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... Send *hGetReal a private message | | | *hGetReal's profile:Hi,
I am on Dear Cupid rather sporadically, some weeks I will answer lots of questions and you may not see me on here again for a month, that is because I volunteer my time to do this and I have a personal life, too.
I am qualified to help people mostly because I have had a lot of life experience and have lived through a lot a relationship problems, both romantic and and family. I have personal experience with mentally ill people, though it is not my profession I am degreed in Psychology and I read, A LOT.
I tend to answer mostly questions about break ups, troubled relationships that have to do with someone being blind to the fact that they are being mistreated or may even be in an abusive relationship. I am not going to sugar coat it and tell you what you want to hear, your boyfriend/girlfriend has probably manipulated you enough by doing that. I am going to tell you the truth as I see it.
Most problems people have in relationships are a problem with thinking. We all have trouble seeing our own problems clearly because we are too close to the problem or the person we are having trouble with. It isn't a disparagement of you to point out the flaws in your thinking, it's what you came here for...some advice, a clear perspective or how your situation seems to someone who is not too emotionally involved. It's why Doctors are not allowed to operate on their own family, they don't do a good job, they are too close, they care too much.
So you may not like my advice or think I give the same answer to every girl or guy with a love problem, but I can assure you that it is mostly because I answer the same types of questions. And as hard as it is for you to accept, most problem relationships have the same things going on with them and all the he said, she saids and details do not make a hill of beans (OK, yes I am older)because it is the same old story that women and men struggle with.
That is what I am here to help you muddle through. You can choose to disagree with me, or disregard my advice. After all, it is your life and your life is a sum of your own choices. If you want a guiding light or not that is clearly up to you, so don't shoot the messenger for shining a light on your faulty thinking.
Have a blessed day. |
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What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 3 June 2011: What is he doing to work on his faults? Therapy? Just because you feel you are broken and have been in therapy for years and years, does not mean you only deserve to be with a guy like him. I don't know what your therapy is like or what you... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 3 June 2011: Sure, you are hurting right now, and nothing makes a lot of sense, nor will you be able to come to a clean decision about him, until you've had some time to process everything. If your head knows better, give your heart time to catch up. I thi... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 3 June 2011: I just have to say, I just notice that you just met this guy in November, he's 37, never married, a pot smoker and drinks alchohol, a lot of it (or so it seems) and after your very first weekend together, he offers you a drawer and leaves an air of ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 3 June 2011: Relationships seem complex because of the drama of life, but really they aren't because people are people and the relationship is either healthy or not.
I think it is a crock that you both got scared things were working out so well. What happened... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 3 June 2011: Why or who forbade you to contact him? Of course you deserve love. You have to be careful to not set yourself up, too. It doesn't sound good for you to puck yet another substance abuser, that's a pattern you have to break. You deserve a real ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 3 June 2011: Livelihood refers to the quality of being not just a means for support, or your job. People who are willing to combine finances without the commitment if marriage is like going into business with an unsecured loan, you may get the business off the ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 2 June 2011: Google the cohabitors vows on YouTube. That's what I mean by each one of you having a foot out the door. As far as your livelihood at risk, you could be setting yourself up to being used. Obviously, you look down on marriage, and consider ... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 2 June 2011: Why is a man of this age uprooting himself to get a place with you? Is he working? Why are yo settling for cohabitation if you are a fully committed couple? Why have two feet out the door and put your livelihood at risk for a right now? Why not ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cheated and now says he can't get over her!
Q. My boyfriend of three years cheated on me for two months. We agreed to stay together after I found out on the condition that he is not to have any contact with her again. Since then, he's broken up with me four times, telling me that he can't get ...
A. 23 February 2011: Your boyfriend is breaking up with you. Why would you want to be back together with a guy who keeps jerking you around? You can't fix this you can't control him or "convince" him not to see her and stay with you. It doesn't work that way. Kick ... (read in full...)
I'm getting married soon but I can't stand looking at a naked man
Q. i get freaked out when i think about sex.... it might sound awful, i cannot stand a naked man, it freaks me out.... am not a lesbian,,,,,,,,help i will be getting married soon and its a big problem for me..... i don't want to mess up...
A. 23 February 2011: Don't get married. Get some therapy. We have no idea why you can't stand the sight of a naked man... (read in full...)
Do I meet up with this guy one on one even though he knows I have a boyfriend?
Q. This boy I know asked me out for a drink to say thank you for something I had done for him. I asked my LT bf what he wished for me to do and he said he didn't mind if I went. He's now asked me to go out again one-on-one. He's knows I have a bf. This ...
