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... Send *eterPan a private message | | | *eterPan's profile:What qualifies me to answer your relationship question? ...I'm human too? Seriously, I'm probably no more qualified than anyone else, but at the same time, I've dated quite a bit... been married and divorced (so I guess I know what *doesn't* work).
Plus, this seemed interesting. At the very least, I know I'm not the only one out there suffering and trying to figure out a path through life... If my experiences can help you from falling into a sinkhole, then all the better, right? :) Also, I get a big kick out of helping my fell-man ..um, woman-kind too ;)
"The request lines are now open!..." (that's Cheech and Chong)
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She cheated on her ex-will she cheat on me?
Q. I am a divorced man,my career has me out of town for extended periods. I have had three serious relationships including my marriage. Each relationship ended when I caught her cheating. I have now become involved with a new lady, and I feel I have ...
A. 23 February 2010: In my opinion, this relationship dilemma clearly falls in the "leap of faith" category of questions... how do you know that she won't cheat again? Honestly, you don't...
But, I will say that I've made a general observation regarding people t... (read in full...)
I would never consider going out with a young girl so why did I dream about my friend's little sister?
Q. I am a 25 years old male. Last night, I had a sex dream about my friend's sister who is 14 years old (my friend is 24 years old but his sister is only 14 years old). In the dream, both of us nude making out with each other. In the real wor...
A. 22 February 2010: First, just recognize it was only a dream... and just because you dreamed it, doesn't mean that you've got some deep-seated desire to get intimate with a 14 year-old... it's simply a dream... If your conscious mind rationalizes why you shouldn't ... (read in full...)
She wanted us to get married someday, but now she is saying she is unsure of what the future holds for us!
Q. This is an email from my girlfriend and I'm not sure why she says she is not sure what the future holds for us.She wanted a commitment and was the one that wanted to get married someday, now i get this. Not sure whats going on.Any insight would be ...
A. 12 February 2010: I wouldn't necessarily think that she's avoiding the marriage aspect, but it seems that she's overloaded with "life issues" -- whatever they be in her arena. Personally, I wouldn't push the issue and just let time progress and see what happens in ... (read in full...)
How can I stop being so jealous and why am I so jealous with my boyfriend?
Q. Hello, I am sooooo jealous with my boyfriend, and I dont know why. I Have never been jealouse with any of my past boyfriends. I started being jealous with this boyfriend at the 5 month mark I'd say. We've been together for 9 years now. And I get so...
A. 8 February 2010: I forgot to add this: http://www.wikihow.com/Handle-Jealousy... (read in full...)
How can I stop being so jealous and why am I so jealous with my boyfriend?
Q. Hello, I am sooooo jealous with my boyfriend, and I dont know why. I Have never been jealouse with any of my past boyfriends. I started being jealous with this boyfriend at the 5 month mark I'd say. We've been together for 9 years now. And I get so...
A. 8 February 2010: There's no question that you need to get a handle on what's causing these jealous fits. Start reading around on the internet (at the very least -- a counsellor is a good idea, but it might help to do a little reading on your own). Also, a bookstore ... (read in full...)
What do you men really find a sexy attribute in a woman you want to go long term with?
Q. Hi so I'm wondering... I'm a nice looking girl so I've been told. I've been in a long relationship now and still happy but curious so a question for the guys. What do you men really find a sexy attribute in a woman you want to go long term with? ...
A. 8 February 2010: Confidence... intelligence... consistency... inventive/cleaver... witty/humorous... ... (read in full...)
3 months married and I feel I've made a BIG mistake!!!
Q. Reposted with an update: We've been married for 3 months, been together for 3 and half years in total. We lived together for a year but I moved back in with my parents cos I hated his housemates. We got our own place and moved in a week before th...
A. 8 February 2010: After reading your first 3-month experience, I was going to recommend that you get an annulment or whatever the local legal terminology is (speak to a lawyer in your area). After reading the follow-up information, I'm still inclined to recommend the ... (read in full...)
He don't want him to need a drink to make a move on me...
