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... Send *hGetReal a private message | | | *hGetReal's profile:Hi,
I am on Dear Cupid rather sporadically, some weeks I will answer lots of questions and you may not see me on here again for a month, that is because I volunteer my time to do this and I have a personal life, too.
I am qualified to help people mostly because I have had a lot of life experience and have lived through a lot a relationship problems, both romantic and and family. I have personal experience with mentally ill people, though it is not my profession I am degreed in Psychology and I read, A LOT.
I tend to answer mostly questions about break ups, troubled relationships that have to do with someone being blind to the fact that they are being mistreated or may even be in an abusive relationship. I am not going to sugar coat it and tell you what you want to hear, your boyfriend/girlfriend has probably manipulated you enough by doing that. I am going to tell you the truth as I see it.
Most problems people have in relationships are a problem with thinking. We all have trouble seeing our own problems clearly because we are too close to the problem or the person we are having trouble with. It isn't a disparagement of you to point out the flaws in your thinking, it's what you came here for...some advice, a clear perspective or how your situation seems to someone who is not too emotionally involved. It's why Doctors are not allowed to operate on their own family, they don't do a good job, they are too close, they care too much.
So you may not like my advice or think I give the same answer to every girl or guy with a love problem, but I can assure you that it is mostly because I answer the same types of questions. And as hard as it is for you to accept, most problem relationships have the same things going on with them and all the he said, she saids and details do not make a hill of beans (OK, yes I am older)because it is the same old story that women and men struggle with.
That is what I am here to help you muddle through. You can choose to disagree with me, or disregard my advice. After all, it is your life and your life is a sum of your own choices. If you want a guiding light or not that is clearly up to you, so don't shoot the messenger for shining a light on your faulty thinking.
Have a blessed day. |
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Girlfriend's dad walked in on us during oral sex, kicked me out and now she wants me to apologize to her dad!
Q. I am 18 and my girlfriend will be 18 next month, we have been dating for 6 months. Her dad is a total hard ass, he is beyond over protective and he hates me jsut because I am dating his daughter. Afew nights ago we were in her basement fooling ...
A. 24 July 2010: I think you have screwed the pooch on this one, dude, you were having sex of any kind in his house with his daughter while he was out.
Total disrespect. An apology is not necessary, you can't apologize for his daughter's behavior, after all, it ... (read in full...)
Is he just scared to tell me how he feels?
Q. I can't stop crying my eyes out. I just told my boyfriend of 4 months that I love him but he didn't say it back. I thought all the right signs and signals were there that he did and that he was just afraid to say it, so I said it first. Sign 1: I...
A. 24 July 2010: Time spent together so he doesn't have time to cheat is not an endorsement of his character or his committment to the relationship or to you or to his changed ways.
So I can't tell you what the answer is, I would try to trust your instinct... (read in full...)
How do I tell if he just wants sex or if he loves me?
Q. So I have this best friend and he is a guy we have dated off and on. I'm 16 and he is 19... Our relationship is complicated because he is going to College in another state and I'm in high school. I'm able to see him every break that comes though ...
A. 24 July 2010: Ask him to stop making sexual comments, if he does it, get up and leave, you have to teach people how to treat you, and it you don't like it, then leave.... (read in full...)
How do I insert a tampon?
Q. How do I put in a tampon? I am 13 and have been having my period for 2 years now. I have always worn pads and Im going into the 8th grade this year and its so obvious when I wear a pad. Please let me know what the best way to insert it is and also ...
A. 24 July 2010: Don't let your mom or sister influence you, I see no reason why you couldn't wear a tampon. It just takes some trial and error, it's easiest to do if you stand up, prop one foot up say on the toilet, insert the applicator and push upwards gently ... (read in full...)
Why do people make it like having sex before marriage is so bad?
Q. I had sex with my boyfriend of 6 months for the first time 4 days ago. I was virgin. It just kind of happened, with out any planning like I had always wanted. I am 16 I must add. At first I thought I will probably regret this, because people make it ...
A. 22 July 2010: Let's stop talking about society and let's talk about you. You don't feel anything like it's not a big deal, congratulations you are desensitized to sex and emotions and love....or it hasn't hit you yet, or it is starting to and you're feeling like ... (read in full...)
What does "taking it to the next level" mean in a relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half. We got into an argument the other day. He started to say something along the lines of " I was thinking about our relationship..." He didnt finish. He just stopped and said "nevermi...
A. 22 July 2010: Well, what do you think it means? The next level means the next step towards a committment, either living together or marriage..... (read in full...)
How do I tell if he just wants sex or if he loves me?
Q. So I have this best friend and he is a guy we have dated off and on. I'm 16 and he is 19... Our relationship is complicated because he is going to College in another state and I'm in high school. I'm able to see him every break that comes though ...
