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... Send *eterPan a private message | | | *eterPan's profile:What qualifies me to answer your relationship question? ...I'm human too? Seriously, I'm probably no more qualified than anyone else, but at the same time, I've dated quite a bit... been married and divorced (so I guess I know what *doesn't* work).
Plus, this seemed interesting. At the very least, I know I'm not the only one out there suffering and trying to figure out a path through life... If my experiences can help you from falling into a sinkhole, then all the better, right? :) Also, I get a big kick out of helping my fell-man ..um, woman-kind too ;)
"The request lines are now open!..." (that's Cheech and Chong)
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Soon to be divorced man wants to marry me.
Q. A couple of months ago I contacted a friend who lives in a state I also lived in some years ago. We had not talked in 4 years. I called him to say hello, and to share good news about a family member who is involved in the same career as my friend. ...
A. 17 February 2009: :)) You're welcome!... (read in full...)
Soon to be divorced man wants to marry me.
Q. A couple of months ago I contacted a friend who lives in a state I also lived in some years ago. We had not talked in 4 years. I called him to say hello, and to share good news about a family member who is involved in the same career as my friend. ...
A. 17 February 2009: My caution flag raised reading this, but not so much in concerns about the possibility of you two getting married... more so about him concluding his marriage with the wife first. Wanting to get married BEFORE he's officially divorced seems odd to ... (read in full...)
Should I be upset or is this texting just not serious?
Q. My Husband is a OTR truck driver and got a text from a girl that said "no one loves you more than I do, pass this on to 5 people you love." He says that this is not serious that it is more like a game and people just text stuff like that. Should I ...
A. 16 February 2009: Yeah, I've received messages like that on my cell too. It's just the new form of email junk-mail. It's not a big deal. And I've received them from people that I have not spoken to or even know.
As far as limiting your husband's friends... why woul... (read in full...)
Told my friend he only liked me as a friend
Q. Hi, this is my situation: My friend sent a message to my crush/guy friend asking him how he felt about me. He didn't answer. So she told me to ask him directly on msn. I did and he said he only sees me as a friend. So I'm really confused because ...
A. 16 February 2009: I kind of think you've answered this one yourself -- key word? SHY! Yeah, I think you put him on the hot-seat by being direct with him and asking him how he feels about you... did you really expect a real answer? All his other mannerisms definitely ... (read in full...)
Can two people can have such a special connection and continue to stay in touch and see each other every few months without hurting their marriages?
Q. Is it ever true that two people can have such a special connection and continue to stay in touch and see each other every few months without hurting their marriages? Or is that a fantasy? ...
A. 12 February 2009: I suppose it's possible... although I tend to think it's not likely. But let's put this to the test: what do you mean by "see each other" -- in the since that you get together for dinner now and then, or are we talking about a full-out affair? If ... (read in full...)
He's afraid to commit, will he come around or never change?
Q. i am a 53 year old woman, was married for 28 years, divorced 5 years. have been very careful with my heart in the new dating game again, until now. i met a man i have been dating for 10 months, we have both been through the same situations, both ...
A. 12 February 2009: Here's a question you didn't answer -- he's divorced too, right? For how long? I ask because I'm sure that despite what his heart may be telling him, his head may be sending a different message... result? Inactivity and an overall lack of commitment ... (read in full...)
I got mad when I saw him hugging another girl- am I in the wrong?
Q. ok im not sure if im in the wrong or not about my situation so here it is me and my boyfriend agreed to not hug anymore people of the opposite sex so today when i was in school i turned around and he was hugging another girl and i dont know but when ...
A. 12 February 2009: I'm inclined to tell you that you're wrong here. We humans are very contact, social creatures, although some would deny that or otherwise try to suppress the quality (by that, I mean most guys would be like that). I think it's perfectly fine to hug ... (read in full...)
Bisexual, open and honest....
Q. I am a very sexual female. I have been very open with my husband and admitted to being bisexual - he is fine with it. I am now comfortable enough with him that I am wanting to not only find a real girlfriend and involve her sexually in our ...