Q. ok i've started seeing this guy about 4 or 5 weeks ago and everything is going well - i'm quite surprised at this because all my life i've had failed relationships and i'm not really that confident when it comes to relationships. When he's drun...
A. 11 January 2010: There's one thing that you or anyone can attest to: alcohol definitely loosens anyone up. The more you drink, the less inhibited you feel. I'm gonna guess that's the case with your boyfriend. What you need to do is convey to him that he doesn't have ... (read in full...)
I don't want him to get bored with me. How can we spice up our sex life?
Q. I'm finally in a relationship after 4 years. I decided just to take y'alls advice and just let my hurt and frustration, from my ex's cheating on me, go and now i think i've found someone i feel that i can trust 100% and i'm quite happy... Howe...
A. 11 January 2010: You know, I have to honestly say that I think you're headed directly at creating a problem for yourself that might not be there or coming your way... did he say he was bored or has he been acting that way? Have you asked him?
As far as adding s... (read in full...)
Porn and masturbation addiction... Desperately need help.
Q. I desperately need help. I would say I am addicted to watching porn and masturbating. I am a relationship for 2 years and we do have sex, sometimes amazing and sometimes dull. She makes love the way I want but not always and not everything that I ...
A. 27 November 2009: First thought that comes to mind: since you mentioned "fiance," the first thing you shouldn't do is follow through with the wedding, expecting things to get better or "work themselves out over time" -- both are wrong.
Forgetting the porn issue a ... (read in full...)
Will a married man ever leave his wife if he doesn't have any children?
Q. Back in June I met a man at a convention while on a business trip, although it was just friendly. We exchanged email addresses to be in contact about work-related questions. At the time I was engaged to be married (I have been with him for 3 ...
A. 27 November 2009: I think that -- above all other considerations -- you need to re-evaluate everything in priorities. You need to (irregardless of your convention-guy) work out the issues in your immediate circle with the marriage/relationship with your husband. In ... (read in full...)
They judge him because he's a different race!
Q. So, I really like this guy. He flirts with me all the time, but I try to ignore it because I don't want to get things started because he's moving away next year. He's an awesome athlete, will most likely go pro. some day. He's taller than me by ...
A. 14 November 2009: Ask yourself what's more important -- what you think & feel or what your friends think & feel... the answer to that question should guide how you and your athletic friend should relate to each other. I would hope that you chose to see his heart, ... (read in full...)
Will I ever love again?
Q. I recently left my emotional bully cheating husband, and emotional I am frazzled and don't want anyone else.. I feel it would do me and my 4 children good if I was alone for a long long time... But I wanted to ask the aunts, if I do eventual...
A. 12 November 2009: This is your worried voice speaking louder than your rational one. I am older than you (no kids, mind you) but with similar concerns. I personally believe for me than life isn't over. If anything, it's an opportunity to explore the things that I ... (read in full...)
LDR suddenly no contact at all from her
Q. I live in England, the girl I love lives in America, we had a great thing going between us for over 1 1/2 years, but then she suddenly stopped all contact, any attempt at contacting her have been meet with silence. I wasn't given any explanation ...
A. 18 October 2009: I'm inclined to agree -- it's over. LDR or not, some people aren't good with the breakup part of a relationship and handle it poorly. In her case, it seems like she simply cuts off communication and hopes you'll fade into the sunset. I also ... (read in full...)
My husband moved out to pursue employment. Any tips on how to get through this?
Q. My husband moved out 3 weeks ago to "pursue" employment in another state. He left me and our two daughters (11 and 14) behind to finish school year. He has hated where we live and his being unemployed really took a toll on him. He said he feels ...
A. 10 October 2009: Let me add a little perspective on the male brain. If you cut out all the "stuff" (cars, houses, clothes, TV... you name it), a male's brain in relation to his family is that of "the bread-winner" -- He sees his primary role as the provider. In ... (read in full...)
What should I change my name to?
Q. I've decided to legally change my name. I've been unhappy with my name since I was a child, and I've decided that life is too short to live with a name that makes you miserable. The reason I hate my full name is because I con't identify with it...
