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*eterPan agony aunt

*eterPan

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*eterPan's profile:

What qualifies me to answer your relationship question? ...I'm human too? Seriously, I'm probably no more qualified than anyone else, but at the same time, I've dated quite a bit... been married and divorced (so I guess I know what *doesn't* work).

Plus, this seemed interesting. At the very least, I know I'm not the only one out there suffering and trying to figure out a path through life... If my experiences can help you from falling into a sinkhole, then all the better, right? :) Also, I get a big kick out of helping my fell-man ..um, woman-kind too ;)

"The request lines are now open!..." (that's Cheech and Chong)

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Did my calling him have any effect on him? Does he like me?

Q.   My crush send me a message that he's going deployed next thursday to Asia. So, I called him on the phone to wish him good luck. He was very surprised mainly cuz he's stationed in NC and I'm in Fla. so we keep contact by email. In his message ...

A.   28 May 2008: Fantastic!! I'm happy for you!!... (read in full...)

I have trouble keeping an erection.

Q.   hi im a 24 year old man who has trouble keeping an erection.i can usually stay erect for 15 minutes,after that it turns into a semi,another problem i have is i can't ejaculate during sex,i always start off with the first part of an orgasm and then ...

A.   26 May 2008: Look -- if you've been carrying this depression for a while now, please speak with you GP. He might recommend that you seek a little psychological therapy to help clear that guilt and performance anxiety you're carrying around. Although I'm not one ... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is very distant, does not reply to my texts or make time to see me, yet says she loves me! I'm confused!

Q.   Hey guys i am in a bit of a struggle here i've in a relationship with my girl for about 8 months already, ok basically i am a bit lost because we dont live close to each other i am a Marine stationed in DC and well she lives in Roanoke Va anyways we ...

A.   25 May 2008: One more possibility -- she could also be stressed about finding a job and paying off those student loans that she's probably collected. That would stress anyone out!... (read in full...)

My girlfriend is very distant, does not reply to my texts or make time to see me, yet says she loves me! I'm confused!

Q.   Hey guys i am in a bit of a struggle here i've in a relationship with my girl for about 8 months already, ok basically i am a bit lost because we dont live close to each other i am a Marine stationed in DC and well she lives in Roanoke Va anyways we ...

A.   25 May 2008: Here's a thought for you... you actually touched on the roots of it yourself. Have you ever been to her parent's home in VA? Do you know if she has happy thoughts about it? Why am I asking? It seems to me that her attitude changed once she left... (read in full...)

How can he be over me so fast?

Q.   How is it that you're with someone for 2.5 years and break up with them and it doesn't affect your life in the least. We lived together for more than one year. Found out later he was cheating on me the whole time. Is that why he doesn't even care ...

A.   25 May 2008: There are those kind of people - male and female - that are self-centered. They think only of their personal pleasures and consider their partner's feelings with little to no respect. It seems that you unfortunately found one of those people and you ... (read in full...)

What can I do? I know the boy I like only wants to use me!

Q.   There is a boy I really really like and I have done for a while. He says he likes me too and I really want to believe that he does but I KNOW he is just trying to use me. He is only after 1 thing and he doesn't care which girl he gets it from. I ...

A.   25 May 2008: Your friends and you yourself know the answer. If you even think that you're being "set up" just to give him the pleasures that he's looking for -- and especially if he's never mentioned any pleasures that he might offer you -- then walk away. You ... (read in full...)

I have trouble keeping an erection.

Q.   hi im a 24 year old man who has trouble keeping an erection.i can usually stay erect for 15 minutes,after that it turns into a semi,another problem i have is i can't ejaculate during sex,i always start off with the first part of an orgasm and then ...

A.   25 May 2008: This might not be your issue, but sometimes sexual disfunction might have something to do with your own mind working against you. If you're carrying guilt or depression, they can effect your sexual performance. There are lots of men that have issues ... (read in full...)

Are all these horny feelings normal?

Q.   i am 14 years old and lately i have been rrly horny and i finger my self and i force my self to pee in bed and i hump pillows and i dream about makingout and have sex with this guy i like who is 16 is this normal and if not how do i make it stop...