A. 23 February 2011: I think your boyfriend doesn't care if you go out with this guy. I think the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior I.e. Your boyfriend is not as committed to you as you'd like to believe. It's kind of dumb to take yourself completely ... (read in full...)
Proof that I trust him?
Q. How can i prove to my boyfriend that i can trust him?...
A. 23 February 2011: Trust is earned. You don't have to prove you trust him if he isn't trustworthy and if he is complaining you don't trust him it could be a way of projecting onto you his guilt. He may in fact be cheating and putting it on you by making it your ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend no longer helps me clean house and he's lost his sex drive. Help!
Q. I just don't know where to begin…Okay I have been with my boyfriend almost 1 year. I do love him and I know he loves me. But is that enough? He lived with me for a while, but we decided it was best not to live together. I have 4 kids, and I was ma...
A. 23 February 2011: Why are you dating a lazy 37 year old man who lives with his mother and withholds sex and affection from you? There is something very wrong with this picture. I think he is at the least immature and just because he is willing to commit to be your ... (read in full...)
I don't understand his sudden loss of interest. I can't get this man out of mind!
Q. I met a guy, one who appears to be the perfect man. After a week of talking on the phone, we met. In my opinion, it was a nice weekend. After he left on Monday, we had a good conversation, but not as great as it was before we met each other. By ...
A. 23 February 2011: Never pursue a man more than he pursues you. Otherwise you won't know his true interest or intentions.... (read in full...)
I don't understand his sudden loss of interest. I can't get this man out of mind!
Q. I met a guy, one who appears to be the perfect man. After a week of talking on the phone, we met. In my opinion, it was a nice weekend. After he left on Monday, we had a good conversation, but not as great as it was before we met each other. By ...
A. 23 February 2011: So you met him on a dating site on the web? And he lives out of town? And your first meeting was him spending the weekend at your home? Whose idea was that? Did you sleep with him?
He didn't call you or text you after he left and for the next... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 22 February 2011: Wow, that's a lot of big dogs, the pit bull would make me phobic, too.... (read in full...)
What does it mean when a man gives you a drawer?
Q. I have a man I'm seeing long distance. We started this relationship in early November We are two hours apart... we email and talk on the phone a few times a week... I go to visit him since he cannot be around my dogs. I have been up to see h...
A. 22 February 2011: His line is kind of cheezy, instead of playing along with his vailed attempt at making a "commitment" by giving you a drawer for your stuff, why did you not ask him to say what he means and mean what he says as you are both old enough to do that.
... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle this stage of our relationship
Q. I have posted problems re. my girl and me before. Just to provide summary. She is 25 years younger than me and we are related through a mutual sister in that her mum and my dad are our little sister's parents. This makes us step-brother and sister, ...
A. 21 February 2011: Healthy relationships are not based on ego gratification.
If you think her 20 something friends are being truthful that you look like you are in your 20's when you are in fact 44 (wrinkly, fat or otherwise) then you are in deed narcissistic to a de... (read in full...)
We talk a lot. He makes suggestive remarks. Is this guy's behavior weird? Or does he like ne?
Q. I have bit of a dilemma and not totally sure how to move forward with it. I have become very close to a male friend, who I have known for years and currently lives at the opposite end of the country to me. We talk every day on the phone for ove...
A. 19 February 2011: Okay, he has been in love with you for years, he just has been too scared to ever ask you out. He finally has moved accross the country from you, so he can talk to you and flirt with you on the phone so he no longer has to be scared to reveal his ... (read in full...)
We talk a lot. He makes suggestive remarks. Is this guy's behavior weird? Or does he like ne?
Q. I have bit of a dilemma and not totally sure how to move forward with it. I have become very close to a male friend, who I have known for years and currently lives at the opposite end of the country to me. We talk every day on the phone for ove...
A. 19 February 2011: You really have a habit of reading into things that aren't said or aren't there don't you? He is having masturbatory conversation with you just by making sexual comments, innuendos, to himself this is masturbatory, he probably has an erection while ... (read in full...)
I told my boyfriend I don't really enjoy sex, and he's taken it personally, as if he was bad in bed! What do I do now?
Q. Hey all. So I'm 17 and I'm sexually active (about 7 months now). And honestly, I'm not a fan. My boyfriend is the only person I've ever had sex with. (We've been together since we were 15.) To be honest, sex was never really and interest of mine...