A. 8 February 2009: I'm a big believer in what goes on between consenting adults is fine. In this case between three consenting adults. The only information and perhaps warnings might have to do with being absolutely sure that you three are on the same page with the ... (read in full...)
Am I a heartbroken fool or... ? He said he loves me but sleeps with other people.
Q. Either I'm a fool, or I'm just worrying too much. There is this man *who is now my bestfriend* that I've been dating for almost 2 years now. I've been there for him even during his hardest of times. But at the beginning we were just "casual sex" ...
A. 8 February 2009: I'll have to admit that I'm confused myself... you seem like you've been there for each other for various desperate moments in each other's lives, but it seems like with all the time you have spent with each other, you haven't managed to find that ... (read in full...)
How to fix a dating mistake?
Q. I met this guy three weeks ago when I wasn't even looking for a relationship, as I'd just gotten out of one. He caught me off guard with how easy our conversation flowed and how much we had in common. He texted and called me constantly for days ...
A. 8 February 2009: Personally, option 1 should be off the table. Frankly, it requires not action on your part and just allows fate to decide where the chips fall. I am not like that, maybe you are too since your other options do require some action on your part. For ... (read in full...)
How do I talk to my b/f about lack of sex in our relationship?
Q. I would like some advice on how to speak to my boyfriend about the lack of sex in our relationship. We have been in a long distance relationship for around 18 months. We are in our early/mid thirties. In the run-up to us having sex for the first ...
A. 3 February 2009: The first thing that comes to mind is to express to your BF about the medical condition that's been corrected... did he know about this condition? Did you tell him that he's got the "green light"? If not, this seems like the perfect time to tell him ... (read in full...)
Should I mail his wife and let her know the affair is over?
Q. I had an emotional affair with a married man. His wife found out and wants a second chance to work on their marriage.He agreed,but I do not think he is putting a lot of effort into it because when I speak to him he always tells me that he loves ...
A. 3 February 2009: Straight up and simple -- if you have decided that the best thing for you to choose to do is end the affair, then not cutting ties (email, conversations, any form of communication) from this point on serves no purpose. Yeah, it's going to hurt, but ... (read in full...)
DearCupid had over one million people visit the site in January!
Q. I have just peeped at our visitor figures for January 2009, the month just gone, and I'm excited to see that DearCupid passed 1,000,000 (yes, one MILLION!) unique visitors/month for the first time. According to Google Analytics we had 1,040,812 ...
A. 3 February 2009: Congrats to us all!! Reach around and pat yourselves on the back! ... (read in full...)
Once I get the girl, I don't want the girl!
Q. I get so excited to meet a girl. to know the girl. to "get" with the girl. everything is great. but than when the day actually comes where we do more than kiss. its like im done with her.. i dont know why. i suddenly get unattracted and lose the ...
A. 31 January 2009: To me, it sounds like you're more into "the thrill of the chase" ...more so than actually developing a relationship. Honestly, this could go both ways here. You're a young guy and it's not unreasonable to be seeing lots of different women... IMO, ... (read in full...)
Should I give up on a relationship with him or should I hang in there?
Q. I met this really great guy in college. We started off as friends, during the course of our friendship I realize I wanted to be more than just friends. I told him how I felt, and turns out he felt the same way, but he never told me because he ...
A. 31 January 2009: I'm one of those people that strongly believes in laying all the cards on the table and coming clean. I would recommend that you kind of do the same here. Tell him all the issues you've got whirling around in your head and see what he thinks. To me, ... (read in full...)
Should I give the bracelet back to him or should I keep it?
Q. My boyfriend gave me a $700 bracelet that has his name engraved in it. The only problem is that this bracelet was given to him by his ex. He says that he loves me and he wanted to let me know how serious he was about me. I thought it was sweet but ...
A. 27 January 2009: Well, as the sole guy replying to this, I'll say that his intentions might have been in right place, but getting jewelry as a hand-me-down (other than family heirlooms) is rather tasteless. Granted, he may not be aware of that he was acting in bad ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't finger me or do anything sexual for me?
