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... Send *eterPan a private message | | | *eterPan's profile:What qualifies me to answer your relationship question? ...I'm human too? Seriously, I'm probably no more qualified than anyone else, but at the same time, I've dated quite a bit... been married and divorced (so I guess I know what *doesn't* work).
Plus, this seemed interesting. At the very least, I know I'm not the only one out there suffering and trying to figure out a path through life... If my experiences can help you from falling into a sinkhole, then all the better, right? :) Also, I get a big kick out of helping my fell-man ..um, woman-kind too ;)
"The request lines are now open!..." (that's Cheech and Chong)
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Is he playing me or am I over reacting?
Q. I have this dude that i talk to, he just a friend but he stop calling me, when he got back together with his girlfriend. I make a myspace for him just to communicate with him cause his girlfriend calls all the time n he barely talks to me, Sh...
A. 4 April 2009: I think that you need to face facts that when a relationship starts (or in this case, rekindles), it can be difficult to maintain former friendships. Although this might not be the most desirable outcome, it is most often true. I would suggest that ... (read in full...)
Is cheating the way of the world now?
Q. I was in a wonderful relationship for 5 years - complete trust and no infidelity. However, now that I am 'back in the game' I am noticing that most of my female friends are cheating on their partners. The most disturbing thing is that it appea...
A. 29 March 2009: This is kind of funny... just last night I was discussing something similar. Specifically, we were talking about people that all-out lie on their dating profiles and how it doesn't make sense because sooner or later, they're going to have to produce ... (read in full...)
I'm not a guy, so I just don't get this killer exercise to get in shape I guess.:)
Q. This is a queestion for everyone out there! Ok, so my boyfriend started this new exercise program. It's for 90 days, but a killer!! You have to do certain exercises every day. He has only done this (3) days and the soreness just gets worse every...
A. 26 March 2009: ...Pride? Yeah... that's part of it...
As the first guy to reply to this, let me give you my 10-cents... there comes a time when a guy looks down and is (a) disgusted with what he seems and (b) is appalled, pissed-off and all the other self-def... (read in full...)
Should I move on? She lied numerous times ....
Q. I am so confused. My ex and I dated for a year, but have known each other for 4 and dated a time or two in that period. An ex boyfriend came back into the picture a few weeks ago. I found her lying to me about where she was, and she was actu...
A. 26 March 2009: I think that you've answered this one yourself... plain and simple, if she's giving you uneasy, nerve-wrenching feelings, not to mention being caught in lies (and you're 100% sure of that, right? -- no possible other excuse?)... then it's time to ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend doesn't like to be touched and doesn't talk to me
Q. are there guys out there that don't like to be touched snuggling? and what do you do when you have a boyfriend that is quiet and don't like to be touched and really does not talk to you...
A. 26 March 2009: I agree with the previous comments... I think it's time to "trade up" to a boyfriend that's a little more emotionally in tune with the world... or at least on the same emotional page you are!
... (read in full...)
Does he actually want a relationship?
Q. I am currently dating my friend's roomate. We got together last weekend but have known each other for about 2 months. Even though we were both drinking, we were fully aware of what was going on. We started kissing and he pressed himself up against ...
A. 15 March 2009: Perhaps in his defense, when I was in college, I barely had enough money to feed myself, let alone take somebody out on a "real date". I'm guessing he's got the same problem.
From the sound of things, it seems like you're getting along. I would ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend older than boyfriend? Wasting my time?
Q. my boyfriends 17 and im 22 weve been dating almost a year now were pretty happy and planning on moving in together soon his family knows my age and doesnt mind at all however my parents and freinds do not know Im just wondering should i tell them ...
A. 15 March 2009: Hey -- just one comment here... you mentioned moving in together -- cool for you guys!! ...but, you did say that he's 17. In the States, that would be a problem. I'm sure Canada has laws similar to that (or at least some law that states when a ... (read in full...)
Will he ever let me into his world?
