't listen, and the times they come to me after a few months to cry on my ... (read in full...)

I'm his wife and yet I feel like a "dirty secret"

Q.   Needing Advice My husband and I recently married. We had discussions about concerns prior to marrying and I thought all was settled....Wrong...My husband went to visit his new Grandbaby at his ex's home on Christmas. His son, who is in his 30's was...

A.   29 December 2010: It can be quite a problem when people marry and leave kids and family behind to start again. There is a lot of hurt going on with all concerned. He sounds like he is an innocent party to all this really because if he was been devious he would not ... (read in full...)

Why doesn't my wife want me going down on her?

Q.   My wife won't let me go down on her, I LOVE doing it and I am actually pretty damn good at it. (5 girls have told me I have given them their only orgasm from oral) I try to head down south but she tells me 'I don't want you doing that right ...

A.   29 December 2010: Is it the be all and end all of y our sex life. If your wife isnt happy about it then you have to accept it. have you tried asking her whats changed, for instance if you mention that your five other girlfriends had no problem from it then that ... (read in full...)

He wants to end our affair and be best friends. I work with him!

Q.   Hi I have been in a relationship with a married co-worker for 18 months. We started off as friends and our relationship developed into love over a period of months. We have had many special times together and I love this man more than anyone I ha...

A.   29 December 2010: The office romance has fizzled out im afraid by the sounds of it. I used to work in an office and saw many many scenarios like y ours. They don't intend leaving their wives, they just want a bit of fun and that sounds like what this is. He will ... (read in full...)

Is he just getting comfortable and feels he doesn't have to try anymore?

Q.   So I just recently started dating this guy and weve been together for about 2 months but ive been really good friend s with him for about 3 years before this. anyways im 21 and hes 18, i ont really know if that makes a difference but anyways im kind ...

A.   29 December 2010: You sound like you both are in a rut, you need something else in your life to work towards to take you to another level. Try to think of ways to spice your life up. Don't worry too much, it can be quite normal in relationships. It can also mean ... (read in full...)

I've gotten involved with a controlling man again. I want to leave but I'm scared!

Q.   I feel a little silly, and scard to type this question, but i'm at a dead end and i don't know what else to do. i am 31 years old, i was divorced 8 years ago from a very controlling manipulative man ... we had 2 children together. i swore to myself ...

A.   29 December 2010: You need to contact a womens refuge, domestic violence is what they deal with and they can help you. I did a small course on the subject recently. They say it takes approx 7 years to leave someone for good if they are suffering like this. You ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend has Asperger's. How do I help him?

Q.   Okay, I just got into a relationship with this guy. I love him a whole lot. From the begining he told me he has a social disorder, but never which one. About a month ago he told me it was Aspergers. I've been looking it up and it sounds horrible. I ...

A.   29 December 2010: Do some research on the subject. Everyone has different aspects to that relate to them. Find out all y ou can about it , look it up on the internet, find a way to work with it and understand what it's all about and what it can entail. Once you ... (read in full...)

We are from different backgrounds, but we love each other.

Q.   i love my boyfriend truely. N i wish 2 spnt the rest f my lif with him. The only problem is we are of different tribes n my parents dont like the people of his tribe. What shall i do. And my family doesnt know about him yet. M afraid to tell my ...

A.   28 December 2010: Is'nt there anyone at all in your family who you could express your feelings to about this. An aunt or an uncle. They may be able to help you and give you advice on this as they will know how others in the family will be thinking. I'ts always a ... (read in full...)

He's playing me, I know, but I love him

Q.   to put it simple i'm in love with my best friend, again! i have known him for quite a while now. After a few months of knowing him i became attracted, but ignored this and that soon moved onto hardcore crush mode. Then i couldn't stand to be apar...

A.   28 December 2010: He obviously knows you are there for him and you care for him. I wonder if he's there because he is at a loose end. He obviously likes you for something but that's not good enough for you. Try to be strong and keep him at arms length until he can ... (read in full...)

How can I make it work?