Q. Okay, well my boyfriend and I have now been in a relationship for over 4 months now; I am 17 and he is 18, and we both love each other very much. Yet I'm worried something is wrong because he won't touch me in any way more than touch my breasts. I ...
A. 27 January 2009: ...it kind of sounds like he's not all that experienced or is somehow inhibited. He needs your assurance that he may touch you that way. I think that perhaps just saying what it is that you want or would like done needs to be expressed. I would ... (read in full...)
I want to do what is best for me and my child not is what is best for my family or my ex. Any advice?
Q. My ex and I have been broken up for 5 years. We have a 5 year old daughter together, that he has only seen twice. He was horrible to me the entire 3 years we were together. He recently broke up with his girlfriend and moved back to my hometown. He ...
A. 26 January 2009: I don't do this often, so bare with me... what I don't do is try to "read between the lines" on questions.
I have to say that this situation you find yourself in is oddly reminiscent of another friend's problem. In her case, it was a bad idea to ... (read in full...)
Falsely accused of affair
Q. My wife is convinced that I have had multiple affairs. I have never had a physical relationship with any woman, man, or animal outside of my marriage. Nothing I say or do has or will convince her that the affairs never happened. Today she calls ...
A. 26 January 2009: Get into couples counseling ...now! Assuming all you say is true, then she's jumping to conclusions without any evidence. If you can get her to agree to speak openly about why she thinks you're having an affair, then it will do you both some good. ... (read in full...)
Guys: Is the first thing you notice about a girl REALLY the size of her chest?
Q. So, I'm in high school, and I've come to notice a trend in guys' behavior. (well the ones I'm around at least) They always stare at your chest. There's one guy, when asked if he knew me, said, "Oh yeah, she has really big boobs." Swear to God. My ...
A. 26 January 2009: I would love to tell you that you're wrong about the "typical" high school guy... but I can't. You're also going to hear that women mature faster/earlier than men. And your comment directly supports that as well. So, it means that you're going to ... (read in full...)
I'm in a dilemma... I'm in Love With My Best Friend???
Q. Over the past few months, I've grown really close to a guy, we are best friends now and I care about him so much. The only trouble is, we've gotten so so close lately, I'm beginning to feel more than just friendship towards him. I'm not sure i...
A. 25 January 2009: Yeah, this is tough... but sometimes you have to risk everything in order to get things out in the open. Sure, there's a risk that you could be wrong... but why think about it like that... think that you're right, reach over and plant a big wet kiss ... (read in full...)
Did my man's mind ever leave his ex?
Q. A little over a year ago, I started a relationship with this guy who seemed too perfect for words. His last relationship before me ended about 4 months before we had started ours due to the fact that she had kissed another guy. At first, our ...
A. 25 January 2009: He clearly got caught. Naked pictures of the ex on his phone? Please! One of two things is going on here... she's after him or he's after her. Splitting was the right thing to do, rather than being dragged down by all this. He has issues he needs to ... (read in full...)
Hurt...
Q. I feel that my husband doesn't want to be with me because I don't understand him at all. We fight a lot. But I do love him with all my heart but I want him to treat all his children the same but he doesn't he loves his first daughter the most and he ...
A. 25 January 2009: Putting on my lay-psychoanalyst hat for a minute, I'm wondering if he's not acting out of guilt at not being there for his first set of kids. You implied that they are living elsewhere? ...with their mother or other guardian? Is it possible that the ... (read in full...)
I can't rely on my best friend as much as I wish I could
Q. My best friend and I have been best friends for 15 years. I was her maid of honor and we've been very close. Currently, I am going through a seperation/divorce, which makes me feel very depressed and needy most of the time. She has been supporti...
A. 24 January 2009: The first question that I might ask is if every time you get together with your best friend these days, do you immediately vent your troubles into her lap? This is obviously in contrast to the relationship you might have had five years or even ten ... (read in full...)
I don't understand what this guy is about?
Q. I once met this guy in a nightclub,he is three years younger than me.He made it clear to me that he liked me,i gave him my number,but he never contacted me. A few months later,we bumped into each other again,and he still acting like he liked me...