A.   25 May 2008: Obviously, I'm no teen-aged girl, but I will say everything you described is completely normal for an adolescent... ...but the peeing in bed gives me pause. Granted, as you get older, you may discover specific "kinks" or "fetishes" that people h... (read in full...)

Does it sound like he might want to reconcile or just clarify what he meant in the email?

Q.   Hoping someone can help. Pretty straightforward question...nothing too dramatic. My boyfriend ended it with me..completely back in March. He did it by email and I assumed I was kaput. No matter. I guess I still like him but have moved on and am d...

A.   25 May 2008: Talking is always fine... if I were in your shoes, I'd be curious to hear what he's got to say ...and depending on that, why it took him 3 months to make contact again. So, judge what he's got to say, but if you've moved on, then that's that. Like I ... (read in full...)

I don't want her bf to be pissed at me if she does break up with him to be with me!

Q.   Im interested in my freind, it could potentially be serious we know each other very well and i know she feels the same about me, however thats not the problem. she has a boyfriend and i know him, he's a pretty chill guy. i don't want to tell her how ...

A.   25 May 2008: You know, even if she broke up with this friend of yours right now, I still wouldn't date her (at least publicly) until some time past... and I'm thinking a few months. It's not cool to (a) date your buddy's ex-GF and (b) do it without him saying ... (read in full...)

Is my girlfriend interested in this guy because she talks about him a lot?

Q.   Is my girlfriend intersted in this guy at her work because she talks about him alot?...

A.   24 May 2008: Not necessarily... it kind of depends on what context... do you ask "what happened at work today?" and this guy comes up. Do you know if they are in the same department or group? Is he new in the group or is she? Is either one of them mentoring the ... (read in full...)

Is his refusal to talk about things a form of abuse?

Q.   I am a divorced single mom with 2 boys and I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. He physically abused me on a couple of occasions several months into our relationship. The second time it happened I called the police. He was arrested ...

A.   24 May 2008: I'm not sure if this is helpful or not, but to me it seems like you may have given him "the fear of God" into him with the police arrest. I think that he's got some kind of gun-shy feeling that is really eating at him. I have never been in a ... (read in full...)

Any ideas for asking her without making it obvious?

Q.   I think I like my friend. She used to be in my lessons 2yrs ago than we went different schools. We meet often randomly walking past. Recently. Think I like her. I don't know if she does. She smiles alot, laughs n likes my personality but she is a ...

A.   23 May 2008: I completely agree -- fear is one of the worst emotions to carry around with you... except for one: regret. "Why didn't I ask her out??" will be on your mind in 5 years time. Step to the head of the pack and follow Collaroy's suggestion! ... (read in full...)

My new husband says I'm mental, am I ?

Q.   Hi, I am recently married and I need some advice as to how to stor the rows that are happening in it. It's not so much the rows but the escallation of them. For example today my husband asked my opinion on a carton of milk that had been left in his ...

A.   23 May 2008: ...IMS... interesting -- that's a first for me... just a few comments. I have read "Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus" and I recommend it to anyone, not just those that are interested in staying out of divorce court. Men and women have ... (read in full...)

How do you grab a guy's attention?

Q.   How do you grab a guy's attention? (that you like) ...

A.   23 May 2008: If you're doing all this already, then I'd say step up your game a little more. Add a little extra "umph" into your flirting... you're trying to get him to realize there's more than friendly interest, but don't pour it on too thick because then ... (read in full...)

How do I talk to him about where we stand as a couple?

Q.   I really like this guy, I'm 16 and he's 19 and we're at two different stages in our lives. I know he likes me, cause he asked me to be his girlfriend but honestly don't know where I stand with him. I don't know who knows about us, or what he ...

A.   22 May 2008: I just seems to me that you need to corner him and get the straight story. More or less asking him what you've asked us for questions. If he truly cares then you will get all the answers directly from him. Best wishes and good luck! ... (read in full...)

Have I just turned gay?

Q.   I have a problem. I like someone so much! I have done for 3 whole years, but I've been too shy to tell them. They were seeing someone a few years back and just yesterday..HE is seeing somone else. What do I do? I was going to say I like you but then...