A. 6 July 2009: A friend went through something akin to this... I would suggest starting the way she did: think of actors or actresses you admire and start playing around with combinations that you like until something hits you... ... (read in full...)
Now that we are back together, he's not showing me love and respect. Any advice?
Q. My boyfriend and I just got back together after taking a break for a few weeks. I initiated the break because I just wasn't feeling respected or appreciated. He would forget to call me, not show up for a date and then have some lame excuse, saying ...
A. 6 July 2009: My insight? I think you should have stuck to your guns and just called that relationship done. I don't know specifically what's making him run hot and cold like this, but the bottom line issue here is that you don't like it... you didn't like it ... (read in full...)
I can't believe the dream I had!!!
Q. Hi, this is about a disturbing sexual dream, I wonder if it happened to anybody, I still can't even believe it. So I dreamed I had the wildest erotic sex with my husband father, who is close to 90. And It was so dirty, when I woke up. I almost f...
A. 29 June 2009: Well, before starting a long discussion on Synchronicity, it's probably better to simply give you this useful link:
http://www.dreammoods.com/
I've read some of the definitions posted here and thought they might be insightful for you. As far ... (read in full...)
Does he just want to hook up? What does he want from ee?!
Q. A male perspective would be appreciated in this..What does he want from me? Me and this guy were seeing each other for a few months at the end of last year to January this year. We kind of just stopped talking after that, but since then we've had at ...
A. 29 June 2009: Without much more information, it just seems like he's trying to re-kindle the spark and possibly start seeing you again... but the best way to find out is to get face-to-face and then be direct... and you best be prepared for any answer given... ... (read in full...)
We're drifting apart, I'm contemplating divorce, what should I do?
Q. I have been married for 2 years and with my spouse all together for 3 years. I have a child from a previous relationship that I took sole custody of. She has a daughter from a previous marriage. The first year that we were together was amazing. ...
A. 25 June 2009: Look, as a divorced guy myself... and knowing first hand how much pain is associated with it, I highly recommend not jumping into this without exhausting all avenues. The one thing that you didn't explicitly mention was seeing a therapist or ... (read in full...)
She's using their kids for blackmail - what can I do?
Q. The man im with said we cant be together as his ex might stop him having contact with his children. Even though he said he has strong feelings for him and i make him so happy his ex has done this before turned around and that she does not like one ...
A. 24 June 2009: I'm inclined to hope that there is something in his divorce decree that stipulates his visitation rights. If this is all documented someplace, then she does have the right to change that agreement on her own accord. ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me because he loves me too much and is afraid I'm going to hurt him?
Q. I need some advice. My boyfriend of 2 months broke up with me the other day because he was scared that I would hurt him and that he was too in love with me. He races motocross so we hardly ever get to see one another. Anyways, he told me that he ...
A. 24 June 2009: Two thoughts came to mind reading this... either your boyfriend was hurt traumatically from some past relationship, or he feels so strongly toward you that he has begun to doubt himself and his feelings.
I'm not sure how to tell you to bring hi... (read in full...)
Is there a possibility I still want to be with him?
Q. Ready here I go... I was with my ex for 6 years we had 3 kids and eventually got married. we got married in 2007. I met my fiance in december of last year. we just got engaged 2 weeks ago. I love him very much. there is nothing i don't love about ...
A. 24 June 2009: :)) You're welcome!
... (read in full...)
I feel so stupid, alone and unwanted.! Help me!
Q. I just found out today that a man I have been in love with for the past 3 years was dating another woman while he was flirting and playing around with me. He never promised me anything and we never spoke about monogamy but it was implied that he ...
A. 23 June 2009: I am deeply sorry that you had to experience something like this... but my best recommendation to you is to cut this guy loose and find yourself somebody that cares for you exclusively. I'm sure that you know that you deserve better. ... (read in full...)
Would it be silly to start a relationship now?
