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*etina1 agony aunt

*etina1

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Hi I'm a 50+ Woman of the world. Been through divorce, lived as a single parent and work for social services. Spent 6 yrs in adult education. I've had many jobs and many experiences of working with diverse and interesting people. I know life can be hard and realize that some people don't know where to look for the answers for things that are important to them as an individual. I hope I can advise honestly and responsibly to the questions asked. Good Luck, Hope this helps. Petina1 x

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My sister-in-law gave my brother Herpes!

Q.   I put that in the title to get people's attention, cause I really need advice on this. I'm tired of the comments my sister-in-law makes about me to my brother, and I'm mad at him for letting her feel like she doesn't have to respect me. Our whole ...

A.   6 January 2011: Plus, we dont know what goes on behind closed doors. If she's given him herpes then she could be still cheating on him and not giving him a good life, he could be defending all this.... (read in full...)

I only attract attached men!

Q.   I'm a reasonably attractive, university educated, independent woman in my mid 20's, i'd say i'm humorous, chilled out, my years in 'customer service' have led me to have an understanding of people- i'd say i'm an extremely loyal friend, and about as ...

A.   6 January 2011: A man will come along who is absolutely perfect for you and I'll bet you anything you will change your outlook on life, cos believe me it is tough out there and when kids come along you spend all y our time analyzing them and not yourself. So enjoy ... (read in full...)

I don't want to go to my husband's father's funeral because the women he had an affair with will be there, is this wrong?

Q.   My husband has been having an affair with a friend of his family. This has been going on for a while and although my husband is sorry I am still trying to come to terms with it. This lady is well liked by his family and I have never met her. My ...

A.   5 January 2011: You really need to fight for this or you will forever be the underdog and your husband will do just what he likes knowing you are being a bit soft. No one can make you do what y ou don't want to do but i sincerely feel that you will be giving in ... (read in full...)

Will she / Wont she??? And should I take the leap or wait??

Q.   Hey guys, there is this girl i met, we spend a lot of time together. It was really romantic, we kept kissing and we sat next eachother holding hands. She came from bad relationships i knew this but i kinda rushed it.. so she took a bit distance. ...

A.   5 January 2011: Leave her alone for as long as it takes, it's really up to her. Just make sure she knows y ou are there, by keeping the lines of communication open via, the net. She must make the first move for anything to work as she has already pushed you ... (read in full...)

She's getting too much attention after losing over 100 pounds!

Q.   My girlfriend is and always has been gorgeous. I love her dearly and since we've started dating she's lost over 100 pounds! She looks even more incredible than I ever could have imagined although she was always stunning to me. My problem is ...

A.   5 January 2011: I'ts a very common thing when a woman changes her image in any way, not just weight loss, it's like a threat to her man. All you can do is carry on being yourself and give her plenty of encouragement, she has done really well to acheive this weight ... (read in full...)

I only attract attached men!

Q.   I'm a reasonably attractive, university educated, independent woman in my mid 20's, i'd say i'm humorous, chilled out, my years in 'customer service' have led me to have an understanding of people- i'd say i'm an extremely loyal friend, and about as ...

A.   5 January 2011: Being confident can actually scare a younger man off so that's probably where an older married man would feel more comfortable with you as they will think you are more world wisely and being around the circuit a bit. Would you be thinking about ... (read in full...)

She is having trouble connecting to me after the death of a parent, what can I do?

Q.   First time post here, a bit nervous. You know how there are always two sides to a story, right? I am trying my best to keep this non-biased. I really need help. I met my wife when I was 17, she was 16. It is now 20 years later. We never...

A.   5 January 2011: Not only is your wife grieving, which could take a long time to come to terms with, she could also be hitting a mid life crisis and wondering if she's been missing out on something because she has been with you so long. Has she recently found some ... (read in full...)

I don't want to go to my husband's father's funeral because the women he had an affair with will be there, is this wrong?

Q.   My husband has been having an affair with a friend of his family. This has been going on for a while and although my husband is sorry I am still trying to come to terms with it. This lady is well liked by his family and I have never met her. My ...

A.   5 January 2011: Go to your father in laws funeral and stand by the side of your husband. This will show his other woman that he means business and is on the road to trying again with you. I can't believe how insenstive she is being and surely his close family ... (read in full...)