A.   22 May 2008: First you... you can't "turn" gay. As I once told somebody else here, you either are or you aren't. But, like in that other case, you could be bisexual. If I were in your shoes and we're talking about upsetting the delicate balance of a friendsh... (read in full...)

I have never ever felt this about anybody before...I would literally kill for him!

Q.   Right here it goes. For the past 2 years i have been such close friends with a boy, and and i would do absoloutly anything for him. I have a ball when i'm around him, and he always knows how to make me smile. The thing is, the past year i think i ha...

A.   22 May 2008: Unfortunately, your friends are completely right on this one. You've got two choices... either you continue to be upset and emotional, silently going through an unrequited love scenario... or you could take the bolder approach and start poking ... (read in full...)

How do you grab a guy's attention?

Q.   How do you grab a guy's attention? (that you like) ...

A.   22 May 2008: Simple answer? Flirt with him. Touch him on his arm. Find excuses to be around him.... (read in full...)

If he had no feelings for me, why cry? Men don't usually cry......do they?

Q.   Ok, so this may be kinda long but i just need some advice. My boyfriend and i have been on an off for almost 3 years now. At least once every year, he dumps me saying he has lost his feelings for me. Of course i am heartbroken an try to go...

A.   22 May 2008: Despite popular belief, men cry... we just hide it better than the other half of the species. Like any other human on the planet, we have emotions, but tend not to show the unpleasant ones. The usual exception? An intimate relationship where we feel ... (read in full...)

Is there any free software for Mac computers that you would recommend I use to block my access to porn websites?

Q.   I get very turned on by porn (but wish I didn't). I will go for a long time without viewing it, but then go through a period where I will view a lot. On the one hand, I like to view it for ideas. I have seen some techniques that I hope to use with...

A.   22 May 2008: I was looking at my Mac and wanted to see if there was a NetNanny-style freeware software you could install, but I didn't find anything like it. As already stated, you can use the parental controls as described... I would welcome a private ... (read in full...)

Do we confront her about our uncomfortableness and leave my wife alone?

Q.   My wife and I have been married for quite a few years. We have a great marriage, great house, great kids, great dog and cat..... Anyway, her friend of a few years (I think they are friends about 5 years, it's way after we were married) is gett...

A.   22 May 2008: OK, first thing, don't get between your wife's friend and her fiancee. That's their issue and not yours. If her behavior is a problem in their relationship, then it's their problem and it's not something you or your wife should get in the middle of. ... (read in full...)

I'm in love with a guy that's about to get married, I don't want to see him anymore, but it's hard to let go.

Q.   I'm in love with a guy that's about to get married in 3 months. We've been kicking it for 5 years. He tells me that he is getting married because of his 11 year old son. I don't want to see him anymore, but it's hard to let go, what should i do?...

A.   22 May 2008: He's getting married because of his son? I don't understand this -- he's trying to find a new mother for his son? That seems like a bad reason to be married, but that's his choice. That said, unless you're ready to be the child's surrogat... (read in full...)

How much longer do I have to wait?

Q.   I met my b/f when I was 22 (after I finished university). He's my first boyfriend. We have been dating for 3 years now. We started having sex during our first year of dating. It's now bothering me that maybe if I didn't have sex with him, he will...

A.   22 May 2008: I'm sorry but with or without having a sexual relationship within your first year of dating didn't play a role in your desire to be married. I think it's a decision that lies in his heart and his head. I think that if this is something you are ... (read in full...)

I met him on holiday and miss him so much. Any advice out there for me?

Q.   Hi i met this guy on holiday about 4 years ago, only for a week and really liked him, he made me feel special and i have never felt more myself and confident and alive. He was about 3-4 years younger. I was kind of in a relationship, and i knew he l...

A.   22 May 2008: Well, as much as it pains you, maybe it's simply time to give up and move on. I don't think there's much else you can do if he won't reply or acknowledge your messages.... (read in full...)

He hugged me tight before he let me go..and cried.