Q. Well, I don't even know where to start. I was married and while going through a divorce, I met someone online. We clicked instantly. I saw his photo and I liked him.He saw me and thought I was pretty, so of course that's how it started. We've be...
A. 15 March 2009: I'm in complete agreement with jezebel527 -- IMO, he accepts the whole package (meaning you AND your son) or none of it. I am also confused on how you are communicating with him...
Personally, I think this is the lost cause you thought it was t... (read in full...)
Abusive Relationship
Q. I am a student at united states. I am here from an Asian country. My boyfriend has been with me for three years. He hit me a year back, before I came to the US. I had broken up with him for three months at that time. But he came back and told me t...
A. 15 March 2009: You are not stuck and you are not alone. I have no idea where you are in the States, but if you are near any relatively medium to large city, you can find woman's protective services and shelters to help you. Do not take any more of this guy's ... (read in full...)
Contact & say I am available for lunch?
Q. Hi, it is a little bit long but I need your help ! Question: should I contact him again and tell him that I am available for that lunch? should I wait to see if he contact me back? (which I do not think will happen) This is the story: I met ...
A. 10 March 2009: Well, from my personal point of view, if I had asked a woman out twice for lunch and later found out that I was blown off for a swim in a pool... I'd probably feel rather superfluous and read that you were not really interested. And yes, I would ... (read in full...)
I want to be with him and marry him. How do I approach this?
Q. I have been split up from my daughter's father for 2 and 1/2 years. I just broke up with the first guy I dated since, because he was to clingy. Now an ex-boyfriend has come back around. He is a marine stationed in SC. Two nights ago he tryed to get ...
A. 10 March 2009: The first piece of advise that comes to mind is, no matter what, don't marry him without reestablishing that boyfriend/girlfriend period together... do you know what I mean? Just because he is the father of your child doesn't give him the right to ... (read in full...)
Should I tell her boyfriend that she doesn't like him, she likes me?
Q. im an 19 year old male and i live in Miami and recently my Cuban neighbor's have a few relatives move in from Cuba and one of them is this girl she is 18, and every time i go out she usually whistles at me to get my attention, i didn't really look ...
A. 6 March 2009: Honestly, no -- do not approach this "boyfriend", even if she says he's not a "boyfriend". In all honesty, you can't solve her problems for her. She needs to come clean with this guy and tell him like it is. You do not need to be getting in the ... (read in full...)
Is this sex or not?
Q. ther is a story im really ntrested in finding out. My boyfriend of 6years who of recent i have sared my first kiss claims he had half-sex. He said he only inserted his penis halfway into his ex girlfriend, which was his first and only sexual ...
A. 6 March 2009: ...this immediately made me think of that story about Clinton and the marijuana... he didn't inhale... PLEASE! Halfway in is as good as all the way in! There's no such thing as half-sex.
... (read in full...)
No proof of cheating?
Q. I have been cheated on multiple times, and emotionally rejected. My best friend went out with my ex basically. And that relationship only lasted 4 years then broke up. Now that I am in a new relationship of 6 years now, I always have a gut feeling ...
A. 26 February 2009: It seems that you are carrying massive baggage from previous relationships where you were burned. I have been two-timed as well -- it hurts -- there's no sugar-coating that. But, you need to find away to release that suspicion that is so deeply ... (read in full...)
A nice love story to lighten the mood!!!.. Add yours..
Q. Hello Everyone! Every time I come on here there's so many sad stories, so I thought I would share a nice little happy story with you all.. feel free to add yours!!.. My story is about me and my fiance.. the love of my life! For years i had been ...
A. 26 February 2009: I loved that story!! You're right -- having a great story here once in a while is definitely a requirement! I wish I could add my own success story, but I can't as I don't have one... maybe one day... but don't let me bring you down -- I don't even ... (read in full...)
Should I fight for my love for him or just go our separate ways??
Q. hi, i have been with my boyfriend for over 2 years... and i just found that there has been another woman in his life for at least 4 months.... what should i do??? should i fight for my love for him or just go our separate ways??...
