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... Send *eterPan a private message | | | *eterPan's profile:What qualifies me to answer your relationship question? ...I'm human too? Seriously, I'm probably no more qualified than anyone else, but at the same time, I've dated quite a bit... been married and divorced (so I guess I know what *doesn't* work).
Plus, this seemed interesting. At the very least, I know I'm not the only one out there suffering and trying to figure out a path through life... If my experiences can help you from falling into a sinkhole, then all the better, right? :) Also, I get a big kick out of helping my fell-man ..um, woman-kind too ;)
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I personally don't believe in breaks, only break-ups. Please help.
Q. My boyfriend wants to take a break and have his space. I personally don't believe in breaks, only break-ups. He keeps texting me saying he loves me. Do I ignore or respond? Please help...
A. 24 October 2008: This is difficult to judge. Everyone is different so every relationship you have will be different. So where a previous relationship that you might have had that wanted to take a "break" may not necessarily end in a "break-up". I suppose the ... (read in full...)
We flirted a lot at camp. How do I approach him now that we are back home again?
Q. So I met this boy at camp and we flirted a lot. He would sit on my lap and we would hold hands and he would put his arm around me etc.. Now camp is over, he lives ten minutes away from me and I want to ask him to hang out but I dont know what to ...
A. 18 August 2008: Do you have his email? Do you know how to contact him? I'd say continue the flirting game then ask him if he wants to hang out someplace... seems like you've already broken the ice... just move in for the kill ;)
Good luck -- but I don't think yo... (read in full...)
I hate it. I want to be able to be stable without friends in my life! I need help soon!
Q. I feel like I am addicted to my friends. I feel lonely without them but at the same time I feel when I am with them I get annoyed. it's kind of like a drug, you hate the fact that you need it but then u end up taking it anyway because you can't live ...
A. 12 August 2008: Well, take this answer with a grain of salt -- it might not be the perfect answer, but it might put you on the right path. So, here's how I read things -- you like to socialize with your friends, but when you finally are, you're annoyed by their ... (read in full...)
Is this normal for a man to be so strict with his girl sometimes but so loving and caring other times?
Q. My boyfriend tends to be kinda strict in our relarionship. If I do something immature or say something that is immature and dont act my age which is 21 he kinda gets upset with me and asks me why I said that or why I did that. The thing is he is 21 ...
A. 11 August 2008: Let me guess... loving and caring in private? If this is the case, then you're dating a closet control-freak. What you want to do about it is your choice, but I would simply guess that it would get worse, not better, in the future.
...the funny pa... (read in full...)
My best friend and her ex broke up two weeks ago. I always liked him. Should I go for it?
Q. hi i am in love. he is my best friends old boyfriend. they borke up two weeks ago. i always liked him but now hes available i really want him. should i go for it? how can i tell if he is interested? HELP !...
A. 11 August 2008: Actually, the first question you should be asking is "If I start dating my best friend's ex-boyfriend, will she still be my best friend?" -- what I'm saying here is that you're treading on dangerous ground here. If your friendship doesn't matter to ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend just quit smoking, will he gain weight?
Q. My boyfriend just quit smoking a week ago. He is really skinny right now, will he start gaining weight? I want him to because he is so skinny and I'm not attracted to him that much anymore....
A. 7 August 2008: He might... then again, he might not. Sometimes ex-smokers will gain weight because eating serves the purpose of having something in their mouths other than a cigarette. But, to be honest, the skinniness has more to do with his metabolism than ... (read in full...)
Is five months long enough to get over my ex? I'm with a new man but I keep thinking of him.
Q. Is five months long enough time to get over an ex? I was with my ex about a year and we were engaged. I met my current boyfriend five months after me and my ex broke up. Everything was great at the beginning, now I keep having thoughts of my ex even ...
A. 7 August 2008: I would venture a guess that if you were engaged to be married, you two were obviously close to each other. Whatever happened to break that relationship up will probably haunt you for some time to come... seriously you "almost" got married... of ... (read in full...)
What distinguishes a friend from a girlfriend?