7 years of marriage have gone by but I'm still not in love with her! What should I do?

Q.   my question is you been dating a little while, the person you had been dating and wants to be marry and wants to start a family soon because she older and her parents are getting old 70 you like her but she puting pressure on you . you get married ...

A.   5 January 2011: I would have said the best thing to do would have been to separate but now i see you ve adopted a child. That in itself is not good. Do y our duty by the child and when the child leaves home then you could do the same.... (read in full...)

My sister-in-law gave my brother Herpes!

Q.   I put that in the title to get people's attention, cause I really need advice on this. I'm tired of the comments my sister-in-law makes about me to my brother, and I'm mad at him for letting her feel like she doesn't have to respect me. Our whole ...

A.   4 January 2011: Sounds like theres a bit of jealousy going on one way or the other here. Were you and your brother close. You could try reverse psychology on her and be really really nice to her no matter what, especially in front of your brother. If not you will ... (read in full...)

When guys ask women about their sexual pasts, do they really want an honest answer?

Q.   This question seems like a no-brainer at first... who's going to say they DON'T want honesty? But then I read all the posts on here from people (mainly guys, it seems) who are insecure about what their partners have done before them, and with whom, ...

A.   4 January 2011: I would suggest you keep the details of your ex partners well and truly in the past. Men like to compete with other men and it wouldnt do your current relationship much good. If they insist on numbers, then just let them know that. After all,ones ... (read in full...)

I've liked a man who is 20 years older than me. What do you think about my situation?

Q.   I've liked a man who is 20 years older than me for a while now. He always winks at me when he sees me and gives me a kiss, and he says that he loves me to bits. But he has also said that he is worried about the age gap, as some men that go in the ...

A.   4 January 2011: Before you go any further, I would suggest you let your dad know about this situation. Listen to your dad and he will be able to make you see this more clearly. I'm getting the vibes that this would not be a good idea for you and you could be ... (read in full...)

Experiences with cheating boyfriend?

Q.   Okay, so I met my boyfriend at work, we were friends for a while then got together. I know a lot about his past, he's been engaged before and such... Anyway, his ex girlfriend was a bit of a stalker, she would constantly text but he'd never respo...

A.   2 January 2011: No, No and No, he cannot be trusted. He is only upset because he's been found out. He obviously can't be faithful and has lied to you. It's not even a chat he's been doing with the ex he's been having virtual sex with her which should make you ... (read in full...)

Would you leave someone you love to protect him from being hurt even if he disagrees and says that the only thing that hurts him is being away from you?

Q.   i was with a girl for 2 years in a LDR and few months ago she said that she "can;t handle a gd relationship for now" and needed us to take a break and pause our relationship untill she works and fix her life problems, like an addiction to drugs and ...

A.   2 January 2011: You sound like a very good hearted person. Unfortunately for you because of the distance and the depth of the problems y our friend has you won't be able to give the 24/7 care and support that they need. From what you write it looks like you won't ... (read in full...)

Why am I like this with him?

Q.   Can anyone tell me what my problem is?? I am with who I think is a lovely guy but at the moment I am angry with him and I don't want to see him tonight...why? I have been with him 7 months this month,I am a very insecure person due to my two ...

A.   2 January 2011: No you are not being petty. He is hiding the card from someone by the sounds of it. Watch your back with him, seriously.... (read in full...)

I'm his wife and yet I feel like a "dirty secret"

Q.   Needing Advice My husband and I recently married. We had discussions about concerns prior to marrying and I thought all was settled....Wrong...My husband went to visit his new Grandbaby at his ex's home on Christmas. His son, who is in his 30's was...

A.   2 January 2011: He's just another one who goes into a new marriage without sorting the baggage from the old one out. The amount of times I try to tell my friends not to do this and they don't listen, and the times they come to me after a few months to cry on my ... (read in full...)

My mother's manipulating ways are driving me crazy!

Q.   my mum has always been controlling and manipulative and we used to argue when I was growing up. im from a strict asian family and didnt have freedom like my friends through school and had to lie about going out, boyfriends etc. now im at uni ...

A.   1 January 2011: Your mum is grieving, it affects everyone in a different way. Why don't you stay one more day but let your mum know that you have given up something to stay and make her feel important. Give her as much attention that you can during that day, make ... (read in full...)