Q.   Me and my ex-boyfriend dated for 4.5 years. We had a bumpy relationship in the beginning years but it eventually smoothed out though there were still arguments occurring often. But we both were madly in love with each other. He did so much for me ...

A.   28 December 2010: He is all dried out with you by the sounds of it. Unfortunately he probably does not think it will be different this time and he has had enough of all the breakups. Maybe now nothing you can say or do will convince him of this. you may mean well, ... (read in full...)

I have a crush on my son's coach!

Q.   please help i have fallen for my sons cricket coach. he started to flirt with me and as im shy i didnt do it back and then we started to talk and see each other alot as he sees my son to coach him.after a little bit he would text naughty texts but ...

A.   28 December 2010: He's probably back with his ex now and won't admit it. Also the flirting was good for him but he isnt prepared to take it a step further now that the possibility is there. Just tell him you were only playing along and redeem your self worth. It ... (read in full...)

I've become attached, but he's married!

Q.   Hello all, I need your help and I have to admit being so much confused. Since a year or more, I am talking to a guy on net. He is decent and kind, educated and has a good job in another country, where he lives with his wife and 2 babies. We star...

A.   28 December 2010: A wife and two babies and he's bored. Why doesnt he take some responsibilty for his kids and let his wife do the job with the mother. I'm afraid you are an outlet for him. He needs to get off the net and get on with his life. I feel sorry for ... (read in full...)

24 and never had a girlfriend. What am I doing wrong?

Q.   I can't find a girl, no matter what I do. I can't find anyone to even go out on a date with me. It's gone beyond even trying to find "that special someone" or "the one", I'm just trying to find any girl who will go out with me. Every girl I ask out ...

A.   28 December 2010: If you are living in a close community where you know lots of people your age, they will all know your feelings, they possibly may think you are coming across as being a bit desperate, so that you could have a reputation there. Even if a girl did ... (read in full...)

I want to take things slow. How do I tell him?

Q.   I recently posted a question about a boy online who I was flirting with. I've met him briefly face to face as he is a friend of a friend. Any way we're arranging to go out/stay in with a few drinks when we get back to university and we've discussed ...

A.   28 December 2010: I'm a bit dubious as to why youve arranged the kissing bit when you meet. Maybe if you didnt think about that too much it wouldnt be such a worry now. Kissing can lead to other things and that is scaring you, a bit too fast at the moment. Just ... (read in full...)

After a year, I'm not over him, I'm bitter and cynical! How do I change this?

Q.   I was with my ex-boyfriend for two and a half years. It was my first relationship and my first 'love', we had plans and I thought we had a future. He broke up with me a year ago, out of the blue, said he had fallen out of love and couldn't commit ...

A.   28 December 2010: The first love is the one y ou will never forget. At least you can maybe think about why you arent together now and what you could change for the better when you do meet someone else. You will meet someone else but it may take a long time to be ... (read in full...)

Do I love him or simply miss having him around?

Q.   We live in different countries in Europe. He has flown down to meet me three time from September. We met last week. I love him, he's lovely. Sometimes I think I could end up with him. He's five years older than me (Im 19 and he's 24) Sometimes...

A.   28 December 2010: I'm sorry but I can't see any future in this with what I have read. Can't you possibly just let him down gently and say you will be friends. He is too far away for you to be trying to be possessive with you. His excuses are so trivial and you are ... (read in full...)

Flirted with other guys to make him jealous, now he doesn't want to be together. How can I make up with him?

Q.   I know what I want help with, but I can't find the words. will try. My boyfriend and I broke up twice. The first time I broke up with him because he was chatting to his ex girlfriend who works with me sometimes. The second break up was mutual...

A.   28 December 2010: Relationships can be volitile especially at your age. Jealousy is prevalent before trust can set in and you two are not helping to nuture trust. you are a brave girl flirting at the bar with men to get his attention. Not only that a lot of young ... (read in full...)

How long does it take to get divorced and who pays for it?