Q. Ok, well I've started to become more and more attracted a guy I'm good friends with. We text each other nearly every day and I have been told he likes me, but he doesn't make any moves, except from the regular "hey, how are you doing/how's your day ...
A. 23 June 2009: Yes, I think you should go for it. More or less, you said it yourself -- I would rather have it settled one way or another... especially before heading off to different universities... As far as how, I recommend just cornering him and telling him ... (read in full...)
Is there a possibility I still want to be with him?
Q. Ready here I go... I was with my ex for 6 years we had 3 kids and eventually got married. we got married in 2007. I met my fiance in december of last year. we just got engaged 2 weeks ago. I love him very much. there is nothing i don't love about ...
A. 22 June 2009: I'm going to give this a shot, but I'm not sure I'm completely following everything here...
First, if your ex is telling you about girls he's interested and he KNOWS that you'd have a problem with them... then he's probably doing it to be irritati... (read in full...)
He has serious trust issues, how can I help?
Q. I have known my fiance for a couple of years but have only been together for about a year. He wants to get married, however, he is very stingy and everything has to be about him. I am open about everything including my bank account however,...
A. 22 June 2009: I would agree with eyeswideopen, but I would also add that if you're interested in trying to salvage this, then a good old-fashion heart-to-heart is long overdue here. Going out on a limb here, has he been married before, or had some other long-term ... (read in full...)
I'm concerned about my girlfriends sexual past, we broke up. Have I done the right thing?
Q. I recently broke up with my girl because of things she has disclosed to me about her sexual past. I know that may sound immature but it wasnt just the fact that I had thoughts of the guys she told me about her having sex with. The situation ...
A. 22 June 2009: There's a famous adage: Having your cake and eating it too. This seems like a clear-cut case of just that. She had you as the boyfriend, but was still hanging on to her ex-boyfriends as well. The past sexuality issue is there and I'm sure you're a ... (read in full...)
Is this girl I met online really busy, or is she ignoring me?
Q. Hi all, OK so last week I started talking to a girl who goes to my college and lives near me, on Myspace. We exchanged screenames and chatted on AIM several times. I felt like we hit it off very well, our conversations went both ways, she was gi...
A. 22 June 2009: Seriously, I think you are (or are in danger of) reading too much into "BRB" and all the typical chat lingo. Send her a message via email and see what happens with that. If you get a reply, great! ...if it takes a few days, cool... if you don't get ... (read in full...)
My friend has a guy friend, who beats her up, cuts her, what can we do about this, she doesn't want to tell parents?
Q. I'm seriously worried about my friend, she was in what she thought was a non-commital relationship with someone. And then dumped him. He gave her a black eye. Yesterday, he met her while she was walking her dog and punched her and used a razor to ...
A. 19 June 2009: Wow... my first thoughts are to admit to the parents that she did have a relationship with this guy... and take whatever consequences comes with that admission... then immediately call the police and file a report and/or start some kind of legal ... (read in full...)
Is it time to leave if you watch porn, even if your wife is willing to make love?
Q. is it normal for married men to watch love making videos on the internet? espeically when they don't make love to their wifes that offten. even if the wife is willing to make love. would you say it is time to leave them? troubled,...
A. 19 June 2009: Yeah, I would say it's rather normal. We guys are "confused" about our sexuality sometimes (so-called society's opinions are the primary source of that confusion)... and frankly, it's sometimes easier to get our sexual satisfaction from an ... (read in full...)
What can I do to stop sex from becoming a power struggle?
Q. I have a very pressing problem in my relationship. Up to now I've been trying to ignore it since I feel concentrating on it too much will just make it worse, and I think my boyfriend is completely denying it, but I would really appreciate some ...
A. 19 June 2009: While reading all that, there was one thought that popped into my mind immediately. It's an old adage that I have personally discovered to be true: never go to bed angry. Further, or more specifically in your case, don't go to bed without ALL the ... (read in full...)
If we've been FWB for so long, does it mean something more?
Q. How long do you guys think it's normal to have the same 'friend with benefits'? Surely if it goes on too long it must mean something more? ...