A. 24 January 2009: I would go ahead and try to text him. If he doesn't respond, you've lost nothing since you two haven't connected at all so far. If you don't get a reply, I would just let this guy slide. It seems like he can't get his act together enough make a ... (read in full...)
Guys, what do you like in a girl?
Q. Guys, what do you like in a girl? I'm not going to try to change myself or anything, but what specific personality and physical traits do you, personally, find attractive?...
A. 23 January 2009: This is going to be a wide-open discussion... for me? long dark hair and tall (nearly anything over 5'6"), slim figure... ... (read in full...)
What do I do now after massive fall out?
Q. I've just had a huge falling out with a close friend who's female, basically we argued because she wanted me to admit my true feelings for her and yeah I do like her, but she has a boyfriend. Now we ain't talking and she doesn't want any contact ...
A. 23 January 2009: ...yeah, something in my soul told me that she had serious feelings for you and was all twisted up on what to do, so she took out her frustrations on you instead of honestly dealing with them... well, at least you know what's going on...
... (read in full...)
I want to get married next year but I know he isn't ready
Q. i've been in a relationship with a guy for 5 years now and we love each order but the problem is that he is 23years old while am 26. This has been bothering me for a long time now cos i want to get married by next year and looking at him he is not ...
A. 23 January 2009: I am a bit notorious for turning a question around... why do you feel the need to be married by next year? Is there some societal or personal reason you've set for yourself that you have to be married next year?
There's an old expression in the S... (read in full...)
What do I do now after massive fall out?
Q. I've just had a huge falling out with a close friend who's female, basically we argued because she wanted me to admit my true feelings for her and yeah I do like her, but she has a boyfriend. Now we ain't talking and she doesn't want any contact ...
A. 23 January 2009: This is a bit tough -- if you were her boyfriend, I'd say don't waste time here, go talk to her now... but since you aren't, I'm inclined to suggest that you let her cool down a little... maybe a week? -- that's probably better that you figure out ... (read in full...)
Do people lie about their age?
Q. do people lie about their age? If so, why?...
A. 23 January 2009: Not everyone, but yes people lie about their age... reasons? I'm sure you can think of why -- it would be nearly any reason you could imagine... want to appear older than they are... they want to appear younger than they really are... to get a ... (read in full...)
PLEASE HELP - confused, teacher??
Q. Basically I am a sophomore in a private high school in NJ. Over the past two years me and one of my teachers (female) have gotten very very close. It was her I went to when I began to question my sexual orientation. I'm sort of in love with h...
A. 23 January 2009: God, I've got to read a little closer... I didn't catch both of you were female -- forgive me! Still, it's not impossible for your relationship to be "misunderstood". Same rule applies -- no intimate encounters... but since both of you are females, ... (read in full...)
PLEASE HELP - confused, teacher??
Q. Basically I am a sophomore in a private high school in NJ. Over the past two years me and one of my teachers (female) have gotten very very close. It was her I went to when I began to question my sexual orientation. I'm sort of in love with h...
A. 23 January 2009: No, this is all far from OK! Plain and simple, if you two ever become intimate, it will EASILY be considered statutory rape of a minor, purely based on age! She will loose her job, she will be shunned, possibly prosecuted, convicted and never ... (read in full...)
I feel guilty about not being a virgin, help!
Q. Hey, its very simple, I lost my virginity at 16 with my 2 year boyfreind and Im a catholic who wante tdo wiat for marriage. thing is things got complicated and we broke up. Now I'm with this new guy for three months. he is nice and sweet and a ...
A. 23 January 2009: This is going to be hard to accept, but I'm going to try my best. I might bruise a few feathers here, but I'm going to try...
Having come from a moderately religious family and having very close friends who are Catholic, I can tell you that you... (read in full...)
Does he seriously want me back? Or like my friends said, Is he just lonely for now?
Q. My boyfriend brkoe up with me about 2 weeks ago. We only went out for 2 months, but this breakup hurt me espeically since it was my first serious relationship after a bad experience. (My ex-boyfriend hit on one of my friends and lied to me when I ...