Q. I would like to know what precisely distinguishes a friend from a girlfriend. They seem to be two defined points in a relationship but it’s hard knowing where one begins and one ends. Me and my best friend seem to be happy somewhere between the two,...
A. 7 August 2008: I suppose everyone has their own definitions on how they go about describing their relationship with other people. For me, the dividing line between "friend" and "girlfriend" is the level of intimacy you two have shared. Assuming that you've been ... (read in full...)
Should I wait for this married woman I'm in love with, or what?
Q. I am in love with a married woman and she is in love with me too. She doesn't want to be with her husband but she can't leave him cause she has raised his kids since they were born, which two of them are not really hers. What should i do? Wait...
A. 6 August 2008: Oddly, this is a question more often asked by women... but I still think the same advice applies in either case. If you think that she's not going to leave her current (and I remind you, legal) relationship, then the chances of it happening in the ... (read in full...)
She dumped me because I wasn't ready for marriage/kids... now I am ready and she's moved on! Should I move on too?
Q. I was in a year long relationship that ended about 3 months ago when my girlfriend ended our relationship. The problem was that my ex-girlfriend, who lived with me, wants to have children and get married. I was married twice before and had always ...
A. 6 August 2008: I think your best possibilities here are to have a friend that knows you on a more intimate level than most others. I don't necessarily think that you two should cut contact with each other, but beware that the immediate future might seem "strange" ... (read in full...)
Please don't make any of the answers "You are too young to be thinking about this", as I'm not going to be participating in the act. I am simply curious.
Q. Okay, let me just stress that NONE OF THESE QUESTIONS ARE THINGS I AM GOING TO DO! Please don't make any of the answers "You are too young to be thinking about this", as I'm not going to be participating in the act. I am simply curious. There are ...
A. 6 August 2008: Without passing any judgements (as you've requested) here's the answers you asked for (to the best of my knowledge).
Question 1: There's a general rule that says anything of a sexual nature should to consensual -- that is both people are interest... (read in full...)
She dumped me because I wasn't ready for marriage/kids... now I am ready and she's moved on! Should I move on too?
Q. I was in a year long relationship that ended about 3 months ago when my girlfriend ended our relationship. The problem was that my ex-girlfriend, who lived with me, wants to have children and get married. I was married twice before and had always ...
A. 4 August 2008: I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think that you need to pack up and move on yourself. If anything here, you are walking away with some valuable personal revelations that you take with you... being married for a third time might not be as ... (read in full...)
Why is she trying to control our relationship???
Q. My GF's mate is trying to control our relationship all the time and I'm not going to let her. Well thing is I like to spend money on my GF, so me and her went shopping the other day and I spent a bit on her, other thing is we spend nearly every day ...
A. 1 August 2008: Is your GF's friend in the same age group you're in? ...for that matter, I assume that your GF is too... assuming all that's true, this is a clear cut case of youthful jealousy! The friend is annoyed that you're monopolizing all her best friend's ... (read in full...)
Should I stay in my relationship if I'm not really happy?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for over a year and a half. We haven't been intimate yet. I know it's because he is paranoid about pregnancy. I went on birth control; the mirena, so I can't get pregnant in 5 years. I live with my mom and siblings and ...
A. 31 July 2008: This is one of those rare cases where a guy is actually being responsive to your feelings (yeah, I know, we're creatures of habit and sometimes miss the whole interpersonal thing). I think you should take him up on his offer to talk it out and go ... (read in full...)
Why is everyone I love leaving me? My mum's so upset, it's making me worse!
Q. Hya, my name is Jodie, i was just wondering if you could help me. You see i don't know what to do, as i've just recently come out of a relationship that i wanted to be in my whole life, and i'm tryin my hardest to get over him. But now i have my mum ...
A. 31 July 2008: Wow... so you AND your mom had breakups all about the same time? That's got to be hard to deal with in your house right now...
OK, so it seems that your mother is upset for you, you're upset for her and everyone's feeding off each other's sorrows.... (read in full...)
I don't know what is happening to me or what I should do about either of these two guys!