I'm ready for this relationship but he can be unreliable. How can I fix this relationship so he's ready too?

Q.   I recently got back with my exboyfriend, he asked me out again. I feel as if he's not ready for a relationship yet. I really love him. Im ready for him, but i don't feel he's ready for me. I don't know how to make him know how i feel. I've been ...

A.   1 January 2011: He obviously is not ready for a commitment. You could either keep it light and see him when he wants to be bothered or you could find someone else instead. It sounds like you are prepared to do all the running to keep him, you could end u p like ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend told me he's been cheating but won't give me the details!

Q.   my b/f told me he have been cheating but does not want to give me details. all he is telling me is to take it easy and relax for now. because i have been stress about our relationship and lately it reach a peak where it affected my physical health, ...

A.   1 January 2011: I can't understand what he is getting out of telling you he has cheated on you. You are ill and it's the last thing you should be knowing. I don't know why you want to be with him, you need to get concentrating on your treatment/therapy and get ... (read in full...)

He calls me his bestest friend, but does that mean he likes me?

Q.   I'm a tad confused at the moment. About a few days ago I told my friend I liked him after he said: I had a revelation. I love you out of most people I just realized it. Thing that confuses me is that he's now confused if he likes me. Mainly becau...

A.   1 January 2011: He obviously likes you but does he want more? He could have told you this to see what y our reaction was. If you really like him you could just stick around and see what he says next, you may be able to pick bits out of his conversation if he ... (read in full...)

Choices? Pursue my new friend or try to interest my best friend who I love?

Q.   I have this gorgeous girl bestfriend. We always hang out together. Her parents know me very well then same goes for my parents. we've been bestfriends since first grade. well now were already 17 years old. I started to feel strange towards ...

A.   1 January 2011: I should pursue the new girl. Your friendship changed with your best friend because you changed the rules and she didnt want that. She was happy being your friend she doesnt want you to be anything else and that's why she is treating you like ... (read in full...)

I'm stuck in the same place after a year with my ex!

Q.   in 2008 i met a girl when she was on vacation in a club trough a mutual friend. we discovered that we were door to door neighbours. she had a relationship which she wasnt sure about, she left back to england while i was living in my homecountry. We ...

A.   1 January 2011: It sounds like you've not trusted her and shown it to her. Have you tied her down through the mistrust and not let her live as she should. You will never be able to trust her and it will spoil your relationship with her, asking where she's going, ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend dumped me yesterday, how do I get her back?

Q.   Dear Cupid, Yesterday my girlfriend dumped me. Up untill two weeks ago we were perfect, we're both 15. I was with her for seven months and still feel i could make us better, theres so much we still have to do together. When we were breaking up she w...

A.   1 January 2011: Why don't you write her a letter, put your feelings in to it, like , let her know how happy you've been for knowing her, remember some of the nice things you did together etc. Also let her know you are willing to try and give her what it is she ... (read in full...)

Befuddled with my ex... why is she still texting me?

Q.   Hello, this is my first post in this firm. I started lurking around a week ago, and I find this site to be very informative. Anyway here is my story. My ex-girlfriend and I have been on and off for over two years you. About two years ago, she move...

A.   1 January 2011: Sounds to me like she is playing games. She broke up the new relationship probably through jealousy, she doesnt want you she doesnt want anyone else to have y ou type of thing. She can't forget the past, she won't let you, how can you ever get ... (read in full...)

How do I get the boyfriend back?

Q.   i am 13 and i only had one boyfriend he was nice and all then a weak later he broke up with me but i still like him and it was over a year ago how do i get him back if i still want him and how do i no if he still likes me? im desperate please help ...

A.   1 January 2011: I shouldnt try to get back with him. you are very young. After a week of going out with you, hardly knowing you, he knew enough to know that it's not you he wants so just let him go, try to get him out of your mind. You have lots of time for ... (read in full...)

Should I let her know I'm his secret lover? He's my ex!

Q.   i'am my exes secret lover now.we lived together for 6 yrs. he moved out a yr. ago, but we were still a couple. he met someone 4 months ago and still sees me when he can. he been lying to her from the start and won't tell her the truth about us. i ...