Q.   How long does the average divorce process take and what all does it involve if there is a child in the middle? when the parents have a mutual agreement on child support payments and visitation, do the parents still have to pay for the divorce? I...

A.   28 December 2010: I don't know about the US but in England we have the family law for that, they help you sort out arrangements for the children etc. If everything ends amicably and you can talk about what you both want then a divorce can happen fairly quickly. It ... (read in full...)

I don't want this problem to keep going on!

Q.   So I am completely new to this but here it goes... I have been seeing a guy for a year and a half. Starting out we had an amazing relationship. We were both comming out of marriages... his 8 years mine 2. He left me and went back to his ex twice, ...

A.   28 December 2010: He breaks up so easily because he knows he can come and go when he pleases, because you allow him to do that. He needs to grow up a bit and take responsibility for the relationship. I'm thinking that he may be flitting from you to his ex during ... (read in full...)

Why did my boyfriend turn into a different person?

Q.   Recently my boyfriend of three and a half years finished he turned into a different person and i dont understand how he turned out like this he is even neglecting our one and a half year old son and making up excuses to avoid seeing him, im heart ...

A.   28 December 2010: He is going thru his adolescent and viewing life differently now from the sounds of it.. I'ts still his duty to look after his son, so that in itself he should be made to step up to but he may have tired of you, because of the age you both got ... (read in full...)

We have a crazy history together but I'm trying to just be friends with him

Q.   I started dating this guy about 9 months ago. After a couple of months we both kind of grew apart romantically but became really good friends. We would share stuff about our romantic lives and things were going fine. Then I found out that I was ...

A.   28 December 2010: It could be near on impossible to be just friends with an old flame. He seems like you are second best on his re bound with the ex girlfriend, which puts you in danger of becoming his ex again when someone new comes along. he knows you are there ... (read in full...)

Whos the daddy? Should I find out? Or keep it in the closet for a later date?

Q.   I am 30 partner 31 we are not married. Backstory- We dated for two years and had moved in with each other, and was still in the experimental sex mode when I found out we had fallen pregnant. With twins. We had a foursome(completly protected- co...

A.   28 December 2010: Twins don't have to be in a family genes to happen, they can happen to anyone. The other thing is, having sex with anyone can bring babies, so that element has always been there. Possibly never discussed before as y ou may have all thought you ... (read in full...)

Was I being played, with the last few weeks the end game?

Q.   It all started 1 year ago on a site, met the girl of my dreams (personality wise to me she was the yin to my yang) but she just came out of a bad relationship so we taking it slow making sure she gets to know me better and likes what she see's. ...

A.   24 December 2010: I personally don't trust online chatting so I'll just be brief. It sounds to me like she has played you and dare I say, fabricated a lot of excuses as well. She may have realized how much you have fallen for her and backed off. We will see what ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with a girl who doesn't like me?

Q.   I'm 15, I have 2 girls who like me they are both nice and I would get with either of them but I fell in love with a girl who doesn't like me along time ago and we are best friends, I know she doesn't feel the way I feel about her so I'm not sure if ...

A.   24 December 2010: It's not easy trying to win the girl you love. If you are friends you could always try and show her how nice you are, maybe her opinion of you will change. Does she know that these other two girls like you, maybe she thinks you will be a player. ... (read in full...)

Having second thoughts about the break-up

Q.   A couple days ago my boyfriend of six months broke up with me. We have been having a lot of problems due to having to live in my mother's house together because his parents kicked him out and he had no where else to go. This ended up ruining what we ...

A.   24 December 2010: You are in a very short relationship before he moved in with you due to those circumstances when he had no where to go. People need time to get to know each other before they move in and doing it that way so quickly you didnt really know each other ... (read in full...)

How can I be sure a relationship won't ruin our friendship?

Q.   Dear Cupid, Last summer was the summer before my freshman year. A boy that I had gone to school with in middle school and I started texting and talking on the phone all the time. I liked him a lot, and he told me he liked me. However, at that tim...

A.   24 December 2010: The best relationships start out as being best friends so that's a very good start. You are both young and have a long way to go. Being so young it takes time to realize feelings and they can mess your mind up and confuse you. You both seem to get ... (read in full...)