Q. ok, this is really complicated. i'm in love with this lad who i've been good friends with for 2 years, we have talked about seeing each other but he's worried about the age difference, i'm 16 and he's 21, but he still talks to me all the time, ev...
A. 29 July 2008: The first guy has plenty to worry about. I don't know the laws in the UK, but a 21 y.o. can get in serious trouble dating a 16 y.o. in the US. I'm not sure what to think of a statement like "he told a mutual friend that he was only with her cause he ... (read in full...)
My ex had the opportunity to break up from his GF as promised, but he did not do so! Can I trust that he will?
Q. hiya well i told my ex i still loved him and he told me he did too. but he hasn't dumped his gf yet. but he says he will.then his mate told his gf that she was dumped she asked him and said that it wasn't true. that was his perfect oppurtun...
A. 29 July 2008: You're kind of playing a dangerous game here... putting your life and happiness dependent on what some guy is going to do... or not do. You really can't get into his head on this one. I think it boils down to "do you trust him to follow through" or ... (read in full...)
When should our anniversary be?
Q. When should our anniversary be? We knew each other online for ages before eventually meeting. We were supposed to just meet as friends as I had a boyfriend at the time, but we ended up getting on so well and ended up kissing and I realised I had to ...
A. 29 July 2008: Seems like the first eye-to-eye contact sounds like a milestone... I would vote for that one!... (read in full...)
I've fallen for someone new. How can I let my current boyfriend down gently?
Q. been with my bf for nearli year and i really love him but ive got off with other lads behind his back and the latest lad ive met ive realli fallen for and we wanna be together,im going to tell my boyfriend bout us but hes just taken me on holiday ...
A. 27 July 2008: The honest truth is that no matter what you do, it going to hurt him. In general, the sooner that you deal with this, the better. Letting it linger isn't helping either of you. I really don't think that there's an "easy way" to deal with this. I ... (read in full...)
Been married for 25 years to a verbally abusive husband, now I long to see my old high school love!
Q. I recently was contacted by an old high school boyfriend, my first love after 28 years! He now lives in another state. This contact brought up old feelings and although I am married with kids I want to have more contact with him, is that do bad, I ...
A. 26 July 2008: Only time will tell if this is a mistake or not. But no matter what you decide to do, weigh all your options carefully before committing to either choice. You are the only person who can decide what's right for you... over and above any advice you ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to have two "loves" in your life as opposed to just one?
Q. This is kind of hard to explain and a little confusing, but hopefully you'll get the drift... I dated a guy for a year and three months; I met this particular guy about a month after I met another guy. I liked this "another" guy before I even me...
A. 25 July 2008: First question is are you dating exclusively? If the answer is no, then it seems that you're free and clear to do anything you want... with the added caveat that he can do the same. If this is something you haven't discussed with either one of the ... (read in full...)
Been married for 25 years to a verbally abusive husband, now I long to see my old high school love!
Q. I recently was contacted by an old high school boyfriend, my first love after 28 years! He now lives in another state. This contact brought up old feelings and although I am married with kids I want to have more contact with him, is that do bad, I ...
A. 25 July 2008: I kind of think that if you head is only in this for some attention from somebody you once knew... that seems OK... just as long as both of you are on the same page here. If either one of you are planning to make this a "booty call", then I would ... (read in full...)
Been married for 25 years to a verbally abusive husband, now I long to see my old high school love!
Q. I recently was contacted by an old high school boyfriend, my first love after 28 years! He now lives in another state. This contact brought up old feelings and although I am married with kids I want to have more contact with him, is that do bad, I ...
A. 25 July 2008: Are you looking to get romantically involved in with him again? I mean, in a physical way? If that's the case, then you might want to reconsider that. If you are looking for a considerate shoulder to cry on, then that might be OK. I suppose that you ... (read in full...)
How do I stop him accusing me of something I've never done?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 7 months and we have lived together during the entire relationship.for the past 6 months he has accused me of cheating,left me for days at a time then had me come and get him,ive gotten him out of jail,stopped ...