Q.   I've been with the same guy for 9 months. Sunday, he decided to break up with me out of the blue. I was and still am in love with him. He said he loved me and cared for me but something didn't feel right. He hugged me tight before he let me go.....

A.   21 May 2008: Was that all he said? Hmm... can you give him a little bit of time to get his thoughts together, then perhaps sit in a neutral place to find out what the reason was? If it's something you can deal with then try to repair the damage... otherwise, you ... (read in full...)

Quick!! I want to do something fun and cute and romantic all in one, and I want it to happen tonight!!

Q.   Anyone help me quick, i want to do something fun and cute and romantic all in one, and i want it to happen tonight. Any advice please help me. Thanks so much. ...

A.   21 May 2008: Here's the first thing that popped into mind: get some chinese food and chopsticks -- NO SILVERWARE! -- candles, tea or wine (or not - your choice)... here's what you do: instead of eating on the table, eat on the living room floor, but you can't ... (read in full...)

Should I tell them the truth about who the father of my unborn child is?

Q.   I think that i might be pregnant i have my boyfriend of a year that is not the father we just simply dont have sex anymore but am very much in love with, and i have another friend that i have been seeing for 2 months just for sex since my long term ...

A.   21 May 2008: Check your private messages (two of them) from me.... (read in full...)

Should I tell them the truth about who the father of my unborn child is?

Q.   I think that i might be pregnant i have my boyfriend of a year that is not the father we just simply dont have sex anymore but am very much in love with, and i have another friend that i have been seeing for 2 months just for sex since my long term ...

A.   21 May 2008: Wow... you are 100% positive that the child *isn't* the long-term BF's? I don't know if this is possible, but have you tried to see if there's a DNA match? I personally think that whomever the child's real father is, you should tell them. If it's ... (read in full...)

Is my penis a problem?

Q.   Hi, I'm 22 years old and still a virgin. One of the reasons for this is that I have a complex about my penis. It's slightly twisted and has a small curve in it. I was wondering if this would be something that would put girls off or that they wou...

A.   21 May 2008: You are never going to find a row of guys, standing around comparing their erect penis shapes and lengths; it will never happen... but, if it did, you're going to find that there is a whole world of different shapes, sizes, lengths, widths, twists ... (read in full...)

I met him on holiday and miss him so much. Any advice out there for me?

Q.   Hi i met this guy on holiday about 4 years ago, only for a week and really liked him, he made me feel special and i have never felt more myself and confident and alive. He was about 3-4 years younger. I was kind of in a relationship, and i knew he l...

A.   21 May 2008: Unfortunately, it seems the tables have been turned on you. When you first met, you were not available and today, he's not available. Why he's not answering you could easily be for his new relationship... in the same way you might ask the same of a ... (read in full...)

I am obsessed and jealous of his ex! What can I do?

Q.   i hate my boyfriend's ex's and not for a serious reason! i think im obsessily jealouse or something. you see, what happens with me is that we live both in france but we come from different countries. i come from greece and he comes from argentina. ...

A.   21 May 2008: As we say here in the States, "Chill out girlfriend!" Seriously, you're driving yourself into a frenzy over something you don't have any control over -- his "before you" past. There's nothing he or anyone else can do for you. Unfortun... (read in full...)

He doesn't trust me because I'm a chat host and love to talk naughty!

Q.   Try to make this short for you. I am a chathost on an internet service, my boyfriend of almost 6 yrs knows what I do and the reason being the money I make? He recently intercepted an email from a friend that implied that I was emailing...

A.   21 May 2008: Have you been doing this chat host thing (which I'll admit I'm not completely sure what you're talking about) for the same 6 years you were dating this guy? If so, then this is nothing new to him and should know (by now) that this is simply a job. ... (read in full...)

Did my calling him have any effect on him? Does he like me?

Q.   My crush send me a message that he's going deployed next thursday to Asia. So, I called him on the phone to wish him good luck. He was very surprised mainly cuz he's stationed in NC and I'm in Fla. so we keep contact by email. In his message ...

A.   21 May 2008: Sounds promising to me!... (read in full...)

Pubic Hairstyles: A vote for all guys!