A. 22 January 2009: Best advise? Tread lightly, but also consider that guys at your age are not as emotionally secure/stable as you are... unfortunately, it's pretty normal. Honestly, there's no telling what's going on in his head when you're in class together... maybe ... (read in full...)
Can I be fined for my first offence?
Q. This has nothing to do with relationships or anything like that... I just had a serious question. I got a ticket today for the first time. This was my first offence. The officer who gave me the ticket didn't tell me it was a warning or anything. He ...
A. 22 January 2009: Depending on what state you live in, you can most likely take a driver's safety class that will either mitigate or eliminate your fine. There is a fee for the class, but it's always much less than the fine itself.... (read in full...)
My jealousy is killing our relationship I can see it but I can't do nothing about it.
Q. I have a problem with jealousy. I have a boyfriend and we're dating for 2 years and I still can't believe him. My jealousy is killing our relationship I can see it but I can't do nothing about it. I'm jealous when he goes out with friends ...
A. 22 January 2009: I had remembered seeing this page and thought it might help you out. In general, jealousy is an indication that there's something that you are interpreting as a threat... but the most important thing is to understand why you are seeing it as a ... (read in full...)
He changed his mind about wanting to marry me when his parents said they don't approve!
Q. HI, I am in a major predicament. I met my boyfriend in the UK, and we have been dating for sometime. I am 30, and he is 35 and we are both Jatt Sikh (same caste and religion). We are also both divorced. I am madly in love with him and he tells...
A. 21 January 2009: I'm not going to pretend to understand the entire caste part of this question and its relevance to problem at hand. What I will do is hand off this statement that perhaps you can use with your boyfriend (and he in turn can run this by his parents): ... (read in full...)
I need some insight on Virgo men... any Zodiac experts?
Q. I have recently gone on a date with a Virgo man and was wondering if anyone can give me some insight on them. We had a wonderful time and a lot of fun and he has called a few times since the date. (It's only been a week since the date). I am an ...
A. 21 January 2009: I don't suppose this will help much, but it was the first thing that came to mind when I read your question. Maybe there's more information here for you:
http://www.sexualastrology.com/arieswomanvirgoman.html
... (read in full...)
I'm married, but still feel like I'm not ready to have sex with my husband.
Q. Hi, am 24 years old and I just got married 4 months ago. I married my husband after 3 years of a love story and finally now am with him but am having a problem that is affecting my marriage as I think! I always liked to be a virgin until I...
A. 21 January 2009: In general, I've always hated to use the word "normal" -- normality is defined by two things: what you perceive and what society dictates... and the first one counts. So, disregarding all the other information in your question and only concentrating ... (read in full...)
Is there a chance that my guy will fall in love with me after all this time?
Q. I have been living with this guy for four years. We have been seeing each other for 4 and a half years. Everything is good we don't fight we get along. On news years eve of this past year he told me that he was not in love with me. He told me he ...
A. 21 January 2009: Umm... I'm not quite sure how to break this to you, but I think that there's probably little chance that your live-in boyfriend is going to "come around" to seeing things the way you might want him to. If after living together for 4 years hasn't ... (read in full...)
Am I his girl or what?
Q. I have been seeing a man for the past 4 months... We usually spend time at his place. We eat together, and cook sometimes,watch movies,t.v., talk and spend quiet time. We are intimate, and have amazing sex. We truly enjoy each others company ...
A. 21 January 2009: First, to the concerns about you and your boyfriend. From here, it sounds like you two are "dating"... or "an item"... or "hanging out" together... it's really just jargon on how people (guys) phrase things. What's really important here is to not ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I like to "tease" guys?
Q. I don't really like to hook up with boys any more but I like to have fun and the attention they give me. At parties, I dance and flirt with guys all the time and they think they will have sex with me but I don't even give them a kiss. Is it wrong to ...
A. 14 January 2009: Teasing... good... excessively flirting without ever intending to follow through? ...not so good. I suppose that the first thought (warning?) that comes to mind is that old saying: "What comes around, goes around." One day you may find yourself on ... (read in full...)
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