A. 19 February 2011: Wow, I hear you saying that your boyfriend didn't pressure you to have sex, but you also say he wanted to have it so I did.
What I think is that it is very limiting for one to date a guy for two years starting as a child of 15, and then having s... (read in full...)
How should I interpret his actions, should I distance myself?
Q. Am I thinking too much or I should start distancing myself from this superior of mine in my work place? I think we are quite close and very good friends. But I am not sure if he just treats me like a friend or or something more.. We are in the sa...
A. 19 February 2011: I think he is just an overly caring kind of guy and he likes working with you and cares about you as a person.
He seems to have weak boundaries, however, and so do you. I don't know if you need to distance yourself from him, but I think you migh... (read in full...)
Getting over my ex and the fact that she has a new boyfriend
Q. My ex-girlfriend is dating someone new, and the new guy just happens to be her ex boyfriend from college. I wouldn't think this would bother me since our relationship ended 6 months ago, but it is. I knew we were having problems for the 3 years or ...
A. 19 February 2011: Good grief your logical side is at war with your emotionally dependent side...she has broken up with you and is with someone else (doesn't matter who) and you still remained fwb and work in the same office?
The reason you are bothered is because ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to handle this stage of our relationship
Q. I have posted problems re. my girl and me before. Just to provide summary. She is 25 years younger than me and we are related through a mutual sister in that her mum and my dad are our little sister's parents. This makes us step-brother and sister, ...
A. 19 February 2011: "I want to continue loving her because I like being important in her life and I find it hard to stop thinking about what she's doing and how she's getting on. She's also very sexy to me and I love cuddling up in bed with her and waking up beside ... (read in full...)
I think my husband is cheating, he even came home with wedding ring in his pocket
Q. OK,,, Now i have a different ?... My husband has done things that lead me to believe he has cheated..He has gone out supposedly with a friend..wont come home and wont answer his phone. I have called the friend that he is with or supposed to be with ...
A. 19 February 2011: He is absolutely cheating, come on you know it in your gut, not to mention the glaring signs.
It's time to let the shit hit the fan and let the chips fall where they may. First order of business is to confront him and ask him to move out. I ... (read in full...)
I think I have fallen and don't want to go any deeper
Q. I met a man on a website...I wasn't expecting much from it but now my heart is in it. We have been chatting on and off for about 6 weeks now. He does text me as well but lately it has gotten less. It was supposed to be fun, but I got a bit shy when ...
A. 19 February 2011: I get a creepy feeling when I hear stories like this. First off, how can you deeply fall in love with someone you have never met in person and only chat on line with on the internet. I understand that some good friendships can be forged this way, ... (read in full...)
I am physically unsatisfied in our relationship!!
Q. Let me start this off by saying I'm in a committed, strong, emotion-based relationship with a guy I really like. That being said, my boyfriend and I have differing tastes in the bedroom. I like a little biting a roughness (nothing crazy, by any me...
A. 19 February 2011: Wow you are so young to be so into the sexual aspects only of rough sex play, I know you say this is an emotion based relationship, but I don't think it is a deep connection here, and it is mostly about orgasms. You aren't really going to be able... (read in full...)
My foots out the door and I'm ready for a divorce.
Q. I've now been married for a year and 2 months. People always say the first years the hardest when we spent half that year not living together... three months last year i went to my parents for that time.. caeuse we were somewhat rocky.. and i needed ...
A. 19 February 2011: If you don't have children together then I think you should get a divorce. The sign of an unhealthy relationship is constant on again off again situation. If you do have children then go to marriage counseling and see if you can't improve your ... (read in full...)
How can I hide from my husband that I'm not a virgin
Q. im not virgin and im going to married in 1 year and so how can i hide from my husband...
A. 19 February 2011: What were the circumstances in which you lost your virginity? Were your forced or was it with a past boyfriend? You need to be honest with your future husband...as you can't hide not being a virgin, but you can deny that you aren't. Do you think ... (read in full...)
My baby's daddy is being bad!
Q. My daughters father has been paying for t-girls, smoking weed, watching porn and calling girls behind my back, please someone give me words of wisdom?...
A. 19 February 2011: Cut your losses and move on, he's an obvious loser...and contributes nothing to being a father or partner to you. If you can afford to be without support then see if he will sign over his parental rights to the child, he wouldn't be someone who ... (read in full...)
I'm married and gay, told my wife but she doesn't want to leave me
Q. Im married and have been for 24years ,i am gay and have told my wife ,she is happy that i told her and has no problems with me being gay,she isnt intereasted in sex at all with anyone ,and doesnt want me to leave her at all,I feel im holding her ...