A. 26 February 2009: I'm a little lost on the time factor here... and it's kind of important... has this other girlfriend been in the last 4 months that he was seeing you, or did you discover something that isn't currently going on right now? ...as in he isn't seeing ... (read in full...)
My husband is a loser! How can I get rid of him?
Q. My husband is a loser! i knew that long time ago and was just in denial. Now, my problem is how to get rid of him. For the past 2 years we've been together he cheated on me 3 times, or at least that's what he admitted to, because i caught him; he ...
A. 26 February 2009: I would recommend having a conversation with a divorce lawyer how can advise you on what legal grounds are available to you to maintain the ownership of the house (if you've got the financial records to prove that you've been paying the mortgage ... (read in full...)
Is he a commitment-phobe or a total control freak?
Q. I am a better than average looking women who is nice and fun and have many friends. My current boyfriend gets upset when they say hello even though I introduce him. I feel his jealousy is way over the edge. He even got upset at dinner with my ...
A. 26 February 2009: In my mind, he's definitely a jealous control freak... commitment has little to do with anything you relayed here.
From the wonderful world of Wikipedia:
"Jealousy typically refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear... (read in full...)
They tell me he'll realize he made a mistake and will come back
Q. My boyfriend broke up with me. We started dating at 17 and I know he wants to experience flirting with chicks and getting wasted at the bar and doing whatever other guys do. We've decided to hang out as friends. His friends and family say give him a ...
A. 26 February 2009: If you're asking if there's a way to get him to "snap out of it", I'm afraid there's little you can do. It seems like this would have to be something that he'd realize on his own... also known as maturing. On the other hand, in this state, there's ... (read in full...)
I keep having dreams that my boyfriend is cheating on me...
Q. I always have dreams that my boyfriend is cheating on me. I do not see any signs that he is and I don't think he is but what do you think this means... about once or twice a month... I have dreams that he is with someone else....
A. 24 February 2009: Dreams are very hard to interpret. Sometimes what your conscious mind thinks is completely different than what the message its trying to convey. There are a few sites out on Google that might give you some insight. Try http://www.dreammoods.com ... (read in full...)
When a guy takes you to meet his parents, is he thinking long term commitment?
Q. My boyfriend is introducing me to his parents this weekend. Does a guy think of it as something long term? I mean not all guys do this, right? By the way we've been dating for over a month now.. Yay!!...
A. 24 February 2009: No, it's not am immediate assumption of any long-term relationships (IMO). It could even be as simple as he's been referring to you to his parents for a long time and they would like to add a face to the name... my opinion? Don't read too much into ... (read in full...)
What should I do with my husband?
Q. What should I do with my husband? After 2 years with him we've just been married 1 years, he found someone who is only 18 years old, he is 23 years old when I had 3 weeks holiday. After I got back he said we break up and he can find someone els...
A. 24 February 2009: Hmm -- tough one... my first inclination is to say move on. See, to me, it seems like he's already made that choice for himself. I am also wondering about this desire to remain friends... to me, that suggests some level of guilt on his part.
... (read in full...)
My question is: why does she want to talk to me?
Q. Hello, I have a question about what is happening with a girl I recently met. She was casually introduced to me by a fencing teammate of mine and it turned out that we had the same double major and were in 3 of the same classes. A few days ago she...
A. 24 February 2009: I read this and had flashbacks to my college life -- thanks for that!!
OK, so she's pretty chatty with you. This is obviously a great thing, but you're trying to weigh it against the grand scheme of things -- how do you tell if she's interest... (read in full...)
I just want to escape North Carolina, but I'm so scared that dream is dying.
Q. My family and I are "immigrants" from Florida who came to North Carolina for "a better life in North Carolina." I did NOT have a better life in North Carolina. Instead, I became VERY depressed and had a really rough time adjusting to the culture. I ...