A. 22 July 2008: I think I'd like to give you an answer to something other than what you've asked. From just this little bit, to me it seems like you need to escape not reconcile. You've been bailing him out of jail? What the hell for? ...wait, never mind -- none of ... (read in full...)
I'm having issues with my boyfriend of six months...
Q. I've been with my bf for six months and we've had this on going issue with him smoking. When we first started going out he said that he was going to cut back and he says that he has but I still think that he smokes a lot. Another issue we've had ...
A. 3 July 2008: Considering that you've rekindled a relationship with your first boyfriend and you're having issues with the second one, it seems like you might consider staying with the first one... I suppose it's a question of which one makes you happiest...
... (read in full...)
Can love really happen this fast?
Q. I met a wonderful woman online a few weeks ago. It took me one week to fall in love. I met her online first, and in only one round of email correspondence back and forth, we both had made one Hell of a connection. We both immediately sent our ...
A. 24 June 2008: You're most welcome!!... (read in full...)
Can love really happen this fast?
Q. I met a wonderful woman online a few weeks ago. It took me one week to fall in love. I met her online first, and in only one round of email correspondence back and forth, we both had made one Hell of a connection. We both immediately sent our ...
A. 24 June 2008: All right!! Put a point in Cupid's corner!!
If there's one thing I know now at the ripe old age of --*grumble-grumble*-- love moves at its own speed. As long as both of you are comfortable with the pace, be damned with what anyone else says!! B... (read in full...)
Do guys only like me because of the way I look?
Q. I feel as if every guy that i date only wants me for my looks! Thisreally worries me. I do not have a bad personality at all. I am funny easy going kind and lots more! But it just seems that my looks get in the way! Every guy that i like or date ...
A. 24 June 2008: I am sure q1605 is kidding you...
This is going to be your reality for a while. It's no mystery that young men are driven by what they see more than what they can sense. It's societal and it's genetic. But, it's not all a lost cause for the spec... (read in full...)
Why is it I freeze when it comes to being open with a guy I like?
Q. I am a very very open person with my friends (guys and girls) yet when it comes to a guy that I like, I freeze. I give guys the wrong impression - this one guy told me he thought I wasn't interested, when in reality, I really was. I don't show my f...
A. 23 June 2008: One more link for you (I was curious so I poked around a little more). This one is a kind of quick-reference on some popular interpretations of body position. If you're displaying any of the negative ones on this list, then try to be more conscious ... (read in full...)
Why is it I freeze when it comes to being open with a guy I like?
Q. I am a very very open person with my friends (guys and girls) yet when it comes to a guy that I like, I freeze. I give guys the wrong impression - this one guy told me he thought I wasn't interested, when in reality, I really was. I don't show my f...
A. 23 June 2008: Well, it's obvious to me... you are comfortable with friends because there's nothing in that relationship that's at stake. But when it comes to somebody you are interested, you put off the appearance that you really aren't interested. To me it seems ... (read in full...)
I want to send her a sweet message about how I feel about her, but I don't want to appear too obsessive.
Q. Ok, so here's my situation. Dated a girl long distance. She seemed totally into me at first, was asking me to come visit her at school even though she knew I couldn't, sending me suggestive texts. We had a few dates over the period of a couple ...
A. 23 June 2008: First suggestion -- back off all the texting. I can tell you from personal experience that it's a fine line between being cute and being annoying. So watch that one from now on... not just with her, but with anyone you might date in the future...
... (read in full...)
I don't think he's cheating on me, I just don't think he's being honest. What do you think?
Q. Lately my relationship with my boyfriend has been awful. I'm always a bitch to him for no reason, and we always fight about stupid things. Today I was at his house and I saw some a text message on his phone from a girl named Sarah that said "call ...
A. 23 June 2008: I would agree that he's not exactly being "up front" about things from this example. Granted, he's not telling you everything that's going on in his life and you don't honestly believe that he's cheating on you. I mean, there are a lot of specious ... (read in full...)
I'm just curious about the 'Friends with Benefits' thing while in relationships,
Q. A guy asked me if i wanted to be friends with benefits with him, and i never done it before, the only thing that worries me is that one of us could end up feeling more than just friend with one or other and we are both in a relationship, he's not...