He has a girlfriend, what should I do?

Q.   hey, well i recently moved countries, ive been here for about 4 months now, and havent met alot of people, i live in an apartment, and about a month ago a nice lad moved into the apartment downstairs, hes nice looking, and hes a really nice guy, the...

A.   24 December 2010: Is there a big age gap between you. I wouldn't be on your own with him really. If he's lived with a girl, being in a relationship with her and he is still seeing her then I'm afraid if anything happens with you two you would be the one to get ... (read in full...)

Torn between 2 best friends

Q.   I have a HUGE problem... I am in a relationship with this really great guy, but I also have a GIANT crush on this other guy, let's call him G. And my bf name M. So, I think G keeps giving me hints that he likes me also, and I really want to be with ...

A.   24 December 2010: I would break up with M, nicely of course. Then see what happens over a period of time. G may get in touch but let him know that you don't want to rush straight in for fear of Letting M know that was your plan. Otherwise you will be heading for ... (read in full...)

I think he's lying about who he's calling or texting

Q.   Hi there well i wanted to ask what do you when you love someone for 2 years now and that person told you he loves u too. but he rather show his love to you then say it. but then you think he lies about who he texts, call, or doing on the weekends?...

A.   24 December 2010: I think you arent the only one. He is obviously playing you and you must try and break free from him. He can't help it, it's his age and his hormones. If you can break away from this situation you will be glad that you did in time. If he decides ... (read in full...)

My daughter is suffering over this man! How do I help her?

Q.   Ok I dont know where to start all I can say ..... He left woman #1 to be with woman #2 that had his child then he left his child and woman #2 to go back to woman #1 that forgave him then left woman #1 to be with woman #3 my daughter is suffering ...

A.   24 December 2010: Not sure if your daughter is no.1 or 2 or 3. If she is no. 1 or 2, then she really does need to get over him with your help. She will need you to be there for her. This man will eventually leave no.3 and possibly either go back to no.1 or will ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend's father died and I think he's manipulating me using that excuse

Q.   im havin a problem with my bf we have a child n one on the way just recently his dad passed away. i tried my best to be there for him but there's a time i get mad at him for a reason such as him wanting to go out all weekend he expects me to sa...

A.   24 December 2010: He does need to get his grief out of the way. He may have used the weekends out as an excuse at first but now it seems he's found out what he's been missing, staying at home with a family. Let him have his time to grieve, then let him realize that ... (read in full...)

Are tampons comfortable?

Q.   im 13 and i started my period not long ago and i use pads but there really uncomfortable and panty liners :/ i want to try a tampon but im not sure if it hurts? if its even more uncomfortable? and whats its even like to have one "in"?? please help ...

A.   24 December 2010: Try the smaller ones first 'lillets'. You can buy a box and practise inserting them even when it's not that time of month. Just relax and try to imagine that the small tampon is your finger and insert it really slowly. Once you start to be more ... (read in full...)

Is getting an AIDS test scary, how is it done?

Q.   So in health class weve been talking about STDS and aids and how it is transmitted through any kind of sex. Two years ago i used to give my now ex blowjobs, but i usually didnt swallow the cum except for once or twice.But my health teacher told us ...

A.   24 December 2010: Go to a health clinic, it's all confidential. A blood test or a swab is all it takes. You may have to wait for the result I'm not sure now for how long but they'll let you know. STD's especially Gonhorrea are on a massive increase so it's all the ... (read in full...)

Is it normal to bleed after rough intercourse?

Q.   A few days ago i had what you could call "rough" sex. As in penetration was hard and fast. After i noticed quite a lot of blood on the bed sheets and it shocked me because i didn't realise how rough we must have been. I have never bled before that...

A.   24 December 2010: You can bleed after rough sex. But quite a lot of blood could mean something else as well. Try gentle sex from now on and see if the problem disappears.... (read in full...)

She said she missed going out with me but next day she said she meant she missed having a boyfriend?