A. 23 February 2009: NC is not my most favorite place in the world either... but you see the answers before you: move someplace else! You've been to Mexico and liked it... you know Florida... you even mentioned Spain... I know it's a hard thing to hear but sometimes you ... (read in full...)
We're both married, having a purely sexual affair - why lately has he gotten so clingy?
Q. I am having a sexual affair with this man. We are both married. The affair is nothing but sexual. We meet about once a month for no more than 2 hours. There is no calling in between meetings or any other form of communication. No lunches or ...
A. 23 February 2009: Outside of the obvious marital issues (which I'm not going to lecture you on -- you're an adult and are aware of that side of things), I would have to guess that your partner is starting to equate sex with love/affection. Short answer: he is growing ... (read in full...)
I'm upset that he says he loves me yet he is seeing someone else...
Q. Hey cupid, I need a great advice, I have been in a relationship for 2 years one of friendship with a boy of UK... we find each other random in one of the online games groups. The point is that we care so much about each other. 4 months ago we be...
A. 22 February 2009: It's definitely hard to create and maintain a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, this is the general truth. The problem these days is that technology has allowed us to communicate over the distances more efficiently, but has no way to ... (read in full...)
Do you always listen to your intuition? What should I do in this situation?
Q. Do you always listen to your intuition,or you just say no to it? I do. I know long time ago ,that my intuition is suffering from repressing it, but if I go with it, I must leave my husband ,and that is the biggest step in my life , after I went to ...
A. 22 February 2009: This is a classic trust issue... although this time, it's turned around and pointed right back at your head. Your real solution is to (in cliche terms) learn to love and trust yourself again. I suppose that having had so many hits to your ego, ... (read in full...)
I don't trust him because he cheated in the past!
Q. Hi there I need your help! I've been going with my boyfriend for almost four years well kind of. The thing is we went together for 6 months he treats me like crap, he cheated on me and everything but we got back together a year later and now we'v...
A. 22 February 2009: There's probably two ways to look at this: are you completely open with BF about your electronic communications? ...or does he take it at face-value that he has nothing to fear? Trust, especially after a known episode of cheating is difficult to ... (read in full...)
My libido is low for the past few months, what can I do?
Q. Iam 27 and have been with my parnter for almost 4 years. We have sex around 4 times a week but in the last 3 months i have not been into sex. I was not feeling that good about my self so my parnter seek out some very sexy PJ's and underware in hope ...
A. 21 February 2009: Might I suggest that something different happened in the last 3 months that has changed your attitude... unfortunately, it could be nearly anything... your job, his job, a change in a family status... change in weight/body-type... are you more ... (read in full...)
I'm thinking about using viagra but concerned it may be dangerous?
Q. hi i'm a 26 year old man who was wondering would it be dangerous or silly to use viagra or a safe substitite.the reason i ask this is because sometimes during sex condoms make my erection a bit soft and i was thinking if i took viagra i wouldn't ...
A. 21 February 2009: I've always found condoms as a sensation-killer too. I don't think that Viagra would hurt you. I'm not sure that you're going to have the desired results, but I don't see a reason why you can't experiment with them to find out for yourself.... (read in full...)
In a relationship with a married man and scared of being alone again, help!
Q. Hi I'm 41yrs old,and in a awful mess. Long story short. In a relationship with a man who is married, we weren't suppose to take this any further than just that one time. Now its been 9months. He is the one who plans everything,we have seen each ...
A. 21 February 2009: First of all, I agree that he's not going to leave his wife... the strange thing is how he can justify all this time away from her and still not have raised any suspicions from her... but that's his problem.
Your issue is this fear of being al... (read in full...)
Does my ex really love me or is he using me??
Q. I was planning to move away 150m to start a life with the man I have been in a relationship for 2 1/2yrs(we also have a son). My ex (we were together for 9yrs,started dating when I was 17) and I met to make arrangments with our 2 children. We ende...