A. 21 June 2008: As with any close, intimate relationship, there is the danger that one person will start to desire more from the other one. As the old saying goes, love isn't sex and sex isn't love. That said, if you think you can keep your feelings out of it, go ... (read in full...)
Why is he trying to hide the fact that he is with a new girl even though he knows I know!?
Q. Hello everyone! I have an ex-boyfriend that is really confusing me. We broke up about 2 years ago because he didn't want to do a long distance relationship. He recently moved back but he brought a girlfriend! About a month before he moved back he ...
A. 21 June 2008: I was not attempting to be hostile in the least. In fact, I thought I was quite diplomatic about the whole thing...
But it's interesting that he invites you over to his apartment when she's out of town. You and his new GF might not see eye-to-e... (read in full...)
I moved in with my lover and I think I should talk to his wife to tell her my side of the story... should I?
Q. i was having an affair with a married man for about 2 years. we were gonna move in together but then he said that he wanted to work on things with his wife and left me. not even a month later, he begged me to take him back, a few months after that i ...
A. 20 June 2008: Despite the circumstances of how you and this married man have united, I would say that you either feel a strong sense of responsibility for the situation you three have been placed in, or your core moral sense is empathetic to this married woman. I ... (read in full...)
He thinks I'm going to drop him again - How do I regain his trust?
Q. my best friend and this guy were dating, after they broke up me and him started being really good friends then eventually we started dating. i broke up with him a few weeks later even though i still really liked him because somthing told me that my ...
A. 20 June 2008: I forgot to say that's how you regain trust -- coming clean with the truth...... (read in full...)
He thinks I'm going to drop him again - How do I regain his trust?
Q. my best friend and this guy were dating, after they broke up me and him started being really good friends then eventually we started dating. i broke up with him a few weeks later even though i still really liked him because somthing told me that my ...
A. 20 June 2008: Could you try telling him a version of what you just told us here? I mean, break it to him what was going on. Seems like if you explained the story to him, at least he'd be able to say "ah! that's what happened!!"... (read in full...)
He played a prank on me, now says he cannot trust me. Must I carry on with this relationship?
Q. My bfriend and I have been going out for almost 6 months and last month he sms me from a different number and pretended that he was someone else and ask if I had a boyf. I said yes. Then he asked if I would go out with him at the weekend if my ...
A. 19 June 2008: In the United States, this is called "Entrapment" and it's against the law. For instance, the police can't leave a bag of money sitting outside a bank and wait for somebody to pick it up and arrest them... this is illegal...
That said, I think it... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says my vagina is loose and that he does not feel a thing... what can I do? How do I fix it?
Q. I have not cheated why does my vagina feel loose... my boyfriend thinks that I've cheated... before he even mentioned it, I have been noticing a diffrence with our sex life... when we have sex my vagina has no tightness to it.. I try and ...
A. 19 June 2008: I have to agree with Collaroy here... you need to "trade up" on your boyfriend. He sounds like he's trying to lay his ...um... short comings?... in your lap and you're all too ready to accept it. ... (read in full...)
Why is he trying to hide the fact that he is with a new girl even though he knows I know!?
Q. Hello everyone! I have an ex-boyfriend that is really confusing me. We broke up about 2 years ago because he didn't want to do a long distance relationship. He recently moved back but he brought a girlfriend! About a month before he moved back he ...
A. 19 June 2008: Maybe he feels guilty about the whole thing so he never mentions her around you. Have you met her since she's moved to town? Are you sure she's in the picture? Are you sure that they're still together?
Assuming they're still an item, then only thi... (read in full...)
Why can't I just tell him I love him?
Q. why is it so hard for me to tell the guy i love how i feel about him, like discuss my feeling for him instead of beating around the bush...
A. 19 June 2008: ...because like the rest of us on the planet, you are intimidated by rejection. On one level, if you never ask, you'll never know and are safe with your own strong (but hidden) affections. On the other hand, if you come out and confess your ... (read in full...)
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