A. 22 July 2010: None of us could possibly know what this fellow's real intentions are, but I'd say that you will feel badly if you have sex with him and give away your virginity to a guy who is in college and is having sex with a different girl every week ... (read in full...)
How do I insert a tampon?
Q. How do I put in a tampon? I am 13 and have been having my period for 2 years now. I have always worn pads and Im going into the 8th grade this year and its so obvious when I wear a pad. Please let me know what the best way to insert it is and also ...
A. 22 July 2010: Please ask your mother about this, she'll be glad to help you out, when you buy a box of tampons, there are diagrams on the box that explain how you do it and a diagram of your femle parts so you kind of get the angle right.
It is really pretty s... (read in full...)
Is he just scared to tell me how he feels?
Q. I can't stop crying my eyes out. I just told my boyfriend of 4 months that I love him but he didn't say it back. I thought all the right signs and signals were there that he did and that he was just afraid to say it, so I said it first. Sign 1: I...
A. 22 July 2010: OK, I am going to go out on a limb here and say some things you may not want to hear and I am not suggesting you take my advice as the gospel truth, but I want you to take it on board that you may be over investing yourself in this relationship and ... (read in full...)
Is he just scared to tell me how he feels?
Q. I can't stop crying my eyes out. I just told my boyfriend of 4 months that I love him but he didn't say it back. I thought all the right signs and signals were there that he did and that he was just afraid to say it, so I said it first. Sign 1: I...
A. 22 July 2010: Are you sure you just aren't having trouble understanding him and taking him to literally? If he said he would put you on his phone plan if you were going to be together forever, did he mean he wasn't going to help you out by putting you on his ... (read in full...)
Is he just scared to tell me how he feels?
Q. I can't stop crying my eyes out. I just told my boyfriend of 4 months that I love him but he didn't say it back. I thought all the right signs and signals were there that he did and that he was just afraid to say it, so I said it first. Sign 1: I...
A. 21 July 2010: don't think of this trip to Canada as a test to see if he can be faithful, that's setting yourself up for disappointment...ask him to call you at some point of the trip, and then wait for him to check in with you.
He'll probably miss you and wish... (read in full...)
Question for ladies: Is this letter OK sounding?
Q. OK question for ladies..... I've loved this girl for soo long and im moving on. We were really close etc but i kno nothing is gonna happen. Long history which i wont go into but we met up recently and i just feel the need to send this... let me k...
A. 21 July 2010: It's the LOVE ALWAYS that would make me think you had a crush on me but were too wimpy to fight for me and I wouldn't be impressed...at least that was my attitude as a 20 something female who didn't know what I wanted, but the assertive guys were ... (read in full...)
I don't like it when other guys especially older stare at my Girlfriend, and when my GF goes on webcam. how do I deal with this?
Q. "OP Own Title" Hi , i have a girlfreind and have been with her for almost 7 months , i really do love her and she loves me , i trust her 100% and she trusts me, but there are 2 things i hate about this relationship ,because she has big boobs every ...
A. 21 July 2010: Well, there you go, her parents and family disowned her at a young age. This is really bad news for a girl because she is going to try and get male attention any way she can to make herself feel better about herself. Why would any normal parents ... (read in full...)
My wife possibly had sex with two of my co-workers, should I consider divorcing her?
Q. hai, well il go straight to the point..i am a christian man raised with morals and i waited to have sex till i married, now 10yrs down the line my wife tells me i was not her first, she had slept with 6 men 2 of which i work in the same company.i ...
A. 21 July 2010: No one has kids out of guilt or can spend 10 years being a good wife and mother out of guilt. I find your attitude very unChristian, You're not God you don't get to decide she is a sinner without conscience. We are all sinners, and my God is a ... (read in full...)
Is he just scared to tell me how he feels?
Q. I can't stop crying my eyes out. I just told my boyfriend of 4 months that I love him but he didn't say it back. I thought all the right signs and signals were there that he did and that he was just afraid to say it, so I said it first. Sign 1: I...
A. 21 July 2010: What he is saying to you about saying "I love you" is he takes it very seriously and he won't say it to you unless he really means it as in I could love you forever. It is so easy to say I love you and there not be anything really behind it in the ... (read in full...)
Is feeling loved different than someone loving you?
Q. is feeling loved different to someone loving you? i feel it is but my partner is happy to just tell me he loves me and to him thats him loving me. is he just incapable of connecting with me emotionally and caring how i feel? does this mean he doesnt ...
A. 21 July 2010: Ok this is too broad, too vague of a question. What seems to be the problem specifically here. Put it in terms of what you need to feel loved and what he's not doing to that effect and you'll get better help.... (read in full...)
Question for ladies: Is this letter OK sounding?