Q.   well i stooped texting my ex's and i did not text her for like 5 days then she sends me a text inviting me to her birthday and and she told me if i was going or not i just said i did not know and she was trying to convince to go she told me that all ...

A.   24 December 2010: Sounds like you have a lot of friends and both are a bit uneasy or afraid to say what your true feelings are. Why don't you just go out now and again. Be truthful with her. I don't know if you want her to see your texts, but if you've nothing to ... (read in full...)

I have a suspicion he's being devious. How can I trust him again

Q.   I have been seeing my boyfriend off and on over 2 yrs,it usually only lasted 3 months at a time but this time we've been together for 7 months.I have trust issues because he has lots of girl friends and many of them he met on internet date ...

A.   24 December 2010: Keep checking up on him through all these leads and collect your ammunition. Reading what you have written has all the tell tale signs that he is not to be trusted. So keep a close watch on him and find out the truth for yourself.You've not been ... (read in full...)

Confused soul who thought she knew it all...

Q.   Hard to determine what my relationship status is with this man however it seems to work for both of us. He's an aquarius and I'm an aries (both independent souls) Started off as friends who met online from a social network and about a month later ...

A.   24 December 2010: After 3 kids you maybe should have tackled this problem by now. You need to see you GP who will advise you on multiple choices of contraception. If your partner knows you arent taking birth control it shouldnt come as too big a suprise if you get ... (read in full...)

It's been 2 months since we've had sex!

Q.   I realy love here and she loves me . We are together for like 2 jears now she's 22 i'm 21 the sex is getting worse and less and its always the same i talk to here about it and i asked her if she still thinks i'm sexy ? or is she seeing ...

A.   24 December 2010: You need to get to the bottom of why she is like this now with you. Maybe you arent really compatable. She could be bored even. You both need to address what it is you both really want. If you can't see a future together then you must amicably ... (read in full...)

It's been 2 months since we've had sex!

Q.   I realy love here and she loves me . We are together for like 2 jears now she's 22 i'm 21 the sex is getting worse and less and its always the same i talk to here about it and i asked her if she still thinks i'm sexy ? or is she seeing ...

A.   21 December 2010: It's probably because you live with your parents. Try to have a night out somewhere else where no one knows you. That could do the trick. If you consider cheating on her then you won't have the problem anymore when she finds out. Cheating on ... (read in full...)

Phone conversation help.

Q.   Me and my boyfriend's conversations have been kinda dull lately. i want something to spark up our relationship because i dont want it to become boring. im not a boring person and he's not either but the silence on the phone is killing me. Help!...

A.   21 December 2010: Let a few days go by before you telephone each other, then you'll have a bit more news to relay. ... (read in full...)

How do I overcome insecurities and fears?

Q.   How do I overcome insecurities and fears? I am scared of pursuing a relationship. I am convinced of that i'll be rejected. It's a combination of many insecurities...

A.   21 December 2010: It's natural at your age. If you go out looking for a relationship you could end up with someone or a situation you don't want. Try to concentrate on things in your life now that you can improve on, a job, a social life because it's all ... (read in full...)

I just got married but am thinking about her sister!

Q.   I just got married to my girlfriend who I have been dating for 10 years. But, I think I am attracted to her sister now. My wife is great, but from time to time I think about being with her siter. I don't know whats wrong with me. Help!...

A.   21 December 2010: You could be bored now and thinking you are missing out on something. You need to think very carefully what you want out of married life and also what you will lose if you go after y our wifes sister. These things can be very messy in families.... (read in full...)

Confused soul who thought she knew it all...

Q.   Hard to determine what my relationship status is with this man however it seems to work for both of us. He's an aquarius and I'm an aries (both independent souls) Started off as friends who met online from a social network and about a month later ...

A.   21 December 2010: Medical condition stops you from using any kind of birth control, that in itself is very risky. If you arent pregnant I'm sure it will be down to pure luck. If you arent then you must also consider that STD's are on the increase and those diseases ... (read in full...)

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