A. 19 February 2011: This isn't healthy for either one of you. You both need to move on with your own lives. I think she is probably afraid to face life alone without you at her age, but she needs a gentle push from you.
File for divorce and move things along. ... (read in full...)
I like my female friend more than I maybe should...
Q. I already asked this question, but i would really like more clear answers and not in general answers. I am a straight female however when i see and talk with one friend(female) i seem to be attracted to her. Shes really pretty and has a fun ...
A. 19 February 2011: What is confusing is trying to label your affection for a same sex friend as sexual due to the relaxing mores in our culture and the illusion of choice in sexual identity....stick with who you are not who you think you might be.... (read in full...)
I like my female friend more than I maybe should...
Q. I already asked this question, but i would really like more clear answers and not in general answers. I am a straight female however when i see and talk with one friend(female) i seem to be attracted to her. Shes really pretty and has a fun ...
A. 19 February 2011: Your hormones all over the place does not confuse your sexual identity or preferences...it simply makes you feel things more intensely and the desire sometimes outweighs rational thought if you aren't careful, with someone you are sexually intimate ... (read in full...)
My fiance and I have been together a year and I'm a virgin. But is he a sex addict?
Q. Hello, i've been in relationship for a year, and then got engaged to a guy, but i feel inside he is sex addicted. we 've never been in a sexual relationship and i am still virgin, even in my thoughts about love.. last time we went out we were exc...
A. 19 February 2011: If he used to be a sex addict then the question isn't about putting your hand on his penis, the question is has he had therapy for his sexual addiction and recovered? If he hasn't then yes, once an addict always an addict and if you are expecting ... (read in full...)
We talk a lot. He makes suggestive remarks. Is this guy's behavior weird? Or does he like ne?
Q. I have bit of a dilemma and not totally sure how to move forward with it. I have become very close to a male friend, who I have known for years and currently lives at the opposite end of the country to me. We talk every day on the phone for ove...
A. 19 February 2011: I didn't get the wrong end of the stick, I read very well. I can see that you have known him a long time as friends and that you two have never dated or been an item. I can see that he has recently moved far away and talks to you on the phone for... (read in full...)
We talk a lot. He makes suggestive remarks. Is this guy's behavior weird? Or does he like ne?
Q. I have bit of a dilemma and not totally sure how to move forward with it. I have become very close to a male friend, who I have known for years and currently lives at the opposite end of the country to me. We talk every day on the phone for ove...
A. 19 February 2011: If this guy were really really interested in a romantic relationship with you he would make that clear by asking to see you in person, taking you out on a date, not making sexual comments and dropping hints and talking about other women at work. ... (read in full...)
My fiance and I have been together a year and I'm a virgin. But is he a sex addict?
Q. Hello, i've been in relationship for a year, and then got engaged to a guy, but i feel inside he is sex addicted. we 've never been in a sexual relationship and i am still virgin, even in my thoughts about love.. last time we went out we were exc...
A. 19 February 2011: He is just being sexual with you. Putting your hand on his penis through his pants is a signal he wants you to unzip his pants and go with what ever happens. It doesn't mean he is a sex addict, he is attracted to you.... (read in full...)
I like my female friend more than I maybe should...
Q. I already asked this question, but i would really like more clear answers and not in general answers. I am a straight female however when i see and talk with one friend(female) i seem to be attracted to her. Shes really pretty and has a fun ...
A. 18 February 2011: Well I think it is a very confusing world for teens who are developing their sexual identity. First off you are nit bi sexual. You have a clear preference for men. It is very normal for teens to experience very strong feelings ol like love ... (read in full...)
Would have I been better off if I had had a girlfriend years ago? Be honest.
Q. Hi everyone. I'm back. I would appreciate an honest answer to this question. I like feeling sorry for myself and blaming God for everything, but to do that, I need amunition. I need proof that what I'm complaining about is fair enough. I have always ...
A. 17 February 2011: Here's the truth. You have issues if you feel entitled, you like feeling sorry for yourself and you want to blame God for everything. Your life experiences have not been fair. But they're your experiences and they have had a part in making you who ... (read in full...)
My Bestfriend is flirting with my Boyfriend.....what do I do?
Q. My Friend BH has been flirting with my boy friend a lot lately and I don't feel very comfortable about it. I don't know if he has realized it or not but he is not stopping it and I don't wanna say anything because I don't want him to think I'...