A.   1 January 2011: You are making yourself second best. Whilst ever he is seeing you both he is having his cake and eating it. Just dump him and if it's you he really wants, he will come back to just you. If you tell the other woman you are in danger of him never ... (read in full...)

Why does he keep mentioning her? Does he really like me or not?

Q.   i have had feelings for this guy since we met 4 and half years ago. soon after fell in love with him. we didnt really keep in touch mouch and something alwyas connected us. about 2 years ago we started working together and now we are best friends. ...

A.   1 January 2011: He is edging his bets on other people. First he's supposed to be getting married, that should have told you there and then that you are not his no.1. So the marriage fell through and now he's talking about another girl to you. I would advise you ... (read in full...)

Why am I like this with him?

Q.   Can anyone tell me what my problem is?? I am with who I think is a lovely guy but at the moment I am angry with him and I don't want to see him tonight...why? I have been with him 7 months this month,I am a very insecure person due to my two ...

A.   1 January 2011: A bouncer in a club, attracted to younger women, addicted to Facebook. It's just too easy out there isnt it not to make a commitment to someone in 'real life'. Unfortunately you have your work cut out for you. I wouldnt even know where you could ... (read in full...)

What should I do? She is my best friend and now I have these feelings I've never had for anyone for her!

Q.   Hello Hi guys ive come to ask a question about this girl she my best friend and we do everything together i mean im 13 and get bullied at home and school and she's the only comfort i have my face has tiny scar just bellow my check bone after my dr...

A.   1 January 2011: After being through all that you have together, just ask her, i'm sure it will be okay. At the same time why don't you both think about getting outside help to overcome what you are both going through. Domestic violence ruins lives and so does ... (read in full...)

I'm nervous about telling him how I feel!

Q.   Im nervous about telling him how i feel. He tells me how he feels and he wants me to tell him how i do. Should i tell him? If so how do i start? im lost for words for it...

A.   1 January 2011: If you like what he is saying and you feel the same way, just say back to him what he is saying. Mirror his views. ... (read in full...)

Boyfriend of six months forgot my birthday. Dump him or forgive him?

Q.   My birthday was a couple days ago and he still hasn't noticed. There are only two scenarios: He really did forget, or he's getting revenge on an argument we recently had. But either way... Should I reevaluate our relationship? We've been together ...

A.   31 December 2010: Birthdays are important, for him not to acknowledge it is not very good. Ask him if he celebrates birthdays or not. I would give him another chance, a year down the line, if he forgets again, dump him.... (read in full...)

Is it possible that we're meant to be even though he's married?

Q.   I'm in love with a married man. I have been seeing him for a little over a year. He was only engaged when I met him,that I found out months later in the relationship. I knew he had a girlfriend but didn't know she was his fiancee. We started having ...

A.   31 December 2010: He was only engaged when you met him, so he could have got out of marrying at any time, but he didnt. You will always be his mistress if you carry on seeing him unless of course y ou let his wife know you are there in the background for him.... (read in full...)

Married for 6 years and sex isn't what it used to be

Q.   ive been married 6yrs and i love my husband to death but our sex life isnt what it use to be how do i get that back?...

A.   30 December 2010: If you have kids, send them to your mothers for the weekend, have some time out just for you two. Have a holiday, change of scenery. Watch a porn movie to spice it up a bit if you feel that you can. you don't have to give it all this every night, ... (read in full...)

How long should you date before marriage?

Q.   How long does anybody think they shoould be in a relationship before they ask to marry them? x...

A.   30 December 2010: Long courtships when people are young is most advisable but when we get a bit older, especially after a divorce then the rate of second marriages is doubled in figures. But the rate of divorce for second time round is a third in comparison with ... (read in full...)

If a girl regularly wears tight clothes or shows skin, does that mean she may not be faithful in a relationship?

Q.   OK, I may get flack for this, but the Agony Aunts have given me wise advice thus far so I will give my question a chance: In brief: If a girl you know dresses very immodestly, is that a red flag for a possible future relationship? ...

A.   30 December 2010: I'ts all about todays fashion. Have you seen the 'role models' on tv in magazines etc. They all want to be loved and admired and they see these pop stars , celebraties all having fun and being out there. That's all it is really. The more daring ... (read in full...)

Why am I not into the whole commitment before sex thing like most girls?