Q. OK question for ladies..... I've loved this girl for soo long and im moving on. We were really close etc but i kno nothing is gonna happen. Long history which i wont go into but we met up recently and i just feel the need to send this... let me k...
A. 21 July 2010: Did you already have a talk with her about your feelings and that you are going to move on with your life? If not the letter doesn't make sense to me, but it sounds like goodbye.
I could see sending it if you were moving away and would definate... (read in full...)
My wife possibly had sex with two of my co-workers, should I consider divorcing her?
Q. hai, well il go straight to the point..i am a christian man raised with morals and i waited to have sex till i married, now 10yrs down the line my wife tells me i was not her first, she had slept with 6 men 2 of which i work in the same company.i ...
A. 21 July 2010: Your title made it sound like your wife was an immoral trollop who cheated on you with two men at work and I was all ready to jump all over her. But instead, for some reason she decided to tell you the truth about how she had lost her virginity 10... (read in full...)
How to figure out the right path after separating with ex
Q. "OP Own Title" My ex and I broke up several months ago. We were together for several years. It was an awful breakup and she was very hurt and angry. She said that she doesn’t love me anymore and now doesn’t even want to be friends. She wont speak ...
A. 21 July 2010: If you weren't ready to committ and wanted to date other people then that was the right thing for you to do.
Your girlfriend though thinks it was because she wasn't enough for you, that you fell out of love with her and you betrayed her by not b... (read in full...)
Are married women basically all disloyal, cheaters at heart, ready to do whatever it takes for male attention?
Q. Why do so many married women cheat? I don't know if this is just a function of where I live (Southern California), but it seems like the majority of women I know well have cheated at some point on their husbands. These range from a few women who ...
A. 21 July 2010: I think this is entirely a function of where you live. I am a midwestern, and there are married women who cheat, most of these types are hot party girls and get their self esteem from the attention of men and they use their sexuality to control ... (read in full...)
So lonely after our breakup...
Q. I am so lonely. My partner and I broke up in April 2009 after 10 years together. Amicable, we had grown apart, partly because of our age gap (she was 11 years older). After a few months of finding myself again, as opposed to being half of a ...
A. 21 July 2010: Well if you mean you still are going out to pubs at the age of 36, I don't blame her for breaking up with you. If you are "still doing it" and not finding quality women and feeling lonely, perhaps it is time to rethink exactly what is wrong with ... (read in full...)
I want to be more than his mid life crisis...
Q. I'm not sure what to do. I am very seriously considering getting involved with a much older man. He is in his mid-40s and I am turning 18 in the fall. Obviously we have to wait to see each other; we are currently just talking online. The age thing ...
A. 21 July 2010: There are laws against men having sex with minors and laws against sexual predators for a reason because young girls like yourself are extremely naive and trusting and do not have the life experience to make good judgements. A mid 40's man puruing... (read in full...)
Casual sex... does it bother you?
Q. Ok I have a quick question. I'm still a virgin and the main reason is because: 1 my brother accidentally got a chick knocked up in college and so I've always been afraid of getting someone pregnant and then be stuck raising a kid that a don't want, ...
A. 20 July 2010: Sonny, I know plenty of men that call themselves Dad from one night stands. Where are you getting that crap?
Condoms slip, they break, women lie about being on the pill, alcohol is usually involved in one night stands which leads to risky beha... (read in full...)
So lonely after our breakup...
Q. I am so lonely. My partner and I broke up in April 2009 after 10 years together. Amicable, we had grown apart, partly because of our age gap (she was 11 years older). After a few months of finding myself again, as opposed to being half of a ...
A. 20 July 2010: I was wondering what about your 11 year age difference make you grow apart? Was it that she was physically not attractive to you any more?
There really is no short answer to your question, it's normal to feel lonely after a long term relation... (read in full...)
Should I just pretend I don't know about my husband's one night stands as long as he comes home after the fun?
Q. My hubby treats me and the kids very well..we have been a loving couple for years. Recently I found out that even before we were married, he has been out for monthly one night stands (he usually says he is out entertaining clients when he comes home ...
A. 20 July 2010: I think your husband is a dispicable person. He's nice to you and the kids? Yeah, I bet...there's something you're not saying.
He also sounds like a sex addict and my guess is this goes further than once a month, he may actually be having s... (read in full...)
He led me to believe he was someone else and now we are married he has shown his true colours, am I being too harsh or should I get a divorce?
Q. Me and my husband chose to date for a year before getting married, and we did not live together previously. Now we all know with every relationship comes baggage, but Ive been married before, and outside of that, I was in another long 8 year ...
A. 20 July 2010: Go to saferelationshipsmagazine.com or lovefraud.com....see if any of that rings true for you.
You may have been duped by a sociopath or a character disordered person, it happens to the best of us...
I'd get that divorce as quickly responsible.... (read in full...)