Q.   Okay I want to hear a vote from all of the guys! (Please tell me your age too) What would you prefer your gf to do with her pubes? a) Shave it all off b) Trim it c) Leave it hairy d) Do a hairstyle (eg. hearts, stars, arrows, w/e) ...

A.   21 May 2008: Age 43 For me, trimmed short... something that is short enough not to get in my tongue's way, but maybe long enough to pull with my lips closed. A pattern is nice, but not all that important as long as my first condition is met. Arrow sounds n... (read in full...)

I'm not attracted to him anymore, what can I do?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have dated for almost two years now. He is still very attracted to me, but I am not very attracted to him anymore. I feel awful, and it has affected our sex life. I love him, but getting to know him well, I find his lack of ...

A.   21 May 2008: Has his physique changed? Is he no long physically fit in your eyes? If that's the case, get him a gym membership, or hint you really like muscles on a guy... On the responsibility and sloppiness... yeah, we guys aren't the neats of species ... (read in full...)

He's acting different, what is going on?

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been living together for 5 months and we both decided that we make things right,though I still have few of my things in his house, I move out since we aren't married then he would be coming to my house, meet my brother as he ...

A.   21 May 2008: So let me try to sort this out... over the last 2 days, you've barely spoken to each other. Also the day you moved out and the last time that you were face-to-face, you had an argument outside your house... Is it possible that even though you both... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's female friend walked around in a towel in front of him and thinks I over-reacted, what do you think?

Q.   While visiting one of my boyfriend’s long time female friends, she decided to take a shower and began walking around in nothing but a towel. At the time, I did not say anything to her but I was very upset and later spoke to him and banned him from...

A.   21 May 2008: Scratching her eyes out would have been overreacting, yes... but I think your ultimatum was overreacting too. Did he tell this long-time friend to start prancing around the house in a towel? Did he have any control over the situation? It seems like ... (read in full...)

What happened to our sex life? Seems like she is avoiding me sexually.

Q.   My girlfriend and I have had fantastic sex. She would even brag to a couple of her close female friends how this is the first time she has such great sex. However, the past couple of months our sex life is practically nill. Not for my lack of trying ...

A.   21 May 2008: This is what I was talking about before. This page says it's a once a month contraceptive. http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/youth/health/contraceptives/ring.htm ... (read in full...)

When should I tell my current boyfriend that my previous invalid marriage will be annulled? He doesn't know about this previous relationship!

Q.   When is the best timing to tell my current boyfriend that my previous invalid marriage will be annulled? I had a short duration (3 months)of a long-distance marriage which was a disaster. My ex was impotent at the time of marriage so this marriage...

A.   21 May 2008: First of all, I'm concerned that you see your (so called) "failed marriage" as a negative event in your past. I mean, you were smart enough to get out of it and move on with your life, right? In fact, I'm sure that you learned some important ... (read in full...)

Any advice on how to approach him?

Q.   there is a guy i have been in love with for about 4 years. I have no idea how he feels about me but i catch him looking at me sometimes and hes always really nice to me.I'd really like to know him better even maybe as just a friend as we have lots ...

A.   21 May 2008: Is he shy too? If so, then you might have to make the first move. If he isn't, then you need to make yourself available to speak with you and see what happens. It seems like you've been admiring each other from afar... time to close the distance ... (read in full...)

What happened to our sex life? Seems like she is avoiding me sexually.

Q.   My girlfriend and I have had fantastic sex. She would even brag to a couple of her close female friends how this is the first time she has such great sex. However, the past couple of months our sex life is practically nill. Not for my lack of trying ...

A.   20 May 2008: Oh, and now that I think about it, there's also some kind of skin patch too!... (read in full...)

What happened to our sex life? Seems like she is avoiding me sexually.

Q.   My girlfriend and I have had fantastic sex. She would even brag to a couple of her close female friends how this is the first time she has such great sex. However, the past couple of months our sex life is practically nill. Not for my lack of trying ...

A.   20 May 2008: I don't have an answer for you regarding how you're baffled about what to do, but I wanted to say that there are other birth control options. There's some kind of insertable ring (I don't know the name) but it seems like it was a once a month kind ... (read in full...)

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