A. 18 June 2009: Honestly, a "friends with benefits" thing can go on forever. It's really dependent on the mindset of the people involved. I mean, if you were clear in the beginning that you two were only together for the occasional sexual encounter and were cool ... (read in full...)
Should I stop appologising for everything?
Q. When ever my partner is upset I apologise to her no mater what, and even if I am not in the wrong because I don't like her being unhappy or upset., but I am starting to feel a lot of resentment that she never returns this. when I talked about this ...
A. 18 June 2009: You've set a bad precedence here if you're apologizing for mistakes you haven't even made. There's an old saying -- you can't MAKE somebody happy, they have to do it for themselves. Now, there's nothing wrong with HELPING somebody find or discover ... (read in full...)
How would you approach this?
Q. For the past month, I've been seeing this much older guy. He texts me everyday, takes me out on dates, we get along, tells his friends about me, told his family he met a lovely lady.. etc.. etc. He tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, smart ...
A. 17 June 2009: Let's just boil this down to the raw elements here... do you like him? Does he like and respect you? To hell with anyone else's opinion! Ultimately, what happens between the two of you is between the two of you! I'm the type to say that if it feels ... (read in full...)
My husband says if I engage in a threesome just once, he'll stop the flirting and porn...
Q. Please Help if you can! My hubby is overseas til September..since he has been gone he has been signing up on singles sites as single, going to porn sites and even sent a sex letter to a gal that is supposed to be my friend..now, I know he has ...
A. 17 June 2009: I'm going to say a similar thing as the rest of the responders, but perhaps from a 10,000ft altitude...
Personally, the thing that stood out most prominently from your post was that your husband is trying to lay an ultimatum on you. I believe ... (read in full...)
How do you get over someone who has totaly crushed you?
Q. How do u get over someone who has absoluelty crushed you. I hate my ex 4 what hes done to me. He mentally abused me and made me paranoid about things and myself. And yet i worry what hes doing. Find myself thinking bout him and what hes doing now ...
A. 31 May 2009: The simple answer is to put him out of your mind...
Yeah... always a difficult thing to do, but let me make a suggestion. I am thinking that if he's a womanizer, then (psychologically speaking) he's got something to prove -- either to himself ... (read in full...)
How do I warn this woman off my man?
Q. My boyfriend has a lady that is trying to get with him and he was honest enough to tell me. Now, how do I help him stop this woman from coming on to him. ...
A. 19 May 2009: I'm not necessarily sure there's anything you can do about help him. If anything, it seems more like a battle of wills... and hopefully, your boyfriend will win and the other woman will simply give up.
Of course, there's always the "direct ... (read in full...)
Mental illness/trust issues
Q. I am looking for advice on what to do about a relationship which seems to have become very complicated due to mental illness/trust issues. The main thing is that I love him a lot and it would have been 8 years together this year and to me it see...
A. 26 April 2009: Here's a hypothesis for you: in the time that you were seeing each other, you could have been the "mental glue" that held him together. Assuming that's true, I would ask if you would want to assume that role for your future? ...because, it's indeed ... (read in full...)
Did I make the right choice?
Q. So me and this guy dated for 2 months. Then he broke up with me because we were never really allowed to see each other bc of my parents. Then after about a month he asked me out again and I said yes. But things just felt kinds different and I don'...
A. 4 April 2009: The issue with your parents interfering here (no matter what their choices or reasons are) could be on his mind. If you both are acting outside one or both parent's preferences, then this would be cause enough to not associate.
But, the really b... (read in full...)
Is he playing me or am I over reacting?
Q. I have this dude that i talk to, he just a friend but he stop calling me, when he got back together with his girlfriend. I make a myspace for him just to communicate with him cause his girlfriend calls all the time n he barely talks to me, Sh...
A. 4 April 2009: I think that you need to face facts that when a relationship starts (or in this case, rekindles), it can be difficult to maintain former friendships. Although this might not be the most desirable outcome, it is most often true. I would suggest that ... (read in full...)
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