A. 17 February 2011: You simply ask her to knock it off that you don't appreciate her having a little fun and like I said it's your boyfriend's personal space and it really is up to him to tell her to knock it off. Wait until it happens again and say something right ... (read in full...)
My Bestfriend is flirting with my Boyfriend.....what do I do?
Q. My Friend BH has been flirting with my boy friend a lot lately and I don't feel very comfortable about it. I don't know if he has realized it or not but he is not stopping it and I don't wanna say anything because I don't want him to think I'...
A. 17 February 2011: Your boyfriend's physical space is his not yours . It is his job to stop her from sitting in his lap or laying on him. She's doing this in front of you and she probably expects you to trust her that she is your best friend and just seeking ... (read in full...)
How can I find out if boyfriend is watching porn?
Q. Other than the history, how can you find out if porn is being viewed on the internet? or webcams being viewed? boyfriend vows that he hasn't been watching it anymore, but how can I be sure? He lives with me and uses my computers, I have thought ...
A. 17 February 2011: Trackers are not illegal to use in the US. I'm not if the school that porn is harmless many experts un psychology agree. It's a morality issue an addiction and disrespectful to you and desensitizes people to life behavior and damages ones capacity ... (read in full...)
While separated, my wife got more action than me and it makes me mad!
Q. my wife and i got back togather after a year i had sex only once. she had sex with two guys the first one she says she kick off the other guy she was in a relationship with and had sex many times but says she was not in to it or didn't like it. she ...
A. 17 February 2011: I think you are asking the wrong questions. If you broke up after a taking a vow of marriage slept around and had noncommitted sex with each other then why do you think you are ready to be married after a year apart when you are still focused on ... (read in full...)
Should I just stay on my own right now? Did I matter that little to her?
Q. Howdy. I've been on here a couple of times before, and always got sound advice. Here's a quick basic rundown of what's happened to me. Lots of things have been omitted because I can go into immense detail but have tried not to for the sake of ...
A. 17 February 2011: You have to stop looking back over your shoulder and keeping track of her. Your focus is on her and that is why you can't move on not because she is or was the love of your life.
See her for what she is not what you wanted to see. She is immature... (read in full...)
Screwed up by sending a stupid text accusing him of being a player & a cheater
Q. A co-worker started flirting with me at a Christmas party. After quite a few drinks, we ended up going home together. I though I wouldn't hear from him but I did. He texted me every day for 2 weeks - some of the stuff was very romantic, like he'd ...
A. 17 February 2011: I think the male friend is telling you the truth and is back peddling because you all work together and he is worried about getting involved or accused of earring the guy out . Most guys stick together even when one is a player. I am more incl... (read in full...)
So...does size really matter? Let's put it to rest.
Q. A good friend of mine let’s call him S is going through a very tough, emasculating time. A girlfriend of his made comments to her friends, stating that while she really enjoyed being with him, and that he was a great guy both emotionally and ...
A. 17 February 2011: Ok original OP you are clearly a bonehead. Your original question has NOT gone unanswered. Women in general are not less satisfied having gone from a big docked man to an average one. If she could accommodate a guys large penis an average one is ... (read in full...)
Why won't he even hug me? Let alone touch me?
Q. hi. um, i've been with this guy for like three or four months now. something that's kinda bugging me is that he's one of those guys that hug people alot, yet he barely ever touches me. i'm not saying i want sex[i really dont. i'm too young anyway] i ...
A. 16 February 2011: He probably is quite around you because he does like you a lot and is respecting your boundaries by not touching you and that is a good thing. Guys are much easier to get to talking if you are doing a fun activity together not just hanging out ... (read in full...)
Things aren't the same between us, do I still love him?
Q. hello I have a question and I feel so confused I've had this bf for 7 yrs; we do not live together I'm 30 hes 42 i loved him with all my heart and soul. He went away to another state for work and came back after almost 2 yrs while he was out of ...
A. 16 February 2011: Well if you don't know how are we strangers to know we don't know either of you.
All I have to offer is that he wasn't thinking about you for the last two years and the first time you see him you have sex with him. How smart is that? Why are ... (read in full...)
So...does size really matter? Let's put it to rest.
Q. A good friend of mine let’s call him S is going through a very tough, emasculating time. A girlfriend of his made comments to her friends, stating that while she really enjoyed being with him, and that he was a great guy both emotionally and ...
A. 16 February 2011: These kinds of questions are very annoying and the rigid way you want it answered even more so.
On a strictly size basis according to a female gynecologist who has written a book about sex you are somewhat inaccurate about the female vagina. ... (read in full...)
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