Q.   I am fourteen years old, and many people have told me that I was one of the most mature 14 year olds they've ever met. But this is my problem: A lot of the ways and things I think, are more like a typical boy's attitude towards things. Like, fo...

A.   30 December 2010: At least you are m ature enough to discuss issues to find answers. The laws are set for a reason, to try to let people make informed choices and staying within the law will keep you safer. A lot of young people who do break the law always live to ... (read in full...)

Is feeling sad my only option?

Q.   Hello aunts, I realize that I´m setting myself up to be judged for my feelings, but I just wanted to clarify one thing. I would NEVER, EVER have an affair, or wreck someone´s home. I´m NOT like that. I´m so lost that I´m not sure what to ask...

A.   29 December 2010: You have got to control your self in a big way. You say you would never go with a married man. He is married, you must stick to your guns. people say they won't go with a married man, that is until one comes along who they fancy. No one knows ... (read in full...)

Seeing my ex boyfriend tomorrow. How should I handle it?

Q.   [Mod note: What do you mean by "do something stupid"? A little more information on what you want people to stop you from doing might help! Keep smiling and don't let him get to you!] i have an ex boyfriend that broke up with me because i moved no...

A.   29 December 2010: You are both very young. You moved away, that's the reason he broke up. How can he maintain a long distance relationship. Ask him if he'd like to stay in touch on fb or something like that, see how you go on for the future. ... (read in full...)

He likes me but he doesn't know if he can handle a long distance relationship

Q.   Ive been talking to this guy for 2 months now. He's a marine curretly stationed in North Carolina while im here in Cali. over the 2 months Our relationship had progressed well and sometimes i would even hint that i wanted to become official and his ...

A.   29 December 2010: He has a career in the marines, stationed far away from you. It can be quite hectic been a marine. He has been honest with you, he doesnt want a long distance relationship. You can't expect him to move you to where he is because he doesnt know ... (read in full...)

Why am I not into the whole commitment before sex thing like most girls?

Q.   I am fourteen years old, and many people have told me that I was one of the most mature 14 year olds they've ever met. But this is my problem: A lot of the ways and things I think, are more like a typical boy's attitude towards things. Like, fo...

A.   29 December 2010: Sleeping with someone for sex alone causes lots of problems. If there's no feeling there for that person then you will feel less of a person, feel used, dirty, worthless. But if you wait until you are really ready to sleep with someone who you ... (read in full...)

I want to tell him that I feel he takes me for granted

Q.   Hello, I just need some advise for a situation with a friend. im going to be very brief sorry. Tomorrow I'm seeing a friend, who I have not spoken to or seen in quite a while. Both studying away from home, I tried to keep us together but he ...

A.   29 December 2010: You are both still young, he is living his new life and making new friends, things are bound to be different for you both now. You need to talk about when he can find time to fit you in with your schedules. You may even have to say, go your own ... (read in full...)

Is knowing he will never be there emotionally when I need him the most enough to leave?

Q.   My husband is in the military and has been gone for the majority of the year. He was only back for a couple of weeks when I had gotten a hysterectomy. We have 4 children and he has been great helping out while I recover the problem is he is working ...

A.   29 December 2010: Some people can't handle it when someone is ill or at their worst and he could be one of those. Is the relationship much better when you are up and running and handling things. I would say thats a strong bond when your spouse is there for you ... (read in full...)

I love him but I don't know if he's trying to reconcile with his wife?

Q.   Ok, I never thought I would be in love with a married man, and thats not what we both were looking for when we met again after 24 years. And it was just like magic looking in his eyes for the first time again. When we met he was actually separated ...

A.   29 December 2010: ~After reading what you wrote I was thinking that he really doesnt want to jump into another relationship head on, and as i read further it sounds like he's been in talks with his wife again. Then at the bottom, you havent seen him for 3 weeks. ... (read in full...)

I'm his wife and yet I feel like a "dirty secret"

Q.   Needing Advice My husband and I recently married. We had discussions about concerns prior to marrying and I thought all was settled....Wrong...My husband went to visit his new Grandbaby at his ex's home on Christmas. His son, who is in his 30's was...

A.   29 December 2010: It can be quite a problem when people marry and leave kids and family behind to start again. There is a lot of hurt going on with all concerned. He sounds like he is an innocent party to all this really because if he was been devious he would not ... (read in full...)

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