A. 20 February 2009: If I followed all this, you've got two different fathers for three children. You are literally stuck between a rock and a hard place here... but let's see if I can help sort some of this out...
I'm going to guess that your ex saw that there wa... (read in full...)
He is very upset and unsure if he should marry a 'loose woman' (because of her past).
Q. OK, I don't have a problem, but I have a friend who is having some serious thoughts about his fiancee. I intend on getting as much advice from this site as I can, then either print out the answers, or log on (not at work) and have him read all your ...
A. 20 February 2009: I'm going to try a few different angles here (hoping that you really do share this with your friend)...
First, I agree with everything said so far: the past is the past... period! done! Until that time-machine is released for public use, there's ... (read in full...)
I'm besotted by him.... but he hardly knows I exist! How can I change this?
Q. I am besotted with this bloke but he doesn't feel the same, how can I get him to notice me and want me or how do I get him out of my head....
A. 20 February 2009: Well, while Uncle_Phil's idea would definitely work, you could take the less direct approach and just start flirting with him a little bit... show some interest in what he's doing, perhaps ask to tag along (as in trying to create excuses to be ... (read in full...)
Problems with ex husband...
Q. I recently re-connected with my first husband after 20 or so years. We live 700 miles apart, but we are talking about my moving with him and spending the rest of our lives together. My question is, should I trust him and all the things he is ...
A. 18 February 2009: You're welcome :)... (read in full...)
Problems with ex husband...
Q. I recently re-connected with my first husband after 20 or so years. We live 700 miles apart, but we are talking about my moving with him and spending the rest of our lives together. My question is, should I trust him and all the things he is ...
A. 18 February 2009: Wait -- I don't understand... he's cheating now? If that's the case, then keep your distance. Further, I'd remind you to pull out those old legal documents and read why you divorced him in the first place. If it reads anything like your question, ... (read in full...)
Mixed signals
Q. I met a wonderful man while we were both on vacation. We spent a wonderful week together, talking, flirting, site seeing. We did not have sex. At the end of the vacation he told me that he really liked me and kissed me. I told him that I really ...
A. 18 February 2009: So, you met a man... vacationed with him for a week... when you got back you emailed him regularly for 4 months and you can't get a simple acknowledgement of the affection you've already shown him...
Being direct, I think it's time to give up ... (read in full...)
Soon to be divorced man wants to marry me.
Q. A couple of months ago I contacted a friend who lives in a state I also lived in some years ago. We had not talked in 4 years. I called him to say hello, and to share good news about a family member who is involved in the same career as my friend. ...
A. 17 February 2009: :)) You're welcome!... (read in full...)
At what point did I turn into a monster?
Q. I have really, really screwed up. For the past 3 months I have been tail spinning into a depression because of a job loss, money problems, and some unsettling medical news. I used to be a down to earth, level headed 31 year old guy that could get ...
A. 17 February 2009: I feel for you -- I can definitely connect with your troubles on many different levels.
OK, so it seems like you've got a handle on treating your depression and drinking issues, so I'll leave that for the professionals to assist you with. In regar... (read in full...)
Sleeping with a first date
Q. I went on a date with an incredable guy and we had amazing chemistry, the only trouble is that chemistry also led to us sleeping together. He admitted it had been a while for him (as it had been for myself) and that he didn't think any less of me ...
A. 17 February 2009: Having once been in a similar situation, I wouldn't necessarily agree that in the back of a guy's head he thinks less of you. I suppose the variable here might be the level of maturity of this guy. I would also say the best judge on if it was a ... (read in full...)
Soon to be divorced man wants to marry me.
Q. A couple of months ago I contacted a friend who lives in a state I also lived in some years ago. We had not talked in 4 years. I called him to say hello, and to share good news about a family member who is involved in the same career as my friend. ...
A. 17 February 2009: My caution flag raised reading this, but not so much in concerns about the possibility of you two getting married... more so about him concluding his marriage with the wife first. Wanting to get married BEFORE he's officially divorced seems odd to ... (read in full...)
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