Is it normal that my boyfriend does not hug or kiss me?
Q. is it normal that my boyfriend does not hug or kiss me? We have been together for 4 months and he has requested for blow jobs which i did. No actual sex is involved yet though he had asked. But he doesnt kiss me at all. He only kissed me once o...
A. 20 July 2010: I agree with everyone here, this is an unhealthy relationship for you.
Let me make one thing clear. It is popular in our culture to somehow think of oral sex as not sex or being sexual.
It is sex, you might as well be having itercourse becau... (read in full...)
Should I believe him or not?
Q. I found text messages on my husband-to-be's phone implying he cheated on me. He denied it of course. That someone used his phone at work even though one text message is at 12:15am and he's never at work later than 10:30 at the latest. We are getting ...
A. 20 July 2010: He cheated, you have the evidence and yeah go ahead and call the girl and ask her.
In light of the fact that the two of you have a child together, you may want to insist that he go to couples counseling with you.
You will undoubtely be up... (read in full...)
I want this friend of mine to make the first move what should I do?
Q. [Mod Note Poster the title you suggested was already taken] Hey I need some help, you see I have this friend who is a boy and I have known him since I was 4/5 and I want to move a bit further on with him, but I want him to make the first move. I am ...
A. 20 July 2010: It amazes me at how agressive young girls can be when it comes to boys. You've known him since you were 4 or 5? You're friends, I am sure he knows that you like him.
He probably isn't into having a girlfriend or he would be letting you know tha... (read in full...)
I feel like a fool. Has he changed or was he always like this?
Q. what can i do i feel a complete fool i really like a guy at work and thought we were close friends or at least he gave me that impression. he used to call me several times a night and i didnt have much confidence after coming out of a really b...
A. 20 July 2010: Tell him you think he should finish his test on his own, ask for your money back and give him a deadline, and then don't allow him to use you again. Don't joke around why haven't you called me? Just be less available and let him make it up to you. ... (read in full...)
He sometimes hints that he loves me, but then shies away
Q. ok so i'm really stupid when it comes to love....i've been talking to this guy off and on for about 7 months now and I think that i am falling in love with him. Problem is that sometimes he will hint around that he is falling for me and then after ...
A. 20 July 2010: There really isn't enough information to answer your question. I don't know what talking to a guy for 7 months means? Are you exclusively dating/sleeping with each other, just friends, what? If you love him and you want to tell him then tell hi... (read in full...)
FWB relationship but now I've fallen for his brother!
Q. I am in a tricky situation. I was seeing this one guy but we weren't romantically involved it was basically a friend with benefit type of situation. We never went out or talked much, only when we wanted to see each other. Well a month ago I started ...
A. 20 July 2010: If brother number two really loves you and is serious about you he will tell his brother on his own without your help.
I suspect though that you are being played. A brother rarely wants to be serious with a girl who is casually having sex with... (read in full...)
It's been a year since they dated.. can I snag him up?
Q. I like my bestfriend's ex boyfriend....but she still has feelings for him eventhough it's been 1 year since they broke up.but we reallyyyy like each other...im so confused :(...
A. 20 July 2010: He hasn't asked you out in a year. He's not interested in you. If you pursue him, then be prepared to lose your friend. It is an unwritten code of behavior between friends, you don't date their exes.... (read in full...)
I've even been in therapy but cannot get over my ex
Q. Dear Readers, I was in a nine year relationship with my boyfriend. (Met in high school - dated on and off through college and after.) We had problems - mostly that he had growing up to do and put his friends before me, couldn't commit to moving...
A. 20 July 2010: I think you have no idea what love really is. It isn't a feeling, it's a conscious decision to BE a person worthy of love. You put the needs of your other above your own, much of the time. Love is action, it's a verb, not a noun.
Your ex had n... (read in full...)
If he's so into me, why have I not met friends at least after 5 months?
Q. I'm in a relationship with an older guy, I have proof that hes not married and all. It's been five months, never met friends or family and yet, he's met mine. He refers to my god-daughter as "our baby" and is so very affectionate towards me. The ...
A. 20 July 2010: The best thing to do is to ask the man. He's the only one with the answer, honestly, communication is important in relationsihips, if you have a concern don't let it eat away at your psyche, open up and ask him and then listen to what he has to ... (read in full...)
He's so wonderful but he's not fulfilling my needs!
Q. So, about a year and a half ago my husband passed away in a tragic accident, I was left with three young children (FYI-I was 34 at the time). I panicked and quickly dated out of fear of the "unknown", and I wanted to put the pieces back together, so ...
A. 20 July 2010: I think you could do with some counseling to help you sort yourself out....don't mean that as a cop out, but there is really no way to say for sure what is holding you back without knowing more about you and your issues. A professional could ... (read in full...)
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